Well, here I am, waiting for that Bitch Heath to show up on MSN cause I made him a freakin' french lesson and told him to be on at 11. (11AM his time - 9:00PM my time). Psssh.

So I'm thinking that I'm going to spend this, oh so valulable time, trying to get some forms and junk to work for me. I'm gonna try to fix the Guest Book submission thingy so that it's off a different page and doesn't cut out your entries. Not like anyone's been signing it lately, because nobody actually knows that this site is actually still up and running. You know, I would advertise it in my nickname on MSN, but Im so tired of the people that do that. all, Look at my Piczo website!! Nothing tells you exactly how self defined and original I am than a website off the same shit site that EVERYBODY has! I especially hate the shit ass lack of layouts on those pages as well as the terrible colors. I mean people get like flashy moving backgrounds and then tacky blinking titles off like Flaming Text and I just sit there and my brain literally bleeds. Baah.

Also Im particularly peeved with the notion that the more people visit my site, the more I have to watch my mouth for fear of offending people. well fuck that. You don't enjoy it? Well theres a back button, biotch. Haha. I mean, when you think about it, the internet is like the one thing that you, Dear Reader, controls. You can flip on your TV and pick out whatever channel you want to watch, but you don't get to choose the programming. When you're on that mouse, you get to pick whatever's to your liking. So lets put it this way, baby, this isn't your standard ghetto cable hookup (CBC, CTV, Global, and Maybe TSN when the winds blowing hard enough); if you dont like it, well, you dont have to.

December 27th, 2004
2:19PM

sorry, i didn't actually update anything, my brother came in the room and I had to pretend that I was doing something important. Hahaha.

December 26, 2004
11:54PM

I added a couple more blobs to the MSN thingy page. And the September

December 24th, 2004
4:42PM

Now that I think about it, it is a little bit odd that this month should be the month when I ressurect this website, when it was being built pretty much in the same month a year ago.

I updated the About Me page. My darling ami John sent me an email with a text for my website: Crissi, as told by John. So I have added that to my about me page. What he says is hilarious, yet dead on, except I'm a little bit confused about the statement involving candy canes, my butt, and ethnic children. (I assure you, I have never done anything remotely close to involving those three components.)

I am at my grandparents house right now in Bridgewater, and just dad just helped my grandfather hook up the highspeed internet. This is great, they'll never be able to tell when I'm on the computer... unless they can't find me anywheres else. I sincerely wish we had this at home. Bah.

Theres something in my jacket that smells like Erica. Kind of like some sort of hair product or cream she used to wear. Its driving me insane, I can't figure out exactly where its coming from.

Yesterday was finally the last day of school. It took forever, it seems before school would finally get out. I wasted the majority of the day attending classes different from that what was written on my schedule. I went to first, because we had a breakfast and a bunch of food and I sat around being emo. I spent second period trying to get into the gym to play badminton (Mrs. MacDonald-Pinch didn't approve, however) and then drawing in a deep mad trance on the whiteboard in the back of a math class that I don't take.

Then I hung out with Matt for a good part of the day, stealing his hat and playing with gerbils in his bio class. Dana, as usual, showed up only at the very end of recess. He never hangs out with me. John urged me into his bio class, as his teacher was giving away free guitar picks because she apparently knows Jim Dunlop. John played some songs, and then I played a little emo song I wrote, with my face burning red embarassed because I was sitting next to Dana and singing a song I wrote about him. (In frustration.)

It goes:

The nightmares after dreams
and two hours of sleep
your face dances like haunting.
Its too casual to be love
I'm too jealous to be friends
you take your hands away like you're ashamed

Im walking in my dreams,
you're stabbing me with nightmares

I dance with other boys and
you flirt with other girls
and i cry on the inside.
at the end of the night
we kiss like we're alright
and we go home alone.

