Joelle sat in the small diner, her leg shaking nervously under the table. She twisted her fingers in her long hair, watching the waiter loading drinks on a tray out of the corner of her eye. She did her best to divert her attention from the person sitting across from her. Will had blue, blue eyes, and she felt them on her as the seconds ticked by. She didn’t know what to say, so she just waited for her milkshake, anxious and a bit uncomfortable.
“So…” Will started, coughing a bit at the end of the word, trying his best to draw her attention.
“So?” She looked back at him, catching his eye, but at that second the waiter drew up beside their table.
“Coke?” He asked, and Will raised two fingers to indicate it was his. “And you must be the strawberry milkshake,” He said, placing a tall pink glass in front of Joelle, who immediately grabbed it.
“Thank you,” She mumbled back, peeling the paper away from the straw. The waiter hurried off, delivering more drinks. Joelle spooned the cherry off the top of the mound of whipped cream.
“You like cherries?” She said, holding it towards Will.
“Sure,” He said, gingerly picking it up and popping it in his mouth, following with a drink of Coke.
Joelle quietly sipped her milkshake, reveling in its flavor. She stared at the swirls of strawberry liquid in her tall glass, avoiding looking or talking to Will. She didn’t really want to be there, and she was afraid that it was too obvious.
Will was a good-looking, shy guy that her mom had introduced her to. He was the son of a co-worker, and they had worked to get them talking. Before tonight, all they had done was converse over the internet, but he had wanted to take her to a new Sci-Fi movie both of them had been anticipating. Two hours later they were in a nearby restaurant, with nothing to talk about.
“Is that good?” He asked, nodding his head towards her.
“Oh God yes!” Joelle said, not being able to help herself. “Ok, let me put it this way,” she placed both of her hands on the table, palms flat on the surface and met his eyes. “To me, one of the best feelings in the world is waking up early, where you’re still tired, and taking a hot shower…well, this is like that for your mouth,” She said, grinning and taking another long sip.
“I guess it is good, then,” Will half-laughed, giving a smile.
“Yeah, it’s good!” Joelle laughed, but inside her stomach was turning. She kept glancing at the clock, gauging the time. It was a quarter till midnight. She wanted to go home soon, but a strawberry milkshake was a legitimate reason to stay out with Will. Will was a nice enough guy, but she was only interested in being friends, and she feared that he might be wanting more.
“I love all things strawberry…” She said, continuing her side of the conversation. “Candy, ice cream, milkshakes, cakes, juice…but for some reason, I don’t really like actual strawberries…” She chuckled at herself, swirling the straw around the glass.
“Well that’s weird…” Will said, glancing up. “Do you have a reason?”
“Well…” Joelle said, feigning a look of concentration. “I think it’s the texture. And that they taste too green.”
“What?”
“I’m a texture eater. If something doesn’t feel good in my mouth when I’m eating it, I can’t eat it. And don’t you know what I mean when I say green?”
“No…I understand the texture thing, but not the green…” He said, finishing the last of his Coke.
“Maybe it’s just me…I just can taste the color green in things…vegetable tastes…it’s hard to explain,” She said with a sigh, turning back to her milkshake.
There was a long silence after that, and Joelle was reminded of their internet conversations, where they would get on a good topic for five or six posts, and then not talked for thirty minutes. She didn’t have thirty minutes to spare here, so she finished another long drink, and set the glass down.
“I’m ready if you are,” She said, grabbing for her purse.
“Are you sure? You’re not done with your milkshake,” Will questioned.
“It’s ok, I don’t want anymore,” Joelle lied. In actuality she had never left a strawberry milkshake unfinished. But Will stood, and she followed. He caught the bill, and soon they were back in his car, driving down a near-empty highway.
“Listen to whatever you want on the radio,” He said, pushing a case full of CDs towards her. Joelle picked it up, starting to flip through. Music was a big part of her life, and she was secretly wanting to see what he had to listen to. She always thought you could tell a lot about a person by their CD collection, and now there was a chance to test her theory on Will.
The first things she noticed were a bunch of burnt CDs, some of them labeled ‘Mix’ and ‘Rock Mix’, a few ‘Metallica’ and ‘Manson’, and then she saw a very familiar sight. It was her favorite album, Nine Inch Nail’s The Downward Spiral. The shiny surface of the CD was in much better condition than hers. She slid it out of it’s slip, and pushed it into the CD player. She flipped through the tracks, landing on Eraser, a song Will had once said was his favorite on the album. Joelle then leaned back against the car seat, keeping her eyes on the road straight ahead and zoning out to the industrial mechanical noises radiating from the stereo. Will didn’t say anything the rest of the ride home.
