This is the first line of a call to worship that we had once which I found quite funny:
L: Lord, today many of us feel like ... a used firecracker. A balloon with a hole in it. A dried-up pen. An empty pop can. A worn-out shoe. A discarded blob of bubble gum. A crumpled up, yesterday's newspaper.
These are my favorites of the Fuzzy Memories by Jack Handey from Saturday Night Live:
Mom used to make the most beautiful Easter eggs. Then she'd hide them in the backyard. But they were so beautiful, when we found one, we weren't allowed to pick it up. We had to point at it, and then Mom would come pick it up with her white gloves and put it back in its case.
Somebody ended up smashing all those eggs with a hammer. I think it was our dog.
Once, when I got lost in the woods, I was afraid that eventually I might have to eat Tippy. But finally I found my way home, and I was able to put Tippy back in the refrigerator with my other sandwiches.
Every year at Christmastime a whole set of emotions sweeps over me --- emotions which probably go back to my childhood.
The first emotion is wondering if I'm going to get any presents. Then it changes to "Horray, I got some presents!" Then it changes to "Is that all the presents I got?"
I couldn't believe it! Someone had stolen my new sled! My brand-new, all-white sled, with the runners I had painted white and the white tow-rope and my name written on the top, in white. I asked all of my so-called friends which one of them took it, but they all denied it. Finally, in the spring, right after the snow melted, the thief brought it back to where I had left it.
One year Dad decided he was going to take us on a "surprise vacation." We wouldn't know where we were going until we got there. We were all real excited when we piled into the station wagon early one morning. We went about five blocks, then we got in an accident at a four-way stop.
I guess it was a pretty good surprise, but why did we need all that camping gear?
Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident.
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that ok?
I would like to know why all the things you said are in red?
What does it mean you are a jealous God. I thought you had everything.
Is reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business?
Thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy.
It rained for are whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
But I am not going to tell you who I am
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha. ha.
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
I think the stapler is one of your greatest invention
If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new Shoes
I would like too live 900 years like the guy in the bible
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sun. School they said you did that so I bet he stoled your idea.
If you let the dinasor not exstinct we would not have a country. You did the right thing.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!