September 25th, 2004
This site is going to hell.
If you are a parent monitoring the content of this website, hurrah, your petition has finally been passed and it is being taken off the internet. Let it be known that your lack of proper parenting is the root of your problem, not me.
However, in the ashes of one site, another is born. I will shortly be moving to a different location, the link of which will be distributed more exclusively. I am entitled to my own opinion and how I choose to express it is completely up to me. So if you've got a problem, that it is: your own problem. Not mine. So deal with it, and in the meantime, I suggest you stop accessing this site.
x.xSeptember 22nd, 2004x.x
10:37PM
I'm sick. *sniffle snorf cough* So I'm home from school today. My throat hurts, I'm cold and I'm bored. So for all you faithful readers out there I'm going to do something fun today, I'm going to dissect a little bit of hate mail. Why? Because I love dragging uninvolved people into my personal matters, and because I'm really pissed off at this kid for sending me unprovoked hatemail.
From: Mat Rufiange
To: delerious_me@msn.com
HI Sup...nothin.....GOOD.So whats neew.?????Oh i know somthing.SO YOU THINK IM FUCKING GAY DO YOU YOUR SUCH A IDOIT I CANT BELIVE YOU SAID THAT.I AM MAD AT YOU NOW WHY DONT YOU GO DRINK YOUR LIFE AWAY YOU DRUNK!WHAT THE FUCKS YOUR PROBLEM WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!GOOD BYE I HOPE U EM-AIL ME BACK I WANNA SEE YOU GET OT OF THIS!!!
Firstly, thank you, darling Mat Rufiange, for your 'feedback' on these nonexistent comments on your sexual preference. I assure you that nobody thinks you're gay, as no one could possibly ever want to say a single mean thing to you when you lash out irrationally for no reason whatsoever at the people who have been nothing but kind and generous to you.
I would also like to thank your English teacher, for trying so hard in vain to teach the English language, such as proper punctuation, proper grammar, and HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES YOU NEED A QUESTION MARK AT THE END OF A SENTENCE. I'm sure your eighth grade education really reflects up on the intellectual depth of your words. By the way, you spelled "idiot" wrong. Next time you try to insult someone, why don't you remove your head from your spincter and then type.
And Mat, peachy darling, how could I ever possibly consider you gay, when you spend 99% of your time oozing non-stop over whiny prepubescent girls? Or, trying desperately to get me to like you? You can be mad all you want, you little cock, because I have no emotional attatchment to you whatsoever. If you're looking for a fucking apology, you might want to speak with your mother first as I'm quite sure she dearly regrets that you ever came out of her. Personally, I think that if you're going to accuse me of calling you gay, you have some sort of emotional insecurities on the topic as I have a tendency to label items such as my refrigerator "gay", despite the fact I don't habitually see it rearfucking my toaster.
I'd say, what you ever did to me, was waste a SHITLOAD of my time. How many hours have I spent talking to you on MSN? I believe that time is money, and once its spent, you can never get it back. Essentially, you have wasted the equivalent of HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS of time. THAT should a punishable crime.
And as I am obviously much more mature than you...
(which can be seen by comparing a mere few sentences of yours to some of my earlier dialect:
Mat R: "So whats neew.?????Oh i know somthing.SO YOU THINK IM FUCKING GAY DO YOU YOUR SUCH A IDOIT I CANT BELIVE YOU SAID THAT.I AM MAD AT YOU NOW"
Crissi: "I was spared the unfortunate brainwracking task of breaking up with my boyfriend as he succeeded fairly well enough on his own, however, he omitted the necessary fifteen minutes of me berating him for being a pathetic, skateboard-addicted fag." Update of August 27th, 2004. Click here to verify that.)
... I believe that alcohol does not get placed in the "very very Bad Crissi" category, therefore, I should also make the assumption that a small portion of beer would make me a FULL OUT DRUNK which is, by the way, defined as such:
"...one suffering from or subject to acute or chronic alcoholism : one who habitually becomes drunk."(courtesy of the Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary 2004)
Perhaps if you would get off your prep school uniform ass and actually have truth in half the things you have claimed to have done, you would actually have a small understanding on how the real world functions. For example. One drink does not equal one drunk.
