Flames By Standing
	Flames (Matt and Jeff hardy; matt narrates) March 10, 2002 There’s a security that comes with being emotional. Something about you makes me burst. When I think about you, when I get your image so bright in my head that I can feel you, I get this kind of burning inside. I imagine your soulful green eyes or your long, delicate fingers or your hair all tucked back into a baseball cap … your smooth, narrow hips and perfect chest with those muscles that slide like liquid power beneath silken, French vanilla skin. When you’re not there I make you there, and I feel this overwhelming sensation of needing you. Of loving you. I’ve felt this for days now. Days of being away, days of promotion and job and work and work and work and long plane flights and no Jeff. It’s killing me. It’s like only being able to take half a breath of air. You’re an aphrodisiac; when I’m deprived of your love for too long, I start to get anxious. I snap; I get moody and angry and frustrated. I become a different person. I’m not me without you, and that makes me crazy. But it’s a good kind of crazy, because I know when I feel so much without you it means that I really love you. That’s the beauty of the whole thing. There’s no doubt, no uncertainty, no endless wondering about whether or not this is what’s right in my life. I know in my heart that this might be the only thing that IS right. That’s the security: I just love you. And I’m home. Close your eyes Let me touch you now Let me give you something that is real I enter the front hallway feeling utterly emaciated. I need your arms around me so bad that I can barely stand. My bags hit the floor and I hear your feet pounding down the steps at the sound of the front door closing. I want to smile for you so badly but I’m so drained, I’m so fucking lifeless; I need to collapse onto you and just feel the world slowly soaking into my veins again. I watch as you skip the last four steps of the stairwell and then you yell my name and vault yourself into my arms with a bursting smile. There are no words as we fall back against the door; there’s nothing but a huge sigh of relief as I cling to your nimble frame and bury my face in your shirt. Your smell, your warmth, your touch and your sweet sweet kiss welcome me back to where I belong. After an eternity of loneliness, I’m home again. We link hands and seal the fact that my moment alone in the doorway was the last time that we were in the same place at the same moment and not touching each other. You stretch out on the sofa and I kick off my sneakers before sliding between your legs to recline against the delicious cocoon that is your body. We talk in hushed tones about everything and nothing as you pull the elastic from my hair and comb it out with your fingers, scratching my head. Your touch feels so damn good. I can’t explain what it’s like coming home to you, but it’s the most amazing experience ever. It’s gotten to the point where sometimes I look forward to spending time away from you and getting all rancid and bitchy, just so I can fall back into your arms and feel my entire life and soul flooding back into me with one touch of your lips to mine. It’s a beautiful thing. The couch is not long occupied, as you begin to claim how much our bed has missed me, how the pillows have been crying out my name in the night, asking you incessantly when I was coming home. We share a smile and I allow you to lead me upstairs to the last door on the right. I feel that burning again, that uncontrollable desire that fills me up when you’re in every single crevice of my mind. I need to lay you down and bury you with everything I’ve felt the past few days without you. I need to prove to you that this is real, that I’m never without you and that I really do need you to be me. Close the door Leave your fears behind Let me give you what you give to me It’s times like these – when we haven’t seen each other for more than a couple of days – where I feel like I need to repay you for everything you give me. I don’t think you realize how much I depend on you just to be. I live and breathe my love for you; it’s all I ever think about. You’re the only thing that I always need, no matter what. Whether we spend five minutes apart or five days, I miss you. On nights like these, I need you to feel all the emotion inside that I have for you. I need you to know that it’s there; I need you to know how much I live you. How much I love you. Undressing you might be one of my favorite hobbies. We start small; you sit on the bed as I smile, kneeling down to the floor in front of you and pulling off your socks. Your toes wiggle mockingly in my face and you laugh as I kiss them lightly, relishing in my being able to bask in the light of every part of your body. I linger, brushing my lips over the top of your foot and running my fingers over your ankle softly. It twitches in my hand and my eyes flicker up to you in amusement. “Did you miss me?” I ask. You’re chewing on your lip and you nod curtly, having gone very serious at my touch. Nights like this always end up very serious; there’s too much desire to be satiated. We don’t need to play to enjoy these nights; all we need is what we have for each other. My body straightens up and I run my hands along the denim that clings to your tense thighs before my fingers slide beneath your teeshirt, pushing it upwards and over your head. I discard it carelessly and then my hands lay over your shoulders, stroking warmly against your collarbone with my thumbs. Slowly I slide them down your biceps, down your forearms to take hold of your hands and pull you forward. Our mouths meet warmly and my eyelids flutter in excitement. Kissing you never gets redundant or boring; my heart pounds harder every time. Our tongues mingle in a sensuous promenade and I pull back before we become too lost in the