Be Mine
		By Standing
	Be Mine (adam and jason; adam narrates) February 14, 2002 He doesn't like people watching him because he gets nervous. He likes being alone and un-thought of, un-pondered. He hates being someone's curiosity. Concern. Fixation. He wants to scream. He wants to scream because I'm staring at him harder than I've ever stared at anybody before. And he's trying to pretend like he doesn't notice, like he doesn't care because why should it bother him that his best friend is looking at him? But oh, it bothers him good, I can see it in the way his head is swinging back and forth like he's just casually looking around at his surroundings. It's way too obvious that his eyes are skipping over my figure at the other end of the table. If he just asked me, I'd stop, but it seems like he'd much rather ignore me. I think it's a pride thing. Inside, I grin. His toes are tapping - I can hear them faintly beneath the table - and his body is rocking almost indiscernibly back and forth in his seat. He is not enjoying this situation at all. I think it's because he can't control it, because he doesn't know why people stare at him, why everyone makes like he's got three heads. But I know why, and it makes me smile. It's because he's so goddamn beautiful. I can see him trying so hard not to watch me from the corner of his eye and it's so cute that I want to collapse into myself with amusement. He'll be staring down at his notebook, eyes unmoving though he pretends to be reading, and then his pretty, pretty eyes will dart to the corner to investigate me some more. He's trying to figure me out. I'm the only thing on his mind right now in this very moment, and I decide that it's been long enough. I've had his attention long enough. Grinning, I slide down the bench so that I'm directly in front of him and lean forward onto my elbows. He looks up, faintly surprised, and quickly shuts his notebook. "Oh! Hey, Adam," He says hesitantly. I feel the smile stuck on my face and figure that I look like a fool, but I don't particularly mind. I'm kinda happy right now. "Do you know what today is?" I ask. He pauses. "It's Thursday." I shake my head. "Um," He blinks back in thought and then smiles. "It's Smackdown day!" I bite my lip, bemused. "Nope." I can hear the gears turning in his head as his forehead wrinkles in thought. Finally, it dons on him but he looks confused as to why I would care. "It's Valentine's Day?" My lips curl into a smile again. "Yes!" "So?" He asks, cocking his head at me. "You're single." "You are too." "Yeah, exactly. So why do we care?" I'm so giddy that I'm practically squirming. I should probably be some kind of nervous, but for some reason I just can't work that up right now. "Do you have a valentine?" I ask, voice jittering with excitement. "No," He raises an eyebrow. "Adam ... are you trying to set me up with someone? Because I'm not interested. I've told you a hundre---" "So be mine," I interrupt, grinning wider and resting my chin in my palms. I see the confusion register on his face as he asks me to repeat and for a split second, I become wary. What if he says no? What if I've been thinking about this so much that I've completely blocked out the idea of him saying no? I feel my heartbeat quicken and I hesitate in repeating myself. "Be mine. Be my valentine." "...You're joking, right." I pause, becoming more afraid by the second. "No, I'm not." Shit, I thought I was ready to do this. He stares at me for a long time, not knowing what to say. It makes me nervous but I can't really blame him; when your best friend says they wanna be your valentine, I suppose it's pretty unexpected of them and I would imagine you're at a loss for words. Nevertheless, I wish he would say something. The clock ticks on and his eyes finally dart away from mine and I sigh inwardly with rejection. Fuck, why didn't I prepare myself for this? I want to forget that I said it, I want to erase the moment from our history because I just fucked up a whole lot of history in those few words. I look around frantically, looking for escape, and finally my eyes land on the notebook beneath his hands. "What were you writing?" I ask dismissively, reaching for it. His eyes snap back and he recoils, ripping the book from my fingers. "Nothing!" He says quickly, his gaze widening ever so slightly. For a moment, we both forget about my idiotic blundering and I raise an eyebrow at him, smiling. "Nothing?" He lets out a breath and his muscles loosen slightly, yet he holds the book away from my hands, in his lap. "Nothing." "So ... can I read it?" I ask slyly. "No!" He replies in a quick breath. "Then it's gotta be something." "It's nothing, Adam! Just drop it, okay?" He almost pleads with me. I drop my arms to my sides and sigh heavily, feigning defeat, as my hands snake slowly under the table. "Alright, alright!" I nod in compliance as my arms stretch forward and my fingertips brush the spiral in his lap. Quickly, I yank it away and leap from the table, grinning and darting down the hall. Immediately, Jay's on his feet and screaming out at me to stop. It's not too long before he catches up and leaps onto my back in effort to get the elusive notebook back into his possession. "Give it back, Adam!" He yells, feet off the ground as he wraps his arms around my neck and reaches for the book in my hand. Laughing, I hold it away, switching hands with it and shrugging him from my back. He's on me again in a flash, his arms desperately trying to get a hold on me through my blocks before finally latching onto my waist and slamming me heavily into the wall on my right. I grunt through my amusement and continue to switch the book from hand to hand as he fruitlessly grabs for it. I push him off and get enough distance between us to get the cover open. Before I can take in a word, he's lunging for me again and I turn my shoulder to him. He hits hard, wrapping an arm around my neck as we both fall to the floor. I land on my stomach, one arm holding the book beneath it as Jay is sprawled out on top of me, groin against my ass and one leg wrapped around mine. "You know," I pant as my chest heaves and I grin. "Some might call this a compromising position." He sighs and I feel his hot breath against my ear. It makes me tingly. "Please, give me the notebook Adam," He asks a final time, ready to give up. "Well," I can't resist and I shift to pull it from beneath me and open the cover. "Let's just take a peek, shall we?" I feel his head drop onto my shoulder in defeat and I grin, having defeated the opposition. Scanning the first couple of pages, it looks like a journal of some kind. Picking a short one out somewhere around the fourth page, I begin to read aloud. "September thirteenth, 2001: This is my fifth book in a year; I really need to get something more permanent." I pause, turning my head to try and look at him but to no avail, as he's too far behind me. "There's more, Jason?" I ask dramatically, chuckling and returning to his chicken scratch with malice. "It's been a long night. Adam's out with some of the other guys doing God knows what and I wish he'd come back. It's so stupid; he's only been gone a couple hours and I already miss him." I scan the words again and my pulse begins to pound as I continue. "I wish I could tell him that, but he'd think I was insane. There's so much I want to tell him ... fuck it, I'm going to bed." "Jay?" I ask, but he remains silent, quickly sliding off of me and stepping to the side. His eyes are fixated on the floor. I swallow thickly, thumbing through pages that chronicle our time together from the end of last year to the present date. To today. To twenty minutes ago. The last page of writing is simple; "Happy Valentine's Day." He'd drawn a heart. With our initials in it. It's so fucking adorable that I almost explode, and a grin can't be stopped from washing over my mouth again as I stand up and close the book. I approach him slowly, and he's doing that thing where he's looking at me from the corner of his eye again. I hand him his book back and I smile, backing him into the wall and then placing a palm behind his head to lean against the cool brick. "You wanna tell me something?" He looks up at me, face beat red with embarrassment. In his eyes, I can see that he wants to speak and yet he makes no word. Then slowly, cautiously, guardedly, the tiniest of smiles begins to creep onto his face. "Yeah," He says quietly. I return his gesture in reassurance. "I'm listening." "Yeah." I pause, tilting my head to him quizzically. "Yeah what?" "Yeah," He smiles and leans forward to take my lips in a little, spine- chilling kiss. "I'll be your valentine."