I'll Be There By Lady Boss (sequel to No Matter What)
	"I'll Be There" It was the sound of someone sobbing that woke Jay from a restless sleep. His body aching from the match he had earlier that evening, he had a hard time trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, only being able to doze for a few minutes at a time. Now there was the crying. At first he thought it was some pain killer induced dream until he opened his eyes and saw Adam wasn't in his bed. "Adam?" he whispered, not getting a response right away. Propping himself up on his aching elbows, he looked around and saw a light on under the bathroom door. Concerned, he got out of bed every muscle screaming in protest and walked over, tapping on the door gently. "Adam? Adam, you okay?" "Yeah," a muffled reply came back. "I'm fine Jay." Most people would've gone right back to bed, preferring to sleep their pain away than deal with someone else's problems. But Jay wasn't most people. Relieved to find the door unlocked, he opened it and saw Adam sitting on the edge of the tub, head on hands, tear streaks wetting his handsome features, his eyes red and puffy. Ignoring the pain in his lower back, Jay walked over and sat next to his childhood friend and put an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him. "You had the dream again didn't you?" his voice was soft. Adam nodded, staring ahead of him, the lost look on his face was one Jay was familiar with and hated. "Did you want to talk about it?" jay prodded. "It's the same one." Adam whispered. "The crying.it won't stop." He closed his eyes. "I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone involved but now.I'm not too sure." Adam then opened his eyes and looked at Jay. "What can I do to make it stop Jay? What do I have to do?" Jay pulled Adam to him as he broke down again and tried comforting his friend as best he could, but knew there really wasn't anything he could do or say to take Adam's pain and guilt away. In the weeks following Adam's abortion, Jay watched his friend, normally so lively, turn into a shell of himself. While he was always 'on' as far as work went, away from the ring he was totally different person; quiet, moody and standoffish, getting to the point where he had shut off his friends, especially those who had children. As far as Jay was concerned there was only one person to blame for Adam's current state; Adam's ex-boyfriend, Shane McMahon. Jay remembered how happy Adam was when he and Shane had started dating, but when Shane found out Adam was pregnant - Adam being one of millions of men with the ability to do so - Shane ended things abruptly, leaving Adam to make the one choice Jay hoped he wouldn't and that was to abort the baby. A baby Jay would've been more than happy to raise with Adam, who he'd been secretly in love with since their childhood. Even with his not-so-subtle suggestions for Adam to keep the baby, Adam had gone through with the abortion; something Jay himself was personally against after his sister had become sterile after having one. And now, here they were sitting on the edge of a hotel bathtub, Jay trying to help Adam through what he knew was post-abortion-depression. A depression Jay was determined to help Adam through, no matter how long it took. "I'm okay now," Adam said as he pulled away from Jay, wiping his eyes as he did so. "You sure?" Jay pushed Adam's hair back. Adam nodded. "Why don't you splash your face with some water and try to get some sleep?" "I don't know if I can." "You'd better because I don't think Kurt would appreciate you falling asleep in the middle of him putting the Angle lock on you." That got a weak smile from Adam. "Have I told you how grateful I am with you sticking with me?" "Only a hundred times a day." Jay said with a weak smile of his own. "How about we make it a hundred and one?" "Go on, get cleaned up. We show up looking like zombies, Vince'll have a fit." Adam's smile widened a bit before he walked over to the sink to do as Jay asked. Jay watched his friend and knew he'd give anything to have Adam smile and laugh like he used to again. "Is Adam all right?" In the hotel dining room the next morning, Jay looked up from his breakfast to see Trish sitting across the table from him while Adam was at the buffet table getting his breakfast. "Yeah, why wouldn't he be?" Trish shifted in her seat. "I had the room next to yours last night and I heard him crying." "Just a bad dream that's all." Jay dismissed, not wanting to talk about the real reason. "You sure?" "I'm sure." "Well ever since he had that surgery, he's been like this-" "Let it drop Trish," Jay knew he sounded harsh but he didn't care at the moment. She opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it and said goodbye, leaving before Adam returned to the table. "What was that about?" "Nothing. She just wanted to stop by and say hi." Adam nodded before they ate their meals in silence. That evening when they arrived at the arena they were greeted by the sight of a small gathering of some of the boys. "What's going on?" Jay asked Shane Helms since he was the closest. "We're welcoming a new member to the firm," he