Girlfriend By The Dark Knight
	Title: “Girlfriend” 1/7 Author: The Dark Knight Rating: NC-17 Pairing: Shannon Moore/Chris Nowinski Warning: M/M Slash Summary: AU, Shannon is in his first year of college and meets Chris. Shannon’s POV My first few weeks as a freshman at the Institute, I felt very strongly that I had come to an alien place where I didn't belong. For starters, I found the Southern California autumn strange compared to any of the Long Island seasons I'd grown up with. Many of the trees changed color, but the weather stayed hot and dry, and the acrid smell of smog never went away. The vaguely Spanish-style buildings, the pervasive palm trees, even the different-looking street signs all combined to make me feel lonely, and far from home. Although the other students I met were nice to me, I didn't seem to be making any real friends so far, and that made me even lonelier. Being bookish, slight, and not liking athletics, I hadn't had much in the way of friends in High School, but I'd hoped that things would be different here - and, as I said, there were LOTS of differences, but unfortunately none that made me feel any better. I sat down to lunch - alone - and wondered how such a prestigious school could serve such bad food to its students. (I should note that that wasn't all that different from high school.) As I picked at my meal, not really hungry enough to finish it after the first few bites, another guy sat down across from me. "Hi, I'm Chris Nowinski. Mind if I join you?" Several inches taller than me, maybe 6'5", and built like a wrestler, Chris had a kind of rugged good looks. He wore his dark- blonde - almost brown - hair a bit shorter than mine, but his bright (if slightly crooked) smile and sparking blue eyes offset his tough-guy look, and I found myself smiling back at him. "You mean you don't have a reservation?" I giggled before I could stop myself. Mentally I kicked myself, knowing that kind of smart remark makes people dislike me, but Chris seemed unfazed. "Don't you have me on your calendar?" "Oh wait, I see it now - it was just filed under 'jock.'" I giggled again. Ouch! These things just come out of my mouth, you see, and I only realize how bad they are AFTER I've already said them. I thought about how my dad always told me I was my own worst enemy, but, again, Chris just smiled at me. "That's gotta be me then," he made a show of flexing an arm. Given he was wearing a tight white T-shirt that said "Harvard" on it, I could not only see the muscles in his arm, which were substantial, but I also got a hint at his well-muscled torso. "I suppose I can't contest ID like that." I smiled to keep that from sounding cold. Anyway, at least I didn't embarrass myself this time. I started shoveling some of the icky food into my mouth - partly just to keep myself from saying something else stupid. "So what sort of ID do YOU have?" "Mgmph?" "I mean, did they give you a name, or should I just call you 'Goldilocks?'" Oops! I guess I can be just as stupid when I don't say anything at all. I choked the food down as fast as I could. "Sorry. I'm Shannon Moore." "Pleased to meet you, Shannon." He held out a large, slightly rough hand, and I took it, half fearing that he'd crush my hand or something, like some of the boys I'd known at home might have done, but he just squeezed it gently. Maybe the Institute really was different from High School in some nice ways too. "Glad to meet you too, Chris. So what year are you?" "I'm a freshman, same as you. I'm in your Physics, Chemistry, and Math classes. You never noticed me?" He sounded disappointed. "Well, it's only been a couple of weeks, and there are over two hundred people in each of those classes. Also, most of the action tends to be up at the board." I stopped myself before I could say something worse. He looked surprised for a second, then grinned again. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I don't think I WANT to do anything to attract attention in any of those classes. Did you see what happened in Physics this morning?" "You mean the idiot who 'corrected' Professor Foley?" "Yeah. I don't think I'm ever going to speak up in class now." "I think that guy must have had lousy science teachers in high school and he was used to correcting their mistakes. He didn't realize things are different here." "Definitely. You could hear that in his tone of voice. I mean, it would have been bad enough if he'd been right, but to be such an asshole and be WRONG!" "Well, I think what made it worse was that Foley had told us he was taping the class for some sort of PBS special." "I can still hear him. 'Did I make a mistake?' Then, real cold, 'No, that's correct. Thanks for ruining my tape.'" He shivered in a real exaggerated way. "Foley basically ripped him a new asshole in front of the whole class." He paused for effect, "ripped him one and then stuffed him into it." I thought for a moment about the topological implications of being stuffed into your own asshole, and then I just burst out laughing - so hard I couldn't stop. Chris laughed with me, not quite as hard, and he seemed genuinely delighted his joke had had such an effect. Wiping the tears out of my eyes, I finally said, "See, if you'd done something like that, I'd definitely remember you." "Yeah, but then I'd never be able to get a reservation to eat with you." He was quick! I make a mental note to remember that he couldn't be the dumb jock he appeared to be; realistically speaking, he could never have got into the Institute if he were. I wondered if he'd passed on some attractive offers from schools with serious athletic programs just to come here. I chuckled again and he smiled real big. I felt really warm and happy inside, and felt like I'd made my first new friend here. As I went off to my afternoon classes, I no longer felt lonely and alienated, and the whole world seemed brighter somehow. After class, I went back to my room and started on the homework, my philosophy being to get assignments done as quickly as possible so I could enjoy my free time without work hanging over my head. Not that I had much interesting to do in my free time here. Anyway, before I'd got very far, Chris knocked on the door and poked his head in. "You busy?" "Just starting on Physics, why?" My smile revealed that I didn't mind being interrupted at all. He grinned back. "Want to do some exploring?" "Sure!" No way was I turning down a chance to spend some time with my new friend. "What did you have in mind?" He grinned real big at that for some reason. "I'm curious what's inside the old Chemistry building." "The one that was damaged in the '71 'quake? Can we get into it?" It gave me a real pleasure saying "we." "I think so. I scored a master key from a friendly Senior." "Really? Is that okay?" I wasn't sure how much trouble I was willing to get into, and this warred with my desire for Chris to like me. "I think so. Most of the upperclassmen have them. The Institute really trusts people to follow the Honor System." I though about asking if that meant we shouldn't abuse the privilege by doing things like entering condemned buildings, but all I said was, "Okay" and followed him out. Approaching it in broad daylight made us both nervous, and we didn't dare try to open the doors of the main entrance, which faced the courtyard. However, there was a sort of a tunnel that passed under the building at that point, and we could see a door that entered it at the basement level. Chris tried the key, but it wouldn't turn. "Damn! I was sure this would work!" "Let me give it a try." Our house on Long Island had some old, cantankerous locks, and so I felt like something of an expert on making keys do their jobs. "Sure." He handed me the key. I jiggled the key a bit, got it to turn, and in a few seconds, I triumphantly opened the door. Chris was amazed. "Looks like you're pretty good with your hands." He rewarded me with a big smile and a pat on the back. Not a hard slap, like you'd expect from a jock, but a gentle, friendly pat. I smiled back, "I'm full of surprises." This seemed to please him a lot, and he patted me again as we made our way into the dusty basement. I just beamed. The place was filthy, and filled with old wooden desks. We slowly picked our way through them in the gloom and soon enough found our way to a staircase. Up on the next floor, though, the ceilings were very high, all the furniture had been cleared out, and the building was filled with sunlight that streamed in through the tall windows that ran all the way around the floor. "Wow, this is spectacular!" I turned around slowly, marveling at it. "This is really, really cool." Chris beamed, "Yeah. Glad you came?" He squeezed my arm. "Let's look upstairs." The upper floors were similar, except that as we went higher, more and more windows had been boarded over. The stairs to the fourth floor lead up into almost complete darkness, and we ascended cautiously. The stairs ended here, so we knew this must be the top floor. "Let's see if we can find the roof access." I stepped forward, really into this now. "Okay, but be careful." Chris followed, not far behind me. Then I bumped into a table I hadn't seen in the dark, and Chris bumped into me from behind. "Oof!" He didn't really hit me that hard, but his arms flew around me as he caught his balance again. "I'm sorry. You okay?" "No, I'm fine." It actually felt nice standing there with him pressing up against me, and he kept his arms around me. "Anyway, it was my fault. I should have gone slower." I felt his nose in my hair and heard him inhale. "You smell real nice, Shannon." "Uh, thanks." I felt kind of funny about that; that seemed like a real strange thing for him to do. I wondered if he was making a joke or something, but, if so, I didn't get it. "Maybe we should just wait here for a minute so our eyes can adjust to the dark." Still keeping his arms around me - this was getting weird, although I had to admit it felt really nice - he patted me on the shoulder with one hand. His other hand slid down to my stomach, and he squeezed me gently. "Um, okay." Somewhat to my surprise, this attention was giving me an erection. I hoped Chris wouldn't notice it. I reached around awkwardly and - aiming for his back -- hesitantly patted him on the butt instead. "Oops. Sorry about that." "It's okay," he whispered, his mouth right next to my ear, "you can touch me if you want to." Still holding me close with his right arm, he let his left arm descend to my crotch and gave me a gentle squeeze there. He make an "uh huh" sound, then "Let me make it easier for you." He released my crotch, put his hands on my shoulders, and turned me around so I was facing him. "C . . . Chris?" My eyes were adjusting to the dark, and I could see his face now. He was looking down into my eyes with a scary-big smile. He ran a hand through my hair. "You're so pretty, Shannon." I inhaled sharply at that, but didn't do anything else. "I just love your long blond hair." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I was just paralyzed. "You're so soft and delicate," he whispered into my ear. He put a hand up under my shirt, and the stimulation was electrical. "How does that feel?" "It's okay" I said thickly, still not making a move. "I want you to feel nice, Shannon." He pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it onto the table. "Your skin is SO white! Just like ivory." He ran both hands over my torso; they felt a little rough, but still nice. He brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. I shivered. This wasn't really what I wanted at all - nothing I'd imagined - but I couldn't deny it felt good, and I was very hard. Then he pulled off his T-shirt and dropped it on the table. "I'm scared, Chris." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. I felt his rippling muscles against my chest and he tried to kiss me on the lips. "What are you doing?" I whispered, trying to pull away. "Mmmm" he sighed into my ear, then whispered, "What do you think I'm doing?" in a very sexy tone of voice. He pulled back a bit, then started trying to undo my belt. I reached down and tried to stop him, but he was much, much stronger than I was. "Please don't do that, Chris," I begged him. Like magic, he let me go and backed up a step, and I instantly worried that now I'd alienated him and he wouldn't want to be friends with me. But he just looked unhappy. "Shannon? Haven't you done this before?" I shook my head no. "Really?" "Really." I choked it out, my eyes were filling with tears. By this point it had occurred to me that maybe he'd never wanted to be my friend at all. That this was all he'd wanted from me. I felt worse than I'd felt when I was lonely, and I felt dirty somehow. I sniffled. "Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry," he hesitated a moment, then stepped forward and took me in his arms. I'd stood there pretty lifelessly up to this point, but now I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. He had a nice, clean, slightly sweaty smell. We stood there for a little while. "Are you okay? I just thought it was what you wanted too." I didn't let go of him. "Well, I thought you wanted to be my friend." I started silently crying again. "Shannon, I do want to be your friend." He gave me a gentle squeeze and thought for a moment. "I want to be your special friend, and I want to take care of you." He lowered his voice, "and I want you to take care of me too." We stood there some more in silence, my head on his chest, feeling his heart beat, listening to his breathing. "With seven guys for every girl at this place, there's not enough girls to go around." I didn't say anything in response to that. "You're almost too pretty to be a boy, you know, and you're soft and effeminate, so I thought you'd be happy if a guy took an interest in you." This shocked me so much I didn't say anything at first. I'd always been self conscious about how I looked or acted, but no one had ever come right out and told me I was effeminate. I just felt crushed, and ashamed. I guess he felt me stiffen in his arms. "Hey, was that the wrong thing to say?" I just nodded, my face still buried in his shoulder, my tears running down his chest. "Geez, I'm sorry. I don't want to make you cry." He paused again, gave me another squeeze. "Is it okay for me to keep holding you?" I thought about that for a second. "Yeah." It didn't make a lot of sense, but it felt good the way he was holding me, and his skin on mine was a nice feeling. I sniffled some more, then