Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, the Jerry Springer Show, or Austin Powers. I don't own the Jerry Springer song by Weird Al Yankovic. You could call this a song fic I guess, but it's the final hour of the Matt Ishida show, SO ENJOY! The Matt Ishida Show Hour 5 Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: Okay, here we are. The final hour of the show. Let's go back over what's happened. So far, Davis and T.K. have agreed to ease up on Kari, no date rape drugs, and no intrusive photo shoots. Davis: That reminds me, hey T.K., can I have one of your pictures? Kari: (slaps Davis) T.K.: (sinkers) Matt: Tai and Sora patched up their relationship, but Cody still wants to be the leader. Cody: I will be the leader! I will! I'll start sleeping with Kari! Kari: Yeah rite. Davis: Your pushing your luck shorty! Cody: I'm five ten! Davis: Whatever. T.K.: Hey, just shut up so we can all go home! Izzy: Really? I was hoping you guys could stick around a little longer. Kari: Sure! Ken: I'm not doctor Evil? Matt: No Ken, your not. Ken: WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Kari: Geez, grow up. Matt: Anyway. Ken realizes he isn't Doctor Evil, and Mimi has just dumped Joe. Mimi: That's rite, and I'm available! Joe: NNNNOOOO!!! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: Too bad. Ken: I am doctor Evil! I will prove it! Wormmon: Not the cat! Ken: Mr. Bigglsworth! Digivolve! Mr. Bigglsworth: Digivolve to . . . SaberLeomon! Matt: Who saw THAT coming? Cody: Of course! I did! Wormmon: I warned you Ken! Now I'm going to have to kick that (beep)-ing cat's (beep)-ing (beep)! I'll kill you! You stupid (beep) of a cat! Time to (beep)-ing die! Crowd: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! SaberLeomon: Meow? Ken: Go SaberLeomon! Destroy! Wormmon: I'm gonna kick your (beep)! Cody: Oh lord, Ken is out of control! Sora: That's how YOU were! Cody: What? I was? Tai: Yes. Ken: I am Doctor Evil! Die! I will conquer the world! Wormmon: I'm gonna kill you! You stupid cat! Die mother (beep)-er! I'll (beep)-ing bite your eyes out! I'll kick your tail from here to (beep)-ing Belgium! Mimi: Well I don't see you doing anything! Man: Got you there bug! Woman: That's okay bug! You come here, I've been looking for a Caterpei, Pokeball go! Crowd: (Laughs) Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Wormmon: WWWAAAAAHHHHH! It's true, I can't do anything to hurt Ken! Matt: Well that makes sense. But that's not Ken, its doctor Evil, remember? Ken: YES! I am Doctor Evil! Wormmon: I just can't do it! Matt: Of for heavens sake! Fine! Ahem. (Austin Power's voice) I am Austin Powers baby! It's time to put an end to your . . . evil plan. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Ken: What? Austin Powers? There's nothing you can do to stop me now Powers! Matt: Ha! Yolei: What's going on? Ken: Go Mr. Bigglsworth! SaberLeomon: Meow? Matt: Gabumon! Gabumon: (Jumps out of a computer back stage, and runs up to Matt) I'm here! Matt: Gabumon! Digivolve! Gabumon: Warp digivolve to! MetalGarurumon! Matt: Got you now Doctor Evil! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Ken: Drat! Well then, lets get it on Mr. Powers! MetalGarurumon attacks, "Metal Wolf Claw!" SaberLeomon dodges, and attacks back. "Howling Crusher!"MetalGarurumon takes the hit, and groans, but comes back with another "Metal Wolf Claw" and SaberLeomon dedigivolves. Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Ken: How? Matt: Well well doctor Evil, looks like your pussycat wasn't tough enough for my MetalGarurumon. Ken: You win Mr. Powers! This time! Come Mr. Bigglsworth! Let's get out of here! Ken jumps up and down trying to fly, he hits his head on the floor, and it turned into Ken again. Ken: What happened? Kari: You had an encounter with a DVD and thought you were doctor Evil, but your better now. Ken: Why am I holding this cat? GGAAHHH! Get it away from me! It's hair-less and ugly! Wormmon: Ken! Ken: Wormmon! Matt: Good work MetalGarurumon, you can go now. MetalGarurumon: Happy to help (Austin Powers Voice) See you latter baby! (jumps back into the computer) Yolei: That was fun, I wonder how high our ratings went. (grins) Gee Matt, I sure hope you don't still think your Austin Powers. Matt: Sure don't baby! Yolei: Well, I'm going to check on our ratings, let's wrap it