Chapter Three
Love’s Roller Coaster
There were, in fact, two Paris Gellars. The first Paris is the one the world knew, the flaming goddess, the Valkyrie, the bright fiery sword that stormed menacingly through the halls of Chilton. But there was a second Paris, a Paris the world knew nothing about, a Paris forever hidden from view: the sumptuous goddess of abundance, whose soft lips, trembling breasts, and quivering, expectant body, was ready to receive all that Rory had to give, and whose every pore was a fount of womanhood ready to satisfy Rory’s every desire.
It was this second Paris Rory had caught a fleeting glimpse of back at Elysian Park. Rory wanted to kick herself! She had held this Paris in her arms. This Paris could have been hers, should have been hers, if only… if only…
Rory pulled up to her house in the jeep. She got out, her face implacable against the cold dark night. She tried to get that exhilarating ride through the Black Forest and the debacle at Elysian Park out of her mind, but couldn’t.
Elysian Park! What a disaster! How could she ever forgive herself? In her mind, her failure boiled down to one word: courage. She remembered back to her days before Chilton, at Stars Hollow High; in particular she remembered one of her English teachers, Mr. Williams, a stodgy, boring old man with a vampire goatee. When Rory had despaired of ever reaching Harvard from Stars Hollow High, Mr. Williams had tried to inspire her by reminding her how many books weren’t written, plays weren’t performed, inventions never invented, simply because someone didn’t have the courage to see their dream turned into a reality. “Have the courage to pursue your dreams” he would constantly remind her.
And what a dream Rory had! A dream the likes of which who could have ever thought possible, the dream to end all dreams!: her, resting atop Paris, her tongue penetrating Paris’ mouth, her lips soft against Paris’ firm breasts, her hand tracing down the contours of Paris’ waist, daring to explore Paris’ forbidden regions moist with desire. But like the novels never written and inventions never invented, Rory’s dream remained just that: a dream. When the time had come to turn her dream into a reality at Elysian Park, Rory’s courage had abandoned her. And the thought of it was tearing Rory apart.
Rory walked inside the house. Lorelai was sitting on the sofa watching TV. She snapped to attention. Rory cursed beneath her breath. The last thing she wanted to deal with was Lorelai!
“Whoa…” Lorelai exclaimed, seeing how stunning Rory looked in her white dress and Black Pearl necklace. “You always dress like this just to go over to Paris’ house to study?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. OK?”
“Sure… Um, Honey, look. I thought we like had this pact going. I would always be honest with you and you would always be honest with me.”
“Mom, I don’t feel like talking right now… Just let it go.”
Rory turned and walked in her room and closed the door hard behind her. Lorelai walked over to the door and was going to bang on it, but decided against it. She decided to let it go for now.
Lorelai walked over to the phone. She called Emily.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Ma, you wanted an update on Rory.”
“Yes, yes, tell me all about Rory’s young man.”
“Oh, boy…”
“What?”
“Let’s just say I don’t think things worked out between Rory and this particular person, that’s all.”
“Oh, rats… Well tell me his name. Who is he?”
“It doesn’t matter… Look, Ma, I’ll make sure Rory gets the necklace back to you tomorrow.”
“Forget about the necklace! What happened?”
“Well, Rory’s pretty upset and didn’t say much. But I’m guessing Rory and this particular person weren’t compatible. It happens sometimes, Ma. That’s the way it goes. Bye.”
Lorelai hung up, even as Emily was shouting into the phone. She walked over to Rory’s door and opened it without knocking. Rory was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. With a raised eyebrow Rory took note of Lorelai entering without knocking.
“I’m going to turn in now. Don’t forget to return the necklace tomorrow. OK? Wouldn’t want to lose that puppy. You’d be working until you were a hundred to pay it off.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Must have been someone really special, huh? I mean, for you to borrow that necklace. If you’d like to talk -”
“Ma, please, for the last time, I don’t want to talk.”