heaved a deep sigh and stopped crying. "I noticed you a couple of weeks ago, as soon as I moved into the dorm." He rubbed his nose in my hair again. "At this point, all the girls are taken, but you're cute, and you're sweet, and I'd very much like to be your boyfriend, if you'd consider it." Then he kissed me softly on top of my head. I guess I knew this was coming by now, but his sweet, gentle approach surprised me - especially considering how aggressively he started out. I mumbled, "people would call me names." "I wouldn't let anyone do that. Anyway, they won't know if we keep it a secret." He kissed me again, on the cheek this time. "And I'll always treat you with respect." I let out a little half-tearful chuckle, "you'll respect me in the morning?" Very seriously, "I'll respect you all the time." Then he whispered in my ear, "can I kiss you now?" I thought about this. It was like crossing the Rubicon. Part of me wanted to, part of me didn't, but either way it felt like something final would happen if I did it. I raised my head to look at him, and, interpreting that as a "yes," he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. Realizing the mistake, and thinking it was my fault - I'd lead him on -- I decided to just go with it, and although he surprised me when he put his tongue in my mouth, I let him do it and even tried to be responsive. He kissed me for a long time, and started rubbing his hands up and down my back. I more tentatively let my own hands explore the solid muscles of his back. Eventually, he lifted his mouth from mine; his eyes were shining, and he looked very happy. "I'd like to touch you now." He kept one hand on my shoulder and ran the other across my chest and down to my stomach. "So smooth, so soft" he murmured. Then he took my hands and placed them on his chest. I half-heartedly started feeling his well-built pecs and abs. He had some very light hair on his chest and quite a bit from just under his naval running down into his jeans. "Oh, that feels so nice, Shannon, keep doing it." "I'm glad you like it," I whispered. I was real uncomfortable, but I also really wanted him to like me - still - and I was scared what would happen next. He took his hands off me (and I immediately took mine off him) and undid his belt, then pulled his jeans and maroon briefs down just enough to expose his erection. I could see that he was well hung. I stared at it, and offered no resistance as he undid my pants too, pulling my jeans and white briefs down past my knees. I felt his calloused hands gently caress my cock and balls, and it felt so good I made a little moan despite myself. "You like this too, I think." He sounded very happy at this. "Touch me too, Shannon." I shakily reached over and gripped his massive erection. I realized it was even bigger than it first appeared. He was uncut, unlike me, but I had enough loose skin that he could easily jerk me off like I was doing to him, and that's what we did. I simply followed his lead, doing the same thing to him that he was doing to me. "That's so nice, Shannon. Your hand is so soft and delicate. It's so nice." He reached down with his free hand and gently stroked my arm and hand. "Your whole body is so beautiful - all gold and ivory." Listening to him talk about me this way was real embarrassing, and I blushed, but didn't say anything. "Will you let me see all of you, Shannon?" "What?" Actually, I was pretty sure I knew what he meant, but I wanted to stall for time. "Get naked for me. Kick off your shoes and your jeans. I want to see your whole, beautiful body. Please?" "Um," he hadn't missed a stroke on my dick, though, and I was really horny now, so I kicked off my shoes, then tried to kick off my jeans, lost my balance, and would have fallen if Chris hadn't caught me. "Let me make this easier," he easily lifted me up onto the table, then pulled off my jeans, which he laid on the table with our shirts, and then both of my socks. I felt really vulnerable and exposed, but it was pretty exciting at the same time. "It's so wonderful to be able to see all of you, Shannon." He ran his hands along my thighs, and down my calves. He tried to touch my feet, but that tickled me way too much, and I giggled and pulled away from him. He let his hands find their way back to my crotch, and cradled my balls and stroked my cock some more. "I still can't get over how smooth you are! I just love touching you." "Thanks," I whispered. He stepped up to me, to where I was sitting naked on the edge of the table, and pressed his cock into mine, taking both in his hand at once and jerking us together. This actually didn't feel as good as the individual attention had, but I didn't say anything. He kissed me again, and, as before, I wrapped my arms around him and let him have his fill of me. While he was kissing me, on a whim, I wrapped my legs around his waist as well, pulling him closer to me. He made happy sounds, and kept kissing me. I was horny enough now that I didn't have serious reservations, and I actually felt good that I'd done something that made Chris happy. I heard his breathing get ragged, and then I felt wetness as he came onto his hand and my stomach. His cum ran down my cock. He must have fired six or seven strong shots before he finished. "Thanks, babe," he drew a deep breath. "That was SO good!" Disengaging his hand, he let me settle back onto the table on my elbows, my legs still around his waist. I looked up at him, not sure what he was going to do next. He idly smeared his cum around on my tummy for a bit with the palm of his hand, then gripped my cock again and, using his own cum for lube, resumed stroking me. "Oh that feels MUCH better!" And it did. I cam on my own stomach in less than thirty seconds. I had to signal him to stop stroking after it quit being nice and started being painful, but other than that, it was perfect. That, and the fact that I freaked out as soon as I came. "Let me up!" I was acutely conscious of being naked in a public place - well, sort of a public place - and of being covered with cum. "Shhh, wait just a moment." Chris didn't seem in any hurry, and with him between my legs, there was no way for me to get the leverage to even sit up. "Let me go!" I hesitated to raise my voice, because the last thing I wanted now was attention. "In a minute. Just be still and quiet for a minute, okay?" Still panicky, but not having much choice, I got quiet. I could feel the cum on my stomach starting to run down my side, and I worried that it would stain my shirt or my jeans. Then I watched as Chris took my socks and started patiently cleaning me up with them. He got my sides and stomach, then cleaned up his own dick, and finally, very carefully, wrapped a sock around my dick, cleaning it up and not over stimulating me. "Okay, now let's get dressed." He grabbed his T-shirt from the table, pulled it on over his head, and then stepped away, pulling up his briefs and adjusting his cock in them and then pulling up his pants and fastening them. I dropped off the table, and the dirty floor felt gritty under my bare feet. I pulled on my briefs, then ended up back on the table to get my jeans on. I was acutely uncomfortable knowing Chris was watching me in just my underwear while I tried to pull up my pants, and feeling miserable and humiliated, I kept looking at the floor. My shoes felt weird on my bare feet - I ALWAYS wore socks, but eventually I was completely dressed. As I stood up again, Chris silently handed me my two cum-soaked socks, which I took, held, and then looked at the floor again. The sticky feeling on my hand and the strong smell of our cum completely destroyed me. "Sweetie, it's okay." I didn't say anything. I felt his arms around me again. I tried ineffectually to push him away, but he wasn't having any of that. He took the socks and put them on the table. "It's okay, Shannon. I've got you." I'm not sure that really made much sense, but I let him hold me, and I again let myself seek comfort in his embrace, holding him tight as before. "Did you really never do this before?" "No." "Well, haven't you at least fantasized about it?" "No." "Not even when you jerk off?" "I don't." "You don't jerk off?" I nodded. "You expect me to believe you don't jerk off? You really religious or something?" He sounded alarmed. "No, I just never have." "That's very weird, you know." "I'm sorry." "Hey, hey. It's okay. I just didn't mean for this to be so difficult for you. How old are you, Shannon?" "Seventeen last month." "Oh. I'm nineteen next month; we're almost two years apart." "I skipped a grade." "My folks started me a year late." He held me in silence for a bit. "But I knew how to jerk off when I was eleven." "They must have taught that the year I skipped." I laughed into his shirt, and I felt him laugh with me. He stroked my hair with his hand. "You ready to go now?" He sounded a bit concerned. "We can stay here as long as you want." "Yeah, we can go." I let go of him, and pulled away, and he released me immediately. "Uh, don't forget your socks." He grinned evilly. I blushed again, picked up the slimy things, and was at a loss what to do with them. "Just stuff them in your front pocket and pull out your shirt to cover them. We're both filthy and we'll have to shower and change clothes when we get back anyway." Then he reached over and took my hand, and I let him lead me out and down the steps. As we reached the door back to the outside, I felt him squeeze my hand one last time, then kiss me on the cheek before we stepped outside. All the way back to the dorm I kept wondering what I was getting myself into. Chapter 2 Back in the light of day, I was surprised how dirty we looked. Chris had gray dust all over his T-shirt and even on his face. I could see it on my own shirt and pants. "Is my face all dirty, Chris?" "Yeah, you kind of look like you rolled in the dirt, angel." I blushed at that. "Wow, when you blush you REALLY blush!" That just made it worse. I tried to stalk off, but he caught up easily. "Hey, take it easy. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything." "I think maybe I need to be alone." "No, I think we need a shower - and no maybe about it." He tapped me lightly on the shoulder. "It'll be nice to shower with you." "Together?" That sounded a little daring. "Sure. No one else will be taking a shower at" he consulted his watch "4:30, and no one will notice two of us in the same stall." "I dunno about this . . ." "Oh it'll be fun. You'll see." We got back to the dorm and I went back to my room. My roommate wasn't in, so I shucked off the dirty clothes, selected some clean ones, wrapped myself in a towel, and set off for the shower nearest my room carrying clothes plus soap and shampoo. As I stepped in, I heard the door open behind me, and saw Chris come in, still wearing his dirty clothes, but carrying clean ones and his own towel. "Set your stuff down and get in quick," he whispered urgently. Still thinking this wasn't a great idea, I did it anyway - more afraid of being caught standing there in public than anything else. In a few moments he stepped in, pulling the curtain to. The shower stalls each had two heads, dating from a less modest time when there were no curtains, I think. Normally, that meant one of the two was wasted because no one would go into a shower stall that had the curtain pulled. Until now, anyway. I wondered if anyone would buy it if we tried to claim that we were just trying to make good use of them both for a change. In the bright light, I had my first good view of his entire body, and it was pretty impressive. He had great definition in all the major muscles of his arms, body, and legs. The dark blonde hair on his arms and legs was well distributed and looked nice on him. Even the lesser covering on his chest suited him well. The water cascading over him as he turned his head under the shower just accentuated his appearance. Catching me looking, he whispered, "Do you like the way I look, Shannon?" He actually sounded a little vulnerable - like he really cared what I thought - not like he was bragging or anything. I looked down at the floor, and whispered back, "You look very nice, Chris." Looking at my own, slight frame, "I wish I looked half as nice." "You're very beautiful, Shannon." He sounded very serious. "I wouldn't change anything about you at all." He stepped over, took me in his arms again, and kissed me. I felt his cock rise up and press against me. "That really scares me, man." I didn't try to move away though. "You really do like me like you would a girl." "So don't fight it." He started running his hands down my sides, and then gripped my ass with both hands, pulling me up against him, "It works for you too if you don't fight it." I couldn't argue, because I was getting hard again. "I'm just not sure I want to be your girlfriend." I said weakly. "Well, like I said, there's not enough girls to go around, so it's a good way to make us both happy, if you'll go with it." He kissed me passionately again, and I responded to some degree. "And I really, really want to make you happy." He kissed me some more. Then, very, very softly, he said, "To make us both happy." "I just never thought about doing anything with a guy before." I held him tight, though; his hard, muscular body felt good against me, especially with the hot water running down over us. "Did you ever think about girls either." I blushed again. "Uh, not much, I guess." He reached down and held my cock in one hand. "I really think this will work for you, if you'll give it a fair try." As before, his hand felt so good on me, and my resistance melted. "What do you want me to do?" "Get on your knees." He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed. I knelt, even though I knew what was coming. "I don't know if I can do this, Chris." He stroked my hair. "I love seeing those blue eyes looking up at me from down there." He smiled warmly at me. "Just put your face up to it to start with, okay?" He pulled my head into his crotch, pulling my nose into the mass of hair there. I wrapped my arms around him, like I thought he wanted me to, and inhaled his scent. I kind of liked the way he smelled, actually, although it was weird feeling the head of his dick pressed against my cheek. "Wrap your hand around it and touch it to the tip of your nose." I did what he asked, and giggled a little bit - I was very nervous, but it also seemed kind of silly. Also, all of this whispering gave the whole thing a weird, conspiratorial air, which