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11/17/03
three more days and it's my birthday, going on my 27th year, so soon i didn't really see it coming, i can't fight the time, so little time, so much to do. i feel like a little kid still, still have no clue of what she's going to do or what's gonna happen to her. well, things are starting to look up a tag more than the last time i up date my journal. i'm still jobless, but i'm hoping to get this position at yahoo, which will be good if i get it. i sure will be esctatic if i did get the position, that's all i'm asking for this christmas present, a job, preferrably a career, but a job will do for now.
crazy thing i did the past weekend at the stockton NY, i actually went up to a guy and ask for his number........but hey, turned out he's from the bay area also, and he seemed to be a good guy so far. we'll see how things work out......maybe the stars are with me again..........;op truth is i think he's soo cuuute!!.......i hope i'm not going out of my league..........funny guy.........hmmmmm
10/23/03
it's 2:30 in the morning and i'm still awake, i'm so tired, yet i dread to go to sleep for i dont want it to be tomorrow, but if i go to sleep i hope i wont have to ever wake up again. ok, i just had the worst day at work today.........i feel like venting, but then i'm so exhorted............aaaaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhh!!! so much of a good beginning of fall huh............where has this world come into????..........it's all backward, and life just seem so dull...........maybe it's just me, must be........i'm back to my dark tunnel, creeping into the night of loneliness, alone with my shadow.........how swell eh?.........
07/25/03
things always happen for a reason, one way or another, something must mean something greater later on. i always ponder why, questioning life and what it all means. funny how we always wonder about the unknown or rationalize everything. it's amazing how one thing always lead to another and when u look back u see this amazing web that u have weave through out time with things u've done and people u've incountered. sometimes i feel like i could be sucha pessimist, but i think i'm born an optimist, i am such an idealist sometimes, is that good or bad?.....
but yeah i'm hoping this guy i just met is legit.....and this time around things will last....he's sucha a optimist too.......
05/28/03
i feel my inspiration has come back, who know how long it'll last this time. i've been sketching here and there these couple of days, nothing too extreme, it's just a good way for me to forget about other my other things, and space myself out from everything else. somewhere i could just lose myself into this imaginary world, where anything is possible and everything will be what i create.
12/10/02
my thought of the day:
"to play the role of what you want your significant other to be."
teach the rules of loving that will bring respect. sometimes i feel i'm overfunctioning, someone who loves too much. i must learn to let go. letting go doesn't me mean to stop caring about the people i love. letting go means that i must be free to muddle through my own dark tunnels. deal with my flaws of my own life. letting go requires my ability to love more deeply than i've loved in the past, it demands that i trust my loved ones to take care of themselves. trust brings more trust.
