May 31, 2005
7:11
okay so it turns out my mom is psycho sometimes.
I completely forgot about my doctors appointment and so instead of getting a drive to the doctors office, I took the bus home and missed the appointment completely. so she gave me hell when I got home because we had to reschedule and all.
then she went on to analyze my illness, saying that maybe it was just "due to stress," and her expert analysis concluded that this stress was due to Daniel, and then she followed into one of her little mothery talks, starting off with the typical lameosity.
anyway, I played guitar in the backyard for about an hour and then we went out to A&W. the traffic was too bad to go home (hahah!) so we went to the Bulk Barn. Well, mom did, but Dave went in EB Games and I went in the pet store, where a rather insistent guy tried to make me purchase a rabbit (if he isn't working on commission, then he's incredibly freaking dedicated to the store). At first I had intentions of seeing if I could apply there... but I dont know... something didn't rub me right about that guy...
so I forced my mom to buy me a sucker at bulk barn, and when I mentioned the guy from the pet store, one of the girls working at the bulk barn seemed to know him and laughed. haha.
then we went to frenchy's, and I had so many shirts I wanted to buy that I had an impulse to shove them all on under my shirt and walk out like that. unfortunately it was stinking hot out and I have a conscience now (damned Church).
and then mom got ice cream while I told her erica was gonna burn our house down, woo woo.
in conclusion, the messages on the new minas church signs are wicked (the church by lockhart ryan park) - "those who throw dirt, lose ground."
May 30, 2005
9:58PM
hey! man, my neighbor has a trampoline, that thing kicks ass. the weather is so nice tonight. it cleared up so well; it was grey when I got home and then poof, there were no clouds in the sky. and I refuse to let there be clouds in the sky for the next... uh, three weeks. why, because I say so.
worldwide broadcast. evan gray is lame
new post to the guestbook; by who, i really dont know.
3:17PM
I am at school. hehe. The computers here were supposed to have blocked the geocities server (something to do with Mr. Townsend's daughter and porn), but they apparently didn't block anything with "www.". Great job, school.
Well, school foiled my masterplan today of seeing the boy. I swear, the universe is just out to get me. What with me being sick (for eighteen days and counting), the boy constantly having to work (Pizza Hut is ruining my life), and now this bio trip, to make me smell of Megadeath (starfish... woo woo) and fire.
Argh, ten minutes left of class to kill. The tragic thing about this is that we managed to miss all classes today on the bio trip, except for last class. And because I am oh so gifted with the favor of the universe, my last class happens to be... bio. You know what? take it from me, you simply don't want to be a veterinarian. do not take bio 11. do not pass go, do not collect 200$.
blah blah backstab. smile like you havent been drinking. youre a wannabe lush.
by the way, best definition on Urban DictionaryL
emo
Emu spelled incorrectly.
"Wow, that emo sure is fast!
May 29th, 2005
12:02PM
well technically that last message thingy was written at the end of Friday night. But anyway. Okay, fine lets talk about Friday.
Friday was a good day. I got to practice the song with Jeff for the music social on wednesday night. And the boy came over after school. And we went to the show. ... it was weird...
I had been talking to Evan Hill the night before, or the night before the night before. About me possibly going up and doing one song at the show. I was in the bathroom and Caelin came in and said that I was playing in 45 minutes. I had completely forgotten, it was like instant acid being poured in my stomach. crazy crazy crazy. I attacked a few people and told them about it.
then I found a pen and scribbled song lyrics on my strumming (right) hand. but Im not left handed so they were really messy. all the bands were just a blur to me. I was so freaking nervous at the prospect of playing here, this place that was completely unrelated to school, which was the source of all places I play at.
anyway, it was awesome. Evan brought me an acoustic and a capo. and I was only going to play October, but then they made me do three more songs, so I did Romeo and Juliet, I Belong To, and Hallelujah. I just wish I had known I was going to play more in advance so I would have not screamed and talked so much beforehand. that killlsss my voice. i think i could have done better. but mark asked me to open for a band next month, so I guess it wasn't that bad. yeey.
anyway my head hurts beacuse last night sucked. blah blah blah. well parts of it did. i kind of liked it between 12 and 3.
tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better.
