Excerpts from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long
Always store beer in a dark place
By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man~ man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him.
Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enogh to let you make your second shot perfect.
There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know.So why fret about it?
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another~ but which one? Differences are crucial.
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authenic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Casandra did not get half the kicking she deserved.
Delusions are functional. A mother's opinion about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et certa ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
Most "scientists" are bottle washers and button sorters.
A "pacifist male' is a contradiction of terms. Most self-described "pacifists" are not pacific; they simple assume false colors. When the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger.
Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breast; it enhances thier charm by making them look lived in and happy.
A generation which ignores history has no past~ and no future.
A poet that reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it.
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis.Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.
It's amazing how much " mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
Your enemy is never a villian in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not. you can kill him without hate~ and quickly.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
No state has an inherit right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons:" Come back with your shield, or on it."Later on, this custom declined. So did Rome.
Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing- with "obsenity" and "indecent exsposure" fighting it out for second and third place.
Cheop's Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
It is better to copulate then never.
All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children. All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly which can -and must- be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime functin. As racial survival is the onlyuniversal morality, no other basic is possibe. Attempts to formulate a "perfect society"on any foundation other then "women and children first!" is not only witless,it is automatical genocidal. Nevertheless, starry-eyed ideaist (all of them male) have tried endlessly- and no doubt will keep on trying.
All men are created unequal.
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate.
There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk.
When the need arises- and it does- you must be able to shoot your own dog. Don't farm it out- that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it worse.
Everything in excess!! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better to be a live lion. And usually easier.
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary.