Laughing on the outside, screaming on the inside

x.xJuly 31st, 2004x.x
10:12PM

Hey. Very quick. I hate work, I havent seen people. Micheala never answers the phone, shes moving next month. I cry. Work sucks, I bought a guitar but spent way too much money on Wednesday. People at work scare me. I'm sort of mad at Micheala. I wasnt supposed to spend tonight alone. Thursday the 29th was my third month anniversary with Tommy. No one cares about that but I decided I'd say it anyway. Im sorry this isn't longer. Youre not listening anyway.

I dont know what love is, but I know this isn't it.

x.xJuly 26th, 2oo4x.x
8:22PM

I added a new poem today. I wrote it about the weekend with my cousins at the cottage. Its called Maximum Eighty. Its interesting. I wrote it in the car. Its sort of songish.

I went skinny dipping for the first time. These boy scouts came over (not at the same time mind you) and practically sunk the float. Theyre from the Yukon. We had so much awesome times, painting and trying to sleep in my great grandmothers house. Spying on the boyscouts, dressing like skanks (I did anyway) and trying to swim away to the boyscout camp, listening to Kiss records, HA we ROCK.

Love you guys.

x.xJuly 21st, 2oo4x.x
8:05PM

You know what? I should invent idiomatic expressions. Like, "In the Hay" should mean making out. and "Pay the Pizza Boy" should mean sexual favors. For instance.

Johnny bought Sally flowers last week, so now she has to pay the pizza boy.

Actually i could think of a really good example, and so could you, but I dont want to offend the girl too badly so just. Think hard.

And "at the juice factory." But thats more like an inside joke.

I bought wicked cool pants today at Frenchys. I love them and they love me, and you should too.

Someday I'll make proper updates. Today I'll just leave you with something I was thinking at 1:00 today when I was waiting for the boy to show up (my clock is fast):

My watch will always make you late, and seem like you've stayed too long.

x.xJuly 17th, 2004x.x
8:29AM

Hey! Updating early this morning, yes, yes I am. I woke up at 7:20, its so easy to wake up early when the sun is shining, and I went downstairs and saw through the windows all these weird black and white things on the front lawn. So I open the front door and leap across the lawn like a freaking faggot in my pajamas, running on my toes to the road to look at whatever the fuck it is on my lawn, and theres 40 freakin wooden little skunks and a sign that says "Happy 40th Birthday Steve" And on the other side of the lawn theres another sign that says "Steve is the big 40!" Pretty cool, huh? Dads birthday! I still have to wrap his present. ^_~ Anyways I gotta go now, gotta brush the teeth and then run off to work. Im not supposed to work today but Greg had a gig in Halifax last night so we all got off at lunch yesterday and today we get to pick up where we left off.... oh joyous. Ugh. Today is my sixth day in a row working.

x.xJuly 16th, 2004x.x
12:29PM

Hey! Sorry that once again there has been such a lack of updates. Hey, its hard having a job. I'm only home for like five waking hours, and that's if I don't decide to go out for the night to visit the boy.

Today I'm off work early, which explains the strange timing for the update. This is about as close as I get to an off day until about Wednesday. I'm not looking forward to Tuesday because my entire team is off, so I have to work alone, with people I don't know. Aaah nerves. They might be training me to work in the boutique, though, which I think I could stand.

I saw the Notebook last night with Tommy. I was really looking forward to it because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could get him to cry, but guess who ended up being the one to bawl all of her eyeliner off! God, I didn't want to cry so bad until I wasn't crying... which doesn't make sense but whatever. There was this one woman behind me that really ruined the moment when she snarfed really really loud. hahaha. Anyway. So I cried for pretty much the last half hour. I'm emotionally stable! It was just... really sad, thats all. haha.

x.xJuly 12th, 2004x.x
6:50PM

Hey!

I had a great weekend. I dragged Tommy off to the cottage. Im surprised that my parents let me bring him. We had a campfire and he finally heard me sing. I have been really hesitant to let him hear me because his judgement and his opinion seems to matter the most out of many to me. We played pool, and I beat him at Monopoly (the second time). We looked in all the empty cabins at the boyscout camp and turns out someone wrote his phone number on the wall along with the words, "For a great time, call" so tonight when I call him, I'm gonna be all, heyy I'm looking for a great time! Ha. If I remember that is.