May 28, 2005
1:28AM
hi. my feet feel like pins and needles.
this lightbulb is sun hot.
tonight i wish i knew those stories in the bible
i feel hands.
and eyes.
i want to sneak out and throw things in the pond.
there's an empty rum bottle by the computer desk and I dont know how it got here.
i'm kind of scared of how it got here.
my body screams tired but i just can't stop
thinking about the little things.
(lips. eyelashes. skin.)
(bathroom. promise. lie.)
(dark. patchwork. glimmer. tears.)
my foot feels like pins and needles.
the following things are on my skin tonight from my arms down.
- intense (I found a pen on the ground and tested it out.)
- a big black X in permenant marker. for my sXe-ness.
- a phone number in red marker.
- a name in red marker.
- a faded Full Tilt Productions stamp.
- the following words. "i miss your we like quiet songs so lets be together." (cues to the beginning of the verses in October.) the words are scratchy because they are written on the side of my strumming hand, and I am not left handed by nature.
i will explain tomorrow. all i can say is, if i die now, i will die incredibly unfulfilled but so so so so so so very happy. so fucking happy. i have never been this happy about anything like this before.
May 24, 2005
4:40PM
you know what I hate? this sort of thing. (for the sake of comprehension, I'm the blue one, as always)
Jason says:
yo
the recluse says:
Jason says:
can i see u do some guitar if its k
the recluse says:
what do you mean?
Jason says:
on webcam
the recluse says:
oh haha, mm i dont think so...
Firstly, do I know you, "Jason from Kansas"? No. No, I don't. So do you think I'm going to go on webcam for you? Hm. No, didn't think so.
Jason says:
if i let u see me u can let me
Jason says:
ya im bored i like to see some entertaining
the recluse says:
...uh huh.
"Entertaining." ...need I say more?
the recluse says:
but how do i know youre not some creepy 40 year old who gets off to young girls
Jason says:
u can see me
Jason says:
for yourself
Jason says:
on my cam
the recluse says:
Then again, does age matter? If he's still a creepy pervert anyway. I absolutely HATE people who constantly ask me to go on cam, because you can just tell they've got some extra sous-les-pantalons motives.
the recluse says:
hey.. come on, take a hint
Jason says:
no
the recluse says:
i dont want to, clearly
Jason says:
i do
the recluse says:
well, that's too bad, because I'm not an object for your controlling
At this point, I'm sufficiently annoyed that the little dork won't lay off, so I blocked and deleted him. What is WITH you people! Add me if you want to talk! If you want some fucking 'entertainment', you're clearly blessed with internet connection and a heartbeat, why dont you go find some fucking porn or something. If you think I'm going to go on camera for someone I dont know, you can just so FUCK YOURSELVES ALONE IN THE DARK because no means no. God!
So thank you Jason for putting me in a horrible mood. I blame beer commercials for this boy's apparent inability to connect with females in a way that makes him see them as people and not parts. I am not the hand that strums the guitar. I am not the face that sings the words. And I am defi-fucking-nitely NOT an entertainer. LEAST of all an exclusive one. Fuck.
when I get rich from the robot industry, I'm going to HIRE a hobo to sit in a dark room with a webcam, so when freaky morons ask to see me on cam, they get to watch a greasy old man. fucking teach them for being such perverts.
May 23, 2005
2:11PM
I put up a little section for my music. It's got some downloads, a bio, info on upcoming shows, and links to sites with more mp3s on them (lame geocities only gives me so much space). heart heart, I'm going to go die next to a box of kleenex now.
12:35PM
This is the last day that we have off school for the rest of the pre-exam school year. Argh, and I'm spending it horribly sick at home. I got the worst head rush when I stood up this morning and had to hold onto the frame of my mirror to keep from falling into it. We have no more cold medication because my brother brings it to school for his girlfriend when she gets sick (grrr, I'm sure she's not unwealthy enough to be unable to purchase her own medecine). And I was planning on seeing the boy today, but considering I cant survive without a box of kleenex within five feet of me, I think I'll be spending today alone. And possibly extending my long weekend tomorrow as well. Sigh...