And yes, I did "EM-AIL" Mat back. Void of proper pathetic dribbling apologies in his attempt to fish for some sort of compliment to make his day, my email was the following:
"Don't get your panties all in a bunch... now what's this about you being gay?"
So Mat, if you'll get off Neopets long enough to read this (which I seem to highly doubt), I want you to understand that I do not intend to "get out of this" as I am having way too much fun being "in this." Now I suggest you go try to work on that English homework, God knows, you need it.
x.xSeptember 21st, 2004x.x
4:14PM
Today was a weird day. One time me and Erica were stoned in Wolfville and we met these Wolfville kids and one girl there, Jasmine, happens to go to our school now. Well her friend Paul took a picture of us, and Jasmine has it up on her Piczo website with a little blob of "ohemgee look at the Prostitots" or other. How wicked, I am finally labelled... hahaha. John says he put up something on the guestbook or other about it... I just want to see it and make sure I dont look super hideous. But I know I'm recognizable cause Amy came up to me today and told me I'm on Jasmine's website. Haha.
Speaking of Websites, I descovered that this site, my very own, has finally ascended to the level of "blocked from the school server." How fucking RAD is that? Both links, the geocities link and the .tk shortcut are forbidden, as well as the Geocities site I use to update it with. Hahaha. Oh sweet. How awesome is that.
I wore a skirt made out of ties to school today. I was really worried that people would be like, ew, your skirt sucks, but I got a good deal of positive compliments on it. so whoo. Perhaps I should further pursue the tie skirts... I could sell them. Hmm. They take a long time to make though, and ties are expensive, so hm. I think 40$ would be appropriate. So, IF YOU WANT A TIE SKIRT, EMAIL ME AND I'LL MAKE YOU ONE ASAP. (Dont think anyone will actually email me... but thats okay.. I tried.)
Jeff and Alex and Lee (I think thats who that is?) were playing guitar and drums and shit in the band room today. It sounded really good, really clean. Yeah, I'd listen to that. They should band it up. Yep yep yep they so should.
Anyways Im bored here now and Im sick. Perhaps I will not attend school demain.
x.xSeptember 18th, 2004x.x
7:33PM
Third update today. just to tell you I put up a poem on the site. I scribbled it down on the counter when I was bored. its on a little notepaper thing with "Acadie" written all loopy style at the top and a pretty picture of the church and the statue below. i penciled in little arrows and wrote little thingies about hawk fights and chasing ducks. The poem is called The Sound Of Clouds.
x.xSeptember 18th, 2004x.x
6:50PM
Finally back from work. The rain was gross today. I did eventually get to wander sadly around the park. I scribbled in a nice completely random comment into the guest book in the church. Its dated September 18 2004 from a Cleo E Anders who lives "locally..." and commented, "I buy him ice cream. we go across the street and sit in those chairs with the hearts bent out of wire and I feel the same way." I hope it confuses the hell out of someone. I hope they record all the comments in some large historical governmental safe somewhere with my crazy little notes in it. Some year when I am tested for insanity they will track down all notices of mine that were written under different names, and that one message will likely be the one that seals their verdict.
Jennie was there, I caught the end of her break when I went on mine and we talked, and then I ran out to the Kiosque to talk more once business in the Boutique ran dry. We talked about University and she invited me to maybe visit her residence sometime, I made her promise she wont tell the guys how young I really am, and we'll tell my mom that we're not going to any parties (wink) and be good little girls in general. hehe. My mom loves Jennie, so thats a major plus.
Tonight my rents are off at a party... I'm sure I had something semi interesting to do, but I can't think of it, so I'll probably just so lots of random things... play video games, make hemp bracelets, burn incense, listen to records, write emo songs... yeah whatever I can cram into the last six hours of my saturday.
You know I think taking Day Quil and Ny Quil makes you sick if you aren't already. *sniffs loudly* I need a kleenex...
x.xSeptember 18th, 2004x.x
12:10PM
Last night was Melissa's birthday party. I spent my afternoon curling my hair (and felt particularly guilty when I had jokingly said "Yeah, I dont have a lot going on right now" because I know it gets on people's nerves when I complain about being lonely, esp. cause ive been doing it so much lately). We went to Jungle Jim's for supper. At first I was really quiet and distant because, well, even though I knew everybody, they weren't all people that I would hang out with. But eventually my DayNyQuil kicked in and I was numbish. Which was more fun. The food was killer expensive and so I made up for it by taking lots of extra candies... and toothpicks. They have the coolest individually wrapped toothpicks. its SO weird... what a huge waste of plastic... reeeally.
