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"You are free to go in any direction" were the words I heard when Mr. Johnson gave me this piece of paper. Thinking back, I have never had the freedom to write what I wanted except in Mr.Johnson's classes. All my life I have been tortured by TOEFL essays and SAT essays, and the little poetry I wrote in other classes was always not understood or even ignored. I feel at ease to write about what comes to my mind right now, and I am glad to be sitting here with my pencil and paper, writing to my heart's content.
Standardized writing is needed sometimes, but I believe that writing is one way to get to know myself better. When I write, the words talk to me from the page, and it seems as if I am talking with myself. The pencil and paper are just a medium through which I communicate with my feelings. Sometimes it is hard to know what I am thinking and feeling; and writing is one way to re-assort my thoughts.
I used to have an internet blog - where I would write down the things that I felt, or write on subjects that I spontaneously thought of. I suppose it was kind of an on-line journal. I kept it for about five or six months until my mother found it and read some things that I did not want her to read. It seems that some parent had found it - I have no idea how - and had mentioned it while talking with my mother. I have closed the blog but the things I randomly wrote almost every day still remain because I did not delete the contents. When I have tangled thoughts and complicated feelings I sometimes read the many things that I wrote in my blog just to recompose myself a bit. Taking the time to think more calmly almost always helps me to organize my thoughts.
As I sit in my seat, listening to Pat Metheny and just thinking, writing, I feel relaxed and contented. It has been only two days since school started but still I have been feeling the stress bottling up inside me. Just the simple fact that I am free for two periods has helped me relax a lot. Also, writing this was as if I was pouring my troubles onto the page. I love the way when you write and write and suddenly you see that an hour, maybe more, has passed while you were absorbed in your writing. Maybe I sould think about reopening that blog of mine sometime soon...
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