Band concert Thursday night, and I'm not really looking forward to it. But I get to leave at intermission to play at the New Minas Fire Hall, so woo woo. I have no idea what its for, or who's going to be there, so, eh. Oh well. I'm annoyed that I can't really practice for it, either, because my throat is dead. I'm positive that its strep throat, because even the back of my tongue hurts now, too. all foods cause severe pain to eat, especially those covered with crunchy coatings (naarrrgh, those are usually the best foods, too).
on the bright side... uh, I scanned the pins I got from the show? other than that there is no bright side, cry cry cry forever.
May 22, 2005
7:09PM
Show last night was awesome! Man! One of the best ones I've been to in a long while.
Carey picked me up and we headed out and made it there at about 7:20, because we had heard the show started at seven but had our doubts. There were some people outside, but it wasn't near to being opened up yet. So Carey and I walked around a block in Kentville, looking for open stores, but on Saturday night everything closes at 5:00. Then we hung around with Geordie, Owen, Caelin, and whoever else happened to meander around for a while. Alex showed up on a bike in an emo sweater, John and Leigh showed up along with, all in states of intoxication. Sigh. someday they're going to get drunk and do something really stupid. And I'll laugh, really really hard at their misfortune. They should just be lucky they're not female, or they'd have hideous reputations by now.
The night was sufficiently awkward: there were quite a few people that I avoid frequently there. It made for uncomfortable situations. The first band up was Surefire Resistance. I never really enjoy them that much. I circulated the merch tables and laughed at the donation cups sporting phrases like "help stop scurvy" for the band members.
One Last Shot went up next. They remind me of the Get Up Kids meets Coheed and Cambria. I bought a pin in the back, and so did Carey. Geordie at one point yelled into the microphone, and at the end of their set, went up and asked if it smelled like dogfood in the room... unfortunately, I think it may have just been him.
Then Athalias went on. I'm not sure, I can't remember, but I think they played a new song. I never get tired of seeing them play. But Evan's mic kept cutting out, which made me sad. Geordie didn't really seem to approving, saying it was too metal-y, but I insisted that they had emo lyrics. Which they do. Evan's great at screaming but I know he'd be incredibly awesome at emo, even though I've never really heard him emo it up before.
I believe the boy showed up in Athalias's set. During intermission he asked me if I was going to get high (jokingly) and I had to be a bitch and give him a dirty look. roar against me. So I went back upstairs where I felt miserable at the seeming lack of interest and looked for Mark to emo at. I had been talking to him earlier, which was difficult because of the noise. I'm really glad that he always has something to say, or else it could be hard to start a conversation. I went back outside and passed him on the stairs, where I quickly emoed at him and then found Daniel and was happy. <3
Angry Agency went up next, another wonderful ska band. They had a trumpet and a bari sax (I believe). They were quite dancey. Daniel really liked them. At intermission, he bummed around for money outside, asking if he could beatbox for money. I think he managed to come up with four bucks and some Subway tickets. The merch boy said the guitarist was incredibly fond of Subway and so he totally accepted it. I bought a second pin. While Daniel was making his transaction, I found darling Mark sitting on a table and I spotted him with a bag of pins. I poked it and he held it up; Full Tilt pins. He gave me three. I stuck two on me and gave the other one to the boy.
Fifth up was the Ceremonial Snips (I always have to wonder about the meaning behind that name). I didn't really get to see too much of them, but I do believe I saw a trumpet. I recognized one of their songs that I had downloaded, "Multiply is How I Die." This was about the point where I started to die, because I kept coughing so much that I'd double over, gagging.
hmm, I dont think the Snips had any pins. which is a shame cause I could go for one.
