|
Scene One:: Arena Troubles |
We are outside the UPW Arena in Boston, Massachusetts. Thousands of fans have all gathered on this night to see all of their favorite superstars perform. You've got Stacy Keibler versus Carmella, Sid Vicious versus the Rock, and of course, Pamela Paulshock versus Kim Page. It's going to be an exciting night filled with action. This is especially exciting since Pamela Paulshock recaptured her coveted UPW Diva World Title from arch nemesis The Kat. It was a hard fought battle at War Games but in the end, it was the ultra shocking Diva that came out on top. Right now, we go outside the arena where Pam and Tiffany have just stopped out of Pam's black Pathfinder. They go to the back to retrieve their bags from the trunk. As the try to enter the building, group of tall, burley man stand outside the doors, blocking them from entering.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Dude, how the hell are we gonna get in?
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Let's
tell them that Mae Young is abut to strip naked if they don't move.
Pam gives her a look.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Dude. Gross. Anyway, let's try some reason.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Like
that'll work.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Shut
up.
Pamela Paulshock rolls her eyes. They walk up to the guards whose backs are turned. Pam taps one of the shoulder. he is tall, bald, and extremely mean looking. Turning around slowly, he stares down the Diva World Champion.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Excuse
me, Gigantor, what's going on here?
::Mean
Body Guard 1#::-Gigantor::
That's
none of your business, little girl.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Well,
I'll have you know that this is the UPW Diva World Champion you're talking to
and I'm-
::Mean
Body Guard 1#::-Gigantor::
Her
what? Useless Sidekick who always gets in the way?
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
No.
I'm the Hottest Slut to hit these streets since....Marilyn Monroe!
A skinny, very feminine looking guard turns around. he is wearing a flash shirt, his hair is slicked back, and he wreaks of Old Spice.
::Gayer
than a Fairy with Pixie Dust::-Roberto::
Not
is those clothes, Mami.
Tiffany stomps her foot in anger.
::Gayer
than a Fairy with Pixie Dust::-Roberto::
Don't
stomp your last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Enough!
I don't need to listen to a bitch-rant from Homo and....Ho. What the hell's
going on here? Why can't I get in? Did Kim Page, like, open her mouth and
contaminate the building?
::Mean
Body Guard 1#::-Gigantor::
Hey!
I have a job to do and I get paid to do it so step back and let me!
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
And if
I don't?
::Mean
Body Guard 1#::-Gigantor::
I'll
give you a new definition of deck the halls.
Pamela kicks him between the legs.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Definition?
Not needed. Come on, Tiff.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Right
behind ya!
The two walk right past the guard, into the building. Just as they are entering, they are stopped by UPW Interviewer Todd Grisham.
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Pamela
Paulshock! Do you mind if I get an interview from you?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Sure,
just as long as you keep your hands to yourself. You seem like the touchy
time.
Todd looks at her oddly.
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
I
will certainly try. First of all, congratulations on your title win at War
Games.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Well,
thank you Tim-
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Actually,
it's Todd.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Sorry,
Tim. Anyway, that win was very important for me. Seeing as The Kat has kicked my
ass ever since I've been in the UPW, it was about time that I got her back. I
mean, I was stuck on her shadow for three freakin' years! Do you know how bad
that feels? It's like being suffocated or something. It got really stuffy. Now I
know how Nicky Hilton feels. Sheesh. Besides, it was about time I gave her an
ass kicking. Ever since she came back, she has had this ego that just kept growing
and growing each day. I'm surprised her head hasn't exploded yet. She needed
someone to knock her back down to reality and I did just that. Kat may
have been the Big Cheese but now she's just gross smelling bacteria, trying to
suck up what little glory and dignity she has left. Run your mouth all you want
Kat, I took this title back and there's not a damn thing you can do about. Sit
at home with a tub of Ben and Jerry's or in your case, a vat of blood, and soak
in your misery. Maybe you could give Vader's fat ass a call. He can tell
you what it's like to be a has been. I don' care what the hell you do, just as
long as you stay the hell away from me. I 'm done with you Kat. Your
battle...it's a lost cause.
