She’s weird. Okay, she's really weird. Alyssa Mulvahill is definitely an original character, one that does not come along everyday. She's a little crazy but a lot of human. She has a big heart, especially for bunnies. Alyssa comes from the small town of Freckerville somewhere in northern Kansas. When she was a baby, she saw her first bunny and fell in love with it. She kept him as a pet and named him "Mr. Peepers" because he was always staring at her. One day, her bunny was hit but a car going about 20 miles an hour, which is pretty fast for Kansas. The bunny did not survive. Alyssa was devastated and bowed never to let another bunny die like that again. Since then, she has been saving them and has even opened up her own bunny farm.

What you may not know is that Alyssa is actually Tiffany's second cousin, twice removed for her insane personality. They did not really know about each other until college. Alyssa came over to Maryland after her parents told her to get the hell out of state because her bunny obsession is driving them crazy. She met Tiffany in a store and saw her in a bunny top. Granted it was Playboy, she struck conversation and their relation was revealed. Tiffany introduced Alyssa to Pam and a weird friendship was formed. They then introduced her to Devon and the Super Friends was formed. As part of the UPW, Alyssa's job is to scare and annoy. Erm, yeah. She does a great job at that. The fans are now starting to notice her and a Cult Bunny Following is now forming. It's too soon to tell but it looks like Alyssa could be the next big thing.


We first saw him just before Pamela Paulshock's match against Sable. Devon Townsend was introduced to the world as the comic book nerd and a member of the Super Friends but not much is known about him. Devon comes hails from San Diego, California where he attended the University of Southern California. He has a bachelor's degree in Computer Graphics and is looking to get his master's in the same area. When he is not traveling with his friend Pam, he is at home running the official website for View Askew, owned by fellow director Kevin Smith. Devon is not only a comic book nerd but a computer geek as well. He rook many computer classes and now knows how to put together a computer from its parts. He would also like to get into directing and one day wants to direct his own comic book movie.

Devon met Pam at the 2000 ComiCon in Los Angeles, California. It is a large convention where a bunch of nerds get together. They quickly became friends and kept in touch. When Pam wanted reinforcements to come with her to UPW, he was one of the first people she called. His role is to be the mastermind behind many of their crazy operations. He is a very intelligent person and will smite you in anything regarding computers, comic books, and video games. Yes, he likes video games too. It was recently found out that Devon actually had sex with Tiffany Evans. It was a one-time thing and the two are not starting a relationship. He likes her but....not in the permanent girlfriend sense.

Devon Townsend is just a smart, lovable, and sometimes annoying geek. Once you become his friend, you're one for life.


Originally from Baltimore, Maryland, she started her modeling career after winning the "Bikini Open 2" on Pay-Per-View, where viewers across the country voted for their favorite swimsuit contestant. From there she went on to represent "Merry Go Round Boutiques" as the "Desert Storm Girl", signing pictures and traveling to military bases around the country. One of her favorite trips was to the Galapagos Islands to shoot for the Bikini Open calendar!

While in college, she worked weekends at car shows signing posters as Daisy Mae, and shot for calendars around the world. There, she met best friend Tiffany Evans. After graduating from Syracuse University, she moved to Los Angeles and began modeling for Fredricks of Hollywood, Muscle & Fitness, and other clients, while focusing on a career in acting, in both film and television. Since then, she has shot commercials for Snickers, Sprite, Sony, Budweiser, Keystone Beer, Del Taco, Bally's Health & Fitness, and international spots airing in Japan, Europe, Australia, and Mexico.

Pamela made her debut in wrestling as a WCW interviewer. When the federation closed down, she went onto the INDY circuit. Joining the federation wMe, Pamela quickly became one of its top and most loved stars. She won the Women's Championship on Smackdown in 2003. In 2004, she became the General Manager of the Divas Division but that did not last long. The fed closed months later. Out of a job, Pam took a break. She came back in early 2005 as a wrestler for the UPW. She brought along several friends including Tiffany Evans, Devon Townsend, and Alyssa Mulvahill. Now these four friends are reeking havoc and causing trouble backstage. That's just the way we like it.