fulfillment it serves us. Instead, my hands encircle your wrist to remove the watch that you never leave home without. I press my lips against the pulse below your palm and feel it pounding delectably into my mouth. My ears pick up the most inaudible of sighs as it escapes your lungs and I decide that I probably shouldn’t linger much longer. I ease your hand back to your side before sliding four fingers into the front of your pants and pulling you forward into a standing position. Eye level with your thighs now, I undo the fly of your denim and reach around to pull your jeans down from the back as I look up at you. I push them all the way down to your ankles and you step out gingerly, kicking them aside. As I finally stand up to meet your gaze again, your entire body is just begging me to feed it and I’m happy. I’m happy because that’s the only thing I really live for anymore. You are the only thing That makes me want to live at all Knowing that the only thing standing between us now and us lying in bed is my clothes, you’re much quicker in undressing me. My muscle shirt slides easily over my head and it’s tossed away as your lips assault my neck and my shoulders with your soft kisses. My eyes slip closed as your hands run easily down my chest and catch at the waist of my pants to pull them downward in a quick dip of your knees. We stand together in our underwear and arms immediately encircle as we lay gently back onto the bed. I feel a smile enveloping my face as I watch you scoot almost daintily back into the pillows. My knees find their places at your thighs and I lower myself to press our lengths together; it’s funny how they fit so well. We’re like puzzle pieces. God, everything about you and us and this place just screams that it’s the only place I should be. It’s the only place I really want to be. We find ourselves in a mind-consuming kiss and your possessive arms slide to wrap around my neck. I’m crushed into you, hands searching desperately for somewhere to settle. They run up and down your sides, over your arms, skittering lightly across your forehead, cupping your face and at last folding to cradle your head in my arms. Your skin is warm and electric beneath me, starting that fire inside that’s going to consume us entirely before the night is through. * Chests heave together as our lips break apart. We lay nose to nose, grinning at each other as your painted fingernails rake comfortingly over my back. Your mouth dips beneath my jaw and I close my eyes to immerse myself in your feathery touches. I lift myself onto my palms and you scoot farther beneath me, teasing my skin with your tongue and biting at the tender flesh of my collarbone. Damp streaks of your saliva begin to cross my chest and you blow softly over them with a whisper of breath, causing my whole body to break out in goose-bumps. I go tight inside, biting my lip and marveling at how little it takes for you to make me completely insane for you. Your legs wrap around my waist and press our clothed hips snugly together. I feel you twitching against my own growing organ as your mouth drifts to suck alternately on my nipples. I’m sensitive as fuck there and you know it – there’s an instant hard-on against you and I can feel you grin as you bite down with your nose scrunched up against my skin. “Ohh, damnit Jeff,” I protest against you and fight the need to come right then and there. “Why do you have to do this to me?” My fingers dig into the mattress as you lightly cool my nipple with a breath through pursed lips. “Because you like it,” You reply quietly, feasting greedily on the exposed flesh and knocking our hips together in a way that pulls my ribs tight over my heart so that it throbs. You’re right, of course; I do like it, but at the same time you make me crazy when I’ve waited so long to be together with you and all I want is to be inside. United with you is where home truly is. When I am with you There’s no reason to pretend That when I am with you I feel flames again The fact that we can be doing this is amazing in itself. No one on this Earth knows how much fear we actually live in; fear of being caught, fear of being found out and exiled and taken away from each other permanently. We take so much care in not appearing too close to each other that it’s painful. It’s horrible to have to hide the way you make me feel whenever you’re near me. Being together like this, behind closed doors, we don’t have to hide it and it’s amazing. You continue with teasing at my overly excitable nipples until I’m less than thirty seconds away from ruining this for the both of us. Cocking my head and shifting my body downward on the bed, I’m able to bury my face in the soft crook of your neck for a moment, kissing there before tilting upwards and taking your earlobe between my teeth and nipping hungrily. My nose nuzzles right beneath and lips drag across the top of your jawbone before I go back to sucking lightly on your ear. The reaction to my indulging your secret fetish is beautiful. “Oh, God,” you hiss, gasping and jolting up into me with a pressing erection. I lean into you in return and we throb hotly against each other with panting breaths. Your legs drop from my waist and your hands lift, following my rib cage down to take their place. Fingers slide beneath the elastic of my boxers and push them down to my knees, warmly rubbing over my backside before drifting down around to my front. I bite down on your ear involuntarily and you yelp in pain; you’re taking my length in your hands and squeezing tightly onto it. Your grip loosens and I snicker, apologizing and moving my lips back to your mouth in consolation. Tongues embrace one another as you reach up past our heads to the bedside table, opening a drawer and producing a well-broken in canister of KY. After a few moments of determination, you break away