OH FUCK
 
                          FUCK YOU

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the  English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

  1. Greetings           "How the fuck are ya?"
  2. Fraud               "I got fucked by the car dealer."
  3. Resignation         "Oh, fuck it!"
  4. Trouble             "I guess I'm fucked now."
  5. Aggression          "FUCK YOU!"
  6. Disgust             "Fuck me."
  7. Confusion           "What the fuck.......?"
  8. Difficulty          "I don't understand this fucking business!"
  9. Despair             "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure         "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure      "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost             "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief     "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation      "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial           "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity       "I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy      "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?
18. Greetings     "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion        "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic             "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions        "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief         "How the fuck did you do that?"
 

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."  It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal- "Motherfucker." It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

     "What the fuck was that?"
                                         Mayor of Hiroshima
     "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?"
                                         General Custer
     "Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
                                         Captain of the Titanic
     "That's not a real fucking gun."
                                         John Lennon
     "Who's gonna fucking find out?"
                                         Richard Nixon
     "Heads are going to fucking roll."
                                         Anne Boleyn
     "Let the fucking woman drive."
                                         Commander of Space Shuttle
     "What fucking map?"
                                         "Challenger," Mark Thatcher
     "Any fucking idiot could understand that."
                                          Albert Einstein
     "It does so fucking look like her!"
                                          Picasso
     "How the fuck did you work that out?"
                                          Pythagoras
     "You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
                                          Michaelangelo
     "Fuck a duck."
                                          Walt Disney
     "Why?- Because its fucking there!"
                                          Edmund Hilary
     "I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
                                          Joan of Arc
     "Scattered fucking showers my ass."
                                          Noah
     "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
                                         J.F.K.


                               

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold, blustery January day.  The daughter said to the mother, "my hands are freezing cold".  The mother replied, "Put your hands between your  legs, the body heat will warm them up".  So the daughter did and her  hands warmed up.   The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold".  The daughter said, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up".
Next day the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the daughter.   He said, "My nose is freezing cold".  The daughter said, "Put
it  between my legs, it  will warm up".  He did and his nose warmed up.  The next day the boyfriend is driving again with the daughter  and he said, "My penis is frozen solid".
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her Mother and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?  "Mother  says, "Sure, why do you ask?" The daughter says, "Well, they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!"

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.  The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the
interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway? So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes." Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy.  About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.  "Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist. The clerk replies "Your house."

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard.

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around, and he gets a little worried. So,  they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this. He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster.

"And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy," said the young rooster.

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first  lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself.......
"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."