The other day I was walking down the street and I found a five dollar bill on the ground. What a suprise! Five whole dollars.. I can do so much five dollars. Continuing on my journey I began to ponder what I could spend my new found wealth on. The most obvious solution would be a 40 and a pack of smokes but I dont really feel like waking up tomorrow with soar lungs and somebody elses hair in my mouth. Five dollars could buy me dental insurance in the beautiful state of Oregon. But I don't really need some guy to tell me to brush my teeth. I already know that. I could probably get a good deal on a hand job down under a bridge next to burnside.. but the more I thought about it the thought of only three minutes of pleasure seemed too little for me. I'll go big time! Yes, this five dollars is going to be my future! The first step in the right direction, that's for sure! I could get some stock! Maybe off the internet! Invest in some computer company.. but the more I think about it the less appealing that sounds. I should do something artistic. I could buy enough mamba to make a 1:4 scale venus de milo! But that seems like too much effort for something so trivial and so easily consumed by a pack of hungry pigeons. Hmmm.. I suppose I could give it to charity or some homeless bum.. but fuck them I mean, would they have ever done anything for me besides take my money, thank me, and then talk shit behind my back the second I left? I think not. No, charity definetly wasn't the way for me to go at this venture. For five dollars I could buy 10 newspapers and a bottle of rubber cement and glue insulation to my jacket. Lord knows it rains enough in portland and all that extra water proofing would be great. I could buy 50 pocket protectors or 17 hamburgers from McDongles on tuesdays or 15,000 sheets of paper or Two pounds of donut holes or (more research involved). To this day the five dollar bill exists, laughing, mocking me! Will I ever decide on what I want .. the world may never know..