Tiffany Evans was born in Freeport, New Jersey on January 16th. As a child, she was wild and crazy. Teachers had a difficult time controlling her. Growing up as an only child, Tiffany spent most of her time riding around with the boys and acting goofy. She admitted to losing her virginity at age fifteen. "Yeah..I was young. Really young. Fifteen, actually. But hey, at least he was cute." At age eighteen, Tiffany Evans attended Syracuse University. It was there that she met Pamela Paulshock. The two hit it off and became the best of friends. When they graduated together, Pam went on into wrestling. Tiffany stayed with her, accompanying her on the road.

Tiffany made her debut in the world of professional wrestling the same day as Pamela Paulshock. September. 2003. Smackdown. Pam's opponent? Debra. She stuck by the ringside and cheered her best friend on. Soon, she was roaming backstage flirting with all hot and available men. She is a bonafied slut but don't let the reputation fool you. Befriending Pam and going through what they have gone through, she picked up a few things in the ring. Tiffany became the backstage whore, though she only slept with about 20% the men everyone thinks she has been with. The fans fell in love with her outrageous personality and the crazy things she says. Tiffany, without wrestling, became a real superstar. She also had an obsession with Chris Jericho. Practically stalking him, she was able to sleep with him, which led to a match against Trish Stratus. Unfortunately she lost but her dream of sharing a bed with Jericho came true.

After the wMe closed, Pam and Tiffany went to the UPW where their careers picked up again. Now famously known as everyone's favorite slut, Tiffany Evans is living great with her best friend by her side.

A One Sided Rap Battle

Pamela Paulshock was very successful in defending her Diva World Title once again against Trish Stratus. The match ended with Pam pinning her and Trish is still pissed about the win. Pamela Paulshock, eager to move on, had a run in with some fat bastard backstage after the match. Pogo the Clown not only insulted her, but also challenged her to a rap battle. What they fail to realize is that Pam has a little background in rapping. Since this is UPW's first ever rap battle, things are sure to happen. Trish Stratus has been chosen as one of the fellow judges which makes things a lot more interesting. We'll see if their grudge will get in the way of her winning this rap battle.

Scene One-The Champ is Here and It Ain'T Cena

Fatal Glory has already come and gone. Pamela Paulshock successfully defended her Diva World Title against Trish Stratus. Coming off her win, she ran into a fat man by the name of Pogo the Clown whom insulted her. When she simply defended herself, he cited a vulgar rap that really made no sense at all. To add the icing on the cake, Pogo also challenged Pamela Paulshock to a match. We take you backstage after Fatal Glory where many of the wrestlers are still lingering around. You see Tiffany Evans standing outside of the women's restroom, tapping her foot against the cold tile. The fans in the background cheer as she impatiently waits for someone to come out. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Oh, come on Pam! Hurry up in there! 

A muffled voice calls out to her.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Okay! Sheesh! You try peeing in this dump. It's disgusting. No place for a champion at all!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Well, pull up your pants, flush and get out!

You hear Pam suck her teeth. Seconds later, the toilet flushes. Footsteps ring throughout the scene and then the sound of water from a faucet. A moment later, Pamela Paulshock emerges from the women's rest room.  

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Took ya long enough. 

Pamela rolls her eyes at her best friend.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Yeah, whatever. Let's go. 

Pamela turns to leave but Tiffany stops her. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Uh..Pam?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What?

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Oh nothing. Let's roll. 

The two friends walk down the hall. They round a corner when they are suddenly stopped by a voice calling to them. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Pamela Paulshock! Pamela Paulshock! Pam!

Pamela turns around, slightly offended. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What the hell?

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  I- I was just wondering if I could get an interview with you. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  And what makes you think you can just run after me like you know me?

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Uh..

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Close you're mouth, Tyler. You're drawing flies in my vicinity.

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Actually, my name's Todd. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Are you correcting me? Is this idiot for real?

