The Tale of Eli

I used too be a very lonely dog. I didn't have much doggie companionship. I had a Viszla friend named Puck. I'd see him about once a week. I had a sort-of girlfriend named Becca. I'd see her about once a month. But all day long I'd sit home alone on my bed and watch the birds, wishing I had someone to watch them with me.

The Lady sensed that I was lonely. She kept telling Mister, "Dogs are pack animals. Poor Zeke's pack is gone all day. He's lonely." The Lady was right! So she got some more dog training books (as if she didn't have enough!?!) and read about having two dogs. Now, the Lady grew up with two dogs, and so did Mister, so you'd think they would've been confident. But noooo, they were all worried about not being #1 in my life and all that. Sheesh!

"It says here that two dogs are four times the trouble," Mister said, holding the 2-pound dog training book, "It says it's really hard to train a second dog."

"Look how wonderful Zeke is. He's perfect. We're fantastic dog trainers. Don't be silly. Zeke needs a brother or sister." Lady was pretty adamant.

"Okay. You're sure you want to go and start all over now that we have Zeke behaving so well?"

"Yes. We've learned so much with him. I want another perfect boy." Lady tends to get her way.

So they read in the newspaper that a litter of puppies had been born at the pound and were going to be put to sleep. Well, the Lady and Mister couldn't tolerate that! No, sir. They read about puppy selection and agreed that they would pick a submissive but sociable pup from the litter and bring her home. (Oh, I wanted a sweet girl dog. Yup.) They went to the pound and said, "We'd like to see the puppies."

"Well," said the creepy pound lady, "There's only one left. We call him Fatso because he eats all the other puppies' food."

Now, I heard this and immediately got worried. I mean, I was lonely and everything, but there was no need to go and do something so rash as bring home an alpha pup!! "Lady!" I growled, "Lady!! Hellooooooo, we're talking major alpha here. Look at him stomping all over his brothers and sisters.. Lady! I don't think I want that one!! Let's go home! Let's go play fetch!! Wanna cookie?"

It didn't work. And so my tale of woe began.

On the way home they came up with the name Elijah. I dunno what's wrong with Mister and the Lady. They like these old biblical names. That's why I'm Zeke, from Ezekiel. Also, Eli was born right near Yale and the Eli Whitney homestead. (That's why he's so darned smart. He went to college.)

Then Eli threw up on the Lady's lap. You just don't do that! Sure, the Jeep was bumpy, but I knew then that there was something very wrong with this little guy...

But I let him take over the house anyway. Yup. From day one that guy ruled the roost. He was always complaining about something, usually the cold. Everywhere I went, he would curl up inside some warm part of my body, like the soft of my belly or the crook of my leg. Oh, he just wouldn't leave me alone. And if he didn't get his way, he'd cry and howl and whine. What torture! Don't even ask me about crate training!!

But the good news is that Mister and the Lady won. Eli understands that he's not the #1 fella in the house. It just took an awful lot of work, and some changes to our routine.

It's been over a year now, and Mister and the Lady still do stuff every day to remind Eli that he's not the boss of the house. I kinda like that, cuz I realize I have things really good! For example, the Lady will pet me any time, when she walks by, or when I'm standing next to her. But Eli has to sit or lie or do whatever they tell him to before he's petted. Come to think of it, he has to sit before he does just about anything!! Hee hee.

Eli still isn't nearly as good as I am. He may be smarter, but I have the underdog advantage: I'm desperate to please!! Every now and then Eli jumps on people (not the Lady or Mister, though) when he's really excited, and that's kind of a problem for a 75-lb dog!! And sometimes he whines or barks, too, when he doesn't get his way. See? There's that alpha nonsense again. Big trouble!. Oh, well, whachagonnado? He's making progress. And he's my brother, so I love him.

So ya see? Being and underdog ain't so bad! I get treated like the special boy, and I sure do like the company. They were right about that. I'm a very happy red dog.