The Park Bench Act 1 Setting: Park Bench 2 people - Mark and Lucy Silence Mark: Nice day, isnít it? Lucy: I guess. Mark: Whatís wrong? Lucy: Nothing you want to hear about. Mark: No, I want to hear. Lucy: Well, all right I lost my candy factory My favorite comic strip was discontinued The supermall was shutdown My car got destroyed I lost my job My parents disowned me All in all, I had a horrible day. Mark: I see, well, is there anything I can do? Lucy: Would you maybe go out with me? Mark: Well, sure, when? Lucy: Right now! Letís go! Mark: Well all right They leave Bum: Whew, I thought theyíd never leave. I need somewhere to sleep. Hmmm. They think they got problems. They donít know problems. I got problems. Iíve been out of a home for many years. Iím lucky to be alive! (goes to sleep) End of Day 1 Morning Comes Bum: Well, off to find some food (leaves) Kid and grandma sit down. Wait a while. Kid: Gramma, Gramma, get up! I wanna go to the slide again! Please, Please, Please! Old Lady: All right! All right, go on. Kid: Yeah! Off I go! Old Lady: Heís a nice boy, but he just can be such a pain sometimes. Iím glad that I can just dump him off to his mother anytime. Kid: Címon Gramma! Letís Go! (leaves) Jogger runs by, turns back around, sits down Jogger: Whew, what a rush. I need a break (drinks water) It is a nice day, isnít it? Jogging sure makes the world go fast. Itís good to slow down once in a while. Gives me time to think. Man walks by Man: Are you okay? Jogger: What? Man: Are you okay? Youíre talking to yourself. Jogger: Shh, you know Iím supposed to be. Itís part of the show. Man: Oh, yeah. Bye (walks on) Jogger: Idiot. Well, back to the show. I can think about my family, My job, everything. Whoa! Look at the time. Iíve got to get home. Itís almost lunch time Mark and Lucy come in Lucy: That was great! I had the best time. Almost as fun a my last boyfriend. Mark: Lucy, If you keep comparing me to him, nothing can ever come out of this relationship. Youíve got to forget about that loser. Lucy: I want to forget him, and I like you a lot, but I canít do it. Letís just go on and see what happens. Mark: All right. (leaves) 2 friends (teen girls) Susie: So the party is when? Charity: Saturday at two. Susie: OK, so who is coming? Charity: Well, all our friends Susie: There will be boys there, wonít there? Charity: Of course. All but the nerds and Tucker Benton. Susie: Why not Tucker? Heís nice, and kinda cute. Charity: What?! Heís a total jerk! Susie: Please, can he come? Charity: You ďlikeĒ him donít you? Susie: Thatís not important! You canít just discriminate him because you donít like him. Charity: What about the nerds. Weíre discriminating against them too, arenít we? Susie: Well, no. They donít want to come. Charity: Thatís right. How do you know Tucker doesnít want to come? Susie: He told me. Charity: You talked to him? Yeech! Susie: Heís nice. Charity: You may think so, but heís not coming. Susie: Címon, give him a chance. Charity: You do like him, donít you (runs off) Susie: I do not! Come back here! (chases her) Crazy man comes by, sits down Crazy Man: Hello people. Quite a play, ainít it! I thought Iíd give you a *twitch* break. This is a true story. It happened to my uncleís cousinís friend. He was a brick layer working on a three-story tall chimney and had set up a pulley system so that his helper could raise the bricks up to where he needed them. As he was working, his helper was complaining about how difficult it would be to get the last of the bricks up to the flat roof of the building. Just then another contractor had some material delivered and it was placed on the roof by a fork-lift brought to unload it. The brick layer asked if the driver would load his brick up there as well and the driver agreed. The brick layer realized that he would not need his helper any more and sent him home. As the brick-layer completed the chimney he noticed that he had quite a few bricks left over and that the fork-lift was no longer at the job site. Now he had to figure out how to get the left-over bricks back down by himself. If he dropped them, they would surely break. So he decided to use the pulley that he had set up to lower them down. Well, Iím holding *twitch* up daí play ainít I? gotta go! He leaves Bum comes back Bum: Wotta Day, whew! (sleeps) End of day 2 Bum: (wakes up) Whoíre you? Cue Forrest Gump music and start feather Forrest Gump: My name is Forrest Gump. My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates (leaves) Bum: Whew! You never know what youíre gonna get. Leaves Business man comes by with laptop (Roger) Roger: Hmpf. Lunch Hour, and Iím still working! Fentruck comes by Fentruck: Why is that? Roger: Why is what? Fentruck: Why are you still working. You should eat. Roger: I have. I ate a loaf of Olive loaf and a pickle. Fentruck: Sounds Gr-r-r-reat! (sincere) What are you working on? Roger: Just a report on the amount of olive loaf consumers in rural Wisconsin. Fentruck: Whatís that, 1? Roger: Exactly! Fentruck: Hey, have you read the latest Super Chicken Comic? Roger: The what?! Fentruck: Super Chicken! You know, defender of justice. He meets a lot of ďchicksĒ too (laughs incessantly) Roger: Sounds Great (sarcastic) Fentruck: Oh yeah, and computers are? Roger: Of course. Look at this. Fentruck: Cool! Well look at this - Issue # 275 of superchicken. A classic issue. Itís a spoof of film noir. Heís a detective and... Roger: Cool! Can I read this? Fentruck: OK, just be careful. It has hardly ever been taken out of itís airtight, everything proof container. Roger: Yeah, yeah, whatever (Starts walking away. Takes book out of case, It crunches to pieces) Fentruck: Whatíd you