tickled me too. "Lick it like a lollipop." I licked up the side of it. He let me do this for a little while, making encouraging noises. I marveled again at the size of his unit, especially the width of the head on it. "Purse your lips over your teeth like this," he made a comical, "old man" face, and I imitated it. "Good, keep them like that so you don't scratch me with your teeth." "I'm still not sure I can do this. Are you going to cum in my mouth?" "I really want to. It's like sharing part of myself with you. I'd always be a part of you, after that." I thought about that - how the protein in his semen would eventually become part of my skin, hair, etc. I really liked that idea, actually. (Okay, I know that proves I was a geek.) I looked back at the cock in my hand. I licked it again, then kissed it on the tip. "How will you treat me after I do this?" I had a sudden vision of him making fun of me or calling me names or worse. "Like my sweetheart." He smiled at me, and gently nudged my head towards his cock. "I'll be real good to you. I promise." I licked it another time or two, and then, essentially on impulse, I slid my mouth over it. "Yes!" he whispered intensely. Remembering what he'd said about my eyes, I looked up at him, with his cock about halfway in my mouth. Sure enough, he was looking down at me with the happiest expression on his face. "You look so beautiful with me in your mouth. SO nice." Looking up that wall of muscle he looked pretty nice too, but eventually I looked back down and started sucking on him as best I could. Never having done this before, I needed the several helpful hints he gave me along the way - always offered gently and encouraging me - but it still took a while, and I had plenty of time to think about what I was doing.. Sometimes I'd feel a wave of revulsion that I had a guy's dick in my mouth and that I could taste what I imagined to be his salty pre-cum. Other times I'd think how humiliating it was to be on my knees pleasuring another guy this way. And yet he was so sweet to me, I also kept thinking that I couldn't ever remember anyone being this nice to me. By the time he ejaculated in my mouth, I knew he wanted me to swallow his load, and I did it almost entirely because it was what he wanted, and because I wanted to please him. He sighed deeply, then, very quietly, "That was wonderful, Shannon." I pulled my tired mouth off his cock and looked down. He gave a sort of shiver, and a single extra drop of cum appeared on the head of his dick. It hadn't tasted so bad, actually, and, again on impulse, I licked up that last drop and swallowed it too. "Wow! That was really sweet." He kissed me on the top of my head. "I hate to leave a job unfinished," I said weakly. He laughed. "Ready to stand up?" I stood, and he embraced me and kissed me again. I wondered if he could taste his cum in my mouth, but I doubted it - I could hardly taste it myself. The sharp thought crossed my mind that I was a cocksucker now - that I had my boyfriend's cum in my stomach - and I cringed. "You okay?" I clutched him, already getting used to seeking comfort in his arms, and he held me tight. "I'm scared." "Don't be. I've got you. I'll take care of you." He squeezed me again and kissed me on the top of my head. "Everything is going to be fine." He held me there for a while, the warm water cascading over both of us. His hand found its way to my erection and he started stroking me almost absentmindedly. He cradled my head up against his shoulder while he gently, patiently jerked me off. "I'm going to cum, Chris," I whispered. He just kept stroking me, holding me against him, and I shot onto his stomach. "Okay" I pushed on his arm. He stopped stroking me and held me tight. "How do you feel now, Shannon?" He squeezed me gently. "I want you to be happy too." "I'm okay, I guess." I sighed deeply. "I really need to think about this, though. Whether this is something I really want." I disengaged from him, stepped to the other shower head, and started to soap myself up. "Okay, but I think this'll work really well for both of us, if you'll give it a chance." "You said that." "Oh yeah." He smiled weakly. We finished our showers in silence, then he slipped out before me. I waited until I heard the door close, then stepped out myself, dressed, and returned to my room. Up until dinner, I tried to work on my homework, but the thought of his cum in my stomach, the memory of how his dick felt in my mouth, kept distracting me. Remembering myself on my knees, the feel of his hands on my body, the sweet way he talked to me, the gentle way he treated me - I realized it was all how he'd treat a girl. I looked at myself in the mirror. I'd always been kind of proud of my platinum blond hair, and I was hardly the only boy in the dorm with long hair. I did have fine, almost delicate features, but did I look THAT much like a girl? Maybe I should get my hair cut . . . I got done with most of my work by dinner time, and when I stepped into the dining hall with my tray, I saw Chris wave to me, pointing to the seat he'd saved next to him. After just a moment's hesitation, I joined him. It's not like I had anywhere else to sit. That close to Chris, even despite his shower, I got a whiff of his clean, slightly sweaty smell, and it brought back very vividly the way his crotch smelled when my nose was buried in it and the way his cock has tasted in my mouth. I thought again about his ejaculation still sitting in my stomach - in the process of becoming part of me forever. Just as from now on I'd always know I'd been a cocksucker once. I didn't like that thought much, and I couldn't get rid of it. I just picked at my food, and said almost nothing during the meal. Chris tried to involve me in the conversation with his friends a few times, but I didn't have much to say. For the most part, they talked about sports, and I didn't have much to contribute anyway. Under the table, I felt his foot rub up against me affectionately from time to time, but I didn't reciprocate. Mark's two friends across the table from us were Jeff Hardy and Scott Steiner. Jeff was handsomer than Chris, I thought, although not as powerfully muscled. (Enough that I'll bet HE didn't get treated like a girl!) Scott looked to be very strong, but too muscular and almost ugly. They all three were on the wrestling. Jeff had a real girlfriend, Trish Stratus, generally considered to be the prettiest girl in the freshman class, and she sat beside him. The only way Scott could get a girl, I thought, was if he clubbed her on the head and dragged her back to his room. I smiled as I thought that. "So Shannon." Trish surprised me by addressing me directly for the first time. "Um, yes?" "Did you sign up for any athletics?" "Actually, yes, but just gymnastics." I wouldn't have even done that, except the Institute had a minimum physical education requirement, and everyone advised getting it out of the way as a freshman. "Really? So did I. My first class is tonight." "Um, so is mine." We both giggled. "Did you notice these two look like twins?" Startled, I looked over at Scott. "You sure you two aren't related?" He gave what passed for a smile for him, although to me it looked too much like the sneers I was used to from jocks in high school. Maybe it was just his crooked teeth, but I felt uncomfortable again. "Where are you from, Shannon?" Trish seemed genuinely interested. "Long Island." I smiled at her. "Can't you tell?" "Well, I would have guessed 'up North,' but y'all all sound alike to me." She laughed her sweet little laugh again. "I'm from North Florida. If we're twins, we must have been separated at birth." "Widely separated." We smiled again. As we chatted, I felt all warm inside again, and I realized I'd made another friend; somehow I suspected this one wouldn't expect quite as much from me as Chris did. Sure enough, we shared the same gym class, and since we'd both picked white shorts and a white T-shirt with the school logo on it, we looked even more like twins. I was the only boy in the class - other than our instructor - and Trish confused him quite a bit when she introduced me as her brother. He was obviously puzzled that our last names didn't match, and it was obvious he wanted to ask about that, but he couldn't figure out any polite way to do it. She and I both thought this was hysterical. From that point on, I called her "sis" and she called me "bubba," - it was a running joke with us - and I've always suspected that some of our classmates actually believed it. As we did our workout, I found myself trying to decide if I felt sexually attracted to any of the girls. I knew I really liked Trish, and I felt very proud that the prettiest girl in the freshman class seemed to like me too. Several of the other girls were pretty, I thought, and simply the fact that I noticed this made me feel maybe I wasn't really gay - despite what I'd done for Chris. As I thought about the things Chris and I had done that afternoon, I immediately threw an erection, and although I tried to conceal it, the instructor whispered to me, "You should focus on the workout, not the girls, Shannon." I blushed, but that made me even more confident that I wasn't really gay - bisexual at most - and I returned to my room in good spirits. Clearly, the instructor wasn't the only one who was confused. Chapter 3 When I woke up the next morning, I felt awful about what I'd done with Chris the day before. Every time I'd think back to how I'd stripped naked for him, or let him feel me up, or kiss me, I'd just cringe. Little aspects of the experience, like how his stubble had felt against my face, or how his pubic hairs looked up close kept coming back to haunt me - never mind the reality that I'd sucked him off and swallowed his cum, which kept hitting me like bracing cold water every time I thought about it.. Somehow I struggled into my clothes and stumbled to my Physics class. I brightened up immediately when Trish saw me, waved, and took a seat next to me. "'Morning, Bubba. How you feeling this morning?" At first I was shocked that she could read my mind, but then I realized she was talking about our gym class. "My legs are pretty sore, actually. You?" "I couldn't BELIEVE how sore my legs were this morning - it didn't seem nearly that hard last night." Jeff said hello and took the seat on the other side of Trish. "Good morning, Shannon." Chris settled into the seat on the other side of me. I gave him a grim look and deliberately turned back to Trish, but he wasn't letting me get away, and squeezed my arm. "Did any of you make much sense out of the reading last night?" "Yeah, I had some of this in High School." One of my character defects is that I can't resist showing off - present company hadn't improved my sparkling personality I guess. Everyone expressed interest in this, though, but about that time, Professor Foley started the lecture, and, as I've indicated before, he was not a man to be trifled with, so we all hushed. I got a lot out of his lecture, actually, and it seemed to solidify my understanding of the subject, but my other friends (including Scott, who snuck in about 15 minutes late and sat on the other side of Chris) felt completely baffled. "Bubba, did you really understand that?" (I heard Jeff whisper to Chris "What did she call him?") "Yeah, I guess I only half-understood it when we had this stuff last year, but it seems real clear to me now." "Well could you take some time this afternoon to explain it to me? I'm hopelessly lost now." "No problem." I grinned at her. "Sis." "So you two decided you're really twins after all, huh?" Jeff seemed inordinately amused by this. "Yep," I put an arm around her shoulders. "Our gym instructor figured it out for us, actually." Everyone laughed in a puzzled kind of way. Our classes passed more or less the same way up until lunch, where all of us sat together like old friends. I'd never belonged to a group like that before, and I felt very happy, although Scott still made me a little uncomfortable. We shared lunch together, and went our separate ways for the afternoon classes. At Trish's request, I hooked up with everyone in the free time between our last class and dinner and gave all my new friends a lecture on force and vectors. "My High School Physics teacher told us that most of Freshman Physics depended on learning just two things: Vectors add, and you can't push a string." I giggled as I said that, and Trish giggled with me - our homework problems were filled with pictures of weird contraptions supported by strings. The other guys just smiled. I worked through the homework exercises with them, and by the time dinner was ready, even Scott got it. Actually, to be fair, Jeff was probably the slowest one - not that the Institute admitted "slow" students by most measures. To be completely fair, I should say that even Scott seemed appreciative. Naturally, I was just glowing. About an hour or so after dinner, Chris came by wanting to do more "exploring," but I put him off, saying I had homework to finish. He seemed disappointed, but returned with his own homework, and sat on the bed with me to work on it. Of course, he sat as close to me as he possibly could, under the guise of needing to see my book and my paper, and eventually my roommate headed out, saying, "I'll leave you two together." "Great!" Chris boomed out, with a sly smile. "I thought you'd never leave." My roomie smirked, and made a big production of closing and locking the door behind him. I was mortified. "Chris!" I paused to collect my thoughts. "You can't do stuff like that!" "Do what? He's just making a joke. Guys do that all the time. It'll only be a problem if you let him think you took it seriously. Just grin or act disgusted, or even make a joke of it, like I did." He wrapped an arm around me and kissed me on the cheek. I pulled away from him. "I don't want to do this anymore. I just want us to be friends." He seemed a little frustrated. "You know you like it, Shannon, don't make it so hard." "Anyway, I don't think I'm gay." "You seemed that way yesterday afternoon." He smiled wickedly and stroked my cheek with his hand. I flushed, "Well, I saw some nice girls in gymnastics class last night though; if I can appreciate girls, I can't really be gay. I just need to spend more time thinking about girls and less time . . . ." I couldn't actually make myself say, "doing things with you." "Is Trish one of those girls?" I blushed again and didn't say anything. He wrapped an arm around my waist, "C'mere, you." As