“OK. Don’t bite my head off. Sheesh… Listen – look, I know you don’t want to talk, but just listen. Let’s say you and Paris had dates with some guys. And let’s say that for whatever reason you didn’t want me to know about it - I don’t know, maybe these guys robbed banks for a living, or founded the I Hate The Bangles fan club, or something really horrible like that, and you didn’t think I would approve of them - it’s no big deal. I’m not going to punish you or something. I mean, you’re a grown woman now. All I want is for you to be honest with me. That’s all.”
“You’re right. I am a grown woman… But if you must know, me and Paris did not have dates.”
“So if you and Paris didn’t have dates, then why are you dressed like that?”
Rory glared at her but remained silent.
“Well, I’m here if you need to talk.” Lorelai said. She added, “Honey, I’ll always love you, no matter what. You know that, right?”
Lorelai didn’t know why she added those last two sentences. Perhaps it was a motherly thing to do. At any rate, Rory didn’t respond one way or the other. Lorelai however was confident she got her spoken – and unspoken – intent across.
Lorelai closed the door. She cut off the lights and headed upstairs to her room. She sat down at the dresser mirror and started combing her hair. She wondered. Could Sookie have been right? Could Rory’s date have really been with Paris? That was just too unthinkable, unimaginable. But if something wasn’t happening between her and Paris, then just who did she date? And why didn’t she want to talk about it?
Rory, meanwhile, continued to lie on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. A tear streamed down her face. Paris’ lips! She couldn’t stop thinking about them. Her own lips had been only an inch from them. Just one inch forward and their lips would have met. She would have felt Paris’ moistness, felt the sweet caress of her breath, felt the soft thrust of her tongue in Paris’ mouth.
But none of this happened. Damn it, it should have! But it didn’t. A second tear streamed down Rory’s face. Rory knew she had let both of them down. And what must Paris be feeling right now! The torment! After exposing so much of herself to Rory. After taking so many chances, leaving herself so vulnerable. She must be going through a living hell!
Rory couldn’t take it anymore. She knew she had to do something. She got up and grabbed her notebook and sat on the edge of her bed. She started writing:
Hi Paris…
That’s as far as she got. It didn’t sound right. She tore the paper up and threw it in the trash. She tried again:
Dear Paris,
My entire life has been a lie. I can see everything so clearly now. I love you. I’ve loved you since Romeo and Juliet, when you held me in your arms and looked deeply into my eyes. I think I loved you even before then, perhaps since we first met.
I’ve tried to fight it all this time. Well, I’m tied of fighting. I promise you, I’m yours from now on. Just don’t hate me for what happen tonight. I so desperately wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to make love to you. I was just confused, uncertain.
Please, Paris, give me another chance. You won’t regret it.
Love,
Rory.
Rory had said what she wanted to say. She took the note and put it in an envelope and sealed it. She then turned out the light and went to bed. She had an unsettled night of sleep. She rose early. She took the jeep and scooted over to her grandmother’s house. The maid answered and she gave the maid the Black Pearl necklace and told her to see that Emily got it. Rory then took off for Paris’ house.
She rang the doorbell to the Gellar Mansion. Paris’ nanny, Rosa, answered.
“Paris is not up yet, Miss Gilmore.”
“Good… er, I mean, can you just see that she gets this. It’s vitally important.”
Rory handed Rosa the envelope.
“I’ll see that she gets it.” Rosa said. Rory turned and left.
Rory didn’t know what to make of the day at Chilton. Paris didn’t say one word to her in any of their morning classes. Didn’t even give her a wayward glance.
Lunch rolled around. Paris, Madeline, and Louise sat together eating at one end of a table. Rory walked up and sat down alone at the other end. Still no reaction from Paris. Rosa must have forgotten to give Paris the note, Rory consoled herself. But then, as she munched on her bran muffin, Rory had a ghastly thought. Perhaps Rosa did give Paris the note. Perhaps Paris just didn’t care anymore. Perhaps she had lost Paris forever!
