Jokes 2 Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs new clothes!" Then she hollers..."YES! YES! I WON! IWON!" Then she begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?". The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!" "According to a new study, men cry on the average of once a month. Gee, I wonder what time of the month that would be...?" - Jay Leno Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.  The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go.  Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant.  Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again.  Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Marie with me." At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi- annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" "Armstrong!" the boss bellowed, "I happen to know that the reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf! What do you have to say for yourself?" "That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the fish to prove it!" There are  several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:     "Hello?"     "Honey, it's me.  Are you at the club?"     "Yes."     "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.     I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's Only $1,500!     Can I buy it?"     "Well, OK, go ahead and get it if you like."     "Thanks Sweetie. I also stopped by the Mercedes    dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really    liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave  me a really    good price... and since we need to exchange the BMW that     we bought last year..."     "What price did he quote you?"     "Only $60,000  ... "     "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."     "Great! But before we hang up, something else...      It might sound like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank     account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning     and saw the house we had looked at last year.  It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."     "How much are they asking?"     "Only  $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that      we have enough in the bank to cover the down payment."     "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"     "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"     "Bye. I love you too."     The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises     his hand and calls out:     "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"