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Dude, big mistake. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  I'm sorry. I didn't mean- 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Yea yeah you're an idiot and blah blah blah. Cut to the chase, Pedro, I've got places to go. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  But my name isn't- Nevermind. Pam, just a few hours ago, you defeated Trish Stratus to remain the UPW Diva World Champion. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  And? What's your point? Yeah I defeated Trish. The broad was getting on my nerves. She was spewing some stupid crap about how I stole her title from her and that she was gonna get it back. I guess calling me a worthless slut and claiming something that isn't yours didn't work too well for ya, did it, Trishy? I don't need to prove it against because I already have, three times in a row. I won this title because I'm better than you'll ever be and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. So you can keep your mouth shut and count your losses. You've had your shot. It's over. Goodbye.

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Well, some can argue that it's not because you cheated to get the win. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Cheated? I did no such thing! I have never cheated in my life! 

Tiffany Evans snorts and laughs out loud. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Shut up! 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  But the tape clearly shows you holding Trish's tights. You cheat- 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Are you calling me a  liar?

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  No I- 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Listen, Tom, the tape is bull because I did not cheat! My hands were sweaty and as I pinned her, simply slid down and I grabbed a hold of whatever I could to keep the pin. But why the hell am I explaining myself to you? I don't need to explain myself to anyone! I'm Pamela Paulshock!

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  What are you going to do if Trish challenges you to a rematch?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I'll simply tell her to kiss my ass and try again....never! She had her chance three times and she lost....oh..I dunno..THREE TIMES! So no matter how many times that bloated bimbo wants to come at me with her useless crap, the result will always be the same. I find myself saying the same thing over and over because Trish is special ed and can't seem to comprehend things the first time...So let me make this perfectly clear once again. Trish, this title is mine, and you will never ever get your grubby little fingers on it ever again. Got it? Good. Next question, Tonto.

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Also occurring a few hours ago was Pogo's challenge to a rap battle. What are your thoughts on that?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What are my thoughts? What do you think? The little bastard insulted me and then challenged me! How the hell do you think I feel? Nobody disrespects me like that. I'm the Champion for Christ's sake! He should be kissing me feet, glad that he was able to get so close to a woman that didn't have a hole in her to fill with air. God, that little freak shouldn't even be allowed to wrestle. Touching him is like sleeping with Pam Anderson. You need to be sanitized after contact. Especially with what goes on down in his little basement. He probably plays kissing games with his "special friend" Kane. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Are you implying that they are....homosexuals?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Implying? No. Flat out stating it!  One is a fat bastard whose only sexual experience involves a blow up doll named Betty and occasionally, has "ass buddy" Kane! The other's sexual encounter is well....Let's just say he lost more than his looks in that little house fire during his childhood. 

Tiffany Evans laughs. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Ahem! *cough*BurntNub*cough*

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  What? 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  You're a geek. You've seen Star Wars Episode Three, right?

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Yeah, I've seen it.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Probably more times than you've had sex...if you've ever even had it.

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Huh?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Anyway, you've got Anakin, right? The hott guy everybody would like to screw but is too much of a whiney bitch to date? Yeah, well, remember when that guy with the bad comb over cuts off his legs and he falls near the lava, catching on fire? 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Err, yeah?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What happened? His whole body catches on fire so he has to be put in this big ass suit and mask to survive, just like Kane. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  I don't see exactly where you're going with this.

Todd Grisham looks at her, extremely confused.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  You're a slow one, Tim. I know. My point is, he is nothing but a burnt, crispy nub. There's no action going on down there. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  I still don't get it.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I'm sure you say that to girls a lot. Look, no action down there? What happens to you everyday? ::Todd still confused:: The jackass has no penis so he can't have sex! Sheesh, do I have to call him a  dickless son of a bitch for you to understand?

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Actually, that might have helped more.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Whatever. My point is this. Pogo and Kane can't have sex with girls so they experiment with each other down in Pogo's cold, dark basement. Which in counter-point, makes him a pathetic piece of crap who should just go home and...what the hell do I care? Just as long as he's gone. Maybe he can wire his jaw shut and lose a couple of pounds.

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  More like tons. 

They both start laughing for no apparent reason. Todd stands there, awkwardly for a moment. He stares at the ground and then notices something.

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  Uh..Pam?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What?

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  You have...