Then we went to the movies... and saw Vanity Fair. It wasnt that bad a movie, it was just really dull at times and I got really antsy from sitting still for like three hours... I had no idea it was going to be that long. It seemed so much that the movie was focusing on camera angles and closeup shots of the peoples faces, as if the actors were more important than the roles that they were playing. There was no sensible plot with a conflict and a resolution, it was just a long chain of rather unrelated events that happened to this one particular woman.
There was this one part where someone comes to the door of the house where this old woman and the young woman are staying,and the young woman goes to answer and then the old woman freaks out and stands up out of the bathtub and theres this shot of her saggy wrinkly ass that I REALLY could have done without. We all screamed EWW (much like we had screamed EWW at Sean when we saw him walking down the street on the way to the movies) and some guy behind us goes SWEET! So then I yelled out something about him being desperate... Ahaha. Meghan saw Justine at the theatre and starts freaking thinking that Greg is going to be there. And she has the audacity to say, "Oh yeah, well, youve seen him all summer, I haven't seen him since the Ross Creek Festival!" And its sort of like, well, I hate to break her 'stunningly close' relationship with him, but if she wants to talk about missing Greg Burton, she is absolutely no match for the crap I've been through... I mean... its not like she ever really had anything to be regretful for or longing of in his aspects.
They called me to work today so here I am. I'm working in the boutique today. The weather is sickly, and I cant eat my lunch in the board room because they're having some sort of meeting for the proper employees... I doubt I should even have much permission to be using this computer, but I do believe it is public access for the employees, of which I am part today. The pay is somewhat less than what it had been when I worked as a puppeteer here this summer... I saw Jenny but didn`t recognize her with her glasses. She says she wears them now that she's at school... it makes her look so much older... more her age, than what I can remember from this summer. Its almost intimidating, thinking that she has suddenly aged so much and once again has such superiority over me... just goes to show how fast things change.
I'm glad they hired me here to work today... I was going to come back today for the day anyway. Just to torture myself and look around and remember the things that happened here. Sitting on that bench outside... and watching him ask everyone if they wanted a run down of exactly what was in the building (we always laughed at him for trying so hard)... ice cream across the street, washing our hands off in the fountain in the sun, those dance lessons we took and that tent where I sang and he had listened. The church, the flower garden, hiding behind the hedges and sitting in the grass.... this place is absolutely haunted.
x.xSeptember 16th, 2004x.x
6:53PM
I've realized that my life at school reminds me of Wolville. Constantly walking around alone, looking like crap, surrounded by intelligent beautiful people.... Wolfville... sheesh.
I'm listening to the Get Up Kids... and I keep thinking I must buy one of their CDs but suddenly I have become severely protective of my money and do not want to part with it... I guess it's understandable... seeing as I don't really feel like working to get any more money.
The strike is finally over, I can stop complaining about being poor once we start getting money in the next month. I'm glad the contract went through. Now we don't have to worry about Dad getting a new job elsewhere. I'm hoping dad will have a party. That should be fun. Next Friday he plays at Giseppi's. (Spelled it wrong.) I want to get him to take me at 8:00 so I can play until they kick me out at 9 and dad can take over. I don't think its fucking fair that I can't see my own goddamned father playing his gigs. How fucking cruel is that? Why can't they just permenant marker write "UNDERAGE" across my forehead? I wont care!!
I spent some time playing guitar and thinking about a line up of songs if I ever do play somewhere. Of course I'm just being crazy, I could never land a gig, never with my father without embarassing myself. Maybe I can embarass myself infront of the school if we get another coffee house thing going. Micheala came over afterschool today and we watched videos of grade nine running around in the halls and walking into mens bathrooms... aha. Actually it was more her and Erica. Hm.
