I am 46 years old now and came to know Jesus at the age of 12 through a series of very difficult circumstances. My parents were divorcing at the time, and we were forced to leave our comfortable home and move into a very meager, cramped dwelling. I was also at the doorstep of adolescence and confused about lots of things!

That year there was a very sweet girl in my school, looked upon as "weird and uncool" by others, but she held a strange attraction for me. She was ALWAYS smiling! There was something about her - a calm, a peace, a confidence and security, and I lacked ALL those things. I liked her but was afraid to act like it, for fear I would be ridiculed and labeled "weird and uncool" also.

One day as we were walking back toward the building from recess, she stepped up alongside me and said,"We're having a revival at our church and the preacher asked if there was anyone we knew was lost, that he might pray for them....I said YOU were".

Well, I was dumbfounded, shocked and indignant because I had no idea what she meant by this so I took it as an insult! I remember my face burning as I said, "I'm not lost! You don't know what you're talking about!" and then I hurried ahead of her, desperate to get away.

This short little conversation would undo me for the next several months. I would lie in bed at night and wonder exactly what it meant to be lost. I became restless and snappy, and fearful. I didn't know it, but my heart was in a state of rebellion toward God. I was AWAY from God - not having a relationship with Him.. Even so, at night I would lie in my bed and think about God. I wanted to know Him but didn't know if He knew me or not...and if He did, He might not like me. I didn't know if He heard me or not either. But I became increasingly unsettled and felt more and more, the heavy burden that I was NOT a good person, on my little 12 year old shoulders. I didn't know it, but what I needed was forgiveness. I needed a clean heart. And I wanted LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.

One night as I lay in my bed, fear enveloped me. I had developed a fear of dying... I was afraid to die, for I was fearful of what might happen after death. I didn't want God to not know me! I was afraid of hell, for I knew in my heart there was a hell. That particular night I cried, and I talked to God. I told Him I did not want to go to hell. I didn't want to live there...I wanted to live in heaven where He was. I told Him I was bad, but I didn't want to be. To me, God was very fearsome and I was afraid of Him. But I wanted acceptance and needed forgiveness from God, and so I wept and prayed that night for a long long time, embracing God in my "child's heart", crying out for that forgiveness and acceptance, asking Him to love me, and to help me - to be with me and not leave me alone. And finally I fell exhausted, to sleep.

I didn't know it then, but something life-changing happened that very night. I became one of His own children! And God, the Father wrote my name in His book of life that night! I became a new creation, but it would take a while to gain assurance that I had been saved from the condemnation and the wrath of God. For a number of months I tried to be different but in my own power I could not, and I continually found myself afraid that He'd changed His mind, that He didn't want me any more. I was begging forgiveness every night as I lay in my bed and struggled to gain peace.... and sleep. Then, in His mercy, God sent someone who would be a tool in His hands to teach me about a loving God who had truly rescued me and would never turn His back on me! I would gain blessed assurance!

We had moved back into our old house, with our Dad again, to try to work things out. Then one day something so simple, yet profoundly life-changing happened. A brave young preacher fought his way past our very protective dog and knocked on our door. My Mama answered and he introduced himself as Charles Dunahoo, the new pastor of the church we had attended when I was very young. We had not attended in years because of the tragic death of my infant brother and the resulting confusion and bitterness about what kind of a God would let this happen. My Mom would not even speak with this pastor. Several days later he returned and tried again, and had the door shut in his face. Several days later, he returned. I remember thinking, "what a fool," as I stood behind my angry Mother.

He stood firm and said, "I know you don't want to talk to me but my wife and I have been praying all week and The Lord has strongly urged me to return to talk with you." Well, my Mother was shocked (and impressed!) at this kind of persistence so she reluctantly agreed to let him in, and hear him out.

That day, through that young pastor, my Mother's heart was melted, broken, softened by a loving God who wanted to heal her spiritually and emotionally. The following Sunday we attended church!! It was strange, but I quickly grew to love it. I soaked up everything that was said by my Sunday School teacher and the pastor. Slowly it began to dawn on me that I didn't have to fear that God would change His mind about me. I was eternally secure in His strong hands. His love was unconditional! What freedom!!!!!! My heavy load was lightened at last with this realization that no matter what I might do in the course of a day, a week, a year - the rest of my life NOTHING could separate me from the love of Christ Jesus! I grew by leaps and bounds after that! He infiltrated every area of my life & being, changing me, giving me a purpose for living, for being! And a sure HOPE for what lies beyond this life.. and that had been my greatest fear! God was good,loving, merciful and gracious to send along someone to teach us how much He loved us!

Well, that was way back in 1968, a long time ago. Today those promises are still true. Jesus said 'Those whom the Father has given to me, I have kept' and 'no one can pluck them from my hand'. I remain safely there - and will be there in HIS hand, until I arrive safely in heaven!

Of course, life was not a rose garden from that time on. There have been many struggles, trials, heartaches and sorrows along the way. If you read my Mother's story, here on my site, you will see that. But there has been the sure realization that God is present in every situation. At the time, I did not always see Him, but looking back, I know He has been right there. Not only is He there, but He is actively involved in my life, not making me comfortable - but making me into the image of His dear Son! Every day God is about the business of making me more like Jesus! And one day He will bring me safely home to heaven.

   

If you are wandering about in this world, unsure what the future may hold . . . if you know that there is a separation between you and God . . . if you feel alone, or unclean, or empty, or unloveable, beloved one . . . GOD CARES! He is the LOVER OF YOUR SOUL! He waits with open arms to rescue you, to forgive you, to cleanse you from sin, to write YOUR name in His book! Please don't run from Him - run to Him! In the bible, God promises that any who will seek after Him with all their heart, will surely find Him! He is not far from you! You can trust Him. He promises that those who trust in Him will not be disappointed. Don't wait! Run to God! He is a shelter from life's storms, a refuge for the hurt, the lonely, a SAVIOR for the LOST. May God bless and keep you always in His care.

This page is also dedicated to that brave 12 year old girl who loved the Lord with all her heart. Her name is Gail Nelson and where ever she is - Gail, I am alive in Christ because you were not ashamed of Him! If I never see you on earth again, I'll see you in heaven. : ) THANK YOU!