The Snips had a background wall poster type thing up. It was pretty sweet. When they took it down and put up the picture of the CD player with pentacle speakers for the fully down, I started to get incredibly excited. Daniel and I were sitting by the wall because my back was killlllling me. (Im not used to standing up for long amounts of time, probably due to my lack of employment.) God, I was so excited. I had heard the Fully Down about a month before when I was looking up bands from Ontario to see what kind of music they'd have at local shows, and saw that The Fully Down were playing at Maverick's in Ottawa. I had no idea they were playing locally. Imagine how fucking HAPPY I was to heard that they were playing in Kentville, aaah! God bless you, Mark.
I was incredibly pleased when the Fully Down's guitarist rolled off the December riff while warming up. I was all dancey during their songs, and usually I dont move at ALL. I sang along to the songs I knew. They're AMAZING live, holy fuck. Just holy FUCK. Pretty much half of the kids had left because it was after eleven when they got on. But man, they so missed out. At one point between songs, the lead singer did click rolls into his microphone and Daniel's face just lit up. And once in a song, the lead boy did some weird break dance-ish move. They dedicated a song to this girl that was dancing really insanely. I was jealous, I think. Or maybe that was another song.
At the end, Daniel dragged me up to talk to the guy about beatboxing and they each did about five seconds into the microphone before they cut it (when they cut it, some random kinda scary guy was singing into it, and so it wasn't that much of a loss). Then we hung around looking at merch and guitars. After gazing at the guitars long enough, one guy figured that one of us (Daniel, Carey and me) played guitar, and I told him it was me, and I had some stuff on the internet, so I gave him my link. (woo woo!) I'm excited/nervous about the idea of hopefully getting some feedback from them.
Then they let me play one of the guitars and I rolled off Classical Gas for a bit on a Gibson. They really seemed to like us, and I was amazed at how grateful that they were that we had stayed for their set. I was just amazed that they were TALKING to me. Hahaha.
They gave us some free pins (woo woo, by the end of the night I had collected seven pins, which is more than three times my usual amount) and Daniel went off to beatbox with the guy from the Fully Down in the mens washroom (I had a hell of a time trying to figure out where the hell he was). He has calluses on his palms too, apparently. Me and Carey ran out to the phone booth to call my dad, and it was raining really hard on us. When we got back, the guy from the Fully Down told me I had to marry Daniel because he's that talented. <3 <3 <3 x a million. then I jokingly said that I was the talented one, and he said he'd check out my stuff. again, woo woo, plus nervous excitement.
We left shortly afterwards at about 12:30. It was raining hard but I was already half wet from going to the payphone so I just danced around in it. we went to a little bus booth and I danced around in the rain, incredibly happy and stupid, jumping in puddles and being hyper. We drove Daniel home, and then Carey spent the night.
overall, it's the best local show I've gone to, the Fully Down kick ass, check them out or forever be sad and musically unfulfilled.
May 21, 2005
5:26PM
Sigh, I'm still in my pajamas. Today was interesting. I woke up at 11:30 by the damn phone. It was a machine from Sears calling to tell my mom that her order was in. Of course she was still out of town and my brother never answers the phone, so I had to take it... roar.
Then as breakfast I had noodles (with parmesan cheese) and green tea while watching shows about Antarctica and listening to Damien Rice on my lovely mixtape from Dres. Then I did some chores, and when I went to put my pants away in my storage room I checked on my hamster.
I blew gently on her fur and she didn't move. I persisted a bit and saw her twitch gently. Hurrah, shes alive. So I took the top of the cage off and gently touched her back... and she squealed and practically had a heart attack. She fell over onto her back and laid there twitching with her mouth open, making weird noises. This immediately prompted me to freak out. She wouldn't let me touch her to help her back over so she had to squirm over. And then she started shaking. incredibly violently. Spasms, seizures, parkinsons disease. Over and over. I fed her but she couldn't even eat... I was pretty much crying my eyes out, hoping that it would just die so she wouldnt have to hurt. If she stood too close to anything, she would bash her head into it with the force of the spasms.
So I dug out the Tibetan book of the dead and read aloud random Buddhist prayerrs that they read to people who are dying. Then I gently changed her cage and left her alone. She seems fine now... but she scared the hell out of me. Hamsters... bah.
