Yoga: The Fountain of Youth

Jane Pahr

Last saturday I got up very early to drive to Padua to teach two seminars, the morning with children in the third grade then afternoon with adults, organized by a friend/yoga teacher Carla. The children were vibrant and fun, Carla is a good teacher. Towards the end we sat face to face in couples to ‘observe’ My ‘mirror’ a little girl sat intently studying my face.
“Hai tante rughe,” she said You've got lots of wrinkles.

I took it in good grace. “Hmm, dici? Really,” I replied. An important part of this process is observe without judgement so I need to reflect back the same.

“Si, tante. E i denti... and your teeth?” she went on.

“What about my teeth?” I asked still smiling.

“Sono i tuoi? Are they yours?”

At this point my I was a bit perplexed by the question. Si, sono i miei . Perche ? Why?”

“Perche i vechi mettano i denti fuori... because oldpeople take out their teeth.”

While I knew to her young eyes I must appear old, this was a bit over the top for me. “Pensi che io sono abastanza vechia per metter i denti fuori? Do you
think I'm that old?”She considered intenly before responding,“Si,” and going on to ask,”Quanti ani hai? How old are you?”

At this point the teacher of the elementary class overheard ( you know teachers have exray ears). “Mai, chiedi una senora quanti anni! Never ask a lady her age.” Though generally I prefer that ‘teachers’ stay out of the room or enter into the process as particpants, this time I was grateful for her ‘observation!’

In the afternoon at a certain point I shared it with the seminar, all women, and said I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

“Fa ridere...Laugh!”, one of the ladies said and we all did.

Teaching Sarvangasana, Shoulder Stand, to students in an Introduction to Yoga class I joke, “This pose reverses the aging process.” Of course, that doesn't mean you won't get lines on your face. Yoga keeps the body supple, the nervous system functioning and the mind growing as practice deepens and changes over the years. Having started with a flexible body, strength was the first edge of awareness. Then came learning to soften within the strength, giving up some of the hyper-flexibility that made for a good show but not much awareness. A flexible body can often mask a rigid mind with an appearance of openness. I still love back bends but as so many before me have noted, it now takes longer to move into some of them and I've less interest in jumping from pose to pose even though I still do sometimes, just for fun. Yoga is fun. It’s hard work having fun. Effort gets in the way, trying to get it right rather than just doing the pose, being in the moment. I must admit, that there was a certain subtle edge of ego when I spoke of Yoga keeping us young. With my small stature and freckled pixie face Id always looked far younger than I was. However, there comes a time when even pixies with their long lives begin to age.

Last year I went to particpate in a workshop given here in Italy where I now live I was happy to have the opportunity to study with a well known teacher who I’d known in Los Angeles, truly an example of enthusiasm and the beauty of yoga body she asked me at a certain point, “How old are you?”

“Fifty five,”I replied without shame.

Her face cracked into a big smile, “I bow to you having such a strong practice.”

I think I’m going to start a series called Yoga Through the Ages. When you soften and move from the inside out there is a different kind of strength and more power. Feeling in my prime except that I now must wear glasses to read. A few days ago I put on those glasses and was shocked to see the network of lines that seem to have appeared overnight. Not that I hann’t noticed them coming, just that I chose not to read that particular book. I fight the battle with anti-wrinkle cremes but never can quite bring myself to buy the most expensive ones or do more than smear some on my face and neck sporadically. I love the outdoors too much to stay out of the sun and though I try to remember sun screen, I don't always use it. Perhaps it's a sense of invincibility, knowing the effects of exposure but ignoring them as though they were true for others but not me. Perhaps, I'd become accustomed to looking but not seeing. I'm reminded of a story. A woman sits in meditation. A smile appears on her serene face as she feels herself young and free, her spirit soaring. Then she opens heropens her eyes, looks in the mirror and sees an old woman. "Who is that old woman?” she asks. "Surely not me." Solution. Throw away the mirror

Easy to say, hard to do. We look. We see ourselves reflected in so many ways and practically all the images of beauty for women are young. Can we chose which images to pay attention to?

I'm surprised and a little embarrassed by the amount of emotion surrounding this issue of my face. Tears of betrayal? Vanity? Fear? The body is holding up pretty well and, as of yet, I have only a few gray hairs but the identification with the face as identity goes deeper than this shallow reflection. It seems to have something to do with a more profound sense of self-acceptance, moving away from the surface into the center. We talk of growing old gracefully but sometimes it's a bumpy ride.