always, his arm felt nice around me, and I didn't resist him this time. "Trish belongs to Jeff the way you need to belong to me. You and Trish are real cute together; Jeff and I both think so." Now I got scared, "What did you tell Jeff?" "Nothing. But he's sure not threatened by a guy who calls his girlfriend 'Sis.'" I looked at the floor. "Sugar," he kissed me on the head, and laid his free hand on my thigh, "please don't fight me. " He pulled me closer, and I let him draw me into his lap. My head nestled in his shoulder, my butt between his legs, his arms around me. "Don't you like this?" "Yeah," I said softly. "Look at me." I looked up, and he kissed me on the mouth. I didn't try to push him away - I just let him have what he wanted. I still didn't get that much out of the kissing, but I was very erect again from the cuddling. Breaking his lip lock, "okay, ready for a walk now?" I nodded, and we set forth out the door. This time, Chris wanted to explore the Steam Tunnels, that fantastic labyrinth of tunnels that upperclassmen claimed underlay the campus. I was skeptical as to how true this was, but Chris had scared up a map of sorts, and using his master key (again, needing my help to make it work) we were able to enter the network from a door in the subbasement of the dorm. We found ourselves in a very long corridor, about as high as a hallway in the dorm, well- lit, but with a musty, underground smell, and lined with all kinds of pipes and things. We set off along it - following his map - and as we walked, he took my hand. There was no sign of another human being anywhere. As we walked, I had a kind of uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, though. I knew that despite my best efforts, I was Chris' girlfriend again - in his eyes, at least - and I knew we were going someplace private where he'd want sex again. I knew he'd be gentle, I knew he'd be sweet, and I knew I'd end up giving him whatever he wanted. I was even hard thinking about it. But I also dreaded it. As we got deeper into the system, it got warmer. The path reached a huge cross corridor, which Chris said was the "Grand Corridor." I got very confused where we were, as he led us up and down dirty concrete staircases and even a metal ladder once. Ultimately, we wound up crawling under a very large pipe, which created a sort of semi-private room separated from the main corridor. Up on the ceiling above was a square, dark hole leading upwards. A cool breeze seemed to come from it. "That's where we're going, I think. It's called 'Window'" "Any special reason?" He smiled. "You'll see." He boosted me up, since I couldn't easily grab the edge, and I scrambled up into the room above. He vaulted up and joined me in a flash. We were in a single chamber about 10x6 and maybe 10 feet high, with a stone latticework on one wall. The cool breeze was coming through that lattice, which also let in enough light from a streetlamp for us to see. He joined me at the lattice, which looked out of one of the walls of the chemistry building. We'd probably walked past it every day without ever giving it a second glance. There was a small sunken garden about one story below us. As we stood there, side by side, he patted me on the back, saying "pretty cool, huh?" Then he casually wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned into him and he held me close. "Yeah, it's interesting." He pulled off his shirt. "A bit warm in here, though." I knew what he wanted, and without being told to, I started to undress. He stood there shirtless and watched me. "I love watching you undress, Shannon." I blushed again, but finished stripping for him. When I stood there naked, he reached over and fingered my hair. "You're so pretty." He whispered. He kissed me again. Despite the breeze, the warm room was comfortable naked, but the dirty floor felt a bit uncomfortable on my soft, bare feet, and I was a bit surprised when Chris got completely naked too. I'd expected him to just pull down his pants and have me suck him off again. Part of me was even looking forward to it. I went ahead and kneeled down, but I had to put some of my clothes under my knees to protect them from the rough concrete floor. Somewhat to my surprise, though, he pulled me further forward until I was resting on my hands and knees. Then he stepped behind me and I felt his finger siding up and down my butt crack, running lightly over my hole. I shivered as I realized what he wanted this time. "Do you like me touching your pussy?" I didn't say anything. I felt something a bit cold and looked around. He had a jar of Vaseline, and he started working his finger into me. "Relax, relax, relax." He was very gentle, and it did feel kind of nice, actually, but in my mind I knew that as soon as I let him fuck me, I'd be his girl forever - I'd lose my last chance to be a real man ever. (That's how I felt, anyway.) "That's good, that's real good. Keep relaxing." He patted me on the back reassuringly. Part of me felt really pleased at this attention from him. Only a part of me, though; the rest of me hated it. Nevertheless, I didn't stir while he opened me up. He got his finger deeper and deeper into me, and I started to cry silently, the tears running down my cheeks. I knew I wasn't going to object, that he was going to take me like a girl - like a dog, actually - and I felt really degraded. He stopped fingering me, and I heard the slick sound of him lubing up his dick. Then I felt it pressing against my anus. It felt impossibly big, but it felt warm and rather pleasant so far. "How's that feel. You okay, sweetheart?" "Yeah," I choked out. "Are you crying?" He sounded real concerned. I felt the pressure disappear as he stood up. I sniffled, but didn't say anything. "Hey." He swept me into his arms, and I folded myself into him - seeking comfort from the source of my discomfort. I knew that was screwed up, but I couldn't help it. "It's okay, we don't have to do this right now." I managed a muffled "Thanks." He held me for a bit in silence until I calmed down. "You okay now?" I drew a deep breath. "Yeah." "Can you still take care of my cock the regular way?" "Yeah, I think so." I dropped to my knees. "Um, what's this shit on your dick?" He chuckled "Such language! It's just Vaseline, it's harmless." I still looked dubious, so he said, "Watch this" and used a finger to scoop some from the jar and ate it. After that, I put my mouth on him and started sucking him again. "Play with my balls while you suck me, okay Shannon?" I did as he asked, and he moaned softly and started stroking my hair again. His balls were large and hairy - unlike mine in both respects - and I fondled them awkwardly. He made an especially happy noise when I rubbed the area right behind his balls, and about that point he shot a heavy load. Per his instructions from before, I kept sucking until I was sure he was done, then milked him down and swallowed. I even looked up at him anxious for his approval, although that part of me that disapproved was sarcastically telling me what a great cocksucker I had become. "That was perfect, Shannon." He tousled my hair. "Just perfect." Then he squatted on the floor and drew me into his lap. I assumed the position he wanted me in, knowing by now that this was how he liked to cuddle me, and I dimly realized that I liked being held so much that it seemed to make up for all the stuff he wanted me to do that I didn't like. He kissed me softly on the top of my head and started idly stroking my dick. "So what's the problem with me fucking you?" Shocked at the directness of this, I didn't say anything but "um" at first. His hand kept working my dick, then switched to massaging my balls. "I'll be real, real gentle with you, Shannon. I'd never, ever want to hurt you." He kissed me again. "It scares me" I whispered, wrapping my arms tighter around him, burying my head in his chest, and happy to feel him give me a reassuring squeeze with his arm. "Don't be scared." His hand rubbed that place behind my balls, and it felt really good. "Mmmm” "Like that?" "Uh huh." "How about this?" He let his hand go further down and started stroking my asshole again - not pushing into me, just stroking the outside. "It feels really nice." "Yeah, I thought you liked it" he started working his finger into me again. "My cock will feel nice in you too, you know." I blushed, but of course he couldn't see me. "Maybe." "It will, it will. Your little pussy was made for me" I didn't say anything to this. "Jerk yourself off while I finger you - I can't get a hand free." This was not something I ever did to myself, as I've said before, but I did as he told me, feeling a little self-conscious - God knows why. With his cum in my stomach and his finger up my butt, you'd wonder why I'd be embarrassed for him to see me jerking myself off, but I was anyway. He worked his finger all the way in me, and when he started running it around in circles, it stimulated me so much it pushed me over the edge. I actually cried out as I ejaculated on my stomach, and I felt him pull his finger out of me as I shot. I heaved a big sigh, and then snuggled up against him, heedless of the cum starting to run down my tummy. "Let's not make a mess. I think these are my clothes we're sitting on." I was so comfortable in his arms, though, that I really didn't want to get up - but that wasn't what he had in mind. I felt his hand on my stomach scooping up some of my load. Then he raised it to my lips. "I dunno if I can do that, Chris." Right at that moment, the thought of eating my own cum was pretty revolting, actually. He persisted a bit in trying to get me to lick it off his hand, and I finally pushed his hand away, annoyed. He laughed, and waved it under my nose. I jerked my head away, starting to get upset with him, and then I realized he was just teasing me with it. Like it was a frog he was teasing his girlfriend with. For some reason, I found that comforting. I smiled and snuggled back up to him. "Hmm, so what am I going to do with a handful of cum?" I giggled. "Well, you could eat it yourself." "Or I could rub it in your hair." I squealed at that, which I guess indicated I didn't really think he'd do it, and I tried to get away. He held me in place with one arm, and again I realized just how much stronger than me he was. Then he reached over and rubbed it into my crotch, wiping his hand fairly clean on my cock and balls. "You rat!" But it wasn't actually all that bad - half of my load had run down there anyway. I quit struggling - a bit out of breath, actually, and panted. He relaxed his grip on me, and just held me. "Mad at me?" "Yeah," I grinned, "now I hate you forever!" "Oh, in that case," and he started tickling me. Now I'm very ticklish, and I squirmed and tried to get away from him, but, as before, he had a good grip, and I was helpless. He kept moving his hand around, tickling me under the arm, then on the ribs, even on the thigh. If there was anyone walking outside the Chemistry building, they must have been completely mystified - Chem. Lab wasn't supposed to be this much fun! Finally, I begged him to stop. Like magic, he did. I cuddled up to him again, and I realized - again -- just how very much I liked this kind of intimacy with him. How much I'd come to trust him, to feel comfortable with him. This definitely made the sex worthwhile. He idly started to stroke my hair. "Hey! Which hand is that?" "Don't worry. It's clean." He hesitated. "Well, it is now, anyway." "What!" This time he let me turn to face him, but he grabbed my wrists as I pretended to swing at him. Whatever I did, I could never get my hands close to him, however hard I tried, and all the while he kept grinning at me. After a bit, I tired of it again, and, once more, as soon as I relaxed, he let me go. I slid forward, legs wrapped around him, and rested my head on his shoulder. I felt his arms go around me, I closed my eyes, and I was happy. Chapter 4 The next afternoon, Chris caught up with me again alone in my room. "So where's the roomie?" "Chem. Lab. He'll be back in about an hour." I grinned as he closed and locked the door. "Why do you ask?" "No special reason," He smiled and sat down next to me, wrapping a muscular arm around me. I turned my face up to be kissed, and he kissed me tenderly. I scooted into his lap so he could hold me better, and he did as I wanted, never breaking our lip lock. We cuddled and I sucked his tongue for a while. "Shannon?" Dreamily, "Yeah?" "I want you to let me make love to you." I went cold. "I dunno, Chris." "Why not?" "It scares me." Comfortingly, "I'll be real gentle. I always am, right?" He trailed his fingers through my hair. "Oh that's not what I'm scared of. I trust you." "What is it then?" "It's like, if I do that, it makes me completely queer." He ignored that, "I do want to take good care of my girl." He kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I mean, if I let you do that to me, will you be disgusted with me after that?" "No, honey, no!" He squeezed me real tight. "It'll make us closer than ever, that's all." Softly, "Maybe I'll be disgusted with myself." He didn't say anything. Almost inaudibly, "I don't want to be a queer." He sighed. "I know you don't, sugar," and he gave me a gentle squeeze and a soft kiss. He undid my pants, and I didn't stop him. Then he pulled off my shirt and ran his hands over my smooth chest. "You're so beautiful, though." He pulled down on my pants and briefs and I lifted up to let him expose my erection. He let his fingers idly fondle my cock and balls, and I sighed. "You do need to face facts, though." "What?" "A straight boy doesn't get excited when another guy touches him." I didn't like the way this was going, "I'm not sure that's true." He switched to stroking me. "It's true enough." He stood up, opened his jeans, shoved down his usual maroon briefs, and pulled out his dick, stepped between my legs. I stroked it a bit with my hand, then looked up at him. He nodded, so I put it in my mouth and started sucking him. "They don't suck cock either." I started to pull my head back at this, but he held my head with his hands. Now up to this point, he'd always been passive when I sucked him off, but now he started to fuck my mouth, flexing his hips and shoving his cock across my lips. I guess I could have tried to bite him or something, but I was so worried I'd accidentally scratch him that that thought was very far from my mind. I felt more used than ever, but when he shot, I swallowed his usual massive