There Funny I Promise :)
Do I have problems since I have mad sex with my wife's daughter who would be my daughter only because of marriage? I do it only because I can't get it up for any other woman. I tried my wife and latly she hasn't been doing it for me but, the first time she (my daughter) came onto me was by placing her head in my lap then she unzipped me saying her reason was because she had to see what a dick looked like for a Health Class experiment then my dick wasn't hard because I figured, umm alright not to worried. Then she started tickling it gently with her fingers then next thing I know she told me she had to taste one for her Health Class and I thought that was a little strange and told her no but, next thing I know she was licking me around in circles which instantly made me hard as a rock and I could feel the cum begin to flow and then on with the sucking she went. She sucked long and hard and I was about to burst but, before I did she then stripped her clothes off slowly and told me she had to experiance sex like no other and I was so hard I still said no like a good father and next thing I know she told me to shut up, she took of my shirt, my pants were sliding off anyway so she took them off along with my boxers and then she had her thong on and moved it to the side and bounced on my long, thick and hard as hell dick. It was preety awesome. I could feel the sensation of cum flowing from my dick into her insides making her cum on my dick and the moisture together was brilliant. It really turned me on. Then she constantly kept rubbing her size C tits in my face and by my mouth so then I just grabbed one of her tits with one hand and started sucking on her nipple and let me tell you it was nice. So then, we took a shower together to clean up the mess since I cummed on her chest later when I titfucked her and then I fingerd her with 4 fingers! Tell me about it. I could feel so much and I was so horney that I placed her against the wall with the water coming down her large chest between us that I stuck my tongue into her wide pussy lips and just started licking and licking until I made her climax and then I stuck my tongue into her clean shaved pussy and in and out and in and out. It was so good. Then I placed her against the wall, had her wrap her legs around me, and fuck me harder then harder until her silent whispering moans turned into a moaning scream that shook my ears and the mirrors. Then, we stopped fucking. She kissed me when we dried eachother off and thanked me for the remarkable experiance and I have never had such good sex. The only bad thing was, before that she was a virgin and also she was 17. I am 37. I think I need help dude. Please help me out and give me some advice. Thanks. This is not a joke. Hit me up on aim. "mr turkey boy" Thanks.
I'm out.
-Fucko
Note:
Honestly, I'm not a pervert.
This is all a joke. I came up with it about 2 years ago. I'm done sounding like a fucking preverted retard. I just wrote this to see how many responses I would get. My name is Emily, I'm 16, & I am from Florida.
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. "The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
The cucumber "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."
The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."
The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me." "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."