from my mouth regretfully upon the realization that you can’t do two things at once. I resign to settle on your Adam’s apple, feeling it against my lips as you breathe heavily. Fingers and palms well-coated, you drop the canister off the side of the bed and it clatters to the floor, momentarily disturbing the heavenly silence. My hips are rocking lightly into you with anticipation and they freeze when I feel your fingers wrapping around me again. We fall into another kiss and my lips graze over every inch of your face as I reach down to pull your underwear away. One of your hands pumps me slowly and rhythmically while you elevate your hips and use the other to prepare yourself. It’s not long before the entirety of my insides are swelled and pulsating with the veins in my cock. I feel myself begin to shake in a very subtle way, pushing myself back into your hand and pulling out again with the sweet sound of sliding flesh. The insistence of my body begins to force the rhythm faster and as I fuck your hand, you’re writhing beneath me with the feeling of your own fingers inside of you. Reaching down, I pull your hand out and we lace our fingers, allowing me to collect the lubricant that’s coating your hand. Crunching myself over your body, I stretch to replace your needy busywork with my own. A solitary finger is sheathed in your contracting muscle and your eyes close tightly along with it. I slide it back and forth slowly, evoking a low rumble for you that reaches a crescendo as I move faster. You’re wincing but nodding your head vigorously to yourself and so I allow a second finger to enter. “Fuck!” I wail loudly and jolt, as your reaction to my intrusion was to tighten your grip on my cock and pull as hard as you can. Our lips connect again and we nip at each other’s mouths; you’re moaning softly into my tongue as I easily begin to work my fingers inside of you. Your legs instinctively spread wider and you’re biting me harder, pumping and demanding that that we plunge ever farther into the night. Just put me inside you I would never ever leave Just put me inside you I would never ever leave You. Straightening out my back, I arch to stretch and begin to guide myself into you. Arms clamp around my neck and your legs return to their position around my hips so that you’re hanging off of me almost like a chimpanzee, except your back remains flat on the bed. Your face is screwed up into that initial shock of pain as I ease deep into you, stroking your thighs and your waist in effort to ease the explosion you must be feeling. We wait as you begin to adjust to me, kissing hungrily. I’m trembling as your inner walls clench and unclench around me as though trying to milk me right then. The tension slowly slips from your body and you sigh deeply before pushing back against me. I’m fully embraced and my body breaks into a cold sweat before I begin to pump you slowly. Gasps break in your throat and your fingernails dig more deeply into the back of my neck as I try not to rush and hurt you. Our hips roll softly together in a rhythm that we never seem to lose, even if we’re miles away from each other. As we move, I begin to think about the first time we made love – when I was nineteen – and how incredible it was. We had gone to a Pearl Jam concert that night and instead of going home, I had driven us out to this cliff that overlooked a small lake tucked into a thick expanse of Carolinian woodland. We spread out a sleeping bag and sat with our bare feet hanging over the ledge as we made out beneath a deep midnight sky. For the first time, we had allowed ourselves to completely drop the pretense of our relation and fell deep into a burning passion that I’d never experienced before. Now I fall into it every chance I get; right now, tonight, this moment, I feel the same way I felt on that cliff and I know that this emotion will never go away. Being with you will always make me feel this way. You’ll always be the one person in this world that makes me feel like I belong somewhere, that I’m needed and loved just as much as I love you. There’s no way that I would ever allow this to end. We’re moving quickly now; I’m wrenching and you’re squirming beneath me as our lips draw together again and I swallow your cries. Your cock is straining with agony as I crush it in my palm, gripping it in time to our bodies. My body is desperate and your body is desperate, eating me up and meeting me thrust for thrust, pound for pound. We slam against each other hungrily, desirably, tempting one another to dare fall off of that cliff and pull us down into eternal darkness. I’m exhausted but my muscles are bound, refusing to allow me to stop until I’m drenched with sweat and vibrant heat and filling you with the most tangible evidence I can give that proves my happiness. I can feel the end as it creeps closer and I cry out so hard that our mouths are forced apart. My limbs go tight and I freeze in the silence, jerking uncontrollably and feeling like my mind is going to burst with the pressure. I relieve myself inside of you and the spasm slowly subsides, releasing my body from its vicious hold. I go limp, trying with every ounce of my will not to fall apart as I continue in bringing you off. I’d like to suck you but I don’t have the strength to move that much right now, so I stroke you hard and fast until you come in my hand with a yelp and a grunt to my throat. We’ve got all night for that anyway. Sticky with satisfaction, I slide over to your side and wipe the trickles of sweat from your face as they trail down towards your jawbone. We sigh in mutual exhaustion, smiling and spent from the amount of lust we had just accumulated over five days of separation and allowed to explode in less than half an hour. We share a sweet kiss and a whisper of devotion and I’m so happy to be home, able to feel these flames again.