Rory began to despair. She put her bran muffin down and stared into empty space. She started to hyperventilate. No! Had she lost Paris forever? The lunch room began to crowd in on her. It seemed a thousand times more crowded, the voices a thousand times louder, than one would have thought possible. Tears started to well up in Rory’s eyes. She was on the verge of breaking down completely. She took one long deep breath, exhaling slowly. She managed to calm herself down a little. She tore off a sliver of paper from her notebook. She wrote Paris another note. She rose and walked over to Paris. She laid the note down in front of her and then left the lunch room.
Paris, her face hard as ice, didn’t even bother to read the note. She balled it up, rose, tossed it in the trash and then sat back down.
“What was that all about?” Madeline asked.
Louise, her interest piqued, rose and reached in the trash can, ready to retrieve the note and read it. Paris lept up and grabbed Louise’s arm.
“You touch it and I’ll break your arm.”
“OK, don’t have a cow, Paris.”
Louise sat back down. Paris retrieved the note and sat down and read it. It said simply:
Paris, meet me in the maintenance closet after lunch. Rory.
Whatever Paris was feeling, she didn’t show it. She kept an iron check on her emotions. She tucked the note in her blouse pocket.
“So what was on that piece of paper?” Louise asked.
“Nothing… Look, I have to go.”
“So go.” Louise said.
Paris rose and left.
There was a maintenance closet in the east wing of the building on the second floor. Couples would go there to make out. It was affectionately known as the “makeout closet.” Paris approached the closet. She looked around to make sure no one saw her. She turned the door knob and opened the door to the closet. She could see Rory’s bright blue eyes glimmer in the darkness. Paris stepped in the closet. Rory locked the door behind her.
“So why am I standing in a room reeking of disinfectant?” Paris barked.
“Didn’t Rosa give you my note?”
“Yeah, I got it… Flowery words.”
Rory knew what she had to do. She clasp Paris’ head in her hands. She moved forward to kiss her. This time, there was no hesitation. She pressed her lips against Paris’ lips. A long, beautiful, moving kiss.
Rory broke off the kiss. She stared deeply into Paris’ eyes. Paris’ face of stone had started to melt. Now Rory wanted to turn that trickly flow into a torrent. She kissed Paris again. This time, she thrust her tongue into Paris’ mouth. Paris joyously met her tongue with her own. The sensation was so intense in almost deprived both women of their senses. Finally, Rory broke off again. Tears welled in her eyes. She wept for joy. She could no longer deny it. She was a lesbian, a dyke.
Tears welled in Paris’ eyes too. Rory ran her finger across Paris’ face, traced it over her lips, thrust it into her mouth, which Paris received willingly. Rory then wiped the tears from her eyes.
Paris suddenly hardened. She started punching Rory across the shoulders.
“Rory, do you know the kind of hell you put me through last night!”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. Paris, please forgive me… I love you.”
“I love you too, Rory.”
The two lovers kissed.
“Paris, we better get to class.”
“No. I can’t go to class like this… Stay with me.”
Paris embraced Rory and wouldn’t let go. Rory’s body shook as she felt the warmth of Paris’ body against hers. Their lips soon found each other. The seconds turned to minutes, which flew by, counting time as only lovers can.
Soon fifty minutes had gone by. The bell marking the end of fifth period rang. They both laughed.
“Oh my god. We missed Physics.” Paris said.
“So what?”
“We better go to History. I wish we didn’t have to. I wish we could stay in here forever. But we better go.”
“Yeah.”
They waited until the sixth period bell rang. The footsteps died down in the hall. Paris poked her head out the door, looking in both directions, making sure the hallway was empty, even as Rory nibbled playfully on her ear. Paris giggled as she gave Rory an all clear.