load as always. He let me go, and I looked up at him unhappily. Chris pulled up his briefs and adjusted his cock and did up his pants. "Straight guys don't swallow cum either, Shannon." He patted my head. "But I don't want you to be a straight guy. You're my girlfriend, and you should be happy for me to fuck your pussy. It'll be easier than me fucking your mouth, I promise." "I still don't think it necessarily makes me gay until I let you fuck me." He sounded exasperated. "Shannon, if you're really straight, why do you keep sucking me off?" I blushed at this for some reason, looked down, and mumbled, "I really like it when you hold me." In a flash, he sat down beside me and took me in his arms. "I'll hold you any time you need me to." He again started idly playing with my cock. "Any time." "So Chris?" "Yes, sugar?" "Do you think straight guys like to have other guys suck them off?" "They like having their girlfriends suck them off." He stopped stroking me. "Do they roughhouse with their girlfriends like we did last night?" He hesitated a second, "No," he said at last, "probably not." "You said you liked me as I am. That I don't need to change anything." He resumed stroking me, and kissed me softly on the head. "That's true, sugar." "Then doesn't that make you queer too?" He jerked like I'd given him an electric shock. Then, for a long few seconds, he just sat there. Finally, very deliberately, he pushed me out of his lap, and I fell onto the floor with a yelp. With my pants around my ankles, I couldn't catch myself, and my butt really stung when I hit. He stood up and towered over me. For the first time, he looked really angry, and it scared me into silence, my erection wilting into nothing. Very coldly, "I think you can finish up by yourself." He strode out the door, leaving me on the floor. I dressed myself, then tried to work on my homework for a while, but I couldn't concentrate. I felt really, really hurt, and really, really sorry for myself. I alternated between wishing I'd never made friends with him to begin with, and wishing I could make it up and just let him hold me. I even found myself thinking that I wouldn't mind him screwing me if he could face me while he did it so I didn't feel used and degraded by it. (Imagining the geometry for this made me hard again.) Then I'd get angry and think I didn't want to see him again. My mind kept replaying the episode and going around, and around, and around. After a while, I decided to go out for a walk. "Hey, Bubba, wait up!" Glumly, "Hi Sis." Normally I'd be real pleased to see her, but I didn't feel like company. She caught up to me just as I reached the outside door. "What's the matter, you look upset." "I" and that's all I got out as my eyes filled with tears and my throat got too thick to talk. "Oh my gosh!" She wrapped her arms around me, and I cried silently on her shoulder, distantly noting the faint hint of perfume she used and thinking how nice she smelled. "Here, let's not stand in public." She led me into the mini kitchen that stood just to the side of the entrance and closed the door. Then she wrapped her arms around me again. I drew a deep, shuddering breath. "Do you want to talk about it, Bubba?" she asked softly. "I had a fight with Chris." "Did he HURT you? I can't believe he'd do that." "Not on the outside." "That's too bad. I thought you two were becoming such good friends." I laughed bitterly through my tears, "Yeah, right." "What was this about?" "I can't say." She didn't press me for more than that. I stepped back from her, and she released me reluctantly. "You going to be okay?" "I just need to go for a walk, clear my head, maybe read a bit." "Okay. You're not upset enough to do anything stupid are you?" She seemed really concerned. I stared at her dumbfounded, then I hugged her tight. "Sis, I'd never hurt myself. Believe me. I'm not THAT bad off." Again, she didn't say anything, and I listened to her breathing. "Do you believe me?" I leaned back and looked into her eyes. She looked back intently, "Okay, I believe you. Will you be back soon?" "Probably in an hour or so. Before dinner for sure." So I set out again, leaving a worried Trish behind me, but instead of a walk, I made a beeline for the library, a 9-story structure of steel, glass, and granite. As this was my first time there, I awkwardly asked for help finding books on psychology and learned how to use the card catalog system. Then, once I was alone, I looked for books on "Homosexuality." Up on the fifth floor, essentially alone, I found a carrel and started reading. Lucky for me, the first book I selected, "Society and the Healthy Homosexual," made for comforting reading. I'd selected it for its upbeat title. I say lucky, because as I later learned (for I eventually read everything I could find on the topic), there were some pretty depressing books on that shelf too. I became really engrossed in the book, though, and although it confirmed my fears that I was gay, it helped me feel a lot better about it than I might have otherwise. What I couldn't decide from it, though, was whether Chris was gay just like me, or if he was just "situational homosexual" because there weren't enough girls at the Institute. Unfortunately, when I get into my reading, I forget all about things like, what's around me, or what time it is. I sat there completely immersed for much longer than the hour I'd promised. "Do you think you're gay, Bubba?" I looked up with a start, then tried to hide the book. "What are you doing here?" She looked on the verge of tears, "when you missed dinner, I was afraid you weren't coming back." I looked at my watch: it had been almost three hours. I was suddenly acutely conscious of being very hungry. "Geez Sis, I'm so sorry." This time I took her in my arms, and she held me tight. "So how'd you find me?" "Well, you said you wanted something to READ, and since you didn't bring a book, I thought I'd look here." The emphasis on "I'd" caught my attention. "Um, so who else is looking for me?" "Chris and Jeff." I got an uneasy feeling. "What did you tell them?" "I just said I'd seen you going out and you'd looked upset and I was worried about you. Scott laughed at me, but Chris looked real worried too, and so after dinner we went to look." "Now I'm REALLY sorry." I put my book back on the shelf. "I don't suppose I can tell you it's just academic curiosity." "Is Chris gay too?" Wow, she was fast! "What makes you think that?" "Well, you said you two had a fight." Suddenly, I decided to level with her, "I think we're both gay, but he thinks it's just me." "Well, if he just wants to be your friend, you really shouldn't push him." "Oh he wants to be friends all right. He wants me to be his GIRLfriend. But he doesn't want to admit that makes HIM gay too." "Well, you ARE a sissy, Bubba." "What!" Stung, I pulled away. "It's okay." She took my hand. "You're sweet and gentle and we laugh at the same things. I like you better than any of the boys OR any of the girls. I can relax with you and just be friends. I guess I kinda thought you were gay from the start. But I can understand Chris wanting to treat you more like a girl. Had he had real girlfriends?" "No, he said it was too late and all the girls were taken." "Not for a guy like Chris! Several girls had an eye on him, but he never showed any of us any interest." "Really?" "Uh huh. But I meant has he had girlfriends before?" "I don't know." I suddenly realized I'd never asked. I smiled as I realized it had always been something I really hadn't wanted to hear about. "Well, I never heard him talk about one. I think it's just something he feels he needs to do. So how long have you known you were gay?" "About three hours." "Bubba, I think I'VE known you were gay longer than that." "Yeah, Chris said he spotted me on the first day. But I didn't believe it until today." "Did, uh, did you and Chris do something today that made you think that?" I hesitated and she hurriedly said, "you don't need to tell me details." I grinned real big at that. "Chris and me? No, we didn't do anything we haven't been doing for the past several days. It was what you and I did." "You and me? What did WE do?" She looked genuinely puzzled now. "When you comforted me, let me cry on your shoulder, you know?" She nodded. "Well, I didn't feel any sexual response at all." "So?" "Well, when I do the same thing with Chris, I'm instantly aroused. Heck, all he has to do is touch me." Then I thought of something. "Does Jeff react that way to you?" She blushed bright red, "That's kind of personal, Bubba, but since you're family, yes, if I let Jeff hug on me, I can always feel how interested he is." I kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Sis." "So do you love Chris?" "I'm not even sure I know what that means, but I know I want to make up to him, and I know I want to make him happy." "So what was the fight about anyway?" "I tried to push him into admitting he was gay if I was gay." She thought about that for a minute. "Are you surprised a big, tough guy like Chris doesn't want anyone thinking of him that way?" "No, I guess not, now that I think about it." "I think it's a lot easier if you're a sissy," she saw me cringe, "Sorry, Bubba, but it's true. No one will be too surprised to hear you're gay, but everyone will be shocked about Chris." Now she'd worried me. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" "No, not if you don't want me to." "Not even Jeff?" "Especially not Jeff. I'll bet Chris cares what Jeff thinks more than anything." "So what DOES Jeff think?" "Well, he's pretty comfortable with you." "WHAT?" "He told me he was sure you were gay the first time we met." I felt kind of sick. "Oh." "He likes you, Bubba. You're not a threat to him. He thinks it's cute the way we talk together." I smiled weakly. "Also, I think he had a gay teacher or something in high school, so he's okay with it." "I think Scott has a problem with me though." "Yes, but Chris and Jeff have both convinced him you're not really gay." "How'd they do that?" "They told him you hit on me but I turned you down and we agreed to just be friends." "WHAT?" "He bought it. I think he's still very infatuated with me, so he thinks all guys are. He creeps me out though. If he weren't Chris' roommate, I'd try hard to keep him from hanging out with us." "Okay, my head is spinning now. Let's head back before someone calls 911, okay?" "Oops!" she looked alarmed, "Chris and Jeff must still be looking." We hurried back, and found them in the common room near the big gas fireplace. Obviously they weren't looking TOO hard. "I found him!" Trish lifted my hand triumphantly. I blushed. "Where was he?" Chris tried unsuccessfully to disguise his concern. "Geez guys, I was just up in the library reading." "Must have been a good book to miss dinner over," Scott eyed me suspiciously. I thought for a split second, "Yeah, it was 'Tropic of Calculus.'" "What the heck is that?" "It's a math book you read with one hand." Everyone else moaned at this and Trish protested it was "gross." Scott looked confused until Jeff explained it to him. "So what was the problem?" Jeff seemed genuinely concerned. "I just got stressed out, and walking and reading help me deal with it. So I walked to the library - sort of combining both activities. Then I must have lost track of time." "I go lift weights when I get that way." Chris flexed an arm. "You must be stressed all the time!" I grinned at him. He grinned back, and looked relieved, "In this place, who isn't?" Chapter 5 Friday morning, I woke up and immediately regretted having told Trish I thought I was gay. As I stumbled to the shower, I ran through my reasoning, trying to convince myself it wasn't true. I tried fantasizing about Trish, but that actually caused me to lose my morning erection almost immediately. Okay, I thought, Trish really is kind of like my sister (if I had a sister), so I tried fantasizing about other girls - girls I saw in class, girls I saw on TV, even girls I remembered from school. It just embarrassed me. Then I let myself think about how I felt when I cuddled with Chris, feeling his skin against mine, feeling his arms holding me close, and my member instantly came to attention. I touched it and gently stroked myself. I know it sounds retarded to be 17 and not know how to masturbate, but I'd obviously been a late bloomer sexually. Anyway, I'd learned quite a bit from Chris, and although my own hand didn't feel as good as his, it still felt wonderful. As I stood under the hot spray, pumping my dick for all I was worth, I fantasized about being with Chris, kissing him, swallowing his load again, seeing him smile at me, and I also fantasized about feeling him inside me. I imagined sitting on his cock, facing him, legs wrapped around him, his arms around me, loving him, pleasing him, and feeling him jerk me off. I even fingered my own asshole a little, using soap for lube, and worked a finger in while I hammered away on myself. Eyes, closed, sliding my finger in and out of myself, imagining it was Chris, I brought myself to a climax, shooting my cum into the shower drain. I panted for breath for a bit, rinsed myself off, and then, numbed, I climbed out of the shower, wrapped my towel around myself, and padded back to my room. As I walked, I looked down at my feet for some reason, and it struck me as incongruous that the feet of a homosexual could look so normal - neatly trimmed nails a healthy pink from the shower, skin almost ivory, gold hairs here and there - and as I dressed, the realization that that awful word and all it's awful synonyms correctly described me lay heavy inside me. As I headed off to my first class, I met Trish and Jeff on the way out, and Trish surprised me with a hug and a kiss. "You okay this morning, Bubba?" "Yeah, I think so." Then I looked over at Jeff, wondering how he was handling me hugging and kissing his girlfriend, but he just smiled. "Um, how are you two?" "We're fine, Shannon." Jeff still had a big smile, even as we all started walking and Trish took my hand. Suddenly, I had a really strong desire to talk to both of them. "So Trish told you?" "Told me what?" He didn't look puzzled, though. I looked at Trish. "No, Bubba. I didn't tell him anything." "Um," suddenly, my courage failed me, "Um, that I've decided . . ." I couldn't finish. ". . . to be a Physics major?" Jeff chuckled. "Um, not exactly." I looked at the ground, feeling miserable. "Well, you ought to. You seem to have a knack for it." "Ought to what?" Chris