The view of the surroundings like in a psychedelic dream or even trip, begin to look so real... here, before my eyes I see it’s changing its shape, color and its meaning, it looks so real I have to shake myself to wake up from my mental isolation from this unreal world…
Maybe this change is for the better, since what I felt before was never pleasant anyway…maybe a change is never good, but who’s to judge?
Sadness is the feeling I hate. I cannot control not feeling it on the inside. I block the feeling in my mind by not thinking about it, but my mind doesn’t control my inner state. I hide my emotions and outside of me is calm and careless, but on the inside a great struggle begins, where the clear state of mind and body tries to erase the feeling of sadness by reasoning and strong believes of mine…it fights….but all in vain.
But I am strong. At least I want to be and I try. Being strong does not mean not feel, but it means accepting you pain and dealing with it. Fighting it until you become its master and gain full control over it. Find the roots of your unwanted emotion and demolish it. Not being able to release yourself from the unwanted, leaves you with pain, feeling it, living with it and growing weak. Pain = Weakness.
I do not feel, therefore I’m stronger.