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Well,
just after you won that title, Debra sent your best friend, Tiffany, a
message.
Tiffany grabs the mic.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Actually,
Tove, Debra just breathed her ancient breath on me. That hideous dinosaur had
the nerve to grace my presence with her freaky little man bitch in toe. It was disgusting!
I have never been so grossed out in my life. If you ever come into contact with
you, I advise you to wear some type of medical mask. She's..they're..just
ugh..Oh, and Debra, I am not afraid of your crusty ass! I could take you on any
day at any time but I'll leave your ass kicking for Pam. You want her title so
bad, you're gonna have to live without it. There's not a snowball's chance in
hell that your grubby little fingers are touching that title. If you're so hungry,
why don't you stuff your face with Twinkies and donuts like every other greedy
bitch out there!
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Debra's
problem is that she's too cocoky. She thinks she's the s::beep::t. She
thinks she's hott stuff. Okay Debra. You beat a couple of divas. You beat
Carmella. So what? I've kicked her ass before. You've beaten Christy Hemme.
Big freakin' deal! She was never a champion! The only reason people kiss her diluted
ass because she's got a very durble jaw. It can withstand pressure and multiple
usage. She's everybody's favorite blow up doll. She gets passed around more than
a joint in a Cheech and Chong feature. men are idiots and they'll love anything
with tits and she's got...huge ones. You can thank Dr. 90210 for that one. Then
she's got the retard vote. People go crazy for mentally retarded athletes who
try to fit in int his world. Not only does she pimp him out for money, she uses
him to get a cheap laugh! It's pathetic! And this is someone you're proud to
beat? Some busty blow up doll who acts like some ADHD kid off his Ritalin. I don't
give a damn who you face, Debra! It's about m and you and quite frankly, there's
no real competition. You can take that ego of yours and shove it straight up
your dark...musty...old..dry...used up...moldy...dusty...once in use no longer
in service ASS! I'm the UPW Diva World Champion and that little second grade
belt..I can use that to wipe my own ass..and unlike you, I can actually each
it! Look at this belt, Deb. Look at it real closely. It's NEVER
EVER...going to you! So you go mumble on and on about how you're after my title.
Come at me, try your best..because like the Kat, I'm just gonna take this boot
and stomp a "BACK OFF BITCH, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET THIS TITLE EVEN IF YOU
ASKED A MAGIC JEANIE FOR IT!" all over your sad..pathetic..rundown
ass!
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Wow.
Those are some strong words. What about those who say you didn't even
deserve the title shot in the first place.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
They
can all kiss my white, blonde, plastic ass! I don't have to listen to everybody.
No matter who you are or what you do, there is always gonna be someone that's
talking about you. That's just a part of life. Why? because they're
pathetic..have nothing better to do..and are jealous. I don't care what you
people have to say about me. All I can do it go out there and do my best. That's
just what I do. I don't need to defend myself against everything I do. If it's
done, it's done. I didn't kiss anyone's ass to get this belt. I fought for it. So if
you have a problem with me..stop be a scared little rat hiding in the shadows.
If you've got a problem with me being champion, then grow some balls, come to me
face to face..and tell me.
Pamela shrugs.
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Well,
tonight, you are in the Diva Main Event, in a nontitle match against Kim Page.