had come up behind us, and poked me affectionately in the side. "Jeff thinks Shannon should be a Physics major," Trish offered. "Geez guys, it's only the second week of class!" I guess I felt relieved that Jeff had let me off the hook, even though I was sure he knew very well what I wanted to say, but couldn't resist teasing me. "So where's Scott?" Trish sounded more like she hoped to use this intelligence to avoid him than anything else, but Chris didn't respond to her tone. "Sleeping late as usual. Says it's not his fault he can't schedule all his classes in the afternoon." "He's not coming at all?" Trish seemed unduly pleased - and to be honest, I felt a little relieved myself. "Oh, I think he'll drag in late as usual. We should save him a seat, anyway." So the day passed without incident, although I found myself daydreaming about Chris more than once during the afternoon. Thinking of him aroused me easily now, and thinking about stripping naked for him, feeling his hands on me, kneeling for him, tasting him in my mouth, pleasuring him with my lips, swallowing his ejaculation - all these things seemed exciting. All my regrets seemed to have evaporated. Moreover, I kept thinking about new things - about having him inside me, either sitting on his erection, or lying back and spreading my legs for him, or even letting him take me from behind as he'd wanted to before - all these thoughts seemed sexy and appealing. But most of all, I kept thinking over and over how much I wanted to be in his arms again. I was still uncomfortable that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I didn't really feel like a girl, and I didn't want to be a girl, but I was ready to look past it. To "give it a fair try," as he kept saying. So after class, I went immediately to his room, and found him at his desk working away. He and Scott had a room with skybeds, which means both beds were raised high off the floor on a wooden frame. We couldn't sit side-by-side on his bed, since it was only about two feet below the ceiling, but this gave them so much more floor space that they actually had extra furniture, so I pulled the door closed, then plopped down happily on their couch. "Hi, you seem cheerful." I took a deep breath. "Well, I've decided I really am gay, I really do want to belong to you, and I'll be happy to do anything a girlfriend could do for you." That was as close as I was willing to come to saying I'd BE his girlfriend, but I hoped that would be enough., but far from the happy, pleased look I'd expected to see on his face, he got a strained, distressed look. "I KNEW you were a faggot!" I looked up and realized sickly that Scott had been out of view in his bed. "That's the sickest thing I've ever heard!" I sat there stunned as he clumsily swung down from the bed, unfortunately landing between me and the door. "Get out of our room, fag." "I . . ." I looked over at Chris, but he wasn't looking at me. "NOW!" Scott helpfully opened the door for me, stepping a bit to the side. I stumbled to my feet and rushed out of the room, but as I passed Scott, he gave me a solid kick in the ass, actually lifting me off the ground, and causing me to stumble and fall in the hallway. "GET LOST, COCKSUCKER!" He slammed the door behind me. People up and down the hallway poked their heads out to see what was going on, and even though I ran for it, I thought I'd die of shame before I reached the door at the end of the hall. I stumbled outside, my head spinning, and headed in the direction of the library, cursing myself for not looking overhead, or at least asking where Scott was. Thinking everyone would know now. Thinking I couldn't go back there. And thinking I should just kill myself. My thoughts kept coming back to that. I'd try to think about Chris, but whatever nice thoughts I might have kept coming back to that look on his face while Scott was throwing me out. The way he didn't lift a finger for me or say a word for me. "A guy like Chris doesn't want people thinking of him that way," I heard Trish's voice in my mind again. I figured there was no way he'd even be friendly to me again now. I started to cry. Feeling very sorry for myself, I made my way up to the top floor of the library, looking for the roof access. Fortunately, the Institute had some experience with suicidal students, and they had secured the roof access with a padlock - something even a master key wouldn't open. I stared at it dully; I didn't think any other building on campus was tall enough to jump off, and the thought of maybe being paralyzed or crippled for life deeply frightened me. Then I thought about what would happen when I went back to the dorm, and I felt even more frightened. Feeling crushed, and very sorry for myself, I wandered aimlessly in the stacks, up and down a couple of floors, eventually finding an illustrated history of World War II that caught my eye, and ended up flipping through the pages, looking at the pictures, and trying hard not to think what I was going to do next. "Planning to join the army?" I looked up with a start. I'd half expected Trish would come find me, but I wasn't expecting Jeff. I looked at him warily, as he pulled up a chair. "So is it true?" His smile disappeared, and I realized I'd never seem him this serious before. "Didn't Trish tell you?" "No, she's at the gym class you're missing right now." That didn't quite seem to follow. "So everyone knows?" "Well, I think your roommate doesn't know yet. No one can find him." "He's got family in the area. He's spending the weekend with them." "Well, that helps, I think." He paused for a moment. "Lots of people are on your side, you know." "On MY side?" I wasn't entirely sure what that meant. "Yeah, Scott shouldn't have done what he did. If anyone had a valid complaint, it was Chris." I dreaded the answer, but I had to know. "So what did Chris say?" "No one can find him either." "So what is Scott saying?" I felt my throat constrict and I could barely get the words out. Jeff looked uncomfortable, "He, um, he says you told them you were gay and offered to do things for Chris." I just nodded. "Is that true?" I looked at the floor. "Yeah, I guess that's close enough." "Chris is a handsome guy. It doesn't surprise me that a gay guy would be attracted to him. Especially when we'd been nice to you." A thought seemed to cross his mind. "Um, you're not attracted to me too, are you?" "No." He looked surprised, and even a little hurt. "I mean, Chris is the only guy I think about . . ." I realized that Jeff didn't have a clue about Chris, and I resolved to protect him - despite everything - whatever the cost to me. Somehow that made me feel stronger. "Well, you should put that out of your mind. I got stuck on a girl in high school, and I really made myself miserable before I finally just forced myself not to think about her." I hoped I wouldn't have to do that with Chris, but the thought depressed me. "That's hard to do," I whispered. "I know." He slugged me on the shoulder. "But it's for the best." "I guess." "Ready to head back? You can't hide here forever." I felt filled with dread again. "I can't go back," I whispered. "Yes you can. I'll stand by you, and I think you'll discover people aren't as bad as you think. You may need to be prepared for roommate trouble next week, but I think that's the worst of it." "I just can't face people - and what about Scott?" Suddenly I realized I was really, really afraid of Scott. "It'll all work out." He grabbed me by the arm. "Come on, I'll stick with you." I stood up and let him lead me out. "Aren't you afraid people will talk about you too?" "Let 'em talk. I'm dating the prettiest girl in the freshman class," then he grinned at me, "besides, she likes you, she wants me to help protect you, and it lets me show off to her." This did make me feel a bit better, but I had one more question. "So is that the only reason you're so cool about all this?" "No. I had a gay teacher in San Francisco, so you're not the first gay person I ever met." "Yeah, Trish said something about that." We chatted all the way back. When we reached the dorm, I didn't want to go in, but Jeff coaxed me the last few steps. Then he practically dragged me into the lounge, "You need to hang out with a few people at least for a while - it's no good if you just hide in your room." So I sat on one of the sofas across from the fireplace, and, sure enough, a couple of people sat down near me and said hi kind of awkwardly. "When did you decide you were gay, Shannon?" Jeff cheerfully pushed me into the deep end of the pool. "Um, uh, just this week, actually." "This week?" one of the guys I vaguely knew seemed surprised. "I'll bet Foley's lectures caused it." He smiled weakly. "Nah." His friend seemed a bit more serious. "It's just because there aren't enough girls here." "I don't think it's something you can just decide to do," Jeff offered. "Why not?" "Well, have you tried?" Jeff grinned as the other boy blushed and sputtered. "I didn't think so." "So what makes you think you're gay, Shannon?" Another guy had joined the group. "Um," I blushed again, "I guess I just realized that all I think about is guys." "Don't you like girls?" "I like Trish a lot, but I just don't think about her that way." "Good thing, too." Jeff chuckled. "I don't see why Scott is so put out," the first guy spoke again. "It's just less competition for the rest of us." This got general agreement. "Are you okay, Bubba?" I hadn't seen Trish come in, but I felt very relieved as she hugged me, sat down with me, and squeezed my hand. "Don't let Scott get to you, Shannon," one of the other girls in the dorm came up to me. "He's probably just jealous you wanted Chris and not him. I couldn't help myself, "Now THAT'S gross!" This got a laugh out of everyone, and she sat down on the other side of me. "Hey, how come HE gets all the attention from the girls?" Everyone was still all smiles. I couldn't believe it. I actually felt like I was more popular than I'd ever been. This went on for a good hour or so, without a discouraging word from anyone. When I finally headed back to my room, I almost felt happy - up until the point I saw Scott waiting for me outside my door. "Heard you were talking about me, fag." I slowly started to back up. "Hey, I'm talking to you." He reached over and popped me on the chest with the back of his hand. "Don't queers have any manners?" "Leave me alone, Scott." Scrunching his face up and making a very mincing voice, "Leave me alone, Scott." He popped me again. I kept backing up. "I don't like you looking at me, faggot." He tried to pop me again, but this time I managed to dodge out of his way. This seemed to infuriate him. "Don't worry. You're too ugly for me to look at on purpose." I giggled nervously. I saw his fist coming at me in slow motion like in a dream, and like a dream, I couldn't move to get out of its way. When it reached me, the lights went out. Chapter 6 "I'm NOT a fag!" It was almost funny watching Scott turn red in the face and be unable to do anything about it. The Dean raised an eyebrow, "No? Well, it certainly sounds like you two had a fight over a girl - except in this case the girl is another boy." I blushed at that, but stayed silent and looked at the floor. "I just don't want to stay in the same dorm with a fag!" "That's supposed to explain why you beat up a boy half your size and put him in the hospital?" Mitch fell silent. The Dean's hard gaze fell on Chris next. "How about you, Mr. Nowinski? Are you going to try to claim Mr. Moore isn't your boyfriend?" I looked up in surprise, but Dr. McMan's eyes were fixed on Chris, so I don't think I gave anything away that way. "No sir. I never told him I wanted a boyfriend," Chris said, honestly but mendaciously. "No? Then would you care to explain your fight with Mr. Steiner?" "He was just standing up for Bubba - um Shannon." "Thank you, Miss Stratus, but I really want to hear what Mr. Nowinski has to say. I'll get to you directly." "Uh, he just seemed so proud of himself for beating up poor Shannon. It just made me mad." "Indeed." The Dean sounded very dubious. "So I suppose you didn't know he was interested in you until he expressed his undying love for you last Friday?" "No sir, he'd never said anything like that before." Again, truthful but wholly misleading. "So Miss Stratus," he paused for a moment, "you're not really related to Mr. Moore, are you?" "No," I broke in, "but she's my best friend in the world." I saw a flash of pain cross Chris’ face. Trish looked at me mournfully, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, Bubba." "So exactly what did you see?" The Dean seemed unperturbed. "Um, well, we heard Shannon scream, and Jeff and I both ran up the stairs. Scott was standing over him yelling ugly things." "Precisely what did Mr. Steiner say?" Trish gave Scott a look of pure hate, "He was saying, 'Get up, faggot, get up or I'll kill you.'" The Dean looked back at Scott, "Did you actually threaten to kill him?" He looked at the floor, "I didn't really mean it." "Indeed." He looked back at Trish. "So when Shannon didn't move, Scott started kicking him." "I did NOT. I just nudged him with my foot." "That's not what the hospital said, you stupid lying ASSHOLE!" Then she and Scott started yelling at each other. "Quiet!" They hushed. "What happened next?" "Um," she sniffed a bit. "I yelled at him, and he got scared and backed away." "How did YOU frighten him, Miss Stratus?" The Dean actually seemed amused just for a second. "She didn't yell AT him," Jeff broke in, "She screamed for help at the top of her lungs - at least three times. Guys came pouring out of their rooms, down the hallway, up the stairs - at least half the dorm." Jeff sounded very proud of her. "Scott looked like someone poured cold water on him; I think he was going to try to say something for a second, then he just split." "Is that accurate, Mr. Steiner?" Scott looked at the floor. "More or less." "Anyway when I got to Shannon, he looked terrible. His nose was bleeding, and he was out cold. But what scared me the most was I couldn't wake him up." Trish choked up here. "So I got a couple of guys to help me carry him to my car," Jeff continued, "And we went straight to the emergency room." Even Jeff choked up a little here. "It's amazing how much attention you get when you carry someone in. People came running over with a stretcher, trying to help us." "So which one of you was it who decided to call the police?" "I think the hospital did that," Trish offered. "What