Anyway, show tonight, I am très excited. And also très excited that I can make that little "è" accent with alt codes now. Woo woo.
new post to the Guestbook by Ellen. <3
12:41AM
sweater mountain says:
i wasnt seducing him! i promise
that just struck me as amusing.
So I updated all the pages, they should all work now. If you spot bugs, please email me and tell me so I can fix them.
I updated the Links page. I put some new ones up and took down old inactive ones... and ones that had turned into porn sites.
And there are new posts to the Guestbook by John and Leigh, Evan, and Carey. Evans is ... hehe, amusing.
and by the way, if you linked here via a .tk reroute, I'm really sorry for that horribly lame opening ad about the personals... that thing annoys me, and I hope it doesn't discourage you from visiting this site. je vous aime.
May 20, 2005
9:05PM
Hey! AAAAH! So as you can see, I have a new layout thing going on here! Man. My brother had to help me do the last one, because i had no sweet clue about how html worked. I tried to get his help tonight but he was very absorbed in his videogame, and so I just did trial and error, and pretty much managed to figure it all out. and so I'm very pleased. I'm going to go around and fix everything so that everything has this lovely little fixed notepaper background on it. this is the inside of my comp book, by the way.
I'll edit my main page when I get back in two hours.
ps, I'm listening to lots of Imogen Heap right now (Hide and Seek). and the lyrics at the top are from American Football. <3
5:58PM
ooh, what you say! that you only meant well (well of course you did). what you say? oh, that its all for the best (because it is). what you say. ooh, that it's just what we need, you decided this, what you say, what did you say? keep falling out your mouth.... speak no feeling, no I dont believe you, you dont care a bit, you dont care a bit...
sorry. that's me lapsing into Hide and Seek, by Imogen Heap. It appeared on the OC season finale no fewer than three times last night, all at the dramatic points in the plot, such as the INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIC ENDING. I will never be happy again. I replayed the last scene over and over on my VCR about twenty times and cried my eyes out.
well tonight I'm going to do what I always fucking do. cry on my kitchen floor because my parents are out of town, and I'm alone, alone like always. fuck.
May 19, 2005
4:24PM
I took the last post off just incase the bitch noticed that I wrote on my site about her, cause I pretended to be sad about her and claimed to be suicidal. aka...
"“listen you really hurt my feelings, okay? my mom just died and I never met my dad... nobody knows what its like on the inside! and then you just make me up and pretend I can be your friend... its like, i'm so easy to guess... you just make me feel like such a predictable person, the kind of person they write about in statistics... god... im just going to kill myself now....man thanks for making me realize what a loser i am. i'll never have real friends”
too bad she didn't bite.
by the way that orange record was worth a thousand dollars...
May 16, 2005
6:38PM
mmkay, here goes my conversation with the newest person who added me to msn, thinking I would give a shit about what shoes they wear or the fact that "I'm Shaking" is their favorite Rooney song. and obviously, my name is the one without lame stars and emotes (even though fortunately, you cant see them on here, so I've saved you potential brain hemmorhagging). Plus I get a blue font. Which I specifically learned how to do in html, just for this purpose. woo woo.
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
ahh hello
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
r u from ontario
lamecore x 52360526 says:
hey
lamecore x 52360526 says:
no
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
canada
lamecore x 52360526 says:
yeah
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
?
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
im from ontarip
lamecore x 52360526 says:
how did you get my msn?
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
i invented a name cuz i ned 1 more person 2 have 100
lamecore x 52360526 says:
thats really lame
lamecore x 52360526 says:
and im kind of really doubting that
*x.*.x.Paula.x.*.x.* ....> says:
ok crabby bitch
and then she blocked me.
feeling that the deal wasn't quite done yet, I sent her an email. Because every time I block Evan he sends me atleast five emails in complaint. Ahh gotta love MSN...
To: paulal_15@hotmail.com
"Crabby bitch I may be. But at least I actually know the 150 people on my list... I dont need to make up friends."
Honestly, what kind of a fucking MORON adds people just so they can have a hundred friends? Bragging rights? Ooh, so you finally have a hundred friends on your MSN list... you're still a fat Misha Barton wannabe loser. Besides, you probably don't even know half of them.