Todd motions towards her feet. Pamela Paulshock looks down to see....toilet paper hanging from the heel of her shoe. Mortified, she steps on it, getting it off her foot. She then smacks Tiffany in the arm. Tiffany, laughing her ass off, screams in slight pain. Todd struggles to hold back a chuckle.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Wh- ::between laughs:: What?

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Why didn't you freaking tell me?!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Because! It was- ::between laughs:: It was too funny!

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Not cool, dude. 

::"Nerd Interviewer"-Todd Grisham::  So does that mean-

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Shut the hell up, Grisham. Yes, this interview is over. I- I have to.....whatever! Come on, Tiff. Let's go!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Fine but....HAHAHA! Oh my god that was funny!

Pamela rolls her eyes. She grabs a still laughing Tiffany Evans and pulls her away from the scene. Todd Grisham stays behind, looking after them. He shakes his head and walks away.

Scene Two-A Visit to The Dark Carnival

We somehow find ourselves in Red Bank, New Jersey. Pamela Paulshock and Tiffany Evans are in their hotel room. Actually, Tiffany is in the room and Pamela is in the elevator on her way back. Since they were on the executive floor, they were able to dip into some free food upstairs. Not a bad deal since a carrot costs like twelve bucks.  Anyway, back to the story err roleplay, Pam gets off the elevator with a full stomach. She walks to their sweet but hears noises coming from the inside. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Ooooh Jay! 

Pamela rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Oh god. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  JAY!

Pamela bangs on the door. Not even a second later, you hear  two bodies drop onto the floor. Then there is rustling around. Moments later, Tiffany opens the door in nothing but a pair of hoochie shorts and a rustled top. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Dude, you have a key. Why didn't you use it.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  And walk in on your having sex with god knows who? Jeez. The last time I did that, I almost fainted. I swear some of the things you do are illegal. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Yeah yeah. Come in. 

Tiffany steps to the side and allows Pamela to enter. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  So who's the lucky stud this time? I bet he's.......Jay?

She looks to her left to see Silent Bob sitting in the corner, reading a book.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  And Silent Bob?

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: Yeah, I've learned just to ignore them. They're like rabbits.] 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  In the flesh. Any of you fine bitches up for a second run? 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude, she's the slut. Not me. I can't believe you- Wow. Just..wow. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  You act like this is the first time we've had sex.  

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  She's a slut. BONG! 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  You know what? I can't take this and-

Suddenly, the four of them find themselves in a white holding room. There is no furniture. They all look around, confused. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  what....the...hell?

Jay holds up half a bag of weed.

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Dude, I think this shit just kicked in. 

Silent Bob shakes his head.

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: Fuckin' stoner.] 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Where the hell are we?

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Looks like we're inside a....bong. 

Actually, you're in my holding cell. 

Jay quickly glances around, paranoid.

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Who the hell said that?!

Me. I am.....the Metatron. 

A man suddenly appears. His white wings are exposed. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude, you look just like my Fairy Godfather.

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Holy fuck she's right!

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: No shit, Sherlock.] 

*rolls eyes* I know. I am also him. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  But how? Why?

Because I bloody well felt like doubling up on tasks. Don't ask so many questions.  

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Why are we here?

Humans are here to inhabit the earth for God's amusement. You all are here in my holding cell because I have a bit of a task for you.  

Pamela Paulshock sighs and rolls her eyes. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Another weird mission. Where to this time? Huh? Bangkok?

Actually, we're not exactly sure where we're sending you but none the less, here is the assignment! 

A huge wide screen pulls out from the ceiling. Jay stands with his mouth wide open. The dark screen suddenly lights up as the video starts to play. 

-----------------------------------------

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  How many was it?

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Something like...thirty-six?

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Wait wait wait..What do you mean by something like thirty-six? Does that include me?

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Thirty-seven.

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  I'M THIRTY-SEVEN!? Oh my god..My boyfriend sucked thirty-seven dicks!

::"Pogo's Other Best Friend"-Mikey Whipreck::  In a row?

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Hey listen jerk! Before today you never even knew how many dolls I slept with. Now you act all nonchalant about fucking twelve different corpses. Well, I never had sex with twelve different blow up dolls!

