This section is dedicated to poetry I've written or song lyrics that I really connect with, especially by Brand New or Evanescence. Although I did write MOST* of the poetry, I would like to point out that it does not all necessarily reflect any kinds of real life experiences...not consciously at least.
*unless otherwise noted
Held Down
So sick of these ropes I’ve severed still holding me down

Those promises I made, you keep bringing back

And I can’t even remember if I meant them anymore.

I hate it that you still care

Why can’t you just hate me?

Why can’t you see through my lies and deceit?

See me for who I really am

Just a girl no longer in love with you.

When I’m without you I miss how we were

Right up until you ask me if I’m okay

And then I want you gone from my life

Away from me, dead somewhere I’m unconscious to.

Then the guilt takes over me

Because I realize you never said a word of loathing towards me

But your caring goes too far

Into lives you wanted us to have but never were

And I’m back where I started

Held down by memories.

-Samantha, Feb.14, 2004

What Do I Know About Love?
No one ever seems to stop and think

About this before they boast

That they'll be "Luvin U 4Life",

Knowing they'd be gone by next month at the most.

But what do I know? I'm just another cynical fool

Not sure she can put her faith in anything or anyone

For fear it may naively end someday,

Like childhood innocence and playtime fun.

At least I know how to suppress myself; to act like nothing ever went wrong,

To hold in my feelings and deep twisted fears

I’ll pretend that I’m happy, and put on a smile

Pretend my hearts not painted black with tears.

-Samantha, Mar. 1, 2004

The following poem is not by me
Depression creeping over me

Like the shadows that dance across my bedroom wall

As I cry myself to sleep

The last of my hope slips away with the sun

As it goes home for the night

And throws me into eternal darkness

I keep digging myself into the same old hole

Deep down into the darkness of my mind

Where only the worst of my monsters dwell

I know I should get out, but I can’t

They keep me here

You keep me here

Always tormenting

Never leaving

When I jump the drop will be long, fast

But when will it end?

...when it all ends

When the sun goes out

And the monsters are gone

Then it will be over...

When I die

But when I say let's keep in touch, I hope you know I mean I wish that you’d grow up

-Mix Tape by Brand New
you don't remember me but i remember you i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you but who can decide what they dream? and dream i do...

-Taking Over Me by Evanescence
I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open) So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned) And we'll never miss a party (this offer stands forever) cause we keep them going constantly

-Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New
swallowed up in the sound of my screaming cannot cease for the fear of silent nights oh how i long for the deep sleep dreaming the goddess of imaginary light

-Imaginary by Evanescence
My friends all call me crazy cause I stay up late anticipating, and planning for the day I sweep you off your feet, I'd never leave you alone.

-Magazines by Brand New
if i smile and don't believe soon i know i'll wake from this dream don't try to fix me i'm not broken hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide

-Hello by Evanescence
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore. I hopeyou come down with something they can't diagnose, and don't have the cure for

-Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't by Brand New

perfect by nature icons of self indulgence just what we all need more lies about a world that never was and never will be

-Everybody's Fool by Evanescence
Seventy Times Seven by Brand New
Back in school they never taught us

what we needed to know

Like how to deal with despair

of someone breakin your heart

For twelve years I've held it all together

but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart

I played it quiet left you deep in conversation

I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen

I remember I kept thinking

that I know you never would

And now I know I want to kill you

like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do

Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough

I got to go and write a song

just to remind myself how bad it sucked

Ignore the sun, covers over my head

Wrote a message on my pillow that says

"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"

Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)

Search your shelf for something which to hang yourself

They say you need to pray

if you want to go to heaven

But they don't tell you what to say

when your whole life has gone to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do

Everyone's caught on to...

(and I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to everything you do

(and I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to...

So is that what you call a getaway?

Tell me what you got away with

Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish

I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids

Have another drink and drive yourself home

I hope there's ice on all the roads

And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt

and again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?

You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back

So let's end this call and end this conversation

And is that what you call a getaway?

Tell me what you got away with

Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed

when you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?!!

Tell me what you got away with!!

Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish!!

I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids!!

Have another drink and drive yourself home!!

I hope there's ice on all the roads!!

And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt

then when your head goes through the windshield!!

(I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to everything you do

(and I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to...

(I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to everything you do

(and I can't let you let me down again)

Everyone's caught on to...
My Immortal by Evanescence
i'm so tired of being here

suppressed by all of my childish fears

and if you have to leave

i wish that you would just leave

because your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

and i've held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me

by your resonating light

but now i'm bound by the life you left behind

your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

and i've held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

and though you're still with me

i've been alone all along