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| PY: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another exciting battle here at Yoshi Stadium! Today is a bitter-sweet match, as it should be one of the most brutal and intense matches yet, and, on the bitter side, my long-time comrade who has co-called every match this season with me, Chunky Smee, has resigned from Yoshi Stadium and will not be commentating here with me again (unless he wants to guest commentate at some time). So if I start crying, please forgive me, I may feel a little bit lonely up here without my best buddy by my side to lend me a hand. However, I did get someone to fill in for Smee–Yoshi Stadium’s OTHER awesome mascot, Slow Joe Crow! SC: Hello, everybody! This is my first match commentating with Pirate, and it sounds like Smee’s shoes may be tough to fill, but I’ll do my best! PY: At any rate, what we saw last time was a frosty battle up in the windy peaks of Icicle Mountain, where DK, Yoshi, Bowser, and Fox battled it out with everything from high-powered laser rifles to wads of snow balled up in a sphere! After the snow flakes cleared, we found the last one standing to be Yoshi, for his first victory, and a hard-earned win at that! But we’ve come to the next match of the season, and now it’s all about who can dish it out today to claim victory! Today’s match is Pride of the Princess, and it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out who all might be competing! Naturally, only the best of our facilities could be used for such a royal rumble, so we dished out the extra dough today to ensure a spotless ring! SC: Actually, the best we could find was a stinky, swampy piece of jungle land for them to fight on located in the vast, marshy jungles of Yoshi’s Island. PY: Like I said. At any rate, the contenders today are Princess Toadstool, or ‘Peach’, as she has started going by, Princess Zelda, or, ‘the Zeldanator’, as her supporters call her, and Princess Daisy of Sarsaland, who seems to resemble Princess Toadstool a little too much. Our referee is a local native Spear Guy, who has agreed to officiate for the sum of a buck thirty-four. Gotta love those natives... SC: Like my predecessor before me, I’m down on the field for a quick chat with one of the combatants. Before we start, Daisy, could I ask a few questions? Daisy: No. Can’t you see that I’m trying to fix my hair right now? SC: Why do you look like Princess Toadstool so much? Daisy: What?! I’m insulted! That fat, filthy slob? How dare you! I’m MUCH more gorgeous than THAT little priss will ever be! SC: Excuse me for not noticing. Have you got any words for the other two fighters? Daisy: Yeah, I do! Stay out of my way, slime bags, or I’ll do more than break a nail! SC: Whoa.........now that’s MY kind of girl! Back to you, Pirate. PY: I dunno, Joe–I don’t wanna get any of MY nails broken! SC: Pirate.....you don’t have any nails. You bite them. PY: Hmm–good point. At any rate, nails or no nails, Spear Guy has blown the whistle, and our tough-as-nails princesses come out fighting! SC: Daisy gives Peach a push and the pink-clad princess wobbles uneasily on the tiny dry spot she has found before she falls backwards right into the water, getting DRENCHED! Ooo, now it’s personal! D: 1 P: 0 Z: 0 PY: Stay out of Peach’s way now! Meanwhile, Zelda takes note quickly that Daisy isn’t afraid to get nasty, and quickly evades an attempted-shove by Daisy. Daisy, missing Zelda, screams as she tumbles forwards, face-first into a large puddle of mud! Only the best for royalty... D: 1 P: 0 Z: 1 SC: Peach is mad as a wet hen, which, in a way, I suppose would be fitting. Daisy, just stumbling to her feet, is hit RIGHT IN THE FACE with Peach’s frying pan! OUCH! Daisy goes sailing backwards through the air and sinks down under the water...could she be out cold, and, while we’re talking, out of the fight as well??? D: 1 P: 1 Z: 1 PY: Zelda takes the opportunity and quickly wipes Toadstool’s legs right out from underneath her. Peach falls to the ground, and Zelda immediately runs as fast as she can in the opposite direction, knowing that the wrath of Toadstool will be upon her at any second. And here it comes! Peach jumps to her feet, fuming, and races back after Zelda! Uh-oh! She’s got her! Peach has grabbed Zelda! Oh, I’m afraid to watch! D: 1 P: 2 Z: 2 SC: It’s.........It’s............THE PEACH PILE DRIVER! TOADSTOOL THROWS DOWN ZELDA, THEN LEAPS UP AND BODY SLAMS HER INTO THE MUCK! YEOW! D: 1 P: 3 Z: 2 PY: While Zelda has been getting body slammed, Daisy has emerged from the water, soaked and looking for revenge. She swims to shore, but a monkey drops from the tree tops and suddenly grabs the crown off of her head before swinging back up into the trees! Daisy, unable to continue without her crown, starts screaming curses at the monkey and looks for something to throw. In her haste, the only thing she sees to throw is Peach, who is unexpecting as she prepares for a second pile driver. Suddenly, Daisy has Peach above her head and is hurling her up into the tree tops. Leaves fly everywhere, there’s a scream, then Daisy’s crown drops back down to her. Seconds later, Peach follows, crashing into the bushes below. D: 2 P: 3 Z: 2 SC: Zelda is on her feet and sees a chance to get two for the price of one! Grabbing a tree branch, she snaps it off to about the length of a base ball bat! Do you know what this means? D: 2 P: 3 Z: 3 PY: Yeah, it means that Zelda is the first fighter to attempt to hit two home runs at once–with a home-made, make-shift Home Run Bat! She winds up as Peach gets up and tries to attack Daisy, and there’s the pitch! She wails them both hard with it and both Daisy and Peach are knocked backwards through the dense foliage into the swampy waters again! PERFECT HIT! D: 2 P: 3 Z: 5 SC: Yeah, but