What are your thoughts on that?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Honestly,
I could care less. I haven't really thiaught about Kim Page since I took the
Interconttinental Title from her. If you're still pissed about that, you can
take it up with Crusty Debbit..but what! You got your as kicked by her too. So,
am I really worried about a girl who lost her title to Grandma Moses? No. Should
I be? No. I've done it before. I can sure as hell do it again. The Diamond Doll
started out as just some girl with a dream. She became champion. I took her
title. He dream was crushed so became a selfish, spoiled, whiney, annoying,
little girl and kept screaming "It's all about me!" Waa waa.bitch
bitch..moan...blah blah..I really can't remember what else she has said. I've
blocked her out for my own sanity. So, yeah, I haven't really thought about it
and now that I jknow, not all too worried. Kim Page will always be a whiney
little girl no matter whose ass she kisses. She'll never be better than m
because she'll always be stuck in that rut of almost making it to the top and
then being knocked down by someone who is bigger..better..and just plain
stronger. You've got the bridesmaid cure, Kim. Always a bridesmaid, never a
bride. It's a shame. I'd feel sorry for you except you're so annoying, I've suppressed
any type of feeling towards you. Title or no title, this is the main event. I
still don't know what drove Stephanie McMahon to put you in this Main Event with
me but nonetheless, here you are. What do we do Well,I beat the crap out
of you why you just lie down and take it..like you do every week. You're good at
that, right? You've been practicing it for so long, that's the only position
I've seen you in lately.
::UPW
Interviewer::-Todd
Grisham::
Thank
you Pam.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Oh,
Timmy, it was a pleasure. We'd be happy to have you...interview us..again..and
again...and again....
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Err...yeah..what
she said.
Pamela looks at her friend, oddly. Tiffany just shrugs her shoulders. Todd stares at them both, in awe. Pam walks off and Tiffany follows behind her. The scene fades to black.
|
Scene Two:: Earlier That Night |
Two best friends were out and about, trying to find some hot spots. That would be, yet again, Pamela Paulshock and Tiffany Evans. The best friends tried to enter a posh Italian Restaurant but soon found out that it was way too expensive. Instead, they found something more affordable. It';s fun..it's good..and it's cheap. The place we are talking about is the greatest restaurant of all..it even has yellow arches..McDonald's! They walk through the door as the bell rings. People stare at them because they're the only two people in Boston who look like they don't shop at the Salvation Army.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I can't believe we're in Bean Town.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
I
know. We're gonna have so much fun. There's so many pasty white, east coast guys
that I haven't had sex with, yet.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
That's a shock.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Shut
up! Why do they call it Bean Town, anyway?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I dunno. Because it has a lot of beans?
Tiffany snorts. They walk up to the counter.
::Fast
Food Cashier::-(Va)Gina::
Welcome
to McDonald's. How may I take your order?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I
want the number two with large friend and a large coke.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
And
a number four with large fries, a kid's meal, and a large coke.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Oh
yeah..a Big Mac and a double cheeseburger. No pickles or onions.
The man behind them steps up.
::Guy
Behind Them::-Bob Doofus::
Man
you guys eat a lot!
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
So?
What's your point?
::Guy
Behind Them::-Bob Doofus::
You're
chicks! Hot chick! And fast food makes you fart.
Pam and Tiff stare at him.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Oh
shut up and get back in line!
Tiffany belches and Pamela stares at her.
::Fast
Food Cashier::-(Va)Gina::
Will
that be all?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Yep.
Thanks..Gina.
::Fast
Food Cashier::-(Va)Gina::
Actually,
it's pronounced Gina as in-
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
As
in Va..Gina?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Oh!
Like Kimberly Page is a vagina!
::Fast
Food Cashier::-(Va)Gina::
Err...yes.
Well, your total $34.57. It will be ready in ten minutes.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Thanks.
They walk over to the side and wait for their order. Just then, a wacky duo comes rushing through the door. Actually, it's one person. She's just really fat. My bad. Anyway, wielding a salami gun, she comes rushing through the door.
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
All
right, everybody. This is a stick up!
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
What...
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
...the
hell?
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
GIMME
ALL YOUR HAMBURGERS...NOIW!
Everyone just stares at her.
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
I
mean it! I'll beat you with this salami if you don't!
No one moves. They all just continue staring at her.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Dude!