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  But you sucked enough dick!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Yeah,  I went down on a few guys-

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  A few?!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  And one of those guys was you which, if you're too stupid to comprehend, means I've been faithful to you seen we met. All the other guys I went down on were before I knew you. 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  I feel sick. 

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  I love you. Don't feel sick.  

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Every time I kiss you I'm gonna taste thirty-six other guys. 

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Ugh..Goodbye Kane. 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Hey! Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot! 

-----------------------------------------

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Shut your sodding mouth and just go.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  But I-

Before she can say another word, they are off in some weird location. It's like a broken down fairground. There's not that big of a crowd. The gang of four stand there, looking around.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I hate when he does that. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Dude! There's only like four people here!

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  You think we could be in a TV show? Like the X-files? Didja ever see that show?

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: Excuse my friend. He's a complete moron.] 

Just then, a fat midget clown comes walking up to them. They all jump back in fear and scream.  

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  What the hell is that thing?!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  I'm Pogo the Clown and I eat my own feces! 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Excuse you? 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  What?

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: My god, I'm surrounded by idiots.] 

An extremely tall and muscular guy walks up to them. 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Excuse him, he hasn't taken his medication yet. 

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  He's my homosexual life mate, Kane. 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Oh I'm Jay and this is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob. 

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: I'm really not gay. But I wonder about Jay.] 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  So you guys are.....gay?

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  As a fairy! Teeheehee! I said fairy! 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  So, does that mean you guys toss each others' salads and shit?

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Yep. 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Eww. You're nasty. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  That's kinda hott. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude. Gross. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  What? I said kinda. 

Pamela Paulshock rolls her eyes at her best friend.  

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  So, do you guys wanna see the basement? 

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: NO!] 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  What's in it?

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Everything.

Kane gives a big grin. Tiffany looks over at her friend. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Fine. Let's go.  

They all walk through the broken down carnival. Silent Bob follows, reluctant. As they walk, they pass a tiny kid. He's so skinny that you can see his rips. His eyes are huge saucers. Tiffany goes to pet him and he hisses at her. She pulls her hand back quickly.  They walk to a huge building through a door. it is empty. There is a staircase in the middle. They walk down to see the basement which is dark. 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Who the hell's gropin' my ass?

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Oops! better turn the lights on. hee hee! 

Pogo reaches overhead and pulls a string. it turns on the light. You see a corner full of dead squirrels. There is another corner with dented blow up dolls. There is also bondage gear in the center of the room. Way in the back is a stereo system which Cher: The Ultimate Collection.  

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  This is our playground. 

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Ya like? Hehehe!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  I like this. 

Tiffany holds up a huge dildo. Pam swats her hand.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude! Put that thing down! 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Fine...

Disappointed, Tiffany puts the dildo back down. 

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  What the hell are those rats doin' in the corner?

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Those aren't rats. They're squirrels.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Why do you have dead squirrels in your basement? 

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: Because he's a freak.] 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  I like to play with them. 

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  ............... [Translation: Ditto.] 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Err..right. Dudes, let get the hell out of here!

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  Right behind ya! 

The four friends run up the stairs and out the building. Pogo calls after them. 

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Wait! You haven't seen my blow up  dolls yet! ::sighs:: They're dented anyway.

Kane walks over to him and rubs his back.  

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Make me your bitch again. 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Okay..

Pogo gets on all fours. Outside, the friends have reached the edge of the gate. They are hovelled over, panting hard.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Dude..that was weird. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  I know. How could we possibly have known?

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  I wish there was a sign or somethin'. 

Silent Bob rolls his eyes, extremely annoyed. 

::"Doesn't Like To Talk Much"-Silent Bob::  There's a sign....above your heads... It reads.... "Pogo and Kane's Circus of FREAKS! If you DO NOT like freaks then DO NOT ENTER....YOU....DUMB...FUCKS![ Translation: Self Explanatory..] 

Silent Bob storms away, angry. The others look after him. 

::"Resident Slut"-Tiffany Evans::  No need to be so mean. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I know, right?

::"Total Stoner"-Jay::  Snoogens.  