joked pointing over where Chris Jericho and Dwayne Johnson were standing over what looked like a car seat of some sort that sat on top of one of the tables lining the backstage area. Jay watched with some apprehension as Chris had taken a blanket-covered bundle out of the car seat. "How much did he weigh?" They heard Andrew Martin ask. "About seven pounds." Dwayne replied. While on publicity for 'The Scorpion King', Dwayne found out he was pregnant and Vince gave him extra time off, while keeping things quiet. All the time Dwayne and Chris fussed over their arrival, Jay kept sneaking glances over at Adam to gauge his reaction and saw nothing but stoicism. "Okay, you guys ready?" Chris said. "By the time you get done with this, he'll be in college." Hunter cracked. "Okay," Chris took off the blanket and resting on his chest was an eight- week-old baby boy. "Everyone, this is Braden James Irvine Johnson." There were the required 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs', especially when he opened his eyes, showing that he inherited Chris's blue eyes, as well as Dwayne's black hair and light mocha skin color. Jay looked over at Adam and saw the wistful sadness in his eyes as though wishing the baby Chris held was his. He also saw a movement and saw Trish looking at them with confusion. Finally, Adam moved away from the crowd and headed for his and Jay's dressing room, with Jay following close behind. While putting on their gear, Jay looked over at Adam every now and then, noticing he was moving like an automated robot, no emotion whatsoever. "You.want to go clubbing tonight? Jeff was telling me about this new place- " "No." Adam tied his boots. "I'm just going to head for the hotel after the show." "Come on, Adam. We haven't gone out in weeks." "Then you go on and I'll get a ride with Lance or someone." "Adam," Jay sat down. "You can't keep shutting yourself off like this. I know you're having a hard time living with your decision, but you have to move on." "I know." Jay sighed. "Listen, maybe it might help if you had someone to talk to, someone other than me." He turned in his seat and reached for his bag. "We were coming out of the clinic and I saw this on the windshield. I've hung onto it in case you needed it and I think you do." He turned back and handed Adam the card he had carried around in his bag for all these weeks. "Abortion survivor recovery center," Adam said, his words as robotic as his actions. He then looked at Jay. "What's this? One of your pro-life pow-wow clubs?" "It's nothing like that. It's just a place you can call to talk about what you went through. There's nothing religious or anything about it." Adam chuckled bitterly. "Great. And what do they do at these places? Make you stand up and say 'Hi my name's Adam and I killed my baby'?" "No. It's just someone who can help you through this." "So now what? You're tired of me?" "I never said I was tired of you Adam, but there are people there who went through what you did and could probably help you better than I can." "I just bet there are," Adam sneered before throwing the card at Jay. "If you were getting tired of me, then you should've said something." "I'm not tired of you. I'm just not qualified to help you and these people are." "You're more qualified than some damn stranger. I thought you were my friend." "I am." "Then why are you abandoning me now?" "I'm not abandoning you-" "Christ you're no better than Shane was." Adam stood. "What?" "Oh everything was fine until I got knocked up and then he bolted. Now I get rid of it and you're deserting me too." "Wait a fucking minute!" Jay stood to look his friend in the eye. "I've been with you through everything since you told me what your decision was. Hell I even drove you there. If I were going to bolt, I wouldn't have done anything. So don't stand there and accuse me of being anything like Shane because I'm not. I would've been more than happy to raise the baby with you." "And then resent me for sticking you with someone else's kid." "Damnit Adam I love you too much to resent you." There was a stunned silence as the words Jay had wanted to say for so long escaped and were now loose in the air between them. "Adam, you're on in fifteen!" the stagehand's voice broke in on them. "Yeah," he said, his voice hushed as he dealt with this sudden announcement. He looked at Jay. "You love me?" A thousand thoughts went through Jay's head as he tried coming up with any excuse he could give to dismiss what he had said. "What I meant was I care too much about you to resent you." He evaded. "You know I've always wanted to be an uncle or a godfather. You know what I mean." Jay chuckled. A smile tried to appear on Adam's lips. "I love you too." Jay felt his heart swell. "I mean," Adam continued. "You've put up with a lot of shit from me, not to mention compromised your principles for me. No other friend would do that for me." "What are friends for?" Jay asked, his voice weak. "I'm sorry." Adam said, giving Jay a hug. "Maybe I will go clubbing with you guys after the show." Jay only nodded as he watched Adam slide his duster and his sunglasses on before walking out the