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I know! Fat chick gone crazy!
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
I
HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWENTY MINUTES! I'M STARVING AND REALLY MAD...so GIMME
ALL YOUR FOOD, DAMMIT!
Pamela laughs out loud, walking over to the alleged Hamburgler. Tiffany follows closely behind.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Hey
now, stop before you start sweating Crisco. Now, why the hell are you
robbing McDonald's?
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
Because
I'm hungry!
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
And?
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
And
because Kim Page made me. She told me to get her money to support her diamond
problem.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Diamond
problem?
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
Yeah..she
spent all her money on diamonds and lost them. Now we're poor and living in a
trailer park. She promised me FOOD!
The Hamburgler starts to cry and sounds like a dying whale. The ground shakes as she stomps her foot.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Easy
there, Kong. If I gave you a dollar and a biscuit, would you go away?
::Fat,
Ugly Ass Hamburgler::-Candy Jay??::
A
whole biscuit? Oh boy! I want a biscuit! I want a biscuit!
Pamela pulls a Scooby Snack out of her purse. The Hamburgler gets on her knees and pants like a dog.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Go
fetch!
She throws the biscuit out the door. Candy Jay??? runs out, after it. Tiffany gives her a look.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Dude..you
do realize you just gave her a doggy snack?
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Yeah?
So?
Tiffany rolls her eyes.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Come
on, let's go get our food.
They return tot he line as the scene fades to black.
|
Scene Three:: What Are You Gonna Do |
We are moments away from the Diva Main Event. Pamela Paulshock versus Kimberly Page. It's a big match up that could only mean one thing. Fame. For who? Kimberly Page. Pamela Paulshock is Champion. She doesn't need anymore fame. Anyway, we go to the locker room where Pamela Paulshock is getting ready. She has already laced up her boots and is currently stretching.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I can't wait to get in that ring and shut
everybody up.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
I
thought you said you didn't care.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I don't...really..It's just that..I'm the Diva
World Champion and everyone doubts me.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
They
doubt you because they're idiots.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Maybe....
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
No
maybe...no doubts..just go out and there and show these people why you're the
world champion.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
You're right, Tiff. I shouldn't care. I won't. Not
anymore.
::Slut
of the Millennium::-Tiffany Evans::
Good.
Now if you'll excuse me, I saw a really hot Spanish stagehand around here. I'm
gonna go get a lesson in all things Spanish...if you know what I mean.
Tiffany giggles as Pam rolls her eyes. She exits the locker room as Pam stretches.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
Everyone
wants to doubt me. Why? Is it because I'm blonde? Is it because I have a
slut for a side kick? Is it because I'm the Diva World Champion once again? Is
it jealousy? That must be it. The thing about being on the top is that everyone
on the bottom wants to pick at you and pick at you until there's nothing left.
They feel that if they bring you down tot heir level, they will somehow feel
better about themselves. Well, I'm here to say that no matter how much you pick
at me, you're never going to get the best of me. Not ever again. Everyone has an
opinion. Everyone. Even two year olds who don't know a damn thing about the
world, They're useless. Just aimless ammo that will only do harm to weak people.
Do I look weak to you? Do I look like a champion who is going to fold just because
a few jackasses told her that she wasn't even good enough to be champion? I
don't have to listen to you! I don't need to listen to Christy Hemme telling me
every day that I don't deserve this belt. Why should I listen to you Christy? because
you're a red head with big knockers? Huh? Just because men are fickle and will
listen anything with big tits doesn't mean that I will. Who are you? Huh? A
Champion? Nope. A nobody. So don't YOU tell me what I can or cannot do with this
belt! You don't know a damn thing about being champion! You couldn't even get
the Intercontinental Championship! And why should I listen you Debra? You march
into this federation like you own the place. You runt through matches and you
run your mouth like a car in overdrive. Let me ask you Debra. WHO THE HELL DO
YOU THINK YOU ARE?! You think that little piece of crap belt makes you a
champion? No! It's the PERSON behind the belt that makes the champion. I was a
champion with this belt and I can sure as hell be one without it. I don't need
you people telling me what to do! I've got my mother for that. So why should I
listen to you all? Why do I listen to you all? Because I was stupid. And guess
what? Stupid people can learn to be smart. Look at George Bush...wait...bad
example. Anyway! It doesn't matter! I've been enlightened to say the least...so
not a damn thing you people say will effect how I am as a champion. Like it or
not, I am..so your words..they're meaningless.
