(1) A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel
on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave his wife a gift
- a tombstone, with the inscription :
"Here lies my wife - cold as ever."
Later the furious wife bought a return present
- also a tombstone - on which the inscription read :
"Here lies my husband - stiff at last."
(2) At a silver wedding anniversary the husband was
standing in one corner looking very sad.
"What's the matter?" asked his friend.
"Well, a week after marriage,
I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife,
but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years.
Now I realise that today I would have been a free man."
(3) A couple were in bed after celebrating
their golden anniversary. The wife said,
"Darling, embrace me the way you used to
when we first got married." He did.
"Now kiss me the way you used to......
Now darling bite me the way you used to....."
At this point the husband got out of bed and the
wife said,
"Where are you going, dear?"
"To get my teeth," the husband replied.
(4) During their silver anniversary,
a wife reminded her husband :
"Do you remember when you proposed to me,
I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?"
The hubby replied :
"Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
(5) When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities
- she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in
the living room and a devil in bed.
After a few years, sure enough the three qualities
remain, but not in the same order
- she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the
living room and an economist in bed.
(6) On the first night of their marriage,
the groom told the bride
"Darling, love is blind."
"Yes dear," replied the bride,
"but the neighbours are not, so please close the windows."
(7) A couple got married.
The bride being religious, hung a sign on the wall
above her bed.
The sign said : "I need thee everday".
A week later the groom got a sign made and hung it
over his bed.
The sign said " "God, give me strength."
(8) Man at 86 who marries a girl of 25
is like buying a bestseller for others to read.
(9) Soon after the late night news on TV,
the groom asked the bride,
"Honey, what do you think of the Middle East position?"
Said the bride,
"I don't know. I have never tried it.'(Dumb blonde)
(10) A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair
with the maid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off
and that night she went into the maid's room,
switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness,
slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight,
there were footsteps and a figure opened the door
and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
After a few passionate kisses,
the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked,
"Surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.
(11) A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said,
"Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow.
What shall we buy for her?" "
She would like something electric.'
The husband replied, "How about a chair?"
(12) Adam and the Eve were the happiest
and the luckiest couple in the world,
because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
(13) The best definition of mixed feeling is,
when your mother-in-law borrows your new Rolls-Royce
and she drives it off the cliff.
(14) If you want a perfect stereo for your car
then let your wife sit in the front
and your mother-in-law in the back.
(15) Two friends met.
"You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?"
asked the first friend.
"Domestic trouble."
"But you always bragged that your wife is a pearl."
"She still is.
It's the mother-of-pearl that makes all the trouble."