I
have been waiting for him to return. It has been more than six years now, six
long years without notice of him. I have not received a call or postcard or
email or letter. The last he said to me was, “I’ll be in touch.”
He has gone out to fend for himself to be
among wolves, to experience what he only dreamt about before I met him.
I cannot believe that he has forgotten me
or that he could be so ungrateful and I could less believe that he had lied and
was so deceptive.
I first met him over ten year ago when he
was still a monk in the temple. The concept of a boy monk is incongruous. How
could a child ever know or value the concept of nothingness and denial when in
youth everything is experience and want, acquisition and pleasure. What does a
boy of ten know about the abstract concept of God or even really care to know.
But Ailan was fifteen when he entered the
temple. He was a gift to God from his parents who had more than enough children
to handle. When I met him he was sitting in temple reading a comic book
surrounded by josh sticks and fanning himself with a piece of cardboard. I was
in a distant corner of the temple sitting beneath a rusted electric fan
attempting to escape from the humidity and the heat.
He noticed me but I did not see him as more
than a shadow beneath the image of the bronze Buddha.
Later that same afternoon I me him in the
marketplace where he was searching for another comic book and he approached me
in half-broken English and said,” I saw you today in temple.”
I was startled because I did not think he
had observed.
“I am a poor monk,” he continued, “Would
you help me to study at the college?”
Most monks I knew begged for their daily
bowl of rice. This one was begging for an education. He wasn’t really begging
but he was definitely looking for a sponsor to complete his education.
I offered him some food instead.
“No. This is Buddhist Lent. I cannot eat
such food today,” he complained. “What I need is not food but an education and
I have no money.”
We entered into a lengthy discussion about
Buddhism and I asked him why he became a monk at such an early age. It was
obvious from his answer that the decision was not his and that he wanted to
leave the temple but could not so without securing an education.
When I returned back to my home country I
kept in touch with him and he wrote diligently and repeatedly asking me for
financial support. My resistance gave way to compassion as he saw me as his
savior, his guardian, his potential benefactor, his only guarantee for possible
exit from the temple. Finally, I agreed to sponsor him through college.
I paid for his first semester at a local
college when he planned to study and major in English. The results of the first
term’s work indicated that he was either not studying very hard or was not
capable of handling the assignments. I admonished him to study harder and to do
his best, but in his response he shifted the blame from himself to his
teachers.
“My teachers are too strict,” he
complained. “They favor only the rich students. If you have money they spend
more time with you.”
He also blamed the temple.
“The young novices make too much noise.
They should be in bed but they are always playing games and I cannot study.”
I decided
to contact the college directly and received a different picture from
his teachers and supervisors. Monk Ailan was a lazy student, cut classes,
didn’t prepare his assignments and was never prepared for classes.
When confronted with this reality Monk
Ailan claimed illness and a bout with malaria. He seemed to be filled with
excuses and the longer I got to know him the less interest he had in matters
concerned with the spiritual.
I began to lose patience with him when his
marks did not improve and realized that he was not so much interested in his
studies as he was in leaving the temple. I began to have doubts about his
intentions to study and I saw little improvement in his English. At times it
even began to show signs of deterioration.
But with each passing day I saw signs of a
weak character, one which was driven more by survival than ethics, but I was
too forgiving and too naïve to see that he was being possessed by an obsession
to leave the temple. I advised him to continue his studies but he was adamant
on becoming a layman.
“For sure I will leave before Buddhist
Lent!” he threatened with determination.
One day after a month of urging him to
continue his studies I received notice from him that he had indeed “taken off
the orange” and was a lay person. We agreed to meet in the town close to where
his temple was located and discuss further his education. His appearance was
now completely changed. Instead of his orange robes he wore jeans and a
T-shirt. His once shaven head was now beginning to sport a crew cut and he was
eager to let it grow into curly shoulder-length locks. He now wore rings and a
watch which he relished as a sign of his new freedom. His transformation was
total like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. His metamorphosis was nearing
completion with the sole exception of his finances.
I met him at a café overlooking the river
and within moments the topic of money came up.
“I need money now for my life. I need to
have a motorbike and cell phone and to pay rent for my room and…”
I stopped him and reminded him he must
first complete his studies before other things could be taken into
consideration. After a lengthy discussion he agreed to finish his studies.
There was only one more semester left and after that he would receive his
college degree and be free to lead the life of a layman.
It had always been my contention that I
would support his education and nothing more. The other luxuries of life could
come after but education was the first priority. Since I was providing the
funds I felt I had the definitive say on how the money was spent.
He finally agreed reluctantly to my offer
to pay only for the final installment of his studies and vowed that he would
finish his college and think of motorbikes and cell phones later.
Our last meeting ended cordially and I
felt assured that he would return to his studies. I gave him four hundred
dollars for the tuition and wished him well.
A month passed and he reached me by email
saying that he had spent all the money I gave him on medical bills for both
himself and his parents. His letter stated that his parents were very ill and
he had to give them the money for doctor visits and medicine and later he
became ill with a touch of malaria and had to pay bills for himself. So, the
four hundred dollars was all gone.
I was furious and did not believe his story
and felt that honesty had been betrayed.
Through a series of
email exchanges he swore by Buddha that he was telling the truth, but when I
contacted the college I learned that he dropped out of college to acquire a
cell phone. The four hundred dollars intended for tuition was channeled to
service his personal needs for full transformation into the life of the lay
man.
The last contact I
received from him revealed his plans for the future. He was leaving the town
where he had lived his temple days and was going to move into the “big City”
where he secured employment with a travel agent as a tour guide.
I told him that it was his responsibility
to give the 400 dollars intended for his tuition back to the college and, since
he was now employed he could do this over a period of a few months. My last
instruction to him was to contact the college and to pay back what was their
due. I also informed the college of this arrangement. They had little hope that
the money would be returned and were not surprised that Ailan had acted so
disgracefully.
I have not heard from him in six years. He
is now a layman and enjoying his freedom. He is now away from the security of
the temple and living in the world of the average man where money can become a
weapon, a tool for using others, a power to purchase the pleasures of the
material world. Perhaps he is married and has a brood of children. Who knows?
I wait…maybe naively so…for him to return
an honest man and to merit his honor. I wait with the hope that he will come
back to finish his studies and to repay the college the four hundred dollars
which was intended for his education.
So far there is no answer to my emails. I
know he reads them because they are not returned only unanswered….So, I wait
and wait for the prodigal son to return.