Pam sighs.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
You
hear that, Kim? Meaningless! You could bring up the fact that I was a WCW
Interviewer. I'm not afraid. I was just some Pawn for Eric Bishoff. I learned
from my mistakes. Look what I am now. Champion. I lost it to the Kat and what
happened? I won it back! My past only shows you that I am NOT a victim...I am a
survivor. No matter what anybody throws at me, I will live through it. I will
push through until I come out on top. Why? Because I'm a strong woman. Can you
say that about yourself? You hide behind your diamonds and your lackeys. You
rely on others, not yourself, to be successful. That's what makes us different.
That is why I am champion and you...you are nothing. Because you don't for
whatyou want. You just wish it to happen. It's just like this match.You think
you're gonna win. You wish you could win...but you won't. You won't fight for it
and in the end..I will win. That's how it will be. Your fight..they're
words..that is where you try to battle and I'm going to take an elementary rhyme
to counter your useless attacks. "I'm rubber..you're glue. Whatever you say
bounces off of me and sticks toy ou." Don't you feel childish? With all these
stupid little name calling games? Blonde whore? Like I haven't heart that
before. This name calling is pointless. What could YOU possibly say that would
make me feel bad? What makes you better than me? You've lost your Intercontinental
Championship. You've never even been WORLD champion. Hell, CARMELLA was
champion! And you've never gotten it? Hmm..So your words are worth about as much
a a Da Vinci painting to a blind person.
Pam shakes her head.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
It's
simple, Kim. The purpose of trash talk is to psych out your opponent. What
happens if your opponent doesn't listen? What happens if your opponent doesn't
care? Don't you get it Kim? I don't care what you have to say! You could be
spewing out the Declaration of Independence for all I care! What matters is what
happens in that ring. This match, it isn't important for me. It's just a regular
Main Event Match. My only worry is putting on a good performance. For you, it's
different. It's about making sure that you're still in the game. That's all it
is. It's a game. To see who is the best and right now, I'm winning. Kim, you're
barely hanging on by a thread. What are you gonna do next week? And the week
after that? What happens when you wake up and realize that like the Kat, you no
longer have it? Are you gonna cry? Or are you gonna rise up and do something
about it? You used to be diamonds...now you're just plain..coal...And nobody
wants you anymore. Nobody cares. I don't even care about this match. And guess
what? I'm still gonna kick your ass tonight. Isn't that sort of
pathetic? To know that you were once Intercontinental Champion and now you're a
fading star? I'm not saying that tonight is going to be the last night of your career.
It is just another pile of dirt added on to your grave..the grave of your dead career.
It doesn't matter if you deny the fact that your career is dying. You could call
me a stupid, lying bitch for all I care. This isn't news to you. This isn't
something you haven't heart before. We've faced each other and I won. Now it's
gonna be just like Deja Vu.It's gonna be me getting the victory over you once
again. What are you gonna do Kimberly? Are you gonna run and hide? Or are you
gonna stand up. Who the hell knows. In ten minutes, that decision will come. In
ten minutes, we're already be in that ring fighting a match that means nothing
to me but everything to you....what are you gonna do Kim?
Pam stands up.
::More
than just Electrifying::-Pamela
Paulshock::
I'll
see you in the ring.
She walks out the door as the cameras fade to black. The match is on.