THE JELLO EATS ITS REVOLUTION
By Joel Mccrory

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    "Agamemnon, I'm hungry..."
    "Shut up, Paris."
    "Achilles, don't be so harsh on the poor soul.  It isn't his fault that everything we put in our bodies just sits there, but it will be a problem if we starve to death before we accomplish the goal."  Agamemnon put a hand on his own growling stomach.  "So...what could we digest?"

    "Nothing.  We have no digestive juices.  We're dead, unless we can somehow do that photosynthesis jazz..."
    "Hector, that's it!  Eat light, guys!"  Agamemnon guessed that if it worked for plants, why wouldn't it work for jello?  All six wiggly necks stretched skyward.  They opened their mouths and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Sweet sweat dripped as they concentrated on absorbing the light.  No result.

    "That sucked."  In this case, even Achilles agreed with Paris.
    Agamemnon remembered the good old days, the first two days of their now week-old lives.  "Let's watch TV!  I hear Jethro's pregnant!"  Of course, the day's episode never aired.  A reporter jabbered of the end coming.  Agamemnon looked out a window.  He had hoped to see panic in the streets.  All he saw was an old man washing his car.

    With wet steps, Agamemnon left the house and approached the man.  "Your leaders have been killed.  Why don't you panic?"
    "Maybe the new guys'll lower taxes.  We bin gittin' gouged f'r years.  Shouldn't you's be panickin'?  Yer all jello, an' startin' t' melt."
    Agamemnon looked down at the green puddle.  "That is not good."  He ran inside, where the cooler air relieved him, healing his fruity-tasting, sweat-dripping head.

    Among his fellow jello-people, a thought popped into Agamemnon's puddly mind,"We'll have to wait for night before we can leave.  This could be a problem."
    So they sat, waiting and watching the news.  It showed rioting.  "Panic everywhere!"  The reporter reported.  Agamemnon felt confused.  It was then that he noticed that all the riots on television took place on Wall Street, in Silicon Valley, Washington, D.C., and other such places.  It happened where people could actually lose their high status and fall to the level of everyone else.  They were terrified of the thought.  Agamemnon was astonished by that terror.

    Night came, and everyone except Agamemnon noticed it.  He was busy watching the news.  Unions were protesting;  oil barons were screaming.  Eventually, the leader of the new power came on, promising power over government and themselves to the common people.  He claimed the name Pai Bak.  Agamemnon, remembering all the things heard on the news earlier that night of those who had fallen out of power promising the same, sensed that he was lying.  Shortly after the speech, Agamemnon watched from a window all of those who had before been uninterested suddenly shouting praise and drinking heavily.

    Agamemnon decided to stay and observe the celebrations in the street for one more day.  They stayed one day too long.  When the townspeople came to the house to check on that wonderful child ("What was his name, Tim or Todd or some such?")  and his proud parent, they found six naked human-looking jello-things.  They weren't pleased with what they saw, considering it a by-product of the now-gone evil.  All the jello but Achilles ran towards the backdoor.  Achilles, though, ran towards the people.

    A fat man, possessing no hair on top but making up for it everywhere else, went for Achilles' leg.  The man screamed as his bloody teeth fell to the floor.  Achilles was busy laughing.  All the other townspeople were horrified.  A purple leg kicked the man in his hurting face, sending him through the kitchen window.

    Another man went for the knives.  Then he ran to Achilles, attempting to stab him.  The knives, sadly, weren't as stubborn as Achilles's chest, and bent back towards the would-be killer.  Achilles assisted them into the man's eyeballs.

    "Everybody, stand back!  We'll blow tha thing's bloody hide off, far range, 'r mah name ain't Dixie Whistler!"  They all got back and began shooting at him.

    The bullets ricocheted off Achilles, hitting several of the gunmen.  The rest of the crowd left the wounded, hands covering vital areas, such as the head, heart, and crotch.  After several more minutes, Achilles finally stopped laughing.

    "C'mon, Achilles!  We gotta go, now!"  All the others besides Agamemnon had already left.

    "All right, I'm goin'."  Achilles headed for the door, grinned, and walked back to the wounded.  He stood in front of one on the ground who was bleeding profusely from the chest and kicked him there.  Then he left.

