Typical By Standing
	Typical (installment one) (Matt and Jeff Hardy; Jeff narrates) April 1, 2002 Typical, he thought. Typical that the one man he wanted more than anyone in his life was completely against every rule in the moral guidebook that came with society on the day you were born. Fucking taboos. Why did they have to fit together so goddamn perfectly? It pissed him off. For as long as he could remember, there had always been something to fuck up the good things in his life. There was always something to destroy the mood just when he thought everything was going fine. He remembered the night a year or so ago when a drunk driver had driven off-road and into his brand-new corvette; he woke up to the devastating sounds of destruction. Upon running downstairs, he’d found the two cars wrapped around a tree outside his home. He’d just brought the ‘vette home that day. Fucking typical. He’s not surprised that this happened; not surprised that he fell hard and fast for the unattainable. Annoyed is more like it. All he wanted was a stable relationship and someone to love. Was that so much to ask for? Did he really not deserve it? Forces beyond his control had allowed him to fall in love with the one person that could not give him what he wanted. Fate had fucked him over in every other possible way; why not love too? He was annoyed. “Christ, will you get your ass out of bed already?” Better idea, he thought. Why don’t you get your ass into bed already? “Suck it, Matthew,” He snapped instead. Rolling over, he buried his head deep beneath a mound of cotton pillows. Morning wood sucks; he wanted Matt bad. Leave now, or I will not be held accountable for my acts of violation against you and that gorgeous body of yours. “You lazy shit. I thought we were going to the gym this morning.” He groaned and made a mental note to never again agree to anything involving strenuous activity before noon. As alluring as watching his brother’s sweaty muscles was, he was sure that he wouldn’t make it through ten minutes of a workout. “You went and got cocked with Shan again last night, didn’t you?” Cocked? He pondered the slamming headache that was consuming his mind and agreed that he must have thrown back quite a few. Whether or not it was with Shannon Moore was still up in the air; he made a second mental note to call the bastard a little later. “Please don’t ever say the word cock again,” He grumbled, peeking out from beneath the pillows and getting burned with early morning sunlight. It turns me on far too much. “What’s the matter?” Matt rolled his eyes and grabbed his sac, shaking it spitefully toward him. “Jealous that you don’t have one?” “Fuck you,” He burrowed deep beneath the sheets to keep from staring. Typical, he thought, that Matt would grab himself while he was thinking such blasphemous thoughts. “So am I going alone then?” The question paused him; it was almost enough to get him out of bed, knowing that Matt was going somewhere by himself. He almost wanted to get up. Then he remembered how his family had rented a huge boat to take him deep sea fishing for his sweet sixteen and it rained. “I’m fuckin’ trashed right now, dude.” Matt sighed angrily, throwing a Nerf football at his head. “You’re such a dick. I need to find someone else to work out with.” “Can you please stop making references to my genitalia, please? It’s too goddamn early. My head hurts.” “Dick, cock, cunt-slut, butt-fucker, faggot, dyke, cross-dressing gerbil fucker –” He rolled his eyes. “My brother; certainly the most mature human I’VE ever met in my life.” “Oh, please, Jeff. I can’t even compare to your level of dumbass. Don’t get me started.” “The joys of brother banter – certainly how I want to start my day,” He snapped caustically. “As great as this is, I’D LIKE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW. And then perhaps die.” “You said you’d go to the gym with me!” Matt whined. “I fuckin’ hate going by myself, it’s boring.” “Then stay here with me,” He muttered, face crushed against the stark white mattress. “What?” He raised his face. “I said GET THE FUCK OUT, I’m tired.” Matt hesitated. “That’s not what you said.” “It was close enough,” He countered, wrapping his arms around his head and trying to block his ears. Please leave so that I can get out of bed without having