I'm going on three years at this place called College Plaza Apartments.
I do maintenance there.
You know that Levi's commercial where the guy is trying to fix things and he keeps getting paged with problems that these women are causing? It's like that except that guy is cuter, and he has a cooler toolbox.
That's the person who the manager calls out when you drop your $2,000 Wedding ring down the bathroom sink. The guy you call when you do not have the common sense to flip the breaker when you notice the power is off cause you have too much of a drain on one outlet. The guy you call when you don't bother to buy a plunger, and you plug the toilet with yesterday's feast of expensive cuisine food from some country you never heard of before. I'm the one you call when you get pissed at your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover(whoever), and you systematically punch, tear and bite holes in the walls and doors, to only blame it on your roomate. And the one you call when your kid happens to throw your expensive tennis bracelet in the garbage disposal and hits the switch. You think that I can take it out and it will be one piece, without a scratch. But since it clearly shows you look down on me because I am not in the same tax bracket, I make sure there is nothing left of that bracelet. I'm the one you call when drain pipe below your sink has a leak and you want somebody over here RIGHT NOW!!!, because at 9am you are having guests over at your flaming piece of shit. And water is all over the floor... Only when I get there, I tighten up the pipe nut, and make you clean up your own damn water. I do the maintenance....
I'm not the maid, I'm dead.
I'm the one you call when you throw your lover into the closet door and the door goes off the track. I'm the one you call at 1:30 am because some guy is screwing his girlfriend in the spa. I tell the person on the other end of the line, "Okay. We'll do something about it."
Then I go back to sleep. Screw her brains out guy. I'll add a little more clorine in the morning. At least he's getting some...
These apartments are set up as four homes per unit. Two town homes and two 'flats' as they are called. In the back of these units is an emergency shut off valve for the water, for all four of the apts. With a hand pump and enough red and orange kool-aid, you first turn off the water and let the water bleed out the spigot. After you let off enough pressure, you hook up the pump and pump the red/orange mixture in through the spigot. Make sure you turn off the spigot before you detach the pump that way none comes out. Then slowly turn the water pressure back on. You start getting calls in the morning about the rusty colored water. When you go over to check on the 'problem', make sure you get a full glass of this water and drink it right in front of the resident.
I was bored at work so I decided to have a little fun. We had several apartments available that were pretty close to each other. So in order for this to work, you have to make sure that the remotes to the garage all are the same type, like 'Liftmaster'. On each side of the central motor, is an access panel that you can take off. Inside is a little red button.If you push it in for about ten seconds, you erase all the codes that are recognized by each individual garage door opener. If you hold it in for a few seconds less, it blinks and you push the remote button. The door opener 'learns' new code and flashes the lights off once to let you know. You do this to each of the remotes to each of the garage doors and let the fun begin. Push one button, and you get three garage doors to open. If you make them more random and farther apart, it gets crazy. There is no danger really, the doors are pressure sensitive. Any resistance and the door stops. Too many people were killed because this feature was not on when garage doors first came out.
In this one apartment both of the toilets would never work. They were constanly running. You get used to the constant hissss after a while though, until you realize you are getting mad at your girlfriend for reason at all, and the smallest things upset you. The hissss is still there, but you wait till tomorrow to put that work order in. It's next week and your girlfriend just looks at you and she pisses you off. You can still hear the hisss. You forgot about the work order. You don't want them in your apartment though, because even though you make more money than the maintenance guy, You don't like the way your girlfriend looks at him. No you want to be here. It's next week again, and you are being taken to jail for punching your girlfriend. You only hear the hisss of the squad car radio now. She calls in the work order for the toilets because you never did. She is a good dancer, did you know that? Oh that's right... You had HDTV with the big hidef surround sound and the 65" screen... If you get a little bit of plumber's putty, and mush it to the sides under the flapper, you never get a correct seal. And water keeps seeping.
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My job here is done.