They all laugh and follow Silent Bob. Cut to the basement, Kane is making Pogo his little bitch.  

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Whose your daddy?!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  You are! 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  What's my name?!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Daddy! 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Say my name!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  Daddy!! 

::"Big Red Retard"-Supposedly Kane::  Say my name, bitch!

::"Fat Retard"-Supposedly Pogo the Clown::  DADDY!!!!!!!!

The scene fades to black.

Scene Three-A Preview of Monday's Rap Battle

The scene opens up somewhere in a night club. A bunch of people have gathered for some entertainment. Pamela Paulshock appears on the stage. She is wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of blue jeans Her hair is tied up in a ponytail. She walks out with a microphone in her hand. The fans, who are not aware of her status as a wrestler, give slight applause.  

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I'm Pamela Paulshock, the UPW Diva World Champion.

They look confused.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Yeah, that's right. You people don't know a thing about wrestling. Whatever. This Monday, I'm in a Rap Battle against some idiot clown named Pogo. Tonight, I present to you a preview of what is going to happen come X-Treme X-Fire.

The people give her a soft clap. They are still confused. Pamela gets pissed.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  You know what? I'm not even gonna waste my time tonight giving you people raps about Pogo. I'll let these guys rip him apart now while I take care of the rest of him later.

The fans boo her. A wordless song is played in the background. A man, wearing baggy clothes, walks up to the stage. He grabs the mic and begins to rap. 

::"Member of the Jersey Crew"-Jay Monroe:: 

Pogo is always clownin'

Tomorrow he gon be drownin'

In the pit of Paulshock's raps

'Cause she got his ass on tap

Tubby bitch couldn't cut if he was a knife and she was a slice of cheese

In this fairytale, it's gonna be the rabbit takin' out the turtle with ease

So shut the hell up and sit your retarded ass down

Before I smack ya so hard, it turn ya underwear brown

Son, you can't handle Pam, this girl's got you, even in muscle

Your fat ass couldn't even move without poppin' a blood vessel

We all know Sunday's rap battle aint even a real contest

She may be blonde, but you're the bitch with a double d chest

And she's gonna slaughter you on the mic like a hamburger waitin' to be made

Leavnin' you helpless , cryin' and tired, almost dead, like an overworked slave.

The song continues to play as the crowd cheers him. The next guy walks up to the mic. This time, it's a white guy from the Crew.  The people are skeptic of his talent but listen to him anyway.

::"Member of the Jersey Crew"-Mike White::

This jackass on the mic is hilarious, it's a riot

Especially since he started on the Slim Slow diet

Dude, how you get off looking like a retarded ass Jelly Bean

With a bald head trying to be a fake ass spawn of Mr. Clean

Takin' all up on the mic hippy bippity hooplah.

Bitch, shut your fat ass up and go park my car

I'm just a little afraid to tell you to suck my dick

You'll be down on your knees, tongue ready to lick

I don't even have to listen to tell that you're gay

You got the same make up job as that Tammy Faye

So instead I'll give your salad tossing ass a two handed salute

Dick got your brain dude? I'm not saying hello but fuck you too!

The crowd goes wild as he flicks off the camera with both middle fingers.  They jump out of their seats, clapping. The song changes and some kid walks onto the stage. He is about eighteen years old.

::"NOT a Member of the Jersey Crew"-Some Random Guy:: 

Buried in the basement?

Get out my face with that weak ass shit!

Go home and suck your thumb

Better yet, wrap your lips around your mother's tit

The song continue as he gets a mixed reaction from the crowd. The next guy comes on but this time, he walks with his arms out wide.

::"Member of the Jersey Crew"-David the Icon:: 

  HEY HEY HEY

It's Fat Albert on the mic

But the more I look at him

The more I think he's a dyke

He's got more tits than he even does intelligence

Which means whatever this bitch says is irrelevant

This dude makes no sense, he's a broke ass clown on coke

Who should keep his mouth shut before he gets a choke

Not from hands but from the cock he sucked to get that shit

That's right, I saw him on all fours bein' some dude's little bitch

He's slurring on the mic like he went and had one too many tonics

But his time would be used better if he only bought hooked on phonics

Hey, I ain't your ma, but I'll give you an ass whoopin' like I was her

Beat you so hard, you're droolin' out your mouth, talkin' with a stutter

Now you're sobbing like a little girl over a tub of Ben and Jerry's

Wondering why the hell Pamela Paulshock doesn't think you're scary

Dude, you're a fat man with bad makeup, a small dick, and a burnt partner

Taking it up the ass from Kane, begging him to go just a little bit harder

What was that? I couldn't understand, there's a dick blocking your speech

You'll never get the best of Pam because she's way out of your reach!

