| :: MARRIAGE-CUM-RELATIOSHIP :: An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilites, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weakness, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who decided to share a life together. Neither one of you is prefect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you complete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain. You can't take someone to the tailar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life," you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealous, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to be in relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humour, sharing household tasks, some getway time without business or children, daily exchange (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note, etc). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice e-mail. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each others family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember, for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. "Nurtune your mind with great thoughts for you will go any higher than you think. |