Paris stepped out the closet first. Rory then followed. They then headed towards the nearby stairway for the first floor. Unbeknownst to them, however, Louise was using the girls bathroom at the far end of the hall. The bathroom on the first floor was being mopped by the custodian, so Louise made a quick dash up to the one on the second floor. She exited the bathroom just as Paris and Rory were making their way towards the stairway. Neither saw Louise, though she saw them. Louise stood there, confused, wondering what the hell they were doing there. Finally, she got an “Oh fuck!” look on her face, as she realized they had just come out of the closet together! Lord knows Louise had used the makeout closet enough to know what the deal was. She headed down the nearest stairway, stunned, to History class.
Louise said nothing to Madeline, to no one. She sat in silence as she saw Rory and Paris trade lovey-dovey glances back and forth in class. Louise didn’t want to believe what her eyes and heart were telling her, but it was inescapable: Rory and Paris were now a couple. Holy mother of all shit!
History class ended, the last class of the day. Rory made her way to her locker. She looked flustered. What an emotional roller coaster the last couple of days had been! But she also had the look of someone who was contented, someone for whom the dawn had at last banished the darkness.
Paris walked up.
“Hi.” Paris said to her lover.
“Hi.”
They looked like they were going to kiss each other right there, out in the open. Of course they didn’t. Down the hall Louise was keeping a close eye on them, though she had positioned herself in such a way as to not let Madeline know she was watching them.
“Louise is going to let me use her notes from Physics. So that shouldn’t be a problem… Damn, she asks too many questions, wants to know where we were…”
“What did you say?”
“I told her if I tell her, I’d have to kill her. Boy that shut her up.”
They both laughed.
“Hey, its Friday. You want to do something tonight?” Paris asked.
“Oh, I want to. But I can’t. I have to go to dinner at my grandmother’s.”
“Damn, I forgot about that. That weekly thing. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well look. How about if you come over to my house tomorrow. We can go over Louise’s physics notes, catch up. Not that I can read this chicken scratch… Then in the evening we can go out and maybe catch a movie or something?”
“Sounds fine.”
Paris laughed.
“What?” Rory asked.
“I was just thinking… I know you don’t remember, but way back when I had caught your mom and Mr. Medina kissing in school -”
“I remember that. How could I forget?”
“No… After I had seen them, and told everybody, you came marching up to me in the cafeteria, mad as hell. And I asked you if you were going to kiss me. You thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. Not really.”
“Well that’s funny, because I knew you weren’t joking. You don’t know how much I wanted to kiss you.”
“I’ve thought about that day a lot.”
“So have I.”
“Rory, I want to kiss you so badly right now.”
“Then do it.”
“You know why I can’t. Because if I do, the you know what is going to hit the fan, and I don’t mean mash potatoes.”
“Well, I guess it’s a question of fear and desire, isn’t it?… I’m not going to stop you, Paris.”
Rory’s eyes scanned the hall filled with students. They both knew if Paris did that, if she kissed Rory, if she took that fateful step, they would be coming out before the entire world. There would be no turning back. Who could guess what the consequences might be?
As things turned out, Paris’ fear was great, but her desire was greater. She moved forward, brushing up against Rory. Rory’s eyes lit up. She realized Paris was really going to do it! Paris’ face moved from six inches, to four inches, and finally right up next to Rory’s.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Louise asked as she walked up, her voice like a thunderclap. Paris and Rory immediately separated, their hearts pounding.
“So Paris, you ready to go?” Louise added. She turned to Rory. “Paris is our ride home.”
Madeline walked up. Rory got an exasperated look on her face. She turned and walked away without saying a word to Paris. Paris glared at Louise.
“Great timing,” Paris muttered beneath her breath.
“I guess I do have great timing,” Louise shot back.
“Let’s go.” Paris said. The three of them left.
Paris pulled up the drive to the Grant estate. She had already dropped Madeline off. Since this was a car-pool day, Paris had left her Boxster at home and taken one of her mom’s cars, the Range Rover. She glided the Range Rover to a stop in front of the entrance.
“Well, there you go Louise.”
Louise opened the front passenger door to get out, but then closed it back. She turned to Paris.
