"What the hell is wrong with everyone!" I looked around at the familiar faces. "Why won't anyone listen to me?" But once again, no one acknowledged me.
I covered my face with my hands and wept heavily. When I brought my hands away, a few people had started walking away. They were all crying and walking arm and arm with each other. Time must have passed without me knowing it did as I watched all my family and friends return to their cars and drive away.
I turned back around and saw my father helping my mother walk up the hill and step into the black limousine they had arrived in. The only people that remained was my brother and his 4 year old daughter. His wife must have taken their younger son to go warm up the car.
I raised myself to my feet and walked over to where the two were standing. I kneeled down and faced the little girl. "Lina, can I have a hug, please." She looked at me! "Please Lina? I just want a hug."
I watched as she looked up at her father. In her softest voice she asked, "Daddy, I want Sheena. Where is she?" Before she could finish he swept her up and held her as he tears fell down his face. He began to speak, but no sound came out. He cleared his throat and then tried again, "Melina, sweetie, you can't. You never will again." He paused and wiped away some of the tears that had choked him up. I could tell by his expression he was hurting. I could hear the thoughts running through his head. He wondered how he was supposed to make a 4 year old understand what had happened. Frustrated he told her it was time to leave.
I started to scream again, telling him I was right here and that everything would be OK. I grabbed Melina's little hand and told her not to go. I told her I loved her and would always be with her.
"By-bye Sheena. I love you, too."
As they began to walk away. I closed my eyes and wished all of this would just stop. I hoped that I would wake up any minute, safe in my bed. A strong wind blew and forced me to my knees as I wept aloud. And then the same blackness surrounded me. The scary darkness I had just awoken from.
When I came to I didn't awake in my bed as I had hoped. Instead I opened my eyes and saw Dan, my fiancé, standing next to what had been a hole in the ground. Someone must have filled it up and covered it with flowers while I was asleep.
Immediately I rushed to my feet and ran over to him. I threw my arms around him, embracing the man I love so much, as I did I felt something inside him break. His breathing became rapid and tears fell from his eyes one right after another. Somehow I heard his thoughts the same way I did with my brother. He kept repeating my name over and over with each tear that fell.
"Oh god." he said aloud as he wiped some of the tears away. In his mind a thousand thoughts were racing, but somehow he managed to continue speaking. "I'm sorry," he paused again as he adjusted himself by standing up straight and tugging at his shirt. He looked horrible. His eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, were swollen and red. His cheeks were puffy and his complexion was pale. He wore a pair of jeans and an old T-shirt. "I'm sorry I didn't go to the wake. I couldn't bring myself to face your family or anyone else. I just don't know what I am supposed to do."
He closed his eyes tight and looked up at the sky. I watched as tiny drops of rain scattered on his face. He took a deep breath in and as he exhaled he began to speak again. "I love you. Damn it, I love you! Why?" He curled his hands into fists and threw them in the air. I heard him rehearsing what he was going to say in his mind. But the words never came out. He mumbled that he couldn't deal with this and placed a single white rose on top of the dirt and walked away.
"Dan, don't go." I whispered and he paused. Did he just hear me? "Dan I love you!" I screamed this time as he turned around. He did hear me! "I'll always love you!" His eyes were searching the graveyard but anyone would have been able to see the disappointed look on his face. I ran up to him and kept repeating those words to him. I looked into his sorrow filled eyes and thought I saw myself in them. Could he see me too? Somehow? "Don't give up hope. I'm right here." I touched his beating chest and as I did he let out a cry into the wind. He turned around and started walking again.
"Dan, please!" my last attempt. He stopped and faced me for a second.
"Always & Forever. Forever & Always." he whispered and then began to run back to his car.
Once again I was alone. I walked over to the dirt that covered what I used to be. I sat there for what must have been hours wondering what was going on. The sun finally set and the moon was the only light around. Scared and confused I picked myself up and began to walk the streets as nothing more than a ghost.