door. He sat down on the bench and smacked himself in the head. "You fucking moron," he whispered. "There was a perfect opportunity and you blew it." And deep down, he believed he'd never get another chance like that again. "It's about fucking time you decided to get out amongst real people." Matt said as he passed Adam a drink. Adam, Jay, Jeff and Matt were standing around a small table in the nightclub Jeff had recommended they go to that evening. The music was loud but not too loud that they had to shout to be heard. "Yeah man," Jeff concurred, brushing a freshly dyed magenta strand of hair out of his face. "Ever since you had that surgery, you've been totally avoiding everyone. We were starting to worry about you." "It was nothing to worry about." Jay covered. "Just a little post operation depression. Right Adam?" "Yeah." He nodded before taking a drink. "There's depression and then there was that catatonia you were slipping toward," Matt said. "Well it's passed so there's nothing to worry about now." Adam dismissed. Jeff was about to say something when he watched someone approach their table. "Ah jeeze," he griped. The others looked in that direction, and when Jay looked over at Adam, he saw the tension on his face as their unwelcome guest made his way over. "Hey, guys how's it going?" Shane McMahon said as he squeezed his way between Adam and Jay. "Fine until you showed up." Jeff mumbled. Shane ignored Jeff as he focused his attention towards Adam. "Hey babe, how've you been?" "Fine." Adam's voice was tight with restrained anger. Something Jay was feeling as well. "Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to head up to my room and talk over some scripts for SmackDown." Jay watched as Shane's hand snaked itself over to Adam's arm and resisted the urge to smash it with his glass. Adam moved it out of the way. "I already talked to Heyman about the scripts." "Well there've been some changes I think you might be interested in." "Then tell him at the meeting tomorrow." Jay snapped and watched as Shane looked over at him like he was nothing more than dirt on the floor before looking back over at Adam. "Listen babe, I know you're angry over how we left things, but can't I get a second chance?" Again the hand snaked over and again, Adam moved. "It's over between us, Shane. You made that very clear when you dumped me." "Oh come on now Adam. I know I said I wanted to have kids with you but it was just the timing was wrong. Besides, as long as you're careful this time, you should have nothing to worry about." "What the fuck are you babbling about?" Matt demanded. Jay watched Shane look at him and Adam in surprise. "You didn't tell your best friends the truth about Michigan before the house show that weekend?" "Shut up Shane," Adam hissed. "Here I thought the four of you were thick as thieves. That you told each other everything." "Goddamnit Shane, shut up." Adam hissed again. "What about Michigan?" Jeff asked. "Didn't you go there to have a tumor removed?" Shane looked over at Jay. "Isn't that what you were telling everyone Jay? That it was just a tumor?" "Yeah so?" "And how far along was that tumor Adam? Six? Eight weeks?" Shane chuckled before looking at Adam. "I never knew you had it in you. I thought for sure you were going to keep it and try and soak me for everything." "What the hell is he talking about?" Matt asked Jay. Shane looked at Adam with a mocking shocked look on his face. "You mean you haven't told them the real reason you've been walking around looking like a whipped puppy?" Jay slammed his glass down. "That's enough Shane." He grabbed Shane's arm but it was yanked away from him as fast as he could grab hold. "And you Jay, you surprise the hell out of me. Here I thought you were so against it. When I heard you took Adam to the clinic, you could've knocked me over with a feather." "Keep it up and I'll knock you over with something else." Jay threatened. "I'm only hurt that you didn't let me know ahead of time. I would've taken you there." Shane looked at Adam. "But you two are sneaky little bastards. You had a cover story for everything. Tell me how were you able to pull it off without anyone recognizing either of you? Did you use fake names or did you bribe the docs with autographs to keeping their mouths shut?" "I don't know what your beef here is Shane," Matt said, "but since you weren't invited, I recommend you go bother someone else." Shane shrugged. "Sure," he said. "Wouldn't want to be around a baby killer anyways. If it ever got out it about us dating, it might make me look bad." Jay seethed and Adam turned white as Shane left the table with a smirk on his face. There was an awkward silence before Jeff asked, "What did he mean by 'baby killer'?" Jay watched Adam glance wide-eyed around the table before bolting out of the club. "Adam!" he shouted as he made his way out the club behind him, cursing Adam for being so much quicker than he was as he got outside there was no sign of him anywhere. Looking up and down the street, he didn't see Adam, but he did see Al Snow and Maven standing at the door. "Al!" he walked over to him. "Did you see which way Adam