“Paris, we’ve been friends like forever. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“And being friends means looking out for each other… If you and Rory are – oh shoot, how can I even say this. If you are ‘together’-”
“We are not together!” Paris exploded.
“No, I know you’re not… But if you were, I think you could really get hurt…”
Louise was scared to death. Paris looked like she was going to whip out a knife and cut Louise’s throat!
Paris took a couple deep breaths. She calmed down a little. Then to Louise’s surprise, Paris’ face softened.
“Why might I get hurt? I mean, purely hypothetically, of course.”
“Right… Well, you see what Rory did to Dean. And you see what she did to Jess. What makes you think she won’t do the same thing to you? I mean, string you along, then dump you the moment she thinks she’s got something better? Rory’s not stable, Paris. She hurts people.”
Paris pondered Louise’s words.
“Well, you said what you wanted to say. Anything else?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Louise searched Paris’ eyes. She didn’t know what to make of them.
“Thanks for the lift. Bye, Paris.” Louise exited the car and made her way towards the front door. She stood at the door, staring at the Range Rover as it made its way back around the drive to the street. Louise’s face was etched with concern. She had already decided that no matter how difficult Paris could be to live with at times, she was going to do whatever it took to protect her long-time friend, even if it meant coming between her and Rory.
It was a typical Friday evening for Paris: a lonely one. She spent most of it doing homework and studying. After knocking off her studies around 9 p.m., she spent an hour down in her makeshift cold fusion lab in the basement, experimenting. At ten she had Rosa make her a sandwich. She ate alone at the big dining room table. She stared at the roast beef sandwich and glass of milk in front of her. Her eyes swung around the big table, completely empty. To her it seemed symbolic of her entire life. Her father was in South America on business. Her mother was in California visiting a sick aunt. She would be gone at least a week. So it was just Paris and Rosa, who had already retired to her nanny’s quarters.
Paris took a bite out of the roast beef sandwich. It was good. She cracked a smile as she thought this would be – God willing – her last night alone. Tomorrow Rory would be here, in her arms, where she belonged. Paris thought to herself it should have happened a long time ago. But perhaps God meant for things to happen the way they did. Perhaps He wanted to wait until the time was right to bring them together. Well, that time was now as far as Paris was concerned.
But Paris also couldn’t help feeling a tinge of sadness as she finished off her sandwich, made her way upstairs, took her bath, and prepared for bed. The sadness just wouldn’t go away. It was Louise’s words. How could Louise think for one second Rory would do anything to hurt her? Not my Rory. Not the Rory who confessed her love for me in that letter. Not the Rory who took me in her arms and kissed me in that closet reserved for lovers. Rory would never treat me the way she treated Dean, treated Jess. That Rory was confused, didn’t know who she truly was. No! No! No! Rory would never do that to me. She was going to be mine forever.
Paris turned out the lights and got into bed. Like Rory, the last couple of days had been a roller coaster of emotions, and had left her mentally and emotionally exhausted. She immediately fell into a deep sleep. She started to dream.
In her dream, she could see Rory at Chilton walking down the hall with – she couldn’t make out who it was at first. But as they moved closer, she could see it was Tristan’s old girlfriend, Summer, of all people – Summer, the voluptuous, dark-haired temptress. Rory and Summer? Egad! They were walking hand in hand. Summer reached over and bit Rory playfully on the ear. Summer and Rory were lovers! Paris was heading down the hall in the opposite direction and passed them. As she passed, Summer turned and gave Paris a contemptuous look. Then she and Rory continued on, oblivious to Paris’ pain.
Next in her dream she saw Rory and Summer dancing together at a party. A lesbian party. Summer was wearing a frightfully short skirt, and danced provocatively in front of Rory, as Sneaker Pimps’ 6 Underground thumped hypnotically in the background. Paris stood at the door of the apartment, alone, looking in.