I'm reminded of "The Portrait of Dorian Grey" by O'Henry, where a man never ages until one day his aging portrait is discovered hidden in his attic. He'd made a bargain with the devil whichdevil, which once exposed was null; he began to crack and disintegrate. I wonder if this clinging to youth is a bargain with the devil. And what this has to do with yoga other than the fact that I've practiced and taught for many years? Darned if I know. Guess it's just the human part showing. But isn't that what yoga is all about at some level, coming to terms with our humanity, our aging, dying daily to be reborn, renewed, reawakening to find not some far off paradise but the joy of existence here and now, in and through this body of energy, light and matter. So, if what we see is an optical illusion, and matter really isn't real, what the heck if it changes form, cracks or sags as long as the fountain is still flowing?

I used to think that teaching Yoga meant to be a model for others to look up to. Now, I feel that it's sharing the struggle as well as the joy of life. Admitting my vanity, laughing and then, well maybe a new meditation of looking directly at that which disturbs, rather than hiding in ignorance. I seldom use mirrors in Yoga practice but they can be helpful in alignment once in a while. I'll let you know what happens, right now I'm going to go check and see how I look. If I feel a laugh bubbling up from inside, I'll know it's okay.

It's all Yoga, not just the poses. Breathe in breathe out, every breath's a prayer. I am here,here; will I cease to exist when this body does? Am I so attached to my desire that I'll never feel fulfilled? If I look and truly see, what will I find? Vanda Scaravelli has become a beacon in the yoga world,world; her image is one of mature serenity. Frank White, who started Yoga in his sixties who became abeacon to a new generation used to come bouncing into the Intro to Yoga class. A little eighty year old man, shaved head, face a map of battles won and lost whose energy belied the years he'd often pop into an Intro Class to announce, "She was my first teacher. When I came, I couldn't bend farther than this, "shoulders hunch as his hands hover about mid thigh in a painful-looking demonstration of caving in then he dropped into an effortless Uttanasana, forward fold, jumped back to Chatturunga, a kind of push-up then sprang back up and said with a wave and a grin, “Have fun”.

Giving up that grandiosity of youth while glorying in the experience of life and laughing more at one's own foibles. Showing up not showing off. I remember once meeting Patabimeeting Patabi jois. Going to spend an evening with him and his assistant, Chuck, I was surprised to find them watching a video of Terminator 2. I screamed while he burst into the same delighted laughter each time the violence on the screen erupted that I'd heard in class. My yoga training had been primarily Iyengar- based with it'sits aura of seriousness, and for many of us control, as though getting the position right all else will follow. There are so many things I cannot control and must accept, doing what I can. Do Yoga. I'm once again reminded my first teacher, Chad Hamrin, counseled when I moaned, "I can do the positions but my life is a mess. What should I do?" In that sage teacher voice hevoice he replied, "Don't do anything. Do Yoga." Of course I increased my asana practice only later coming to understand that this meant more than the physical act of doing the poses. Still, it's not a bad place to start dealing with what I can see, touch and fell. Probably saved my life, doing yoga. I have this image of life as a gentle unfolding but sometimes it's a violent confronting of my belief system, once again showing me I have one which standsone, which stands, in the way of my experience of union.

So, we all come forth from that deep pool of being into form and at a certain point return. Evolution as an image not literal but figurative shows that the form keeps changing but life continues so that we re-experience that evolution to grow, and grow-up? George Feuerstein calls it "Spiritual Alchemy: The Philosophy and Practice of Hatha Yoga". He also calls it the "walking the razor's edge." I sometimes feel that the new generation has taken over the Yoga world as it's becoming a business rather than an art. I admit to some moments of envy as I see pictures pictures splashed across the pages of Yoga Journal and read articles full of quotes from mudra to sutra written by those born about the time I began practicing yoga. Oh, there are a few from my generation but we're fading in the new fad. I wonder what will happen as they grow older? How many generations have asked the same question? They say wisdom comes not to the young or to those who cling to the ways of the past and beauty is, in fact, in the eyes of the beholder. To be a fountain in whose pool others are reflected there is perhaps less need of less need of Narcissus and more Persephone, Shakti, Devi, Kali: you tell me. Lao Tse says, "theThe nameless cannot be named by that which has a name." So, I search for the end to this while continually finding a new beginning.

Yoga mind, beginner's mind will keep the fountain flowing. The same few years ago that I referred to in the beginning of this I moved to Italy and became "seignora". It still shocks me every time I hear, "Senora." But really, would I want to be a Sigenorina forever? Faccio fattica di tenere il bene passato! Meglio essere quello che chi sei. Ti auguro una buona prattica! Impossible to translate accurately,. It’s something like... What a lot of work holding on to the past and missing the present with the gifts of time. Better to be who you are and enjoy your practice! So I'll end by saying that for me, it's all a process. I don't think I'll ever get it right but I can stop rehearsing enjoy the show and myself. Do Yoga, be yoga. May the razor's edge cut away all that stands in the way of your samadhi, joyful union with the divine. I've found that it has been the things I've given up rather than those acquired which brought me peace, including my youth.

Om Shanti. Namaste.