up. Matt: Well, we've had a fun episode. We had fighting, love affairs, and all the things that make this show great. And now, let's wish our guests lots of luck, and well, good bye all! (Crowd Cheers and applauds, ending music comes on) Yolei: Uh, Matt, we have no more guests, and a whole ten minutes left, try to stretch it! (Ending music stops) Matt: Uh . . . rite. How? Cody: Like this! (starts to dance) I'll make it up to every one, I'm sorry I was evil, I'll do a song and dance number! Kari, Mimi, Sora, Yolei, you girls sing, us guys will dance! Matt: Dear god. Cody: C'mon! Davis: Yeah! I'm a dancing fool! T.K.: Well, you have the fool part rite. (Parody of "Jerry Springer" which was a parody of "One Week" My parody of the parody is simply this, Jerry = Matt and Jerry Springer = Matt Ishida) Digidestined: (singing) It's been one week since we got to see Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry! Five days since they had the show With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male Yesterday it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Matt Ishida Holy cow, d'you see it last week? Well they had this one freak Who sucker-punched his whole family Do you recall when the brawl Became a total free-for-all And Matt is in the middle tryin' to be the referee Hey see the stripper with the implants? She likes to lap dance And date the boyfriend of her mother Now here comes Matt's next guest And it's a slugfest Cause its her trailer trash brother Nymphomaniac is back on crack Its like "When Animals Attack" They all exhibit reprehensible behavior Hit'em in the nose, tear off their cloths Step on their toes, that's how it goes They get so violent they have to sign a waiver They're always swearin; cursin; kickin' butt and pointin' blame On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange When he found out that his wife had a sex change They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly They have a history of ripping off their shirts Matt: No! Stop! Cody: Lets get some kicks in! Davis: Yeah! It's been one week since they had the fight With the Siamese twins and the transvestite Five days since that awful brawl They still haven't got the blood off the wall It's been three days since the bitter feud Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude Yesterday finally dawned on me I'm spending way to much time on that Matt Ishida. Matt: No more! Yolei: (kicks) c'mon Matt, join the fun! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Yolei: C'mon! Matt: Oh fine! Once you start watchin; there's just no stopping' Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's dropping Matt is the king of confrontation He's a sensation He puts the sin' in syndication It's totally worthless like a bad check It's like a train wreck Don't wanna stare but you can't look away But with more weirdos The ratings jumping higher every day If you've seen the show, well then you know It's just as low as you can go The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene And pretty soon some ugly goon Comes in the room and then its BOOM In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen Matt: Hey, this is sort of fun! Well it's the kinda show where people scream obscenities Yankin hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies "Matt! Matt!" now the crowd starts their favorite chant Should I turn off my TV? I just cant I have a tendency to watch it religiously I have a history of taping each one It's been one week since the show about Psycho killers with problems they should work out Five days since the big surprise When some loser's wife said the she's still dating twenty guys Three days since he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude Yesterday, it occurred to me That I've been watchin a bit too much Matt Ishida Tired of wasting my time on that Matt Ishida I've got way to much class to watch Matt Ishida Come over here and pull on my finger Matt: (Pant) (Pant) Well, that was (Pant) (Pant) new . . . Yolei: Gee Matt, your way out of shape. Ken: I thought I was Doctor Evil? Kari: Yep. Izzy: Had a digimon battle and everything. Ken: Whoa. Cody: But we made it up through song. Sora: Yeah. Tai: Yep. Cody: Lets all live happily ever after! T.K.: Let's go home! Yolei: But you HAVE to let me throw us all a party before you guys go back to Japan! Izzy: Yeah! Kari: Okay: (flutters her eyes at Izzy) Tai: Sure. Digidestined: PARTY! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt: See you next time! Let's go! Mimi: And Par-tay! Joe: Davis, let me have those date rape drugs! I have to get Mimi to take me back! Davis: To late, I used em all. Joe: NNNNOOOO!!!! Kari: Let's go already! Digidestined: PARTY! The Matt Ishida show was brought to you by JFalconRowe and FanFiction.Net The End (Maybe I'll make a fic about the party, or maybe Matt will have other Animie characters, like Ash or Nuku Nuku, or Tenchi on his show, it depends on weather or not any one likes this fic, and if you'd like it to continue)
Disclaimer: I do not own digimon, or the Jerry Springer show. Luke: hey! You're not done with my story! Me: So? Luke: C'mon! Don't leave me hanging, what happens next? Me: Just wait, you'll find out later. Luke: (beep) it! Par-Tay! After a long five hour Matt Ishida episode, which involved ALL members of the digidestined, Yolei convinces every one to stay in America for a little while longer, to have a party. Living room Matt: Hey, what song is this? Yolei: (trying to seduce Ken) Who cares? Matt: Good point. Ken: Uh, Miss Yolei, you are nibbling my ear. Yolei: Oh? Am I? Matt: So T.K., it's been a while. How's college? T.K.: I'm not going. I dropped out so I could make sure Davis didn't touch Kari. Matt: Well . . . Uh . . . Okay. Kari: Hey Izzy, how much money do you make on those power bars? Izzy: if sales continue the way there going, about a million a month. Kari: So, why do you work on the Matt Show? Izzy: Matt and me, and Yolei are really good friends, I cant just abandon them, and it's fun. Kari: (Whispers) do you think maybe Yolei likes Ken? Izzy: Well, lets just say I'd be surprised if she doesn't, seeing as how she's climbing all over him. Kari: Hey, where did Davis go? Bathroom Davis: GGGAAAAHHHH! Nachos! Dining room Cody: Hey, who ate all the nachos? Mimi: Joe? Joe: No, I think it was Davis. Tai: So Mimi, Joe, you two going to hook up again? Sora: Yeah, I'm really interested. Mimi: No. Joe: But Mimi, we were meant for each other! (Gets down on one knee) Will you marry me? Mimi: No. Joe: (beep) it! Living room Matt: Hey, T.K. do you really think Kari likes the way you try to control her? T.K.: Duh. Kari: Stupid! Izzy: (kisses Kari) T.K.: NNNNOOOO! Matt: (Thinks for a moment) Uh, hey T.K., why don't we go buy some ice? T.K.: Matt? You do drugs? Matt: (Rolls his eyes) not THAT kind of ice. Dining room Joe: I know! I'll get a (beep) load of beer, and get Mimi drunk! Mimi: What was that? Joe: Nothing, I'm going to get some ice! Matt: (walking to the door) That's okay, T.K. and I have got that covered. Joe: Uh, cant I come with? Matt: Sure, why not? Lets go. T.K.: Cant I stay here? Bathroom Davis: BBBBLLLLLEEEEEEHHHHHH!!! <KNOCK><KNOCK> Davis: I'm in here! Store Matt: Okay, we have ice, lots and lots of nachos, and . . . what's with all the beer Joe? Joe: Well, I figured we'd kick this party off, y'know, turn it into a real blast. Matt: Well, I guess It'd be okay. So long as we make sure Davis doesn't put any date rape drugs in it to drug Kari. Everyone: laughs Apartment Living room Yolei: So Ken, want to see my bedroom? Ken: Not especially. Yolei: C'mon, just for a couple of minutes. Ken: No. But maybe I could show you some pictures of MY WIFE. Yolei: (GASP) You said you didn't have a girl! Ken: I don't, I have a wife. Yolei: Is she here? Ken: No. Yolei: So, she wouldn't know if you fooled around huh? Ken: Barbie would kill me if she found out, and anyway, I love her to much. Yolei: Her name is Barbie? Ken: Yeah. Yolei: <sigh> (thinking) maybe if I get him drunk, I better go get some beer. (talking) Don't go anywhere! I'll be rite back. Matt: Okay, were back, with nachos, ice, and a (beep) load of beer. Yolei: Wow, talk about coincidence. Matt: Yeah yeah. Joe: Here, Mimi, let me get you a cold one. Izzy: Hmm . . . Ken: What are you "Hmm-ing about. Izzy: We'll see. I think Joe is going to try to get Mimi drunk so he can (beep) her. Ken: Oh? Izzy: Yep. Ken: That'd be fun to watch. Izzy: Maybe, but I feel sorry for Mimi. Ken: Who cares? She's a moron anyway. Mimi: Yuck! I'm not drinking that! Yolei: (beep)-it! Ken! Drink it! Ken: No way! Stop it! Matt: What a waste, here we bought all this beer, and