went?" "Yeah, he almost bowled Mave over and jumped into the first cab he hailed. Something wrong? He looked a little pale." "He's fine." Jay said quickly before hailing his own cab, hoping Adam was headed for their hotel room and was afraid of where he was headed if he wasn't. Baby killer. The word echoed in Adam's head as he sat outside the hotel where he and Jay were staying. On the cold stone bench, he paid no mind to the people walking past him. All he could think about was what Shane had called him and in front of their friends no less. Damn why did I have to tell him about the abortion? Adam thought. Why the hell couldn't I have kept my mouth shut? He raked his fingers through his hair as he looked down at the ground. And saw a pair of shiny red patent leather boots in front of him. Hoping it wasn't a fan, he slowly looked up and saw a worried looking Trish looking down at him. "Hi," he whispered. "Hi," she sat down next to him. "I thought you were out with Jay, Matt and Jeff." "Plans change." There was a minute long silence before she spoke. "I know this is none of my business, but is there something wrong Adam? Since you came back from having the surgery, you just haven't been yourself and it's starting to worry people." "Well don't worry about me. I'm not worth it." "You are honey," Trish rested her hand on his arm. Adam shook his head as he wrapped his arms around his abdomen. "I am so not worth anyone's worry, not even Jay's, not after what I did." "What did you do?" He looked at her. "Shouldn't you be out with the girls tonight?" Trish rolled her eyes. "Please. If I have to listen to Stacy sing 'Legs' at the karaoke bar one more time, I think I might be tempted to break both of hers. Besides, you look like you need a friend." "You wouldn't want to be friends with me." "Adam, we've been friends since I came here. You know whatever it is that's bothering you, you can tell me." "Yeah." He then looked at her. "But I'm sure you wouldn't want to be friends with a baby killer." Trish's eyes opened wide. "With a what?" "You heard me. I killed my baby." His voice cracked. "Can we start at the beginning? Better yet," she stood, offering Adam her hand, "why don't we head up to my room and talk there?" He shook his head. "I don't want to bother you." "You'd rather sit out here and let whatever it is eat at you instead of talking about it where it's quiet?" "I'd rather be alone. It's what I'm going to be eventually when the news hits." "It won't be that bad, whatever it is. Come on," she held out her hand again. Adam looked at her warily before taking her hand and letting her escort him to her room. Entering her room, Adam lingered back by the door as Trish strode into the room, flinging her cowgirl hat and her duster onto the back of a chair. He watched her walk over to the wet bar where she leaned down to retrieve and set two bottles of water on the counter before looking over at him. "You know, I'm not going to bite." He smiled as best he could and walked over to the sofa where Trish sat next to him and set the bottles on the coffee table. "Okay," she said as though uncertain as to how to begin. "What's the matter?" Adam paused as he held the bottle of water in his hand, ready to unscrew the cap. "I told you," he said undoing the cap. "I killed my baby." "What do you mean you 'killed your baby'?" He took a drink to keep the lump in his throat from forming but wasn't having much luck. "Remember when Jay and I were in Michigan? For my surgery?" She nodded as she opened her own bottle. "I wasn't there to have a tumor removed." He said softly, letting his hair conceal his face as he spoke. "I went there to have an abortion." She blinked. "An abortion?" He nodded. "I was seeing Shane for a while and things were going fine until I got pregnant. I thought he'd want it, but I was wrong. He just flat out dumped me and there was no way I could raise a baby on my own, so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. Jay and I found this clinic in Michigan that specialized in terminating male pregnancies and went there to have it done." "Oh Adam," she breathed. "I know it was selfish, but what else could I do? I couldn't raise a baby by myself and God knows I couldn't burden Jay with another man's kid even though he kept telling me he wanted to raise it with me. Then there was worrying about what Shane might do down the line in terms of custody and whatnot, so I thought it was the only option I had. Then I saw Chris and Dwayne's baby and then ran into Shane at the club where he called me a 'baby killer' in front of Matt and Jeff and.now I'm not so sure I did the right thing." "Shane's an asshole." She sympathized. "You're better off without him. Though why you turned Jay down I'll never know," she said with a slight giggle. "I didn't want to burden him." "I don't think he would've thought of it as a burden." "Still, I thought I was doing what was right at the time." "I know, that's what I thought after I had mine." He looked at her. "Tell me you're only saying that to make me feel better." "What? You think you cornered the market on having an abortion? And no, I'm not saying that to make you feel better. I'm saying that because I want you to know you're not alone." "When? How? Why?" A pause. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's none of my business." "I don't mind talking about it." She took a drink out of her bottle. "In fact what got me through it was finding someone to talk to about it." "Like a shrink?" "Someone like that." "When though?" She sighed. "Once upon a time and in a galaxy far, far away known as Canada," she said with a giggle. "I was a bad assed little girl who thought she knew everything." "You? Never." Adam cracked. "Oh yes, I was. You name it I did it; shoplifted, did pot, ran with a wild crowd, had sex with a lot of boys. Then one day it all bit me in the ass when I found out I was pregnant. The guy I was with wanted nothing to do with me, saying it wasn't his and my mother made it clear she wasn't ready to be a grandmother, so we decided to have it terminated. For my sake, she says." A sigh of remembrance. "I went, had it done and thought that was that, but someone from school had seen me come out of the clinic and by morning it was all over school that I was known as a 'baby killer' and if that wasn't bad enough, there was the depression and the nightmares. Something I'm sure you've gone through." "You hear babies crying?" She nods. "Yeah. Then one day it all came crashing down on me when I realize what I had done. I even tried to commit suicide as a penance for what happened, but it didn't work." "I hadn't thought of that yet." She touched his arm. "I hope you don't. I know you think you've done the worst thing on earth but you can get past it and move on. It's not going to be easy and there's going to be some assholes in the Fed, like Shane, who are going to smart off about it but remember, they don't know what you've gone through or what they would do in their situation if it happened to them. I think people find it easier to pass judgment than to try and understand, because judging takes up less energy and the opposite requires something not too many people have and that's compassion." "At least you have that in your favor." She leaned forward to give him a hug. "And you'll have me in your corner no matter what. Me and Jay by the looks of things." "Yeah," Adam said. "He pretty much ignored his beliefs for me." "Amazing what someone who loves you does when push comes to shove." "Yeah." He took a swallow. "Mind if I hang out here for a while?" "Sure. Stay as long as you need to." She said, before changing the subject of conversation. "Damn key card," Jay said under his breath as he tried to get into his and Adam's room. The fact the door was locked should've alarmed him, but it might've meant that Adam wanted privacy. Finally getting the door open, Jay headed inside. "Adam?" he shouted looking around. Seeing the bathroom door shut, Jay held his breath, dreading what he might find inside. He tapped on the door and relieved by the ease of which the knob turned, he opened the door and saw no sign of Adam, dead or alive. With a sigh, Jay left the bathroom and headed for the balcony to see if he were out there, knowing Adam liked to sit out there and watch the traffic go by, but there was no sign of him anywhere. He then began checking the stands and anywhere else a note might be at, but there wasn't one. Tired, he sat on the edge of the bed wondering where the hell Adam could be. "Everything okay?" Jay looked to the door and saw Matt and Jeff standing there, concern clear on their faces. "It will be when I find out where Adam is." Jay said as they walked into the room. "What's this all about anyways?" Jeff sat on the bed across from Jay. "What the hell was Shane talking about when he called Adam a 'baby killer'?" Jay sighed, knowing he couldn't keep this a secret anymore. "When we went to Michigan for Adam's surgery, he wasn't having surgery at all. I mean he was but it wasn't for the reason we kept telling you guys." "Was there something else wrong?" Matt, sitting next to Jeff asked. "Something more serious?" "No. There wasn't even a tumor." He looked at them. "He had an abortion." "An abortion?" "And the baby he aborted was Shane's." Jay looked down at his hands, not sure what to do with them. "He and Shane were dating for a while and when Shane found out Adam was pregnant, Shane dumped him. I offered to raise the baby with him, but he didn't want to carry the baby to term. I guess he was worried about what Shane might pull down the road or something." "Damn." Jeff breathed. "That's why he's been avoiding everyone." Jay nodded. "I don't know where he is, or what he's doing and I'm scared half to death. In his frame of mind, who knows what he might do." "I don't think he'd do anything stupid." Jeff said. "You don't understand. He's been having nightmares because of this, not to mention the guilt over his decision and God knows Shane's comments didn't help matters much. I'm afraid he might hurt himself as a way to punish himself." "Did you want us to look around here?" Matt offered. "I mean, he might've run into one of the guys and he's probably with them." "No he's been avoiding everyone, especially those who have kids." "So