I'm off. If anyone wants a hemp bracelet, attack me at school or email me. Delerios_me@msn.com. I'm too lazy to link it so do it yourself. The bracelets are 1.50$. Its not bad. Feed the hungry, people
x.xSeptember 15th, 2004x.x
4:18PM
Ugggh band registration tonight. Plus I have a ton of homework. My attempt at a social life is gone. It is dead. This year is going to be the worst social year for me, which will set me up for another two years of bad social living. Micheala will leave, and Erica will be too concerned with her rapidly expanding cliques to hang out with me. I'm constantly stuck between extremes. People who don't want to try anything and have never done anything, and people who have done way too much and have done everything. So where the fuck does that leave me, people? I never hang out in large groups... never get invited to any parties... I haven't seen anybody all summer, and I'm sort of pissed that I got left so desolate...
I've been going secretly insane over Meghan's nonstop lusting over Greg. I hear it a few times a week and it drives me insane. She has no idea what LOSS is like about Greg Burton. I know she's liked him since the dawn of grade nine, but atleast she hasn't been... cruelly... and intentionally... taunted and tortured by the extent of his inconsistent opinions. Someday I'm probably just going to end up blowing up at her in a great emotional rage and tell her everything about what happened this summer.
School this year is going to suck. Maybe i'll just have to really distract myself with other things outside of school... music and such. I guess it'll be a great opporitunity for me to sit at home and be emo in a corner with an acoustic guitar, maybe I can even consider going out and playing somewhere sometimes... I know my dad does, but I can't get into the bar after 9PM... what a drag. Besides. You only get paid by how much the people drink, and I don't really think I'm capable of playing much rowdy foot stomping country type crap music that induces people to bury their faces in bottles and mugs. So hm. Guess that will require a bit more thought...
x.xSeptember 12th, 2004x.x
7:54PM
Just got back from the cottage today. I hadn't wanted to go and was planning on locking myself in the bathroom for the weekend. But once my mom told me we were stopping at a Flea Market on Saturday, I was pretty much sold.
I got my hemp twine junk at Walmart and some beads. It all came to about 20 bucks, which wasn't really so bad. The only drag was waiting for fucking ever in a line at the counter... Walmart isn't exactly known for having the best response time... but the most annoying thing is waiting at the counter when no one is there.
We got a pretty good haul at the Flea Market... my dad went crazy at the end when the SPCA tables were getting rid of their stuff for free. I ended up spending roughly 20 bucks... I got a Stephen King book (that I hope my dad doesn't already have), an R2D2 Pez dispenser (still in the package, so its sanitary), a hardshell suitcase, two CDs (Big Shiny Tunes 5 and something or other of Duran Duran), some badminton rackets, an Ouija board, and roller blades. I learned how to roller blade this weekend, whoo hoo. Cept the cottage is full of rocks and hills and grass so I had to pretty much stick to the long patio. Oh well.
I made a bunch of hemp bracelets. I think I might bring all that stuff to school tomorrow cause lunch hour does get hella boring sometime. Math test tomorrow. hope its easy, I've hardly looked at my notes.
x.xSeptember 11th, 2004x.x
10:47PM
I went to the movies last night and saw Resident Evil: Apocalypse. God, it was a good movie! I loved it. It was weird how one girl sort of said the exact same line as Raine did in the last movie about "when the time comes, you'll take care of it". I loved the little gun drop and then diving and grabbing the gun and shooting them... it was such a good movie, considering I normally hate the sort of action action fight scene movies. But I lvoed that one. And the girls were so cool! I love how Alice's pants were like, gone at the hip and back at the knee... that was so weirdly cool that I want to recreate them somehow. And that Milla Jovovich girl has no boobs. Ahaha. I was very despairing that the guy who played beautiful Matt wasnt in it, thanks to his current mutation as nemesis... Awwnh.
Going to the cottage today, not really looking forward to it, but I'm going to have to study anyway cause I have two tests on Monday/Tuesday. Plus, I'm gonna get some hemp twine junk cause I learned how to make those bracelets at lunch time yesterday.
Oh hey, I went to that movie last night with John, and when I turned my head at the concessions counter, I saw Tommy... raaarg. There was no mistaking him. I was praying he wasn't going into the same movie theatre, but then I saw his best friend walking into the theatre infront of us so I kicked John and swore. Ahaha. It wasn't that bad, I guess its not like I had to speak to him. I saw plaid shirt boy there, too. And I swooned openly to John about how I've been adoring this guy from afar for like a year. I think Tommy might have been standing outside though... eeeh I dont know. I was sitting on the curb and I didn't turn around.
