| "Mulder, what are you doing here?" She asked quietly. Her voice didn't have the spark that it usually did. It wasn't angry sounding like he thought it would be. It was dry and shaky, a sign of over exhaustion. Her face looked paler than it did to him before. He wondered if it was the lighting in the hall or if she really was losing color. As he took in her appearance, he realized how big her clothes looked to him. It was obvious that she was losing weight, but he couldn't figure out what the reason would be. She was beautiful and perfect in every way and he was sure that he told her that all the time. "We need to talk." He answered. "There's nothing to talk about." She said, attempting to open her door. Her whole body shook, making it hard to get the key into the lock. Mulder watched her but dared not say anything. "Scully, you broke up our engagement. That has got to be something to talk about." He said. "Please, Mulder, I don't have the energy to fight right now." She said, finally managing to open the door. "I don't want to fight, Scully. I want to talk. I want you to be truthful with me. I want you to tell me what's going on." She walked into her apartment. Mulder was surprised that she didn't attempt to slam the door in his face. He followed her. She turned on a lamp, took off her jacket, and hung it up inside her front closet. Mulder closed the front door. Scully began heading for her bedroom when Mulder spoke. "I talked to Sam." She turned and faced him. "And what did she have to say?" "I know you're seeing her, Scully. And I know there's something wrong with you. Just tell me what it is." "I don't know what you're talking about." She replied. "You've never lied to me before, please don’t start now." He said. He was trying to get her to crack, like he did to so many people that he had tried to get to confess to a crime. Usually it worked, but not for Scully. She knew the same tactic and she was stronger than it. "How long are you going to keep this up, Scully?" He asked, trying something else. "How long can you keep convincing everyone that you're okay? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?" In a way, he hated doing this to her. He knew he was hurting her, but he felt that he had no other choice. She was angry, probably angrier than she had ever been at Mulder. She wanted to hit him, or at the very least argue with him but she just didn't have the strength. He knew exactly what words would hurt her most and he had hit it straight on this time. "Please go home." She responded, keeping her cool. "What is it, Scully? Is it me? Do you not love me anymore? Did I not tell you I love you enough, Scully because I do. I love you so much. I don't want anything to break us apart. We've been through so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're the one. You're the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with." He said. She didn't respond but tears began welling in her eyes. She turned around so that she wasn't facing him any longer. He took a step closer to her as his own eyes began to shed silent tears. "I used to think that there was nothing that we couldn't share. I used to think we…" She was beginning to become infuriated. He definitely knew how to kick someone when they were down to get what he wanted. It used to be something she respected about him. It took real skill to get to some of the people that Mulder was able to get to. But now it became the most annoying and aggravating thing that he could do and she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't lie to him. "I'm dying!" She yelled, turning towards him. Mulder quickly shut his mouth, not knowing how to respond. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" "Oh…Scully…I…I'm so sorry." "I don't want your sympathy." She told him, wiping the tears from her face. He didn't know what to say. He felt like daggers had stricken his heart but in a way he felt relieved. She had finally told him what was wrong. There was a great weight that he felt being lifted from him. It wasn't him after all that had driven her away. He finally realized what she was protecting him from even though he was angry. He was angry that she hadn't told him but then he realized that he wasn't at all surprised. She was always sure to stay strong in front of him and for him. She would rather have killed herself than admit her demise. "How? What?" He asked, taking a seat on her couch. She turned to face him, her face stricken with tears. "Cancer…in my brain." She said quietly, sitting down beside him. She didn't really want to be sitting with him at that moment but her body was so tired that she couldn't have stayed standing for much longer. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to tell her everything was going to work out, he wanted to tell her that he loved her, he wanted to tell her that they could work through it but for some reason he couldn't. "Is that why you broke up our engagement?" He finally asked. "Yes." "But Scully, you know that I'll always love you. You know that we can work through this." "I know. But I…I couldn't do that to you." She said. "You deserve so much better than this. You deserve a wife who can provide for you. In the next few months, Mulder, I'm going to be bed-ridden for the most part. I won't be there for you and you deserve better than that." "Scully, our relationship was never going to be your typical husband and wife, anyway. I need you, Scully, and no matter what happens I'll always love you. I want you to be my wife." "Even if it’s only for a short time?" "Especially if it's only for a short time." He said. He pulled out the ring from his pocket. She gave him her hand and he slipped the ring on her finger. "You don't have to hide from me, Scully." He leaned over to kiss her but she pulled away. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I just came back from getting chemo. I just…I can't, not right now." "You've been taking chemo? For how long?" "A little over a month." She answered. "And that's why you've been so sick." He concluded. "It's not working." She said. "The chemo…it's not helping. Mulder, I once told you that if my cancer reached my brain that statistically I would have zero percent chance of survival. That still holds true." Mulder wouldn't take that as answer. "There has to be something else that can be done." "There's some experimental treatment that Sam is looking into. I have a few more rounds of chemo I have to go through. But if those don't work…it's over." "How long?" He murmured. "Depending on if I respond to the treatment and whether or not I decided to take some experimental treatment, a few months to a few years." Tears began flowing faster from Mulder's eyes. A few years weren't enough time, never mind a few months. He had expected to be with Scully until they were both old and gray. In one brief moment, all of his dreams were coming to an end. He wanted someone to blame. The thought of blaming Scully ran through his mind but he swiftly dismissed it. This certainly wasn't her fault. He couldn't believe she was as strong as she already had been. He remembered the last time she had taken chemo and how difficult it was for her. Not only had she gone through it alone but she also did it while she was working. There was no one left to blame but himself. "Were you ever going to tell me?" He asked. "Every time I wanted to, I thought about last time. I thought about that look that you got every time I got sick. I knew that that look was only a mask of what was in your heart. I couldn’t hurt you like that, again, Mulder. I couldn't." "But were you ever going to tell me?" He repeated. "No." She finally answered. "I was going to work for as long as I could and then go out to California with my brother and die there." Mulder felt angry but as he looked into Scully's beautiful blue eyes, the anger left his mind with a sense of love and affection. He moved over on the couch and pulled Scully closer to him. She felt like she was melting in his arms. Although she knew that he was hurting for her, she felt so much better than when he didn't know. "Come on." He said. "Let's get you off into bed." She nodded and was about to stand when Mulder scooped her up in his arms. He carried her over to her bed and then placed her down gently. He walked over to her bureau and brought her a pair of flannel plants and a T-Shirt and he laid them out next to her. "Get some sleep. I'll be in the other room if you need me." He kissed the top of her forehead and began walking out of the room. "I love you, Mulder." He turned. "I love you, too." He kissed his hand and then blew the kiss in Scully's direction. He smiled before closing the door and walking into her living room. Mulder walked over to Scully's couch, where he had spent so many nights. He sat down and buried his head in his hands, allowing his tears to flow. In her room, Scully quickly changed into the pajamas that Mulder had laid out for her. She wasn't at all surprised by his actions to tenderly put her to bed. He was like that, although she knew that not many people had seen this side of Mulder. She was shocked, however, at his reaction to the news. She thought he would be angry that she didn't tell him when she had first found out and then that he would be more concerned than what he really was. She knew that he was concerned to a certain degree but she was surprised he didn't want to rush her to the hospital right away. Scully also knew that the next few weeks to come would be a test to their relationship. Could Mulder really sit back and watch her go through such hard treatment? Her death was one thing that might push him over the edge but her suffering was another. That could go so far as to kill him. |