The fans go absolutely nuts for this guy. he soaks up the crowd's reaction. He stands on the stage, arms in the air. Pamela Paulshock claps for him.

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  I changed my mind. After hearing all of these great raps by these....whatever. Yeah, well, they inspired me to do a little rap of my own and give you a preview of what is gonna happen Monday night on X-Treme X-Fire.

The wordless song returns and everyone prepares for Pam to start.

This week I'm up against some guy named Pogo the Clown

Who's looking more and more like a broken up hand me down

You think I care if you call me a blonde haired blue eyed slut?

Why don't you take the advice of others and shut the hell up!

You don't know what you're talking about. You can't even speak legitimately.

All you ever think about is how small your penis is and smoking some weed

So what's all this nonsense about how you get so many girls in bed?

I think all that sucking on your knees has gone straight to your head

You'll never get me or any girl, you're stuck with burnt and crispy Kane

So get down on all fours and let me hear you scream his name

"Oh Kane! You're the best that I'll ever get. I can't even give it away!"

Uhhhh...Did you ever think it was  because you're freaking gay?

Your make up is worse than Anna Nicole Smith's on a bad day

I saw you doing it in the dressing room. Going the Crayola way!

And then you have the nerve to make a home at Krispy Kreme?

I guess that 10,000 donut offer wasn't as good as it seemed.

You'll never be as good as me because you're too high to think straight

But then again you're a homo. I saw you taking it worse than Elton's date.

All that talk, it's nothing but crap and just that

Hey I'm blonde but you'll always be ugly and fat!

Dude go ahead and talk crap. Call me a whore.

You just got beat by a white girl from Baltimore!

The people in the club are going insane over Pam's insults.  She keeps the microphone in hand. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Pogo the Clown. What a complete idiot this guy is. First of all, does anybody understand a word he says? How am I supposed to take a guy like you seriously? For one, you're dressed up like a clown. That's not even scary. Well, in a Dee Snider/Tammy Faye Baker way it kinda is. Then you go about talking all this stupid gibberish? Were you dropped on your head as a baby or were you born that way? It's ridiculous that I was even insulted by you. You're an insult on your own. You shouldn't even be considered a member of regular society. You should be locked away in a cage, isolated away from everyone else. Hell, even go down to your basement. As long as you stay the hell away from me. You've got the biggest ego of all of us and for what? Two matches? ha! What have you don in this federation that was so great? Did you win any championship belts? No. And I've got two. Did you defeat any major opponents? Hmm...Kane but I guess you guys got really close in that match because you're now "buddies". Great. Just great. Little Pogo found himself a playmate. Now he doesn't have to sit in the corner alone, sobbing and stuffing his face with Twinkies. Now he can finally have sex with something that isn't full of air and made of plastic...and I'm not talking about Trish Stratus this time. 

Pamela Paulshock smirks. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  What a perfect pair you and Kane. Maybe you two should move to San Francisco and get married. What a beautiful couple that would be. The fat retard and the big red burnt retard. Happily Ever After. Kane. Kane. Kane. Mr. Anakin "Burnt Nub" Skywalker himself. There are a lot of similarities between you two. You both had whiney bitches as girlfriends. That didn't work out. You both were caught in fire which left you deformed and forced to wear a mask. Except, Kane, you took yours off. Gross. Dude. Put it back on,. I'm speaking for the benefit of everyone here. Nobody and I mean nobody wants to see that. Please. Courtesy coverage here. ::sighs:: Hmm. What else? Let's see....you both can't have sex on the fact that your little "buddies" were singed off. You're both bald with no hair. You both had blue eyes. Well, Kane, your eyes are two different colors which makes you look like one ugly little mutt. When you did have hair, it was curly and almost looked like wet pubic hair. AH yes and finally...you both are annoying! Irritating! Anakin with the whining about being the best. Kane with the moaning and the groaning about being called a monster. " I am a human being. Waa waa waa." Ah, go to Oprah and see if the rich bitch gives a damn about you because I sure as hell don't. The fact is, you can barely talk. So don't try. Simple enough?