I felt really bad though because I thought he would think that I was out on some date or something. Especially since Erica told him something that made it sound like I was some guy crazed machine with "a new guy everytime I talk to her" or something. so I went home and played guitar in the dark like some emo kid. Which reminds me I must steal John's glasses. I love them. Love them love them looove them.
This is my shit song.
tender and heartfelt
two things that you swear we'll never be
and tonight you'll prove it
tonight I swear you'll prove it all to me
I'm hiding from your eyes
cause I can't bear to recognize your smile
thought this would be easier
thought this would be easy
cause I'm remembering the delicate slope of your nose and
those lips I so often explored with my own
and it's not easy
it's not that easy
and I'm remembering those pants on your bedroom floor
but I can't bear it to be pleasing you anymore
no we're not that different
and we're not that easy
x.xSeptember 10th, 2004x.x
4:47PM
Hi. Bad news. the parents found the note. Ahaha. They took it way too seriously... I said it was a joke... I hope we're okay. Still feels sort of tense in the atmosphere.
John keeps talking about starting a band, and Im thinking its a good idea. This morning when everyone was out of the house I practiced singing along to Taking Back Sunday. I love their style of music, I would adore being like that.
Today at school, things sucked as usual... I wore caution tape as a belt though so that made things that much more interesting. Histoire Ancienne blows as usual, I cannot STAND that nasally beast Primeau. Something is fucking wrong with her voice, I swear. I just can't stand it..
Two tests next week. Not looking forward to studying this weekend. I'm going to the movies tonight to see the new Resident Evil movie. I had thought I was going to save my money for a trip to Paris with the French Immersion/French Extended programs on March Break in 2005 but theres just not enough time. And with the company strike and everything, my dad can't help fund the trip so I could never make the money (over 2000$).
I was supposed to be on CBC last night but they must have cut the part that we were in. What a fucking drag. I'm so embarassed... I told so many people to watch it, I must have wasted so much of their time... I'm going to write CBC a nice fucking angry letter. About how their choice of actors sucked, their choices of scenes were obviously way too modern to be anything like what the Acadians had done, there WERE NO BLACK ACADIANS, and they're wasting valulable funding on scenes that no one fucking cares about. I mean, black acadians? We're talking 1604 to 1755 here, people. Back when North America was a great huge fucking discovery... I'm pretty sure they hadn't been to Africa yet.
Well I'm done here... I think I gotta call Micheala to see if she wants to waste 8$ on a movie she doesn't wanna see. Love!
x.xSeptember 9th, 2004x.x
5:26PM
Just a minor note: I noticed the sept 2. update was cut off but I had it on a text document so I put it back up if you want to reeead it.
x.xSeptember 9th, 2004x.x
4:05PM
I am So sorry for the lack of updates. Thank you to Sam for reminding me to write something fucking down.
Last night was crazy. I did some stuff I found on the floor, inhaled a bunch of liquefied lighter fluid fumes and then thought I was going to die, and so I wrote myself a suicide note and took a nap, hoping to die peacefully. As we all know I am a paranoid when I am messed up. So, to keep the record up I gave...
To Micheala: All of my bank account money, totally 880$ and something odd cents. I had my pin number written "one digit up on my left hand for your references." I gave her all of my records and my record player a well. (By the way, on the note it was Jeff Kingsbury written and then crossed out before Micheala's name on the money deal.)
To Meghan: All of my Music: Tapes, CDs, as well as videos and DVDs, and my precious flute.
To Erica: All of my clothes (I think I wrote that on there), all of my chairs, incense, fire, furniture, pillows and TV.
To Jeff: My electric guitar, amp, picks, cords, tuner, capo, and all that junk. And note that said: "We had good days, we had bad days, but I swear I loved you once."
I also requested to be burned and not buried and be shook in both ears before the deed was done to make sure I was dead. Also, my acoustic guitar is to be burned with me. All metal pieces were requested to be removed (because I read somewhere that metal contains negative energies, which is why there is never any metal on my altar).
Mom: go to paris I dont care.
Daddy dedicate a song to me at giseppis, Im sorry I didn't live long enough to make you proud.
There was also much stuff about hating David. You know, I dont understand why people make suicide notes so short and to the point. There should be NOVELS of things. I mean why would you want to die completely wastefully, when your last words on that piece of paper will be the words that people will take the most seriously in your whole entire life? (Or death.)
