At the center of it all
I stand
Lacking wht it takes to see the outside.

All around there exists
A barrier
It's a barrier that blocks
My emotions from leaving me
But it lets other in.

If I were to shatter
The barrier
Would I be able to express
Or would my world come crashing.

Tumbling in this void
I feel
A hand on my shoulder
I look up towards the face above me,
But I can not see through the barrier.

I can feel the rain
Pitter-patter
Through my barrier and
I can feel the wind across my skin.

I can lie awake on
The grass
At night while the stars glint
High up in the heavens,
But I can not break through the barrier.

Swirls of color that absorb thought,
Time and time again they invade
My mind.

As I look out into the ocean,
I se the color as it dips and
Sways on the waves.

When he sighs in the wind,
The color follows the pattern of
His breath.

It covers the meaning and
Sucks up all of the truthfulness
Of anything said.

Forbid the color,
Stop the color,
Accept the color.

I need the feeling of warmth,
When I am alone and cold,
I cradle myself in warmth.
When I am with someone,
I cradle myself in their warmth,
Hoping, also, that they are cradled in mine.

Sometimes, I think, I feel
That I could do without the warm touch.
When I am so hot that I can
Barely stand my own clothing,
But even then the burning heat
Of another layer or of someone's touch
Is pleasurable. -- It is only in times like these
That I feel, the mind can be sent
Racing under heat upon heat.
It drives me to oblivion with the feeling
Of not being able to think, but still, --
I crave the wamth.

i am formless
i exist in a circle of light
and can hold you close
touch my circle and you can come in
don't you want to be in my circle?
you can be formless, like me
don't you want to be formless?

the sun was late one morning
i was ready for him but he did not come up on time
he was an hour and 52 minutes late
it perturbed me that the sun could be allowed to be late
what would be next
later that day i noticed that my watch had falled behind
by four minutes
funny, it had never done that before
only as an after thought i wondered if it was really my watch
that was behind or was it that their clocks were fast
i guess it doesn't really matter

The long sharp edge if it.
ran along my arm.
I felt the fear as it rose in my throat.

Opening my eyes,
I saw nothing but the churning of
the windmill as it ticked off the lonely days.

Keeping my eyes open I noticed
the grass, how it felt on my exposed abdomen
and the flowers that wavered in my view.

But as I once again closed my eyes,
I felt the long sharp edge of it.
It was hurting my throat.

The sky was blue, and I
was alone in the feild, near the lake
next to the windmill.

As I stood up and walkd to
the lake, I could feel the long sharp edge of it,
as it traced its way down my leg.

Under the water I would be safe,
Under the, under the, my eyes were
Open, but it was everywhere.

Slashing at my arms, legs, cheast
and face. Falling to the ground, I look
up, Into the smiling face of the windmill.

Sudenly it stopped, and I was alone.
Sitting calmly at the base of the windmill,
letting the wind rush over me.

Oh, how so peaceful, the wind,
the grass, the dirt and suddenly
I become the long sharp edge of it.

-What should I concentrate on, Daddy?
-Tell me please.
Keep your eyes on the ball,
Keep your eyes on the coin,
Try to follow my hand.
-But, Daddy, the ball it moves so fast,
-The coin,it shines, it blindes,
-And your hand, it blocks the light.
Do you want to learn the trick?
If you want Daddy to teach you the magic.
You have to pay attention and watch.
-I do, Daddy, I do.
-I promise, this time,
-I'll watch,
-I'll pay attention, I promise.
Good, now watch, learn.
You know that with your Daddy
You can do anything, don't you?
-Daddy, teach me to love.
Next time, next time.

I have found the peace
That I have, over time,
Searched for.

It came to me after
I realized my true time,
And that this was not it.

I keep waiting now
Praying that oen day,
In the not too near future,
It will come.

Hoping it will be soon,
Yet knowing it may never come,
And cherishing it.

The water at night.
Silent, and dark.
Peaceful, calm, like obsidian --
Reflecting the sun...
At night.

The quiet of the darkness
It roars in my ears.
I try to cover them
But the quiet knows no
Boundries.

Walking barefoot by a
Lake at night...
Listening to the silence.

Driving out the voices.
The voices in my head.
How do I stop the voices?

Will they stop if I go deaf?
I don't know, I don't know.
Over and over, I try to
Purge my head of the voices.

There are two kinds.
On the one ear you have
The voices that persecute and ridicule.
And on the other you have
The voices that comfort and soothe.

But I try to get rid of both.
I get rid of the bad voices
Because they hurt my heart.
I need to get rid of the nice ones.
They remind me of what I can never own,
What is no longer mine to hold.

Voices, voices in my head.
Driving out the voices.
Will silence ever come?
I doubt even dying would stop the voices.