    Since then, the six outlaws had been on the run.  During the day, they'd hide in meat storage freezers.  During the night, they'd run, thought now it had become more of a slow, painstaking walk;  with no food, they were starving.

    If only it were as easy as water, Agamemnon thought.  Because their water was constantly evaporating, they had often had to stop by lakes for a drink.  But what for food?

    Now they were dying.  "We can't just go out with a whimper!"  Agamemnon found himself agreeing with Achilles's sentiment.

    Two weeks into life now, the jello people were all about half their original sizes.  Artificial fruit muscle and fat withered to jiggly bone.  Just remaining conscious had become a laborious chore.  It was then that they found a most miraculous savior.

    "Hello, jello.  It took a while, but I've finally found you."  None of them had the strenght to respond, and none had the sight left to notice that the man in the suit was short, fat, bald, and almost as frail as they were.  "Boys, do your thing."  Armed and armored soldiers came from out of nowhere.
    "It's over,"  Agamemnon supposed, before passing out.

    The men ripped the jello people's stomachs open, shoving small machines inside.  "Turn them on."  The soldiers pressed one button on each.  Lights flashed, mechanisms whirled, and the stomachs of the fallen healed.  "Give them the stuff."  They tore open a crate of various foods, then shoved them in the jello creatures' mouths.  "Take them out of here."

    Achilles was the first to wake.  For the first time in his short existence, he actually felt better than he had when he was last awake.  "Where are we?"

    "In one of the few places still under our control."  It was the man in the suit speaking.  He entered the white padded room slowly, with a smirk on his face.

    "Sounds to me like you got what you deserved."  Achilles knew he couldn't kill the man who's technology saved his life just yet.

    "Don't be a fool.  'Pai Bak,' not even his real name by the way, was one of our biggest supporters.  We didn't always let the man get his way, so he decided to manipulate the public and foreign governments into helping him.  Sad thing is that it actually worked.  Really, the new government is just as 'corrupt' as we were, as any people with control over other people will be 'corrupted.'  However... my people have the technology to keep you monsters alive.  They don't."

    "So whadda ya want me to do?"

    "Kill them, that's all.  Give me the power I once had over the foolish masses, and you'll be free."

    "That's it?"

    "That's it."

    Achilles grinned.
 

    It was a gloomy, wet day in the capital.  Pai Bak had a conference across town, which meant going out in his limosine in the rain.  What a bother, he complained.  He thought of raising taxes to build a dome over the city.  It would have to be a gold dome to be worthy, though, just as his limousine had several coats of gold on it.

    There was a tap on the window.  He used his power windows to see who it was.  Who it was was a man in a long coat, a baseball cap, and sunglasses.  It was too dark out for him to notice in the brief seconds of lightning lighting that he was purple.  "Yes?  What is it?!?"

    The man in the rain grinned.  "Do you have any gray poop on?"  Pai Bak gave him a disgusted look, so the man outside grabbed him by the neck and threw him out of the car.  A house cushioned the impact, breaking his neck.  His driver shot at the killer, who just laughed and walked away.

    In less than a day, all the higher level officials had been killed by the grape soldier.  Those who had any power began to panic.  Power was returned to those who had it before,"for the good of our nation,"  by which they meant, of course, for the good of their own bank accounts.

    The man in the suit who had saved the jello people returned to the Senate.  A few days later, he returned to where his soldier's companions were staying.  "Nice job, Achilles.  You'll be free now... after you give me Mexico.  Don't let me down, my boy."  Achilles found his voice utterly nauseating.

    "Are the others awake yet?"  It was then that his fellow jello creations walked into the conference room that Achilles was in.

    "Mexico, my children.  With all of you, I'm confident that we can--gkk!"

    "We can 'gkk!?!'"  After the question, Agamemnon saw the knife poking through the man's chest.  Achilles was behind him.  "Was that really necessary?"

    "Yes, I refuse to work for human filth anymore.  It's time for a jello revolution."

    "Heh.  That was almost as corny as something Agamemnon would say."

    "Shut up, Paris.  I suggest we start with a location they wouldn't miss very much."

    "Excellent plan, Achilles.  New Mexico?"

    "Nah, too hot, Agamemnon."  For once, everyone agreed with Paris.  "How about Illinois?"

    "Sounds good to me."

    "Illinois it is, then!"

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