Pamela Paulshock rolls her eyes, mocking he intelligence of Kane. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  Ah, back to Pogo. You like it when woman talk about you, don't ya? It gives you what little bit of self esteem you have left. It gives you that tiny ounce of pleasure to that that a woman, whom you've never been able to have real contact with, actually said your name. Sweet. Actually, it's pathetic. That's you Pogo. Pathetic. A waste of space. You're a tub of lard that should have been disposed of years ago. You should have stopped after you had your first heart attack. "Ooh my heart! I can't talk all this exercise!" And that was just walking up the steps! You think you're sick? You wanna take me to the dark carnival? You're sounding more and more like a lame theme park ride. I could care less how dangerous you think you are. You're more of a threat to the Twinkie than me. Besides, this isn't a match. It's a rap battle. You come up with nursery rhymes and I give your your life story, ripping you apart. Was this challenge to make yourself look good? Because you're about to embarrass yourself by getting be by a white girl from the suburbs of Baltimore. I may be blonde, I may be plastic, and I may not be a genius..but I've accomplished more in one week than you have in your entire career! So, call me a blonde haired, blue eyed, fake whore. I'll make you choke on your words come this Monday in that rap battle. You'll never make me feel inferior, you're a fat guy in clown make up! When are you gonna get it through your head? You're not a serious competitor! You're just a gimmick. You're there so that these idiots you call fans can laugh at your stupidity. And that is exactly what they will do when they realize that you're up against me. So after you lose this battle, don't go home crying to your mommy. I told you so. You step up to me and I'll slap you back down to reality. 

Pamela looks around for a second. 

::"More than just electrifying"-Pamela Paulshock::  So Pogo, keep all your words to yourself. They'll come back to bite you in the ass. Just ask Trish Stratus.

Pamela Paulshock smirks and  drops the microphone. She backs away and finally exits the stage. The scene fades to black.

Stats-Roleplay Information

[W/D/L]-Singles
10-01-02

[W/D/L]-Tag Team
04-00-01

Role-play #: 29
Next Match: Pamela Paulshock versus Pogo the Clown
Stip: Rap Battle
Event: X-Treme X-fire
Mentioned:Pogo the Clown, others
Used: Pamela Paulshock, others

Stats-Paulshock Information

Name: Pamela Paulshock
Hometown: None of your business
Height: 5'6
Weight: 130lbs
Finisher:Shock Therapy (torando ddt)
Theme Music: "Best of You" by the Foo Fighters
Best Friends: Tiffany Evans, Alyssa Mulvahill, Devon Townsend
Allies: None
Enemies: Kim Page, Trish Stratus
Alignment: ?????
Accomplishments: former IC Champion, Roleplayer of the Week(4x's), Quote of the Week(2x's), Miss UPW, Story of the Week, Champion of the Week(2x's), Match of the Week

Electrifyingly Shocked

Beulah, Stephanie McMahon, Gail Kim, Sable, Joy Giovanni, Kim Page(2x's), Carmella, Daffney, Debra, Tracie Wright, Lita, Desire, Bubba Ray Dudley, Bobbi Billard, Trish Stratus(3x's)

Stats-Disclaimer

This role-play was written by me, Keisha. No part of this role-play may be reproduced, used, or copied without my permission. Much effort was put into this and it is not to be degraded by a lazy punk who does not know how to get his or her own stuff. I made this role-play and graphics. Don't steal. I am not Pamela Paulshock. I do not know her nor am I affiliated with her. I have no connections to her. In closing, I would like to say one last thing. DON'T STEAL MY SHIZNIT! If you want something from this, contact me on AIM (xxHurrixBloomxx). Thank you for listening.