But she must be really lonely guys... so why don't you add her. After all, she could use some fucking friends, she clearly doesn't have any if she has to make them up all on her own.
Go to hell, stupid random Rooney fans. I don't care about how the OC is the newest thing in Bangladesh and how many euros you paid to buy the season one on DVD. Rooney is SO last season and I could not give a shit.
May 15, 2005
Well, as you can probably ascertain, myspace still isn't working on my computer and I am forced to do my blogging here.
It hurts to swallow. I have my doctor's appointment on Monday still. He'll probably just tell me I have a cold and to stop being lame and not waste his time. I dont know. Blah.
Last night I made some record bowls. While listening to the Get Up Kids. <3 I didn't really have too much to do... I remember at one point, messily scrawling down, "I hate being alone when I know you're in town!" on a sticky note.
anyway, these are my awesome prizes.:
I got this record at the Dump and Run for fifty cents. Its from a women's choir in the 60s, and its the only colored record I've ever seen in my whole life.
and this one's for my grandmother as a late mother's day gift:
It was once an instructional record to help with teaching school children in the 70s or 80s at some child centre in wolfville.
I collaged both of the records on the little labels, cutting out construction paper and various patterns and pictures from YM magazine. I swear, those magazines are AWESOME for collages on mixtape covers and record labels.
May 14, 2005
10:52PM
Well, my computer virus thing has taken over my ability to go on myspace, therefore prohibiting me from going and putting up posts on my blog. Now I have to go back to using this site to bore people with the stupid, senseless things that I do.
I got details on the weird June thing. Its either on the third or the tenth, during lunch time at school, outside in the ampitheatre. It'll be weird because the acoustics are really weird there. Oh well, it should be interesting enough, I suppose. I've always thought it would be cute to do a show there... even have a play performed out there.
And then there's another little show, too, at this firehall in New Minas on the 26th. Its the same night as my band concert, so I'm going to fake brain hemmorhagging and then leave at intermission, change in the car, and go play at that show. Woo woo. Rockfest was supposed to be that night too but then it got cancelled because apparently they didnt have a sponsor, even though Magic 94.9 (local radio station) usually just sucks up that kind of stuff.
You know, tonight, I was lying on my kitchen floor listening to the Get Up Kids when I realized that I had done the EXACT. Same. thing. last weekend... I made record bowls and laid on my kitchen floor. Except I had probably been crying that time because the bowl wasn't working out right and I was really sad and miserable.
You know I think I was probably listening to the same ceedee, too.
anyway tonight I was much less picky about the bowls and they turned out pretty good. I did two, both records were bought at the Dump and Run at Acadia. one of them is a lame little record used in some Wolfville school in the 70s or 80s with an orange label. The other one is a record from a 60s women's choir, and instead of your typical black vinyl, ITS ORANGE. I love it, its absolutely amazing. So then I cut out circles on construction paper (big enough to cover the labels on the records) and collaged them and glued them on. I'm going to give the black one to my grandmother for mother's day. We were going to see my grandparents last weekend but we had to cancel cause the weather sucked. I think they're coming down tomorrow though cause my parents are going to go see Chicago with them.
May 10, 2005
4:55PM
Man, its been a while since I've updated. I've really been distracted socially.
Well yeah, so the last time I wrote I was oozing about the Variety Show. Which was great, by the way, and I went and played at a coffeehouse in West Kings the next week. I'm still holding out, trying to figure out when the next shows will be, but as of now its looking empty, however.
- Music Social to cap off the end of the music year thing on June 1st at night at Horton with a "coffeehouse" atmosphere.
- Some sort of mid June coffeehouse, I'm not sure yet but there's a meeting on Thursday so I'll catch the details.
Hm, I'm looking at my hand and I must remember that I owe a boy five dollars cause I borrowed money for lunch. I shouldn't have... lunch isn't that important... sigh.
anyway, I dont really have too much to say right now. I make a lot more updates on my blog on myspace than I do here.