did you tell them that made them do that?" "Um," Trish flushed bright red here, "I told them a big guy at the dorm had beaten up my twin brother." "Why did you tell them he was your brother?" "Um, it's a game we play. I didn't mean anything by it at first - it just sort of came out, but later they came out to talk to me, and once they started treating me as his next-of-kin, I couldn't stop." "So you went along with this, Mr. Hardy?" "Well, as soon they told us Shannon had a concussion and that he'd probably wake up on his own in a bit, I went ahead and drove back to school. Trish wanted to wait and be there when he woke up, and I guess the only way they let her in was because they thought she was his sister. Also, if she hadn't been there, they would have called his parents in New York, and no one wanted that." "I gather your parents don't know you're homosexual, Mr. Moore?" The thought of someone telling my folks scared me more than anything, "No. I really didn't know myself before last week." The awful thought crossed my mind that Scott might call them himself. I shuddered. He looked at me quizzically, and I waited for him to say, "Indeed" with that same "I know you're lying to me" tone, but he just went "Hmmmm" instead. He looked back at Trish, and she continued. "So I sat by his bed and held his hand until he woke up. He was real groggy and didn't know where he was or anything." I remembered opening my eyes and seeing her face hovering over me. I'd swear it was rotating slowly around in circles. A mild concussion, two bruised ribs, a bloody nose, and a shiner. One night in the hospital. Could have been a lot worse. The Dean turned his hard eyes back at Jeff, "So what happened when you got back to campus?" "Well, I went looking for Chris. I found him down in the weight room, and when I told him what had happened he flipped." "Could you be more precise?" "Um, he called Scott a lot of names, and stormed out. I followed him back to the dorm. I thought the walk had calmed him down, but when we got back to their room and he confronted Scott, something Scott said pushed him over the edge." "I told him he needed to look for a real girlfriend, not settle for some pansy." Chris went white and clenched his fists, but otherwise didn't move. "And what did you mean by that?" "Isn't it obvious?" Scott spat out. "Queer boy has been flirting with Chris all week, and Chris has been encouraging him. Anyway, when I told him, he lit into me." "Is that accurate, Mr. Nowinski?" Chris looked at the floor. "Kinda." "Mr. Nowinski, it's not that unusual for a normal male student to feel attracted to an effeminate homosexual one." I really cringed at that. "There aren't enough girls here, so it does happen. In my experience, though, it always leads to trouble. Not usually as spectacular as the mess you five have managed to make, but still trouble. Mr. Moore will not manage to be a satisfactory girl for you, no matter how much he may look like one." Ouch! "And he'll eventually be unhappy being treated like one, and will get jealous when you show interest in real girls. You need to let this go, and make up your mind to either find a real girlfriend, or else wait until graduation." He smiled paternally. "I know that sounds like a long time, but it will go by all too quickly." Chris just nodded dumbly. Then the Dean looked at me. "You realize I can't allow a predatory homosexual to stay in the dorm with the regular students." "What?" "Several students complained about the 'consciousness raising' session you held in the student lounge just before your fight with Mr. Steiner." "The what?" "That was my fault," Jeff broke in. "I put him up to it. I thought it would make it easier for everyone if we just talked about it. I mean, everyone was talking about it already. Who complained?" "Not all students are comfortable sharing a dorm with someone who's quite so visibly homosexual, Mr. Hardy." "It wasn't his fault!" Trish seemed on the verge of tears. "He didn't know Scott would hear him." "Well, what's done is done. The simple truth is, you can't stay in the dorm. There are a few single rooms in the basement of the old administration building. They're not the most desirable housing, but they're private, and one is available. I'm moving you into that, and I expect you to focus on your classes and avoid socializing for a while. Do you understand me?" I nodded, thinking how I was going to be even lonelier than I'd been to start with, and I felt tears forming, even though I desperately didn't want to cry in front of the Dean. I looked at the floor to try to disguise it. "And I especially don't want you talking to Mr. Nowinski. Is that clear?" I nodded. He looked over at Chris, "and you're well advised not to go looking for him either." "No." I looked up at Chris, surprised. "No?" The Dean raised an eyebrow and waited for Chris to reply. "No. This isn't about not having enough girls." He took a deep breath. "I had lots of chances to date girls - still do. I don't want a girl." He stopped and drew another deep breath. "Shannon is who I want." Then he almost whispered, "Shannon is all I want." Everyone sat there in stunned silence - even the Dean seemed taken aback. "You should not be so quick to decide to be a homosexual, Mr. Nowinski. It's not the kind of thing you can change your mind about later." "I never have liked girls, Dr. McMan - just guys like Shannon. He's not the first one, and if there's a predator here, it's me. He didn't even think he was gay until I told him." I started to say something, but thought better of it. "But I never met a guy who meant as much to me as Shannon does. I can't just let him go." He looked at me forlornly, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me." He looked like he was going to cry himself. "Hmmmm." The Dean took a moment to digest this, while the rest of us sat there quietly - even Scott. "Do you two think you can keep your affections private, and limit them to one another?" I took a moment to decipher that. "I never wanted anyone but Chris, and I never wanted anyone to know in the first place." I looked at Trish, realized that wasn't strictly true, but she let it slide. "Likewise," Chris smiled at me, "we should just swap roommates and then we can all be happy." "It's not as easy at that, Mr. Nowinski." "Why not?" "You don't think a known pair of homosexual lovers will disrupt dorm life? Think again." "Yeah, no one wants to be around fags, thinking about you queering each other off; you two are gross." "Mr. Steiner, I'd shut up, if I were you." He shut up. "A heterosexual couple disrupts dorm life too," he looked at Jeff and Trish, "I wouldn't let you two share a room either." "But we weren't asking for that," Trish was a little slow on the uptake this afternoon, and she trailed off as she realized her mistake. "Here's what I'll do. There is an open suite in the married students' complex. If you'll promise no more gay activism in the dorm, I'll put you both in there." "That's still not fair, Dr. McMan. They didn't do anything to anyone - it's Scott who's the cause of all this. You're punishing the wrong people here. Anyway, won't the married students have the same problem with them?" "No, the married students essentially live in an apartment complex, and like other Californian apartment dwellers, they don't socialize with their neighbors at all. As for punishment, I think this is a very generous offer; there is a waiting list for these apartments, and I'm jumping them over several people just to make this problem go away." He looked at us, "Do you boys think I'm being unfair?" We looked at each other, I smiled at Chris, he smiled back, and then turned to the Dean, "No sir, it sounds like a great deal. We'll take it." "A wise choice." Then he looked at Scott. "Mr. Steiner. There is no excuse for brutalizing another student, especially one so much smaller and weaker than yourself. That you could be so low as to kick him when he was lying unconscious on the ground makes me wonder if you are in the wrong KIND of institution." I couldn't help myself. I snickered. Trish and I both giggled and I'd swear I saw a hint of a smile cross that stern face. "What about me? Nowinski beat me up too." "Looks like you gave as good as you got - you've both got black eyes." "Yeah, but he broke my nose too!" "Well, at least he hit someone who isn‘t smaller than him." Mitch shut up. "You're on probation for the rest of the year. Another physical altercation with a student and I'll expel you. Do you understand me?" "Yes sir." "Good. Then I believe we're done here. Pick up your new room assignments from my secretary. I want you out of there today." He stood up, and motioned us towards the door. "Thank you all for your cooperation." We shuffled out the door, Scott disappeared, but Jeff and Trish stayed while Chris and I picked up an information packet from Dr. McMan's secretary. As we stepped out of the building into the sunshine, Jeff suddenly laughed out loud. "What's so funny?" "This was all for show. Old McMan had this all figured out before he talked to us!" "What do you mean?" "Why do you think your new room assignments were already ready?" Chapter 7 Our first day alone in our new place was kind of bleak. The apartment came with some furnishings, but they weren't a big step up from what you found in the dorm rooms. It was kind of dirty too - the last inhabitants didn't seem to have bothered to clean up before they left. I wondered why they'd left so early in the term, but unless they were evicted for being pigs, we didn't find any clues. And the bed, the double bed in the bedroom, didn't even have sheets on it. On the other hand, the apartment had at least three times the space of a dorm room, including the living room and tiny kitchen. "Welcome home," Chris offered hopefully. "It'll be better after we get it organized, I think." He didn't answer. Just hugged me, then kissed me. I kissed him back, of course, then dropped my bag as I realized how serious he was. We hugged and kissed passionately, and I felt his erection press against me. I wondered if he thought we'd just do it right in the middle of the living room floor when he separated from me. "We should start cleaning this place up." I must have looked very surprised because he added, "Work before play, you know." So we started hauling out trash. I made a serious effort to clean the fridge, but the cleaning materials under the sink had petrified. "Chris, I think one of us needs to make a run to Wal-Mart." "Yeah." He sighed. "This place was no gift." We put together a list, and while he hoofed it over there, I made trip after trip to the dumpster. Armed with proper equipment, we spent the rest of our Saturday cleaning everything: the floor, the fridge, the rug, even the furniture. By the time evening came, it was finally starting to look respectable, and I prepared our first meal in our new home: ham sandwiches, potato chips, and Cherry coke. "To our new life together!" Chris raised his can, and I smiled back and him and raised mine. Other than that, we pretty much ate in silence, sharing some ice cream for dessert. Then we cuddled together on the couch. Me sitting across his lap, my head on his shoulder, his arms around me. I felt snug, safe, protected - happy. I could even nap this way. "Shannon?" "Yeah?" "I'm really sorry." I looked up at him in real surprise. "For what?" "For trying to make you be a girl." He sounded a little choked up. "Oh." I hadn't expected this. "It's okay." We sat there a bit longer. "No," he said at last, "I don't think it IS okay." "Why not?" "Well," he hesitated a moment, "I'm sorry I tried to use you. I really want you to be happy." Then he whispered, "I want to make you happy." I can't really describe how wonderful that made me feel. A wave of pure delight ran through me. "I want to make you happy too." I snuggled up to him, purred a little, then looked up at him, and he leaned down and kissed me again. His tongue burrowed into my mouth, and I sucked on it lazily. Then he pulled up. "Let's go in the bedroom." "We haven't put the sheets on the bed yet, Chris." "So?" Then he picked me up, like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and carried me into our bedroom. I just giggled, and held onto his neck until he laid me gently on our bed and started to undress me. Other than lifting up to let him pull my jeans and briefs off, I didn't do any work at all. I felt very lazy lying there naked watching my lover strip down to his underwear. Very much to my surprise, he climbed between my legs and started to suck me. This was the first time he'd EVER had my dick in his mouth, and I watched with astonishment - and intense excitement. I mean, I guess I was still the passive one here - instead of me on my knees, it was me on my back - but I didn't really expect Chris to suck me off, so seeing him going down on me really charged me up. "Chris? I'm going to cum if you don't stop soon." He didn't reply, and he didn't stop, so I figured it was what he wanted. I started writhing and flexing my legs when I felt myself getting close. I hadn't realized just how long you hang suspended just short of orgasm during a blow job, so it seemed like forever that I squirmed under him, curling and uncurling my toes, feeling the pressure build and build until I took a deep breath and held it as went over the edge, gasping while I sprayed convulsively into his mouth. "Seemed like you liked that." "Yeah," I panted, "I can't believe you did it." "I'm kind of thinking that myself, but I'm really glad you liked it." Now I felt a little concerned (partly because I was way too tired now to suck HIM off), "Was it okay for you?" "Well," he hesitated a moment, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." "I thought you'd done things with guys before." "Yeah, but I never did this before." "Oh." I snuggled up to him, and he held me gently. "I guess that makes me special then." He chuckled. "Definitely." We lay there quietly for a minute or so, but I could feel his hardness against me, the cotton of his briefs tickling me, and from time to time he sort of idly rubbed it against me, so I knew he'd be wanting something from me soon, but I just didn't have any energy. It struck me that he'd never let me cum first before, and now I had a pretty good idea why. "Chris?" "Yeah?" "I feel bad, but I'm too tired to do anything for you right now." He chuckled again and rolled over on top of me, "Then I guess I'll just have to take what I want myself, huh?" He kissed