to show you how bad I want you right now. “Get up! You said you would go and you’re fucking going.” Never one to take orders, Matt approached the end of the bed and ripped the blankets from his unsuspecting body. Oh, fuck. He groaned as Matt took in a long eyeful. “Nice dreams last night? Jesus, Jeff, you’ll take an eye out.” “You’re doing it again, you’re talking about my genitalia,” he tried to cover himself by rolling back over. Goddamn, I wish you would touch me just once. “Jizz, come, semen, sperm, little fishes, nut sack, testes – “ “WILL YOU EVER JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?” He all but screamed. “Why are you so mentally incapacitated this morning? Not enough fruit in your loops?” Matt raised an eyebrow. “I think you just called me gay.” Ohh, if only. “I think I just told you that you’re a fucking idiot and you need to get out of this room right now, before I gouge your eyes out with my hard-on.” “Well, what a lovely image that was,” Matt’s face crunched in disgust. “I think I’ll leave you to take care of that.” “Well fuck,” He smirked. “If I’d known all I had to do is whip it out to make you leave me alone, I would have done that years ago.” Matt rolled his eyes. “I hate being your brother.” He stopped, staring for a moment and pondering the implications of that statement. Fucking typical for Matt to say something that could be so easily manipulated in his mind. “I hate being your brother too.” “Well now that that’s been settled,” Matt smirked and slipped into the other bedroom to change. He was left alone in the main room, thoughts of ravishing Matt’s body into oblivion being cancelled out by the memory of being mugged for the Nirvana concert tickets he had spent $180 dollars on when he was fourteen. He just wanted something good in his life to work out for once; just one thing. He groaned, slipping out of the bed. “I’m coming, asshole.” Typical (installment two) (Matt and Jeff Hardy; Jeff narrates) April 3, 2002 It was a travesty, he mused. Matt was always naked. The guy had absolutely no shame, he guessed because they were brothers and therefore didn’t have to care. But at least he had the decency to throw a towel around his waist; Matt would simply trounce his bare body from bathroom to bedroom without a second thought. As he watched the stark-white ass of his brother disappear behind a whitewashed door of similar coloring, he heaved a sigh. It was a goddamned travesty that they were brothers. The mild disappointment was only momentary, however, as Matt’s voice suddenly rang out through the silence with a dead-on Brian Johnson impression. “SHE WAS A FAST MACHINE, SHE KEPT HER MOTOR CLEAN, SHE WAS THE BEST DAMN WOMAN THAT I – EVER SEEN …” Ahh, that’s right. He’d almost forgotten that Matt was the most obnoxious human on Earth. He was amused by the fact that people took his brother to be the quiet one. Sometimes, he wondered how in the world it was possible for him to be even remotely attracted to someone that pissed him off so much. Typical that the guy he loved was also the guy that he hated with an equal amount of passion. Life sucked sometimes. “…KNOCKIN’ ME OUT WITH THOSE AMERICAN THIGHS!” He groaned, sagging against a wall. “My fuckin’ HEAD. Shut UP, Matt! Goddamn.” “COS THE WALLS START SHAKIN’, THE EARTH WAS QUAKIN’, MY MIND WAS ACHIN’, WE WERE MAKIN IT AND YOOU – SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG!” Fuck. Matt did the best ac/dc impressions. He timed himself to his brother’s singing. “I HATE YOOOOU.” “YEAH YOOOOU … SHOOK ME AAAALL NIIIGHT LOOONG!” “You’re not a fucking rock star,” He yelled. “You’re a WRESTLER.” Matt emerged, fully clothed and grinning, from the bedroom to toss him a bottle of Tylenol. “Are you asking for a twist of fate?” He grinned back. “No, I’m asking you to get down on your knees and fucking worship me.” He popped two capsules with a cup of water on the nightstand and threw the bottle back. “Coming from a gay guy, that almost disturbs me.” The humor dropped from his face in an instant as the surprise cloaked his features. How in the hell did he ever find that out? “I’m not gay!” Matt paused, his entire body laughing with the amusement of knowing something he wasn’t supposed to. “Yeah you are, Jeffers.” “I’m not!” He denied. “Who fucking told you that?” Shannon is going down. “Shannon.” Shannon is going down hard and fast. “You actually believe that little shit? He’d tell his fucking mother that his dad was cheating on her for Christ’s sake.” Matt laughed. “Why the hell are you lying to me about this? It’s okay to admit that you like cock, I couldn’t give less of a shit.” “I DON’T LIKE COCK!” He yelled angrily. “Fuckin’ shut up!” Matt only laughed again. “So defensive, little midget.” “I’m not defensive!” “You’re a fucking dumbass.” “I’m not fucking gay,” he seethed. Matt’s grin widened as he approached his brother, coming close and tipping his head to the side in a way that made Jeff’s stomach twist onto itself. “You like it up the ass, don’t you Jeff? I bet you give blowjobs like nobody’s business.” His heart hammered as a ball of heat began to form in his stomach. Oh, the images Matt was provoking in his mind. “SHUT UP, MATT.” “You swallow too, huh? You like the taste of come in your mouth, little man?” Matt’s eyes narrowed in what would have been threatening if he had not been smiling so hard. “You’re a dick,” He spat angrily, breathing hard. “Does that mean you want me up in that tight little ass of yours?” Matt laughed. “SHUT THE FUCK UP,” He yelled. “You’re so goddamn obscene!” This was not a conversation that he wanted to get into with the brother he wanted more than life itself. It was bad enough that Matt talking dirty made him hard; talking about being inside him almost made Jeff blow a load right there. “You like guys touching you, Jeff?” Matt asked in a low voice, running a finger along the line of Jeff’s jaw. “You like when they kiss you? Grab you,” Matt’s knuckles tapped at his brother’s denim-sheathed cock. “Here?” His heart thudded viciously against his ribcage as he shoved Matt away. “Don’t fucking touch me, you bastard,” He growled loudly, images of the electrical fire that had destroyed his high school graduation party flashing through his mind. “Jeff likes prostate exams,” Matt’s bemused sing-song voice was enough for Jeff to want to strangle the life from him. “If I have to tell you to shut up one more time, I will not fucking do it with my voice,” His voice lowered menacingly. Matt finally turned serious, backing off slightly. “Alright, man! Alright. You’re not gay. Whatever; I was just fucking with you. Damn.” He sighed with relief, sinking onto the bed as Matt turned back into the other room. The anger and the lust and the fear drained from him and all of the sudden he noticed that he was shaking. With what, he didn’t know. The only certainty he had was that that conversation had gone way too far and he hoped he would never have a test of willpower like that again in his life. He knew that somewhere down the line, this horrible crush was going to make a fool of him. There will be a time where Matt says or does something to provoke that emotion in him again and he’s going to completely collapse and go with his impulse. According to past experience, it’s going to ruin his life and probably Matt’s too. He was hoping against hope that that would never happen, but he was also realizing that he was weakening against his own desire. He just wanted that man so fucking bad. He sighed, staring out the window and hanging his head. “Hey Matt.” Matt’s figure slowly filled the doorframe. “Yeah?” “I’m gay.” Matt paused, taking in his brother for a moment before nodding. “Me too.” His eyes widened as he looked up to meet Matt’s simple gaze. Well, wasn’t that fucking typical. Typical (installment three) Matt & Jeff Hardy; Jeff narrates April 6, 2002 “So you and Shan are probably fucking like bunnies, huh?” He paused, mid-leg lift, and stared at Matt halfway between outraged and disbelieving. “Now tell me whose goddamn business that is?” Matt shrugged, weaning himself off of the treadmill he’d been running on. “I dunno, man. That’s what he told me; I don’t care. I was just wondering.” “Moore told you that, huh?” He laughed outright, disentangling his limbs from the heavy machinery and wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “That figures. He wants my nuts like a fucking squirrel or something.” Matt rolled his eyes, grinning. “Ohh, don’t they all?” He paused, smiling back faintly and heading for the water cooler. “No, not all of them.” ‘Not you.’ As he threw back a paper cup of water, he saw Matt’s eyes light up and began to get nervous. There was an attack coming, he could feel it. ‘Aw fuck you, mouth. Fuck you for saying stupid things.’ Dismay inevitably ensued. Matt was on the prowl, slinking up to the cooler and resting his chin in the crook of his arm, leaning against it with the grin to beat all grins. It was menacing. It was the ‘I’m-Going-To-Wheedle-It-Out-Of-You-So-Just- Quit-While-You’re-Ahead’ grin. The teeth were baring and the eyes were crinkling and he cringed as the words slipped slyly from Matt’s soft lips. “You gotta crush, little man?” “No,” He stated in what he hoped was a disaffected voice, though his heart fell into the treacherous, hammering rhythm it knew so well. “I think you’re lying to me again.” He shot back before he could register what he was going to say. “I think you’re asking me too many fucking questions.” Matt laughed. “You do have a crush, you little wussy bitch.” “YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY,” He yelped, feeling the heat rise up in him. For a moment, he wondered if the heat was only anger; he was beginning to think that arguing with Matt turned him on. Actually, he knew it did. This was just the first time he’d ever admitted it to himself. He loved hating Matt. “You make yourself angry!” Matt retorted zealously, never at a loss for amusement. “I just ask a question and you get all pissed off.” “Any question that alludes to bunny-fucking should allow me reasonable amounts of pissed off.” They left the weight room and headed for the locker room as the conversation continued. There Matt went again, just stripping down without a care in the world as they walked. “I don’t know why you’re so damn worked up about this. If you asked me, I’d fuckin’ tell you.” Shirt? Gone. He sighed inside, feeling his eyes linger on Matt's back as they slammed the locker room door open. "Fine - who?" "Who what?" He grunted in annoyance. "Who are you into?" Matt grinned. "Nobody." "You dick," He couldn't help but laugh and shoved his brother, who was in the midst of taking off his sweatpants in the middle of the open room. Matt was set off-balance and careened to the floor with a loud cursing. "WHAT THE FUCK!" Matt yelled, but he was laughing too hard for his tone to be at all threatening. “Jesus Christ, Matt,” He laughed mercilessly. “Either pull them up or pull them off, you look like a fuckin’ idiot with your pants around your goddamn knees like a homo.” Matt paused. “You called me a homo!” “Yeah I did.” “I AM A HOMO!” He pondered that with amusement. “ME TOO!” The silence erupted with their laughter and dying gasps as tears trekked down cheeks and palms slapped loudly at the cement floor. “Fag,” Matt wheezed out between breaths. “Cocksucker!” “QUEER!” They were hysterical. “Ohh, fuck,” He finally sighed as they began to calm down. Stray chuckles escaped as he began to strip down with his brother, who’d decided to off the sweatpants entirely. He caught himself staring yet again as Matt turned away and went around back to start one of the showers. He smiled faintly, falling in love with Matt for the twentieth time that morning. Matt was the only person in the world that he could fight endlessly with and yet make up so quickly. Nothing was ever as funny as when he was with Matt, and he couldn’t choose one other person he’d loved more in his life. The point was, Matt made him feel everything ten-fold: anger, sadness, elation, anything. That had to count for something serious, right? He wanted Matt. Burned for him; burned for his brother to be that one thing in his tiny, little world that ended up working out. He’d never wanted anything more. He remembered when his room was accidentally set on fire by a stray candle and it destroyed all of his most treasured photo albums. When he single-handedly won a meet for his high school track team and then later got the shit kicked out of him for it. When his broken ankle was finally heeling and a premature wrestling match tore it for another four months. It seemed that the shit was always hitting the fan for him; he wished that just once, it wouldn’t. Oh, fuck; he was getting sappy and wistful, wasn’t he? Sighing, he shoved his dirty gym clothes into a bag and followed Matt’s previous path to the other side of a tiled wall to run the