When he pulled into her driveway, Joelle thanked him quickly, and said she had had a good time. He looked up at her quietly, and smiled, saying he’d hope to do it again soon. Joelle nodded, flashing her best grin, and backed up towards her porch, waving a bit, saying she’d talk to him later. He pulled out of the driveway just as she opened the door.
“Hey!” She called, spotting her father in his usual seat, the recliner.
“Hey honey,” He said, flipping through the channels on the TV, “Was the movie good?”
“Great! You’ll have to go see it with me soon! And I mean soon!” She said, throwing her purse on the sofa, and pulling off her jacket. She threw it haphazardly over a chair in the kitchen, and headed towards the back of the house.
“Is that you, Joelle?” Her mom called, and Joelle eased open the door to her parents bedroom, walking over to the bed and sitting beside her mom.
“Hey, mom,” She said casually, knowing questions were coming, and they soon did.
“Well? What did you think of Will? How was the movie? Did you have fun?” were thrown at her all at once.
“The movie was wonderful, I had fun, and Will is nice,” She said, giving a short answer to each.
“Well?” Her mom repeated.
“Well what?” Joelle said, raising an eyebrow.
“Ok, ok, I’ll leave you alone!” Her mom said, half-joking, but Joelle jumped off the bed and moved from that room to one of her own across the hall. She plopped down into the computer office chair and hit the switch to the computer screen, wheeling around to glance at the clock. It was only a little after midnight as she signed online. ‘Welcome, X Siri Tachi X’ glowed onscreen in big letters, and a list of other peoples names popped up alongside it.
Before she could even click it, X ObiWan Kenobi X, was sending her a message.
“Hey! ^^” It read, and Joelle found herself smiling, and typing back quickly.
“Hi!” She typed in reply, “I just got home,”
“Great, isn’t it?” The person typed back.
“Beyond words!” Joelle replied, using an excited face emoticon to prove her point.
“Well, you know what will be even better?”
“Tomorrow morning?” Joelle was smiling from ear to ear, waiting for his response.
“Yes, tomorrow morning!” The message came almost instantly.
“I can’t wait to see you then, Shaun.”
~~~~~~
The plane ride was long and hectic, and Joelle was happy when it was over. She felt like she had been hustled between a thousand screaming mothers, whining kids, and crying babies, with the occasional odd old man with the stares in between. She constantly was pulling on the ruffled black skort she was wearing, wishing it was a little longer. It was also her first time flying alone, and only her second time flying. She was nervous, expecting every little worry in her head to come true. They were going to crash. She was on the wrong plane. They would be hijacked. Somehow, someway, she wouldn’t get to see her friends or family ever again. Somehow, someway, she was going to die on this plane. But everything went smoothly. She pulled her luggage from the overhead when it was over, and slipped a pair of black sunglasses over her eyes. She looked a bit out of place on the plane to Florida, which was populated with families heading on vacation. She was a blonde teenager in a black shirt and skort, with knee-high boots traveling by herself. She got more than a few casual glances. In the terminal it was easy to find her suitcase--it was battered and covered in patches of old school Goth bands. She gathered her things and headed towards the security line, and in the distance saw a head and face she knew. She quickened her pace as much as her boots would let her, and slid her sunglasses up on her head.
“JOELLE!” She heard someone scream, and a second later a blur of black obscured her vision, and she found herself nearly knocked off her feet. She had to drop her bags and wrap her arms around the guy in order to keep her balance. He pulled away a second later and she looked into the face of the best friend she had.
“Thomas!” She squealed, hugging him again and kissing him on the cheek.
Thomas Kind was a tall boy of 17 whom Joelle had known for over a decade. They were so close that they didn’t go by the titles of “Best Friends” but instead “brother” and “sister”. Indeed, they were as close as those labels implied. They had gone through periods of being inseparable, as well as equal periods of hating each other. Thomas was constantly tan since his move to Florida four years ago, and his hair was never the same color. Joelle reached up and crunched a spiky blue-black strand between her fingers, laughing.
“New color, I see!”
“Yeah,” he laughed, hugging her again. “OH MY GOD! I CANNOT believe you’re here?!”
“Yeah, I know?!” Joelle laughed. Thomas had visited her twice since his move, but this was Joelle’s first visit to his home. They had been anticipating it for weeks, and the reunion was almost euphoric as they hugged again.
“I came by myself, c’mon, get your stuff! Let’s go, let’s go!” Thomas said, grabbing her bags, and her sleeve, and pulling them both towards the exit of the airport.
“Ok, ok, I’m coming!” Joelle laughed, allowing herself to be led on, but as they moved forward, she noticed Thomas was leading her towards someone. A familiar face, and her breath caught in her throat.
“Ok, I lied, I didn’t come COMPLETELY by myself…” Thomas said teasingly, as the other person stepped forward.