And I finally saw the Ring, and am very very very disappointed that I didn't even jump, it wasn't even scary, what a pathetically horrible freakin movie! And its so stupid! Maybe it's just because the volume was low, maybe I missed certain parts but it seems to me that they missed a couple things. Like. Why the hell did they throw the girl down the well? Maybe she didn't like bloody freakin horses or something? And what exactly was she doing to her mother that was so damn bad? Where the hell did they get a well that big, and do you really think someone would just go, "Hmm oh look theres a well here, no problem let's just cover it with a freakin HOUSE"? And, why the hell was there a video in the first place? When the girl crawls out of the tv, why? Where is she going? Infact, where DOES she go? Back down into the TV into this well of hers? How? Did she unearth the freaking HOUSE first?! And what the hell was the point in the second little video about the kid in the mental hospital? Yeah, we get she was crazy, but why can't you spend time telling me why it would occur to anyone to build a freakin house on a fricking well.

Work was good today. I went to Curves this morning and didn't die like I did last Wednesday. I was sick then, just starting to be, so that really didn't help the old immune system and I was sick all week. I finally got my appetite back on the weekend but all of a sudden junk food does not look so appealing, which is a change for the good. And Greg almost ran me over today. *Shakes fist* Evil boy, you.

And today I decided to add a new link to the Links site. I added MyPornName.com. It's a name generator where you stick yours in and it gives you a completely fucking amusing name. Here's a taste of what I got:

Crissi Cochrane = Nikki Lace (Oooh hot! Ha. I like that one best.)
Chrissy Cochrane = Zoe Jiggles (HA! Hilarious because I have nothing to jiggle... chestwise)

Anyways Its stupidly amusing, so check it out. Have a good day and a good night. Enjoy the summer breezes! Whoo!

x.xJuly 9th, 2004x.x
8:07PM

Hi. Sorry again for the swoop in updates. been working, and been sick. My mom thinks I got it from the old buildings in Grand Pre. They don't use them anymore so they shoved us in there to work on Tuesday and by Wednesday night I was raving deliriously, running around the house at 3:30 partially dressed (mostly naked, except for where it counts) until I came sobbing to my moms door for sanctuary. She gave me meds, water and a face cloth and I slept better. Got delirious, but not so much about numbers. (When I get delirious, big numbers really scare me. Something about thinking them out, and if I do it wrong it feels like Ive messed up terribly and I can't fix it and I start suffocating.) So I slept. Today I've been alright, Weak, haven't eaten and tonight I guess i'm okay. Not alright, but okay. Tomorrow it'll be better. I'm going to the cottage for the weekend. If I don't update demain matin, then dont expect anything avant dimanche soir. Good good? Bon? Hope so! Good weekend. Bet you won't appreciate it as much as me. One week of work down! YEAH! And I didn't even stay home when I was dying of fever. Ha.

x.xJuly 5th, 2004x.x
8:04PM

Hey! Sorry for the swoop in updates. Had a busy bit of days. I was at the cottage til Saturday, and then we had visitors until Sunday night and I had to work today.

Yep! First day of work. Not bad. It was sort of like the first day of school where you get into the rut of things and see where things are and how they work. Hope I go to the right building tomorrow... Im kind of confused about where Im supposed to be.

Jeff has a new website, I'm going to put the link up in the Links section for now, but if you want to party on over now, go right ahead.

I had this dream that I had a baby a couple nights ago. I guess it was probably about new responsibilities of having this stupid job. I also had a dream about death last night too, death is rebirth in new beginnings. But the baby dream. It was shattering. She was beautiful, and I kept calling out her name. Her name was Mandy, and she was beautiful. And she had eyes like Tommy did, and she was beautiful like I can't explain. And I was distraught because in my hands I helf the essence of my life and the essence of everything, every hope or wish or dream of what I could ever be and I knew I couldn't keep it.