shower next to him. After a moment of letting the water run, he was satisfied with the small cloud of steam beginning to rise and he stepped inside. Kicking the heat up a notch, he wiped the sweat and grime from his skin with his own hands and tried to keep his mind off the fact that the very same thing was probably happening in the next stall over. ‘He’s fucking touching himself, oh God …’ “So … who is it?” Matt’s voice broke the concentration he had in keeping his thoughts to his own body. Looking over and carefully keeping his eyes above waist, he regarded Matt with question. “Who’s who?” Matt rolled his eyes. “Your crush, dipshit. I know you have one.” There went the old pitter-patter of the heart again. “I do not!” He replied defensively but paused. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you who it was.” “Why not?” Matt sounded offended at essentially being told he wasn’t trustworthy. “I thought you told me everything.” He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing aloud and turned away, allowing the hot water to drown his face. “Not this.” “Fine,” Matt huffed. “Be a bitch about it, I don’t fucking care that much anyway.” Silence descended. While at first he was relieved at being released from his big brother’s interrogation, he began to feel uneasy. He dared a glance from the corner of his eye to survey Matt and was terribly surprised to see what he’d found. ‘Holy shit, he is dead-on checking me out.’ Again, typical. He was getting checked out by the man he loved – his brother, the man he could never have. Still; he couldn’t help but savor the feel of those warm, dark eyes on him. “Stop looking at my cock, Fag-Bag,” He smirked after a moment, despite the fact that his pulse was racing at the realization. “I’ll start getting the wrong idea about you.” Matt blinked, shaking his gaze, rather startled at being caught – or, judging from the reaction, Jeff assumed he was thinking something that would warrant being “caught.” Matt turned his face to the stream of water from above him before grinning again. “Don’t flatter yourself, Short-Stack.” He hesitated for a long moment, that infamous smirk creeping across his features, before cocking it towards Jeff. “No wonder I get laid more.” Typical (installment four) Matt & Jeff Hardy; Jeff narrates April 7, 2002 “You were lookin’ at my cock today,” He deliberately pawed at his brother’s nerves back in their shared hotel room later that afternoon. They sat back, sprawled lazily amidst the silence. Matt feigned denial to his brother’s taunting comment. “No I wasn’t.” “YEAH YOU WERE,” He crowed. “I fucking caught you. You were sizin’ me up like a fucking cattle rancher.” Matt’s lip curled angrily and a red tint cast over his cheeks. “Shut the fuck up.” His voice had a melodic tint to it. “You were eying my dick.” “Whatever.” “You were jealous of my sack.” Matt shot him a warning glance. He grinned devilishly and lifted his face to the ceiling. “MATT WAS LOOKING AT MY PENIS,” The provocation was delivered at the top of his lungs. “So what if I was?” Matt shouted with frustration at being teased, shooting up from his position on the bed. “What would you do?” The quick temper was kicking in, Jeff saw. It made him smile inside. “Oh, you’re so fucking beautiful when you’re angry.’ “What would I do?” Jeff repeated, leaping from the couch to get into his brother’s face. Adrenaline was instantly pumping, heart was pounding, body was throbbing. They were so close. His excitement fed off of Matt’s anger and his skin was a bundle of fiery nerves as he stared Matt down. “Yeah,” Matt’s breath was heavy with what was presumed to be anger. He was nearly panting, meeting Jeff eye for narrowed eye. “What would you do?” “What would I do,” He more stated than questioned this time. The look in Matt’s eye was unmistakable and it surprised the hell out of him, almost enough to make him back down and second-guess his intentions. ‘Oh my fucking hell. He wants it!’ A battle began in his mind over what he wanted to do as opposed to what he SHOULD do. Logic was losing out as they stared ever harder into each other. “WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO?” Matt’s yelling was insistent, demanding, begging, forceful; he wanted it. They were nose to nose. Jeff had no idea what in the hell was happening but he could not mistake what Matt was demanding of him. He was dumbfounded, amazed, anxious, turned on. What would he do? Matt was practically quivering against him, asking for it. Eyes feigned rage but implored. His mind flashed back to the last time they’d been in the hotel, how Matt had touched him like that; just softly, right along his cheek. His knees were knocking, nostrils flaring against the angry looks that both were sporting. Jeff kissed him. Hard, fast, in a blur, the two bodies were crushed against one another with strong, needy arms and unrelenting mouths. They were rough and fumbling in the mixture of anger and desire. Matt’s mouth was wide and hungry against his, sucking the life from his body and turning him to mush. ‘Holy fucking sweet Mother of Christ, what the hell is he doing? He’s kissing me!’ He tried to ignore the nagging feeling that this was going to explode in his face, just like every other moment of glory he’d ever had. They fell back onto the bed and he felt his body bursting with every impure thought that he had ever harbored against his brother. He clawed at the thick waves of midnight on Matt’s head, breathing hard over his cheeks as they devoured each other’s lips. Teeth bit and tongues prodded and Matt’s arms around his neck were forcing them ever closer. He was mounted over Matt, knees locked onto thin hips as they lay belly to naked belly. Matt’s fingers were clawing his flesh, famished and carnivorous and making every part of Jeff’s body pound uncontrollably. They were locked together and it was bliss. And then they were turning weak, breathless with the force of their kiss. Pent up energy was diminishing. Reality began to set in; ‘This is my brother.’ They broke apart, panting. Steam rose and their wide eyes locked. ”So who is it, Jeff?” Matt’s smirk was back, voice tired but still wanting. “Hmm? Who’s the big crush?” He was trying to take deep breaths to calm down. “It’s you, it’s fucking you, I hate you,” He sighed. “We can’t do this, you know.” “I know,” Matt replied carelessly, pulling Jeff’s mouth to his a second time. And a third. “I know.” He repeated, tingling as Jeff’s lips closed over his a fourth time. “You’re such a dick,” Jeff grumbled, searching Matt’s faintly amused eyes. “If you weren’t so fucking hot then maybe we wouldn’t be in such deep shit right now.” “Maybe if you didn’t have the nicest ass in the world,” Matt shot back. He snorted. “Maybe if you didn’t look so fucking cute when you smiled.” “Maybe if I didn’t love to hug you so much.” “Maybe if you didn’t make me laugh so hard,” He was grinning. “Maybe if I didn’t get so goddamned horny when we fought.” They burst into laughter. “Christ, I hate you, Jeff,” Matt sighed as his hands ran softly through aquamarine hair. “Look what the fuck you did.” Jeff grinned, hugging tightly to his brother’s chest. “I hate you too.” “Fuckin’ typical that this happens, right?” Matt groaned. “The Hardy’s have so much good fortune on their side. ‘Member when that dude trashed your ‘vette that night last year?” He laughed at the irony of his brother’s chosen example. “Yeah, I do.” “Yeah, I figure that’s what this is like now. I mean – we’re only gonna crash and burn. What the hell are we going to do now? You’re my fuckin’ brother for Christ’s sake!” Jeff grinned. “Yeah, you sick fuck! What the hell are you doing, getting your mack on with your BROTHER? Disgusting.” “Oh shut your goddamned hole, dumbass,” Matt laughed. “I’m serious! You know how long I’ve been thinking about shit like this? It makes me feel so fucking WRONG, to the point where I’m almost ashamed of myself for it. But then, I’m with you and you just make it so none of that matters. Like now, it’s fuckin’ amazing, but all I can think about is how much we just screwed ourselves over. We can’t tell anybody. NO ONE! What are we gonna do?” “Well,” He breathed deeply, trying to block out the perfectly rational worries that Matt was sharing, and buried his face deep into his brother’s warm neck. “We’re gonna just lay right here like this all night and say fuck ‘em.” He paused, hoping that for once, life might be that easy. “And then you’re gonna blow me.” Matt’s chest shook with laughter and he rolled his eyes, kissing the top of Jeff’s forehead and wrapping him up tighter. “Only you.”