“Joelle…” He said in a low voice she knew too well, but never in life.
“Shaun…” She nodded, knowing her eyes were teary now…and in a second she was in his arms.
“You have no idea how happy I am to be here…” She said quietly, burying her face against his chest.
“I think I have some idea…” He whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. And then she knew that she was home.
~~~~~~
The week in Florida with Thomas and Shaun seemed to fly by for Joelle. She got to meet all of the friends she had heard about from Thomas. Numerous e-mail addresses became actual faces, flesh and blood and attachments that Joelle was glad to have made, and she was dreading leaving. She had friends in Florida, she got along with Thomas’ friends, and as the days passed she found herself wanting to stay more and more.
She had met Chelsea, a wild and crazy girl who loved karate and metal music. Rick, one of the most random and funny guys she’d ever seen. Alex, a funny girl who had so much in common with her it was scary. Jeffrey, a friend of Thomas’ who was sweet and rather quiet. All of these people she quickly learned to love, and she drew them close to her heart.
Every waking second she spent with Thomas and Shaun. Thomas was happy to have his childhood friend with him, finally able to show her all the things he had only talked about before. Shaun and Joelle held hands when no one was looking, stood wrapped in each others arms, and found themselves gazing into each others eyes, just smiling.
Joelle stayed in Thomas’ guest room, enjoying the luxurious bed they let her have. She soon had the place just like home, with her clothes scattered everywhere and the blankets all askew. At night Thomas would sit in with her and they would talk, and sometimes they would stay up in his room playing video games until daylight.
When the day of her flight back home came, Joelle was in a gloomy mood. She hugged all of her new friends goodbye, took plenty of pictures, and grumpily packed her bags. Thomas drove her to the airport, and she sat in the back seat with Shaun. They helped her as far as the security gate, and then it was time to say their farewells.
“Joelle, I’m so glad you came…” Thomas said as he hugged her hard, patting her on the back. He was smiling from ear to ear. “I hope you had fun!”
“I did, I did!” Joelle laughed, unable to hide her happiness at the memories of the past week.
“You have to come back soon!” Thomas said, pointing a finger in her face in a mock threat.
“I plan on it!” She smiled, and gave him another hug. Then she turned to Shaun.
“I don’t want you to leave…” He said in a low whisper, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“I don’t want to leave, either…” She said, draping her arms around his neck. They held each other close for several moments. Thomas stepped a bit away, giving them space, and pretended to fiddle with the nametag on one of Joelle’s bags.
Joelle pulled back slightly from Shaun, looking up into his eyes. When they had met, she was taken aback at how handsome he was. She couldn’t believe she was in his arms now…it seemed too good to be true to her. As she was lost in her thoughts, Shaun kissed her. Their first kiss, her first ever. She didn’t want to move.
The moment over, she stepped back a bit more, taking both his hands in hers. “I love you…” She said.
“I love you, too…” He replied, squeezing her fingers.
“I wish you could come back with me…and go to Prom…”
“I wish that, too…but you know I have exams…”
“I know, Shaun…and it’s ok…”
“There’s always next year, Joelle…”
“And there’s something I want to tell you, before I leave…face to face…”
“Anything…” He said calmly.
“…I think I’m falling *in* love with you…”
Joelle was hit by his silence. He didn’t move at all for a few seconds, but then he hugged her again, tight as if he didn’t want to let go of her ever.
“I’ll talk to you later today…but I’m going to miss you…” He whispered in her ear as he held her. Then they were apart, waving as she made her slow way towards the plane. And all Joelle could think about was how he didn’t say anything back to her in return. Once they were out of sight, she let herself cry.
~~~~~~
The awkward silence radiated throughout the car like a heat wave. Joelle squirmed in the bucket seat of the passenger side. The radio still blared the industrial music full blast, and it was a cover she was trying to hide behind. For a few minutes it seemed to work, as Will just played with his keys, flipping a key chain back and forth several times, clinking the metal together. The sound blended in with the music, and still no one spoke.
He had asked her to go see another movie with him the night before Prom. Joelle knew he had wanted to go to Prom with her, but everything about Shaun came out as they drove to the movie. She didn’t want to hurt Will, and she knew she had to tell him. He seemed fine with it, a little surprised, but fine. She told him about her mistake, which now seemed like another mistake in itself.
“Well…” Will said, finally breaking the silence, “I had a good time again…”
“Yeah, me too,” Joelle quickly agreed, staring at her hands in her lap. The seconds dragged on as they grew quiet once again. Joelle glanced up at the dashboard clock, to discover that they had only been sitting there for two minutes.
“We’ll talk soon, then?” Will said, breaking into Joelle’s thoughts.