that's why he looked so pained when Chris and Dwayne showed off their son." Jeff said. Jay nodded. "I tried talking him into seeing someone, but he won't and with this eating at him I'm scared for him. He doesn't eat much, he can't sleep because of the nightmares he has of babies crying and then there's having to see Shane everyday." "But I always thought you were against it. Abortion I mean." Matt spoke. "I am. You don't know how many times on the way to Michigan I tried to talk Adam out of it and how many times on the way to the clinic I wanted to turn the car around. And it's been eating at me too, knowing I was party to taking another life though I could never say so to Adam." "You love him don't you?" Matt asked. Jay jerked his head up to look at them. "What do you mean?" "You wouldn't have done what you did in taking him there and standing by him if you didn't care about him, right?" "Yeah," he sighed. "Yeah." "Listen, we'll keep an ear out and if we find out where he is, we'll call you." "Thanks. I'll wait here in case he shows up." Jay said. Both Matt and Jeff left, leaving Jay alone in the room, rattled by Matt's question; "You love him don't you?" You have no idea Matt, he thought. You have no idea. Adam would've preferred to stay with Trish that night, but with the arrival of her girlfriend Terri, that decision became a moot one and he didn't want to face anyone right then, not after what Shane had said. He was standing by the elevator when he heard Jeff's voice. "Hey Adam." Adam closed his eyes and cringed inwardly as he wasn't up to talking to anyone right then. He opened his eyes to watch the younger Hardy jog toward him. "Hi," he said softly, hoping Jeff would make this short. "Jay's been looking for you." "I know, I didn't mean to run out like that but-" "It's okay Adam, I know." "You know? You know what?" "About Michigan. Why you really went there." "Fuck!" Adam said, knowing this was the last thing he needed. "Can't Jay keep his mouth shut?" "He was worried about you." "Fine way of showing it by blabbing everything to the biggest gossip in the Fed." "What? You think I'd tell anyone about this?" "Why not?" Adam snapped. "It's only the juiciest story of the year. 'Fed employee aborts heir's baby'. I'm surprised you're not on your cell spreading it around right now." "My phone's not working and Matt won't let me use his." Jeff cracked before sobering. "Listen Adam, I know I have a big mouth sometimes, but I'd never spread a story like this around." "Yeah, right." Adam said before he was turned to face Jeff. "Yeah right. I may not know what you went through but I know something like this is not the easiest decision in the world and I'm sure you thought it through completely before going through with it and there's no need for me to make it even harder on you by spreading it around. If anyone's going to mouth off then it's going to be Shane, but give me five minutes with Linda and she'll make damn sure he doesn't breathe a word of it to anyone else." "Great. Give you five minutes with a woman whose grandchild I aborted. Like she'll do me any favors." "It's not you she's going to be doing the favor for. Who do you think keeps her updated on what Vince is up to with his 'personal assistant'?" Jeff wiggled his eyebrows evilly. Adam laughed. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately." "It's okay man. You've been through a lot lately." A pause. "So you headed for your and Jay's room?" Adam shook his head. "I thought I'd go wander, check out the after hours night scene." "Why don't you have Jay go with you?" "I've embarrassed him enough tonight." "That wasn't you, that was Shane. Besides he's worried sick about you." Jeff paused. "I know you're angry over him telling me and Matt, but I think he needed someone to talk to and by the looks of things, I guess you do too." "I don't need anyone to talk to." "Adam, you've gone through a life changing experience and with the way you've been acting you're reminding me of a time bomb waiting to go off. The last piece of gossip I want to spread is about how they found you in the bathroom in some hotel with your wrists cut." "I'm not that weak." Adam's voice faltered. "I know, but you're not strong enough to handle this either. At least not alone. I know you rely on Jay, but I don't think even he can help you with this because he's got his own issues to deal with. Who knows, maybe you two can help each other." Hearing Matt call for him, Adam watched Jeff look where he was and respond. "Save the night life for another time," Jeff said. "You and Jay have a lot to talk about." Saying their goodbyes, Adam watched Jeff walk toward Matt, giving him a wave of recognition before the elevator doors opened. Stepping in, he took a deep breath and pushed the button. Click. From where he lay, Jay opened his eyes and watched a shadowy figure enter the room. He tensed until he saw the long hair and the familiar necklace gleaming in the light from the streetlamp outside. "Adam?" he asked to be certain. "I'm sorry," he heard Adam whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you." Jay sat up and clicked the nightstand light