no one wants to drink it. Izzy: You know what we got to do now? Matt: Yep. T.K.: What do we have to do now? Izzy and Matt: Get the water guns! Living room (battle field) Yolei: (throws herself down by the couch.) (Talks into a walki talki) Kari! I got the guys, there holding the TV, and they wont leave it alone. Kari: (over walki talki) Okay, Sora and I are on our way. Matt: Gotcha! (shoots Yolei) Yolei: AAAHHHH!! I'm drenched. Matt: Yep. Joe: This sucks, I wanted to get Mimi drunk. Cody: Then aim for her mouth. Izzy: This is fun, lighten up Joe. Joe: Well, it does remind me of when we used to be Digidestined. T.K.: Except that we didn't have beep in the water guns, we had water. Kari: Die male scum! Sora: Take that. T.K.: They got me! Davis: EEHHHH! Tai: Missed me! Izzy: Take cover! Yolei: Ken is mine! Matt: Fall back! T.K: They got me! I'm dying! Hallway (girls base) Mimi: More prisoners? He he he. Sora: Get down there. Cody: Hi guys! Davis: Matt and the others abandoned us! Kari: More power to us women! Davis: Man, we smell like beer. Cody: That's because we've been soaked in it stupid! T.K.: Yeah, I mean, ever your smarter than THAT Davis. Kitchen (Guy's base) Matt: We need to launch a rescue operation. Ken: Why? We can take them. Tai: Shouldn't some one be watching the door? Izzy: Uh-oh. I'll go check it out. Matt: Lets see, Ken, Me, Tai, Izzy, Joe. Against Kari, Sora, Mimi, and Yolei. We can beat them if we attack head on. Joe: Can we have sex with them if we catch them? Matt: Dude! That's sick, and probably illegal! Izzy: Besides, if we all got into that, they'd catch us off guard. Kari: Like we're doing now? (shoots Izzy) Ken: Holy (beep)! Hallway (Girls Base) Yolei: Well well then . . . looks like we got every one, except Tai and Matt. Mimi: Now where did they go? Yolei: Dunno. But now that we have the guy's guns, lets load up on ammo, and go after them huh? Sora: Yolei and Mimi will go after them, Kari and I will stay here, they'll probably try to free the prisoners. T.K.: Cant you just let us go? I think Davis is dead. Davis: SSSNNNNNOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEE Cody: He'll live. Sora: Mimi, Yolei, go after those losers! Girls: DEATH TO MEN! T.K.: That must make your nights boring. Cody: They must be drinking their ammunition. Living room (Battle field) Matt: (WT) Tai, can you hear me? Tai: (WT) Yeah. Matt: (WT) Where are you? Tai: (WT) I'm not telling. Where are you? Matt: (WT) Living room, I'm behind the couch. Tai: (WT) Crap! Matt: (WT) What? Tai: (WT) Matt, Yolei and Mimi are coming your way, they both have to guns, filled to the brim, with extra cans in their pockets. Matt: (WT) Well that's not good. Tai: (WT) Yeah it is! You hold them off, I'll free every one! Matt: (WT) I'm almost out of ammo, you'd better be fast. Tai: (WT) No worries. Be alert, they should be rite on top of you! Matt: (Throws the Walki Talki away, and looks over the living room for Yolei and/or Mimi) Marco! Yolei: Polo! Matt: (fires in Yolei's direction, and Mimi shoots him) Hallway (Girl's base) T.K.: Man, this is boring. Tai: Yeah? Well who knew Kari and Sora were waiting for me? Matt: Some plan Tai. Who knows when they'll untie us. Joe: Oh Mimi! Please! Please take me back! Matt: Hey, can you girls untie us? Yolei: No. Izzy: Matt, next time I tell you to get rid of those bungie cords from the jumping episode, YOU DO IT! Matt: Don't worry. Tai: Who'd have thought they were so intelligent. Joe: Mimi! Mimi: Shut up Joe! Matt: Y'know what I was just thinking? Cody: Being tied up, and covered in beer while four sexy girls plan our fate is incredibly arousing? Matt: Not in so many words but, more or less. Ken: Maybe it's the fact that they forced all my ammo down my throat, but Yolei's looking hotter and hotter. Izzy: I thought you were married. Ken: That was a lie I made up so Yolei would stop trying. I mean, c'mon, Barbie? The girls walk up to the guys. Beer guns leveled. Yolei: We've decided on your fate. Ken: Is it to have sex with you? Mimi: Not exactly. Clean up this mess. Guys: (beep) it! The End. Ah yes, I realize it was totally pointless, but what the heck, I figured, not every one wants to imagine their favorite digidestined getting drunk and so I made Mimi refuse the beer. Trust me, I had my reader's in mind when I made it an immature beer-gunfight.