“Huh, oh, sure,” She said, grabbing for her purse as Will opened his door. In a few strides he was around the car and opening her door. She stepped out of the car, mumbling thank you under her breath, and was surprised when his hand caught her arm.
“Joelle…” He said breathily, and as she looked up at him questioningly, he leaned down and kissed her.
“Will!” Joelle screamed as she pulled away, angry.
“I’m sorry!” He said quickly, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m sorry…I…I just…I wasn’t thinking…”
“Obviously!” She spat, pulling her purse further up on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around herself. “I told you, Will…I have a boyfriend…”
“I know, just…you’re so lonely, Joelle…he’s so far away…I don’t want to see you hurt like that…”
“I’m fine, Will…”
“Joelle, you know I care about you…and I’d be there for you…”
“Will, I’m fine…”
“Joelle…” He reached for her arm again, but she jerked away.
“Will! We’re just friends, Will, I love Shaun, you know that…”
“I’m just worried about you, Joelle…you told him you were falling for him and he ignored you…”
“Will…”
“Joelle, if you would give me a chance…”
“Will! That’s enough! Good night!” Joelle backed up her driveway, and turned on her heel, hurrying through the front door. Will stared after her for a few seconds, then got back in his car and drove off, frustrated with himself. Joelle watched his car leave from the window, sighing. She wiped her lips with her hand, trying to forget the kiss, and being overwhelmed by the hated taste of green.
~~~~~~
The music blared out the front doors of the hotel, but Joelle couldn’t bear to be inside. She had tried, she had stood on the dance floor with a few friends, smiled and waved at a few passersby, but she eventually had to excuse herself. Gathering up the bottom of her dress, she sat on the curb outside the hotel, her chin in her gloved hands and her eyes on the sky. She was just lonely, disappointed, sad…she was a million feelings, all rolled up in a ball that wouldn’t stop bouncing around her mind and her heart. She couldn’t bring herself to go back in the building, back into the Prom…her heart was breaking, and she didn’t know if she could fix it this time. Not again, and not by herself.
Her dress was beautiful, her hair perfect, she knew she looked wonderful, and she didn’t care…all she cared about at the moment was trying to stop the burning in her eyes that told her tears were coming. Joelle concentrated on a white speck she knew was a star, and it danced in her vision, blurring, growing brighter and dimmer, multiplying, at times disappearing. Inside she heard laughter, but in her head she was screaming. She didn’t want to be here, not alone, not with everyone else, her past, the hurt in the luggage that she carried which would stomp her in the face the minute she walked back through the door. She knew she must have done something, something must be wrong with her if she deserved this.
“I just wish you were here!” She said softly, out loud, to no one in particular, or maybe to some ancient goddess who heard lonely girls prayers.
With a sigh, she closed her eyes, trying with all her willpower to not cry. The commitment didn’t last long, however, and soon big tears were rolling down her cheeks. She gave in then, letting the sobs emanate from her.
“Don’t cry.”
At first Joelle didn’t hear the voice above her, gently pleading, but the second time it repeated itself and sat down beside her, she had to look up.
“Don’t cry, please!”
“Shaun?!”
He looked as serious as she had ever seen him, and gently wiped a tear off her face with his thumb. “Please, Joelle…don’t cry…”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for you,” He said, and he looked like he meant it. He was wearing a nice tuxedo suit, and in his hand she saw a plastic case for a corsage.
“But you couldn’t come?”
“I couldn’t do that to you, could I?” He said gently, taking her hands in his.
“But you couldn’t come?!” She repeated.
“I’d do anything for you, Joelle…” He said, leaning in close.
“Oh Shaun…”
“And I just have a few things to say…”
“No, no, it’s ok, you don’t have to say anything Shaun…it’s just enough that you’re here…”
“No, Joelle…I have to say it, alright? It’s been bothering me…I can’t get it off my mind…”
“Shaun, you don’t have to…” Joelle said softly, looking up into his eyes.
“I should have said it before…but I froze…I’m so sorry, Joelle…I shouldn’t have done that to you…”
“No, Shaun…I shouldn’t have said it…”
“You said what you were feeling, Joelle. I was the one who should have said something instead of freezing up like I did. I’m sorry, I probably broke your heart,” Shaun sighed heavily, closing his eyes.
“No, Shaun, no…It’s fine…It’s…”
But Shaun pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, and gently wrapped his arms around her.
“Joelle, I came here to tell you…I’m falling in love with you, too…”
“Oh, Shaun…” She breathed, letting herself fall into his embrace. She felt so comfortable there, so safe…once again she had the sensation of home.
“I love you, Joelle…”
“I love you too, Shaun…”
And he kissed her again, and Joelle found that it was sweeter than strawberries.