me hard, invading my mouth with his tongue, and I passively let him in. He ran his hands rather roughly over my body, ultimately lifting my legs up to my shoulders, looping his arms around my legs and under my arms, folding me over and holding me securely, while he humped my crotch and tongued my mouth. I realized that he could make love to me in this position and I wondered if I was ready for that. Chris apparently had the same thought. "Shannon?" "Yes?" "I really want to be inside you now." "I know." Still holding me like a pretzel, he looked at me very seriously, "Can I try?" "I guess." Although that wasn't the most ringing endorsement, he smiled, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, whispered, "Thanks!" and dashed out of the room. I smiled too as I watched him go out; I'd never seem my boyfriend in his briefs from behind before and wondered what “H” on the back meant, and I really liked seeing the smooth motion of his muscles and the tightness of his butt. I felt a surge of love for him right then, and in that moment I really, really wanted to do anything to make him happy. I heard him making some noise in the next room, then he returned triumphantly with a jar of Vaseline. With no ceremony, he jerked his briefs off and he got between my legs and started working it into my butt. "Try to relax as much as you can, okay?" "Um, I'll try, but someone seems to be sticking his finger up my ass." We both giggled. He'd fingered me before that one time, of course, but this went much better. Even a bare mattress makes a big improvement over a concrete floor! Soon enough, he had a finger all the way up there and was running it around in circles. It actually felt pretty good and I told him so. He just beamed. Then he applied a generous amount to his dick and pressed it against my hole. That felt pretty good too. "Chris?" He looked concerned, "Does that feel okay?" "Yeah, it feels real nice. I just . . ." then I choked up a little, "I just wanted to say I really want us to be able to do this." He looked so happy it made me all warm inside. "I want this SO much, Shannon." He increased the pressure and it actually felt even better. "That feels nice, Chris." I knew that his cock was starting to have its way with me, that he was about to take me like a man takes a woman, that this would make my transformation into a submissive homosexual complete. I knew all these things, but I spread my legs for him and welcomed him into me because it did feel good and because I felt such a scary-strong desire just to make him happy. He pushed a little harder and I actually started to pull on him. And then I felt a sharp pain right in the center of my anus. I gasped, and urgently pushed back on him. He immediately withdrew, but the pain didn't stop. "Oh God, it hurts, it hurts!" "Shannon, I'm so sorry!" Chris said and collected me in his arms, and I clung to him in agony." "Oh it hurts!" On the verge of tears, I buried my face in his chest. He just held me there until the pain went away. It seemed to take forever, but was probably just a few minutes. He asked me if I was okay a couple of times, but when I shook my head no, he just kept holding me. Finally, with a deep sigh, I reported that I felt okay again. Totally drained, but not in pain anyway. "Um, Shannon?" "Yeah?" "Can we try again?" "Maybe we'd better not." "I thought it might be easier if you sat on me instead of me trying to stick it in you." I thought about that for a moment. I really just wanted to cuddle with him - I still didn't even feel like sucking him off - but I knew I needed to do something for him. "Okay," I said reluctantly. He smiled again, and sat naked, Indian-style. I got up close to him, facing him, and squatted over his cock, guiding it to my traumatized hole with my hand, pulling back the foreskin and gingerly let it touch me there. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel really good like before either. Part of my mind thought about how undignified I looked now, squatting on my heels trying to impale myself on another boy's dick. I very slowly lowered myself onto him, and at a certain point it did start to feel nice again. When it got a little uncomfortable, I stopped, even slid back up a fraction, then down again. Slowly, then, I worked it up inside me. As it got deep enough, I felt another feeling as it spread me apart. Sort of uncomfortable, but not painful. Very intense. I decided I could tolerate that. As it built, part of me sort of wanted more of it - a little like wiggling a loose tooth. "The head is in" Chris whispered. Larger than the shaft, accommodating his dickhead amounted to most of the challenge, and that intense feeling spread through my whole body, leaving me gasping and my fingers and toes tingling while that big knob made its way up my backside. Finally, with a sigh of relief, I slid relatively easily the rest of the way down his pole until my butt rested on his thighs. I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head on his shoulder, panting. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. It's real intense though. Like my whole body is throbbing around it." "Sounds cool." "I dunno if I'd call it that." He tried to bounce me up and down a little, like he wanted to thrust inside me, but all he did was move me and his dick up and down together. "Shannon? We need to change positions. I don't think I can fuck you like this." I winced a little. I still didn't like being the direct object of the F-word. Even though with my lover's cock firmly shoved up into my rectum, there really wasn't any other way to describe it. "Okay." So he leaned me back and rolled over on top of me until we were in the same position as before, except with him all the way inside me. He took a couple of experimental strokes, and he slid pretty easily back and forth. Then he started pumping me in earnest, thrusting up into my guts and back maybe halfway out. After no more than a dozen stokes, he spent his load inside me, grinding hard against me, as deep as he could go. Then he lay on my shoulder panting, arms still locked around my knees, dick still plugging me. Right then I felt really used. I mean, this hadn't been particularly romantic or anything. I just wanted to get it over with and get a shower. Alone. "Chris? Are we done?" He took a deep breath, let it out in a whoosh, then sat up a bit, still holding me firmly in position, and looked into my eyes. "Are you okay, Shannon?" I guess my voice must have given me away. "I dunno. It's a little uncomfortable." "I love you, Shannon." He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. "I love you more than I know how to say." He smiled down at me, eyes shining. "I know this was hard for you, and I know you did it for me." He swallowed, then whispered, "this is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me." Then he put his head back down and kissed me on the cheek. Maybe it's silly, but that really changed everything. I mean, suddenly I felt all warm inside, and I wanted him inside me, around me - exactly where he was of course - forever. He sat back up again, still inside me, and started playing with me. I put my hands behind my head, smiled up at him, and enjoyed lying there lazily while he rubbed his greasy hand over my genitals. "This is real nice," I whispered. "Yeah, I can tell." He grinned wickedly as he switched from rubbing to stroking my now-erect penis. "I want you to like it whenever we do this, you know?" Funny the way your mood can change, but I said, "I'll do anything to make you happy, Chris." He made a cooing noise, leaned down to kiss me again (interrupting his jerking me off). This time his tongue went into my mouth, and his arms went around me again, pulling me to him. I felt his cock slip an inch or two deeper into me, and I got the feeling he'd got hard again - confirmed when he ground himself against me a time or two. I hadn't appreciated the difference between being fucked when you're horny and being fucked when you're not, but suddenly I wanted to feel him thrusting inside me more than anything. With his tongue vigorously pumping my mouth I couldn't say anything, of course, but as though reading my mind, he bucked his hips a couple more times for me before pulling off again. "Are you ready to fuck me again?" I actually said it out loud. He smiled and started working my dick again. "In a minute." Again that shining smile. Then, more concerned, "Do you really want me to?" I smiled back up at him. "More than anything else in the world." "It doesn't hurt anymore then? You like the feeling?" "Well, that's part of it - but it's how it makes me feel. Like I belong to you." His eyes got big, and for a second I was afraid I'd said the wrong thing. "I belong to you too, Shannon." He sounded a little choked up again. "Always and forever," he whispered. "Uh, I'm going to cum if you don't stop doing that, Chris." "Oops!" He let me go in a hurry, then grinned that sly grin again. "I never realized how much you liked sweet talk." "And being hugged, and being kissed - among other things." We giggled. As if on cue, he leaned forward and kissed me again, stopping both our mouths - pausing just once to say "I know some of those other things," before he laid into me again. He'd already cum once, so he lasted a lot longer the second time. I was looser and more relaxed, so I just lay there comfortably in his grip and let him have his way with me. Maybe I still felt used, but this time I wanted to be used, and he used me very thoroughly. He never took his mouth off mine, never took his tongue out of my mouth, and lightly sucking his tongue was pretty much my sole contribution to the whole effort. But I was deliriously happy. As I listened to his breath get shorter and felt his body getting sweaty, I realized just how athletic this was. I felt some pride at what a beautiful athlete I had for a lover. I thought about how Chris - my Chris - was in my arms, inside my body, taking everything I had to give, and I felt completely consumed by my feelings for him. Now he was starting to grunt on each down stroke, and he was taking much longer strokes - almost pulling completely out of me on each stroke, then ramming himself all the way up me. I started to grunt in time with him. I thought how we must look like two animals going at it with desperate energy. Suddenly, he shoved deep up into me, bending me even further backwards, taking quick, almost spasmodic thrusts as far in me as he could get, and I realized he was depositing another load up there. This time, that seemed hot and sexy, and this time I was very hard. Again, he collapsed on top of me - much more out of breath than last time. I tried to rub against him, but I couldn't get any traction either. "You ready to cum, Shannon?" He raised his head, and I could see how damp his dark brown hair had got. "Yeah." I grinned at him. "But I can't reach it." "You don't need to." He shifted position and started working my unit again. "I'll always be happy to take care of you from now on." He showed me those perfect teeth again. It didn't take much longer for his hand to coax a large load onto my stomach, after which he gently pulled out of me, cleaned me up a little, and snuggled me against his shoulder. Now I felt a little sore, and maybe not so happy I'd encouraged him to do me twice, but it felt nice in his arms - as always. Then he started shaking a little. Not a whole lot, just a little, but I wondered what was going on. Then I heard a short sniffle and I realized he was crying. That scared the daylights out of me, and I sat up. "Chris? What's wrong?" He tried to turn his head away, but I wasn't having any of that. Then I lay down next to him, pulled him gently towards me, and we both rolled over to where HIS head was on MY shoulder and *I* was holding HIM for a change. He clutched me tight - around the shoulders and well above my cracked rib, thank God - and just wept. This was scary too; he didn't cry like a little boy - these were deep, horrible sobs that sounded like they were being dug out of him by the roots. I could feel his whole body convulsing. It terrified me, and I just kept saying, "What's wrong? What's wrong?" over and over. I got close to crying myself. Finally he calmed down, sniffled some, took a deep breath, and took one on my hands in his. Then he squeezed me carefully and very tearfully said, "I really love you Shannon." Seriously worried now that my lover was losing his mind or taking drugs or something, I pressed his hand (and felt him squeeze mine back almost desperately), "I really love you too Chris." "It's just that I keep thinking I've destroyed my whole life for this." THEN I realized what this was about. I didn't know what to say to that though. "There's no way to take this back now. Everyone knows - everyone must be talking about it. This'll affect every job I ever take - I'm branded for life now." He sounded despairing. "I'm sorry, Chris." Now I was crying. "I didn't mean to do this to you." That startled him, "Hey, I didn't mean it like that." He rolled us over, back to our more usual cuddling position and kissed me on the cheek. "I didn't mean it like that at all." I sniffled a little, and he sniffled a little too, which made us both laugh through our tears a little. "Shannon?" "Uh huh?" "Don't ever leave me." "What?" I got up on my elbow and looked down at his tear-streaked face. He was deadly serious. "I promise I'll stay with you forever," and I kissed him on the lips. In a very formal sounding voice, like he was taking an oath, he said, "I promise I'll take care of you forever - no one will ever hurt you again." I hesitated a little bit - I sort of knew what I wanted to say next, but it was a little scary, "I promise to belong to you forever. To be yours completely - and only yours." He hugged me again. "I belong to you too, Shannon. I'll be yours completely and forever." We went on like this for a while. Sticky with lube, sweat and cum, two naked guys on a bare mattress solemnly exchanging vows of eternal love and fidelity. It was the only wedding ceremony we would ever have - and the only one we'd ever need. Eventually we showered, finished a few last chores, made the bed, climbed under the covers, and turned out the lights. Chris reached for me, and we embraced each other. I knew there would be some tough times ahead of us, but I felt certain we could cope with anything as long as we could be together. Happy and content, I fell asleep in my lover's arms for the first time. THE END