on. "I wasn't sleeping." He wanted to demand where Adam was, but he didn't want a confrontation, especially not knowing what mood Adam was in. "So how are you feeling?" he asked figuring that was the safest route. "Okay." Adam sat across from Jay on his bed. "I ran into Trish. That's where I was." "I'm glad. I was a little worried." "I know. Jeff told me. He also told me you told him and Matt about what happened in Michigan." Jay sighed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to but Jeff asked what Shane meant when he said.what he said. Listen I'll talk to Jeff and explain-" "I already ran into him and he told me he's keeping his mouth shut." "Better call Ripley's Believe it or Not for that one" Jay tried to joke but it was weak like their mutual laughter, which died as fast as it came. "You know, I've been so wrapped up in myself, I haven't asked you how you've been." Adam said. "I'm fine. You're the one who went through the procedure." "You're the one who pushed his beliefs aside. Ever since what happened to Tammy, you've told me how against abortion you were and how you could never be party to one, but then you came with me not only to the pre-op counseling but the procedure itself. I never asked you how you were feeling." Jay sighed. "I don't want to bother you with it." "Like I've been bothering you? With the nightmares and my mood swings." Adam chuckled weakly. "I want to know Jay. I want to know how you really feel about what I did." "You want the truth?" Adam nodded. "I hate it. I hate that you felt that was your only option, even when I was offering another way out. All the time I was waiting at the clinic for them to come and get me I was hoping, even praying you would change your mind and give the baby a chance. Let it live. Who knows what it might've become," Jay said before taking a deep breath. "But we'll never know will we? I'm not saying this to make you feel worse than you already do, but you did ask." "I did." "And unlike Shane, I wouldn't have left you. I would've been right there, right through everything, even the pickle runs and the feedings and the baby's feedings too." Jay joked. "I don't know. I guess after being a wrestler, being a Dad was my biggest dream and when you said you were pregnant and Shane dumped you, it didn't matter if the baby wasn't mine, I wanted to take care of the both of you and when you told me you didn't want it, it was like you were telling me you didn't want me in your life either." "You know I want you in my life. You've been a great friend and you've been there for me through everything." Jay looked at him. "That's not how I meant it Adam." He stood and began walking around the room. "Remember when I blurted out that I loved you too much to resent you for raising another man's child?" Adam twisted around so he could watch Jay who was over by the window. "Yeah." "And you asked me if I loved you? And I said more or less as a friend?" "Yeah." "I lied." Another deep breath, Jay figuring it was now or never. "I do love you but not just as a friend." He turned to face Adam, wanting to be certain of the expression of his friend's face. "I'm in love with you. I want to spend my life with you and I thought maybe even with the baby being Shane's, we could've been a family but.I mean we still could if that's what you want or if you don't, I'll understand." A nervous chuckle. "Listen to me man, I sound like something out of "General Hospital" or something." A sigh. "So there it is. An entire lifetime of feelings put into three little words; I love you. And even if the feeling isn't mutual, I'll still be your friend, provided you want me to be." Jay watched as a range of emotions went through Adam's face, hoping anger and refusal weren't among them. Adam for his part couldn't believe his ears. "I-I never knew." He looked at Jay. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I was scared. I mean look at you, you could have any guy on the roster you wanted, why would you want to be with plain looking me? Not to mention, I'm not the most exciting guy around." "But you're one of the best people I know." Adam stood. "No one would have stuck with me and put up with me the way you have. No one would've compromised their values for me and none of them sure as hell would've cared about me the way you have. I'm just sorry I didn't know this sooner or maybe we could've put Dwayne and Chris's baby to shame." They both laughed weakly. "So where do we go from here?" Jay asked. "Did you want us to be a couple? Did you want to give it some time? Because I'm more than willing to wait as long as you want." "I think I want a little more time, because there's this really sweet guy named Jay I have to get to know a little more about." "Oh really?" Jay raised his eyebrows. "And what would you like to know more about him?" Adam smiled. "I'd like to know everything. Everything I've been blind to up to this point." "I'm sure he'll tell you everything you need to know. All you have to do is ask." "All right," Adam said. "Do you think he might mind giving me a hug, cause God knows I think we both need one right now." Jay smiled and walked into Adam's waiting