Lastly in the dream, Paris was back at Chilton. She was on the second floor, watching as Rory and Summer approached the makeout closet. Summer pressed Rory up against the wall and unbuttoned her blouse, exposing Rory’s bra. She kissed Rory passionately on the mouth. She then led Rory into the closet. This was more than Paris could take. She turned and ran down the stairs. She made it halfway down before she collapsed in tears.
Paris woke up in a start. She was covered in a cold sweat. She was panic-stricken. She reached over to the phone and called Rory. It took six rings before Rory was awake enough to answer.
“Yeah?”
“Rory, it’s over.”
“Paris?… Oh, god. It’s three o’clock in the morning…”
“It’s over, Rory. It’s over.”
“What’s over?”
“You and me. We’re through. Bye.”
Paris hung up. Rory kept yelling into the phone, “Paris? Paris?” Realizing she wasn’t going to get a response, Rory hung up and called Paris back on her mobile. Paris heard the mobile ring on her dresser, but didn’t answer it. “C’mon, Paris, answer,” Rory cried to herself. After five rings Rory was kicked over to Paris’ voice mail. Rory didn’t want to be bothered with the voice mail. She hung up and pulled the covers back over herself. She was worried sick, but there wasn’t anything she could do tonight. What the hell was going on with Paris? She hadn’t a clue, but promised herself she would straighten it out tomorrow.
Rory rose at seven a.m. sharp, even though it was a Saturday. By seven-thirty, she was pulling up the drive of the Gellar mansion in her jeep. She rang the doorbell repeatedly. Rosa answered and let her in.
“Hi, Rosa.”
“Good morning, Miss Gilmore. Early for a Saturday, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I’m sorry… I need to speak to Paris. It’s kind of urgent.”
“I’m afraid Paris is gone.”
“Gone?”
“Yes. She left me a note saying that she was going to take a vacation for a few days. She said she would call me when she was ready to come back.”
“What? A vacation? Did she say where?”
“No. Just that she was going to take a vacation. I have the note here.”
Rosa handed Rory the note. Rory scanned it.
“It is unorthodox. But I don’t find anything untoward about her wanting to get away for a few days. She does work so very hard at school. If I thought there was anything even the slightest bit off about this, I would contact her parents immediately.”
“Sure… Um, did she say anything else?”
“No… The only other thing is I do know she talked to Ms. Grant on the phone before she left.”
“You mean Louise?”
“Yes.”
“She talked to her in the den. This was around six thirty. I had gotten up to take my morning walk. After they talked, Paris left. I assumed she was going out to run an errand. Then I found this note.”
“Thank you.”
Rory left. She hopped in her jeep and hightailed-it over to Louise’s house. Louise was waiting at the front door even as Rory pulled up. Rory jumped out and ran up to Louise.
“Paris is gone.” Louise said.
“I know. Do you know where?”
“Paris, France.”
“What!”
“That’s what I said. She’s on her way to Paris, France.”
“This doesn’t make any sense! Why?”
“Beats me. She called me in a panic this morning and said she was leaving. That’s all I know.”
“She must have said something else.”
“Look, Rory, why don’t you leave her alone.”
Louise’s words hit Rory like a bolt of lightening. Rory realized in an instant that somehow Louise was behind Paris leaving. Rory’s face turned a crimson red.
“Louise, what did you say to her!”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Look, Louise, I know you said something to her.”
Rory wanted to wring Louise’s neck. But Louise wouldn’t back down. She wasn’t going to tell Rory what she said.
“Where in Paris is she staying? With family? With friends?” Rory demanded.
“She told me she wanted to be alone.”
“So she’s staying at a hotel? What hotel?”
“She didn’t say. She just said she was going to hole up at some hotel so she could be alone and think things over. That’s all.”
“Fuck!”
Unapologetically, Louise stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Rory grimaced. She buried her face in her hands. This up and down of emotions was getting to be too much.
She got in her jeep. She sighed. She wondered whether even Paris was worth all this pain and heartache. Should she just agree with Paris, and say it was over? Or should she fight for what they had together?
Either way, she had to decide, and decide quick. She headed for home.