I don't do this to all the people there. There are some real nice people that do live there and see the crap that I put up with. I do what I can for them. They don't look down on me. But they do see somone's talent being squandered. I was hoping that I would have gotten farther in this job, but it seems like they don't care about my talent. Just recently, I found out that the property was being sold. I have worked at this place the longest(I'm on my third year), my manager and the maintenance supervisor all have barely been there a year, and I find out to my surprise that they are getting a severance package. A severance package is usually offered to someone who has been there for a while, and because of a transfer(Or property selling as in this case), the old employees might not be kept on by the new company. Or you happen to fall into the catergory of 'management'. So you usually get offered a three month salary 'bonus' when the company leaves you in the middle of the road as they go off, "Building the Future Today..." I found out I was not getting a severance package. It was to be a deep secret. Then the maintenance super-Sean, gets in trouble because he told someone this. Gary, the regional Director of the Southern California properties, chewed his ASS out big time. "Did you tell Bilbo?" Of course he didn't.
I am jack's Slave to the grind.
I am supposed to keep my mouth shut. If Gary finds out that I know, shit will hit the fan, and could cost Sean his job. I thought about it, and decided to once again, bite my lip and not say anything. To be the employee Jesus Christ... Gary comes by the office and asks me, "Hey Bilbo, how are you? How's life been treating you?"
I'm dead.
"Take care of your family, ok? It's going to be alright..." I'm alone now...I used this time to write a story of redemtion for me. It's called Red Roots". I spent all my time alone. I painted a beautiful portrait of a nude redhead Faery. I wrote more music. In December my dad got a tattoo of someone dear in loving memory... So did I. but it's not a tattoo really. I lift up my hand. This isn't a tattoo, this- is a chemical burn. People back away from me. I tell them yes lye does burn and yes it hurts really bad. But it wasn't the worst pain I felt. She died on April 6 2002.
"Hey Bilbo, how are you? How's life been treating you?"
I look Gary in the eye and my mind goes wild. I smash the cigarette that's between his lips right into his nose. Then I finish him off with a left cross to his chin. As he is out, I take off his pants and throw them on top of his brand new Nissan Maxima, and pour paint stripper all over the car.
Then my mind calms down, and I come back to reality. I reply, "I'm fine. Want some coffee?" He accepts, and walks into the manager's office. As I put in the filter and add the coffee, I hack a big loogie of spit right on top of the fresh ground coffee beans from Folger's, and I begin the brewing process... They all have my DNA now...
Tyler's spit coming out of my mouth... And I used to be such a nice guy. Only you and Shannon know this now. The company is called Prometheus. "'Prometheus' " They tell me, "is the one who stole fire from the Gods and gave it to the people..."
He was also tied to a rock and was torn apart by vultures for that action.They are a property management group. I am nothing to them except cheap labor that does more than his job requires of him because that's what we all do right people? We all hate our jobs. We all hate having to get up in the morning and going to work at some crap hell place that does not give a shit about you. We are not our jobs, We are so much more and we don't realize our full potential. We are just told to get back to work and keep our mouths shut.
The new Corporate Communism. This is who we live for. And why we get cancer and die for. We get the pat on the back and the "Good Job!" While they take our bonus and line their own pockets with it. That's why I can't get a raise. Because of the 'economy' and 9/11. And now the excuse is because of the war... But they also increase the rent of the apartments almost $150 for some. Most of these are now going for $1175 to $1200 a month. But the investors don't know about the sewage problem. Why the toilets are constantly backing up and spilling on the floor. The residents there complain to me about the rent increases. Because of this, I'm supposed to make their 'new home' look like a flaming piece of shit, and I am on there beckon call. I hand them their own copy of the 'Emancipation Proclamation' as I roto root their toilet. Another bendable doll. The kind you can get from McDonald's in the pathetic meal deal for kids. It's all covered in God knows what.
Great. it's close to lunchtime. I wonder how the coffee is...
I am Jack's bendable fun...