I cradle the phone to my lips
and kiss your voice just softly
like I'm afraid to do in person
and into my arms it falls
like the only piece of you that
I've ever been given to keep

all I ever did was love you,
and all I have are pictures

I dance with other boys and
you flirt with other girls
and I cry on the inside.
At the end of the night
We smile like we're alright
And we go home alone.

And that is my emo song. Well, Christmas eve is coming along slowly. I am incredibly bored. Well, I guess not incredibly, I'm a tad bit bored but I just make sure that I don't multitask at all (I wouldn't want to get everything done at once, when I'm trying so hard to fill the time). I just spent the last few hours sleeping and reading Stephen King short stories to kill the time. My hand is still a little numb from the way I was sitting with my head cradled on my hand.

Interesting story: I went to the mall yesterday, hitching a ride with my brother and his girlfriend and I found Sam there. So we hung out for a bit, and we walk into the pet store, and about fifteen minutes later I walk out with a plastic bag of hamster food and a little cardboard box shaking softly with life, saying, "Oh my god, I'm incredibly stupid, I'm the stupidest person I know."

I called my mom shortly after to come pick me up and I settled the little cardboard box into the plastic bag so as to make it less noticeable. When the car pulled up, I tucked myself into the backseat and carefully (yet discreetly) placed the bag at my feet. After waiting for her to pick me up I had started to worry about the air supply in the little box, and I faked a cough and leaned over to poke one of the holes out of the top of the box for air, and watched as a little nose sniffed its way out.

I had to speak very loudly to cover up the little sniffling scratching chewing noises emanating from my plastic bag. My mother asked me what I had bought and I said I couldn't tell her, because it was a Christmas present (aaah perfect excuse). By the time we had driven to my subdivision, the hamster had chewed a hole large enough to poke her pretty brown head through. I faked a coughing fit, doubling over and placing my hand next to the hole to prevent her from escaping.

I practically jumped out of the car before it had finished moving to bolt to my room before my mother could get a chance to peer closely at the sides of the bag (she believed it to be a Christmas present for her, and no doubt would be curious). I had taken the hamster cage up to my room about half an hour before my trip to the mall in anticiption, sticking it in a cardboard box and

(the phone is ringing, it is SO odd to be on the internet and hear the phone ring)

covering it with a blanket and sticking a roll of wrapping paper out along the side, to make it look like I was getting presents ready and wrapped. Mom had seen me and smiled, but not questioned.

So I

(crap, do I hear someone calling me?)

(ten minutes later: yep, that was my grandmother, her neighbor had called to say that there was a deer outside on their lawn, if we'd like to go look at it, and so we ran over. I whistled at it and it slowly ambled away.)

unloaded all of the food in bags and the hamster wheel and the package of shavings from the cage, filled it up with a handful and opened the cardboard box. My little prize scurried out and wandered the cage in confusion.

She is a female teddy bear hamster. A deep chocolate brown, incredibly smooth to the touch. She has a light brown spot near her butt and the brown lightens around her eyes. Her name is Summer, and she lives in a cage ontop of my empty guitar case in my Storage Room. And My Parents do not know that she exists.

I miss her, because Im in Bridgewater and shes cozied up in a little warm ball in my storage room with extra food and extra water and the heat left on. My father is incredibly picky about me leaving the heat on, so I had to turn it up just as we were leaving. And i stuck a bowl with a clay figurine ontop of the cage to add a little bit of weight to discourage her from nosing the top off the cage.

so that is my little secret, and I am going to see exactly how long she will stay in secret, hiding in my storage room.

December 18th, 2004
6:04PM

Im sitting here in my basement in my new jean jacket. Sounds tacky, I know. I enjoy it. It was twenty five dollars, so I like it. Hoorah.

Benefit concert on Thursday! The lights were pink and yellow and gleamed off everything in sight and I couldn't see past the microphone. I was so horrified. After the first song I had such a rush that I wasn't nervous at all anymore. Im so happy with myself.