do? Roger: Iím sorry, I didnít mean it. Fentruck: Oh, No prob. Iíve got 70 more copies in my trunk, come see! Roger: All right (leaves) Lucy and Mark come back Mark: Iím glad you forgot about whatís his name Lucy: Me too. He was a jerk. Mark: Now weíre together. Fate brought us here. Lucy: Fate? Whoís she? Have you been seeing other women? Mark: No. Itís fate, like whatís supposed to happen. Lucy: Iím sorry. Itís just that Iím, well, tense. Mark: Donít be. Lucy: Mark, I lo... Scene stops and crazy man comes in Crazy Man: Sorry to interrupt, just wanted to go on with the story that happened to my fourth cousin, twice removed. First he went down to the ground and raised a large metal bucket up to the roof level using the rope and pulley. Next, he tied the rope off onto a railing and climbed back up to the roof and loaded the bricks into the bucket. Then he went back down to the ground. He knew that the bricks would be heavy, so he wrapped the rope around his hand a couple of times and then untied the end of the rope with his other hand. Well, the bricks were heavier than he imagined and with physics being as it is, he was immediately launched upwards at a high rate of speed. As he was racing up towards the roof he encountered the bucket full of bricks coming down at an equally fast rate. He collided with the bucket and broke his nose and his shoulder. The bucket passed him by as he sped upwards. He reached the pulley just before the bucket hit the ground and broke a few of his fingers as they were pulled into the pulley. When the bucket hit the ground, it's bottom fell out and all of the bricks spilled onto the ground. Now the fun reversed. As the now light bucket sped upwards, the mason took a shot to the groin when one of his legs slipped into the empty bucket. To be continued... Leaves - scene is back Lucy: ...ve you. Mark: You do? Címon! Letís get hitched! Lucy: Okay! Bum: Kids these days, better go to sleep. While he sleeps, Ralph the janitor comes by. Ralph: Hereís Bernard. Always sittiní here! Well Iíd better let him sleep. End of Day 3 Morning - Steel drum band playing light music. Bum: Ooh. Thatís soothing (Music stops. Start playing big loud noise. Bum really wakes up) Ooh. that noise - turn it off! (walks away towards steel drums) Big guy comes and sits on bench. Little boy sits by him. Little Boy: Watcha doiní? Big Guy: I am sitting here Little Boy: Why? Big Guy: Because. Little Boy: Why? Big Guy: Because. Little Boy: Why? Big Guy: Because. Little Boy: Why? Big Guy: Because. Both get up and walk on. Police men come by - Frank and George Frank: Whoa! These are some good doughnuts. George: Good coffee too. Frank: Last night was a big night, wasnít it? George: You betcha. Remember that guy on 36th and Vine? Frank: Yeah, you broke that little bottle of... People come and sing the words - Love Potion Number Nine - and leave George: Yeah, that was tough. Little Boy and Big Guy come by Little Boy: Why? Big Guy: Because Walk on George & Frank: A police manís job is never done. Follow Big Guy and Little Boy. Drops doughnut Crazy Guy comes by, twitching. Crazy Guy: Well, looky here, Itís my lucky day Eats Doughnut Hey, you again *twitch* I bet you want to hear the rest of the story. Well, He then tilted enough to fall out of the bucket and continued with his gravity experiment. Eventually he landed on top of the pile of bricks and broke both feet. He collapsed in pain there on the bricks, but was glad to be alive. He let go off the rope and cried out for help. It was then that the bucket hit him in the head and fractured his skull. Bummer. The End. Good story, huh? Happy Dale Van Drives up. Two Men come up to Crazy Guy Man #1: Hey sir, would you like to come with me? Crazy Guy: Where are we going? Man #2: To a nice place with padded walls. Crazy Guy: Ooh. what a nice jacket! Man #1: Isnít that the truth. Leave. Fentruck and Roger walk by. Roger: And then you search for amount of Olive Loaf in the state of Wisconsin. Fentruck: Wow! I really appreciate you teaching me about computers. Roger: Hey, No prob, and I didnít know comic books were so cool! Fentruck: Arenít they! Leave Girls come back. The party is over. Charity: See, arenít you glad I invited Tucker Susie: Oh yeah (sarcastically) Now youíre going out with him. Charity: Hey. You were the one who introduced me to him. Susie: Hey, donít you have a date with him? Charity: Oh shoot! Gotta Go! Susie: Man, why am I always stuck with the longhorn? Boy comes by and sits by her (Ben) Ben: Stuck with what longhorn. Susie: Hey! You scared me! Ben: Can I sit here? Susie: Well, (flattered) Sure! Ben: So, whatís your name? Susie: Um, Susie. Ben: Thatís a nice name. Mineís Ben. Susie: Hi Ben. Ben: Heh, heh, Hi. So back to my question. What longhorn do you get? Susie: Oh it was nothing. Ben: Youíre sure? We can talk about it. Iím on my way to the mall. You wanna come with me? Susie: Sure, Iíd like that. Iíd like that a lot! Get up to leave Ben: So, what seems to be the problem? Walk away while talking. Man in Bunny suit and Man in Clown suit pass by. Bunny: Hereís a good spot, Bubbles! Clown: Donít call me that in public! Bunny: Wow, another birthday party. I donít know if I can handle another bunch of those kids again. Clown: Isnít it just awful at times. But hey, It makes good money, and it feels good to brighten their days. Kids run by and say - Itís Bugs Bunny and Bozo the Clown! Bunny & Clown: Oh, No! Run Away. Kids follow them. Bum, Laughing, sits down. Bum: Whoo boy! It is times like this when I just wanna...Go to sleep. Goes to sleep End of Day Four End of Act One Intermission This Play - Copyright - Jordan Sovereign - Do Not Take this as your own.