Well I'm on TV tonight at 7:00PM Atlantic time on CBC. I am casted as the Acadian in the blue dress (blue bodice blue skirt). If you love me you shall tape it.
Oh and I also requested in my suicide note that Tommy light my skateboard on fire and skate through a Walmart parkinglot and I added a note that I didn't cheat on him with all those guys (like Erica had insinuated... even though the idea of that thought torturing him sort of amused me temporarily). All those guys being most guys... errhmmmaaa yes. And a note at the bottom said I would totally do "someone" but the offer expires when I do (meaning, no fucking my corpse). And I said someone ought to tell David Simpson that the chocolates were from me.
x.xSeptember 2nd, 2004x.x
4:19PM
Hey! Oh man this is WEIRD, I'm home before 5:00! I can actually watch that 70s show today and not miss the first 25 minutes of it! Whoohoo!
School today was really weird. It felt like just a long weekend, but everybody changed. Erica and I met up at her house before school and got all "whoo" and then went to school. I'm in her homeroom, but none of her actual classes. All of my classes this term are in french, and some days I get Mr. Comeau for three periods a day. I am going to DIE. His classes are so brain numbing. I'm going to fall asleep and die. Oh well, atleast I have Jeff and Alex in one of those classes... I hope that makes it a little more interesting.
I won't hate gym this much this year. All the girls look really slutty, so you know that means they're not going to want to be all sporty and competitive (hurrah!) and we have the good guys like Cale and Jostenn and Daniel. Sure, they're competitive, but atleast Cale's hair looks cool.
I got Micheala up to date on my summer. She got her eyebrow pierced like, yesterday. Or maybe two days ago. It looks really clean, not infected or swollen or anything. She has something amazing about her skin. Sheesh. Never infected, never imperfected, sheeeesh its got to be something she's drinking.
It feels so weird... I dont know, I feel sort of more confident because I know my way around the school and there's all these new 10th graders and all the 9th graders. I saw Max today and couldn't help but laugh quietly... (I read his diary once at Charlotte's party. Don't worry, it wasn't anything bad, but I'm SO not telling anybody. It makes me respect the boy even more, what he wrote.)... and so in the honor of the grade 12s of last year I think we should take over their table, but all the blonde bitchy 9th graders have their greasy mitts all over it. yeeesh. You know what? Its not hot to be blonde. Blonde people are pretty and all, but theres so many blonde people, you know? Who's going to stand out in a world of fake blonde hairdos?
Anyways, I read Tommy's profile on MSN and laughed. He's updated it. It has a dorky looking picture of him and stuff at the bottom about him being boring, vain, and obsessed with skateboarding. I liked the way he made it sound like a bad thing. I'm not really looking forward to that Party at the end of the month. We're planning a sort of party for someone (can't say incase they read this!), and he's going to be there. How awkward.
Well I'm trying to download Kazaa right now... so... yes. I'll update more later when more things happen.
Off to my emo songs and guitar.
x.xSeptember 1st, 2004x.x
1:11PM
Summer's dead and so are we. This is the very last day to finish anything you haven't already finished this summer. Today I fixed this jacket that Micheala bought at Frenchys. I sewed on a button, fixed a hole in the pocket and took out the shoulder pads. It must have been decent in its better days, but the jackets sort of in disrepair now. I guess I can try, though.
I thought I lost my Poncho today and went mad tearing the house apart and calling mom to get her to look around at work, and then I found it in the basement. It's weird that I now have such an attatchment with my clothing... what the hell. Haha. I guess it's weird how we grow up...
School tomorrow. I'm sort of looking forward to it. I guess I'll probably do something stupid to make me killer rangy tomorrow. If I do anything tonight I'll never sleep. Maybe I can find some way to tire myself out so I'll fall asleep faster... maybe I can find some old boring book to lull myself to sleep. Too bad I gave my science book back ages ago.
Anyways, I'm sort of bored of this... maybe I'll go out to the mall today and buy some chopsticks for my hair. Have to look good, you know. Except my strategy is to look very casual on the first day while everyone else is going mad crazy to stand out, and then wear all my best clothes on the second day when everyone else's best stuff is dirty in the laundry hamper. Ha ha ha! ... Yes.