There was a good turn out, they made 900$ to buy a seeing eye dog for this woman going blind. John played an original onstage (God hes so amusing!) and I will love him forever for screaming out the lyrics when I forgot them. Hehe. These random people started playing at one point, which pissed me off. They didn't sign up, they didn't go to any meetings, they weren't on the set list, they didn't even have anything prepared. They just kind of improved. At certain points it wasn't so bad. But they were all acting like stoned freaks with instruments and they ended up taking time away from people who could have actually been performing.

Jeff, Alex and John (other John in ninth grade) formed a little group and did All Along the Watchtower by Hendrix and a colorful mush of the Power Rangers theme and the solo/outro to Stairway to Heaven. All the little tenth grade girls squeal for Alex's self assured nod and musical talent. When they all got onstage, I lean over and say "I want to yell out 'I love you, Jeff!' but I think Dana's in here somewhere..." all joking, like a groupie freak. So then this random chick behind me hollers out right when its, quiet,

"CRISSI LOVES YOU, JEFF!"

and then she started stroking my hair, or someone did, and so everything was alright.

There was a dance that night, and since then I've been feeling dead. And displeased. I feel empty, and like there's problems that need fixing. I know that there are.

I went to Johns last night for a little get together. John showed me this picture of me at the dance with Dana. And It made me incredibly sad. I called him to tell him I missed him and he blew me off. my desktop is currently that picture on a black background with white text that says "all I ever did is love you, and all I have are pictures."

Oh well. Atleast I can write emo songs now.

December 14th, 2004
8:41PM

Just updated the Guestbook... it used to be some random thing set up by Yahoo, but it had a tendency to cut off submissions and put them in a basically crappy atmosphere, so copy and pasted them all and formatted them to make em look all pretty. I found an archive of old ones I deleted, too, so now theres lots of posts. That page is freaking historical.

If you care to visit the new guestbook... click here now! DO IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.... *ahem*

7:31PM

Nutcracker today in Halifax! It was pretty good. I don't dig the whole super tight pants on the guy. I could see his dick from like, a hundred feet away (slight exaggeration, but we were at the back). But I guess maybe the ballerina chicks dig that. I can't believe I used to want to be a ballerina when I was six. Gah.

I attempted to teach Jeff how to make hemp bracelets on the bus ride down... Kinda worked. Haha. Either way, it was a good waste of time.

I bought a new shirt and pink shoelaces. They're very hot. I enjoy them deeply.

Well I'm done. I have a cold. I'm going to go sing for an hour or two and make my sore throat 3532608326502652 times worse because im super brilliant in the ways of modern logic.

December 13th, 2004
8:04PM

Man Im so not used to making updates here. I hope thats the way I've always written it before. Anyways.

I've been fliting around the site for days, renovating, if you will. The Poetry section has been done over. Every single poem has been fixed. Some of the titles were screwy on the top of the window so I fixed them... I took out some of the more embarassing poems and I fixed the ones that were incredibly stupid and, essentially, made them better. Feel free to check out the modifications at your own leisure.

I've also updated the MSN Blobs page with a new blob and fixed some of the typos and errors in the text.

And the Special Thanks has been done over as well. Bitch at me if I didn't mention you. (Emails all to delerious_me@msn.com, please do not bitch in person.)

Aside from that, I think that that is all that there is to report for the time being. Tomorrow I'm going to go see the Nutcracker at school. Wheee. Yaay for no class. <3

December 10th, 2004

Oh my GOD IM UPDATING THIS SITE!

Hey yeah. Uhh I was thinking of starting a new site, and so many of you have asked for the url to it. But you know what. This site has so many fucking hits on it that I don't really feel like giving it up, even though giving it up would mean that I would have a website not already blocked from the school server. Haha.

oh my god Im so not used to html now that Im forgetting to paragraph everything here. Oh well, i remember quickly.

its 8:37PM friday night and Im supposed to be off by 9, so Im gonna work on cleaning up here for a bit. YAAY!

PS - New Layout being considered. *YAY*