arms, knowing this was where he wanted to be and he never wanted to leave. Epilogue - two years later. "Got everything?" Adam asked as he and Jay got out of the car in the church's parking lot. "Pretty much," Jay said as he closed the door. "Let's go." Adam said as they made their way through the near full parking lot. "I know the guys are getting anxious." "I know. What was it? Five times in the past hour Jeff's called?" Jay caught up with his husband, who pushed the stroller in front of him. "I know. Christ, I was ready to throw the phone out the fucking window." "Language." Jay scolded with a laugh as they headed for the church. Once inside the lobby, Trish, wearing more conservative attire for her role as godmother, immediately accosted them. "Okay, where is it?" "Patience Trish," Jay said. "At least let us get her ready first." "Oh but I'm dying to see it." "You know," Adam said. "I'm really beginning to resent having our daughter referred to as an 'it'." "I meant the christening gown," she said giving Adam a hug. "I just want to see her in it. Just one little peeky." Adam looked at Jay. "Should we?" "I don't know. She keeps calling Jayla an 'it'." "Guys," Trish whined. "Please?" "Here's something I never thought I'd see," Jeff's voice floated down the hall. "Trish begging for something. Normally it's the other way around with the guys begging from Trish." Trish glared at Jeff as he and Matt approached, both also wearing conservative fares for their roles as godfathers. "And you know what my answer to you is going to be don't you?" She snapped. Jeff covered his chest with his hand. "Oh, I'm wounded." "Knock it off," Matt scolded his little brother before looking at Adam. "Looks like paternity leave suited you." "That and finally getting her out." He pointed to the stroller he was pushing. "I can imagine." Matt said as the fivesome walked down the hall. "How much did she weigh?" "Nine pounds." "About the size of a small turkey." Jeff cracked, getting a smack in the head from Adam. The five of them joked around until they heard someone say, "Adam?" They stopped and turned, watching Shane head in their direction. True to his word, Jeff did talk to Linda and she in turn warned Shane if he made any wrestlers' private decisions public, he was out of a job. Adam and Jay held their breaths as he walked over. "What do you want Shane?" Jeff challenged. "I just wanted to come over and congratulate Adam and Jay on their baby and I hope we can let the past stay there." "As long as you leave my family alone, no problem." Adam said. "Done." An awkward pause. "Well congratulations and I hope the three of you are very happy." "We will be." Jay said. They watched as he walked off. "That was unpleasant." Matt said. "Yeah," Jay returned, "but enough of that. Let's get our daughter christened." "Oh my God I forgot my camera," Trish gasped. "Now you guys wait here and I'll be right back." "Now why am I not surprised that she'd have a blonde moment at a time like this?" Jeff zinged. "For that Hardy, your head is going to look like a thumb." Trish shouted as she walked out of the church. "We'd better get her dressed and ready." Jay said as they headed to one of the rooms that were available. Finding one, Jay got out the christening gown both he and Adam's mothers had bought for them after finding out Adam was pregnant, neither of them mentioning this being Adam's second pregnancy. "Okay, all we need now is the guest of honor herself and-" Jay turned and saw Adam crouched down by the stroller watching their daughter sleep. "Adam?" "She's perfect isn't she?" Jay walked over. "Yeah she is." He looked at Adam. "Still thinking about the other baby huh?" Adam nodded. "Yeah. I mean this should be our second christening." "I know." "Think we should ever tell her?" Jay shook his head as he rested his hands on Adam's shoulders. "I don't see the point." "You're right." Adam stood. "It's just.I look at her and wonder why did I keep her and not the first." "Maybe this is the first." Adam looked at Jay. "What do you mean?" Jay shrugged. "Maybe the baby knew Shane wouldn't love it so it decided to wait until it could have both parents who wanted it and when it knew we were together for life, that's when it decided it wanted to be born." Adam smiled. "How is it you know just what to say to make me feel better?" "Practice." Jay smiled. "We'd better get her ready before Trish and Jeff go at it in the middle of the church. "What? And deny Vince the chance to put it on pay per view?" Adam laughed before bending down to take their daughter out of the stroller and carried her over to the changing table. Jay watched as Adam dressed their daughter. He never thought things would have worked out so well for them as the past couple of years have since Jay told Adam how he felt. Now happily married for over a year and a little girl for the both of them to spoil rotten, Jay knew life couldn't get any better. "Uh, excuse me, daddy dearest," Adam cracked. "A little help, please?" Jay snapped out of his daydream and walked over to where Adam stood, helping him get their daughter ready for her big day. And the rest of their lives.