they weren’t sent out of the park. Taking advantage of her opponent being stuck in the water like herself, Peach takes out her parasol and beats it over Daisy’s head repeatedly, leaving Daisy, who is less accustomed to the water, to take the blows without retaliation! D: 2 P: 7 Z: 5 PY: We gotta help Daisy out! Quick, grab one of those levers! SC: Which one? PY: Any one! (SC grabs a lever and a Volt Shroom drops down from the sky, aimed right at Peach, rather than Daisy) You stoop! That’s going right for Peach! SC: Whoops.... PY: The shroom hits Peach and she is electrified............wait a second! Standing in the water, she immediately starts getting shocked! She’s being zapped in the water and has to retreat! What a fortunate break for Daisy! That didn’t turn out half bad, after all! D: 2 P: 7 Z: 5 SC: Spear Guy blows the whistle........what’s going on? PY: I have no clue.....he seems to be panic-striken, jumping around and pointing towards the sky. Do you have any idea what he’s saying? SC: Er, sorry–I forgot my Shy Guy/English dictionary at home. PY: Fortunately, our on-the-set translators are working on his message now..........and here it is. Whoo, boy, what a doozy: “The sky! The gods.......they are.........sending.........evil! The sky gods.........are sending.........evil! Beware.......evil! We must stop! Evil is.......falling on us! The gods are.......warning us...........to end battle! We must........stop!” Nice going, Joe. SC: Hey, it was your idea to hit the lever in the first place! Unfortunately, the poor Spear Guy has seen about all he can handle for today, and he refuses to continue officiating with the ‘sky gods’ angry with him, so we’re in the process of paying him for his work. I will do the rest of the officiating for the match. Spear Guy is gone, I have called for the match to resume, and again we resume! PY: Zelda hits Peach as she climbs out of the water, and Toadstool falls back in! Daisy clambers out immediately following, and she is given a Din’s Fire blast right in the face! Zelda’s on a roll! D: 2 P: 7 Z: 7 SC: The half is ending fairly soon, yet all three continue the battle strongly! Peach arrives on shore again, and Zelda has a kick waiting for her. Peach pulls out Toad just in time, however, and he retaliates for her by blocking the blow and returning it with equal force, flinging Zelda backwards head-over-heels! Daisy again makes her way to shore and Peach clobbers her with a golf club! Ouch! What is this, Outlaw Golf? D: 2 P: 9 Z: 7 PY: Daisy doesn’t budge, however, though you’ve gotta figure that she’ll feel that one in the morning. Instead, she retaliates with a swift slap that sends Peach reeling away. Princess Toadstool regains her senses and quickly pulls up a vegetable, which she hurls at Daisy. Daisy catches the veggie, however, then hurls it back! Peach ducks aside and the projectle sails past, bopping Zelda over the head, who is just standing back up. D: 4 P: 9 Z: 7 SC: One minute warning! Peach goes in to end her feud with Daisy personally, and they trade several hits, successfully blocking all of each others’ moves. Zelda, meanwhile, gets back up again and sees that her moment has finally come.....again! She creeps up behind the two, then strikes with a swift, magic-powered punch that rockets Peach and Daisy both out over the swamp again, where they land with a big splash! Peach, fearing that she’ll be weighed down by her heavy dress, pulls out her parasol and hops up in the hair, floating over the water as she moves back towards land again. Daisy, on the other hand, flounders, then disappears beneath the waves! Will she make it back up? There’s only seconds left! D: 4 P: 10 Z: 9 PY: Zelda, frantic to at least tie Peach’s total for the half, throws several attacks at once, and Peach is pelted with a Din’s Fire, dropping her backwards into the water again with a burst of flames! The buzzer sounds just as Daisy, using the last of her strength, bursts back up above the water in time to be called in the match still, then she sinks under again. Our team of Rescue Lakitus come on with their fishing poles to go fish her out, and that’s the half! Don’t miss our exciting half-time show with Bomber Link next, and stay tuned for the second half! D: 4 P: 10 Z: 10 ********** PY: Welcome, everyone, to our amazing Halftime Show! I'm here with...uh...a note left by Bomber Link? Hmm... "Out to lunch"...funny, 9:35 at night is a little late for lunch... Come to think of it, he was "out for lunch" at 8:30 yesterday morning, too... ********** PY: Welcome back, everyone, to Yoshi Stadium’s Battle 11: The Pride of the Princesses! So far, we’ve seen some real dirty fighting going on out there, as well as some extremely fantastic fighting as well. Our scores stand at Daisy with 4 points, Peach with 10 points, and Zelda with 10 points. Things are holding fairly steady here as we prepare for the second half. First, however, Slow Joe needs to head down to the field to check up on our fighters! SC: Actually, just one of them. Princess Zelda, who is decidedly the hottest chick in the fight, is standing here with me! Zelda: (blushing) Awwww..... SC: Zelda, what can I say? You’re doing fabulous out there, making use of magic, smarts, and physical ability! What do you plan to use in the second half that can take your opponents by surprise? I don’t suppose disrobing a little is in the cards..... Zelda: YOU DOG! (She smacks Slow Joe, who falls backwards into the water, and stamps away) SC: Ooof...........I guess not...... Back to you, Pirate. PY: Serves you right, anyways! I think Peach may be hottest, anyways. Better hurry your butt back up here, though, Joe–you’re our referee, remember, and I’d like to finish this battle sometime this year. SC: Yeah, yeah, I’m going. LET THE GAMES BEGIN! PY: You mean, resume. SC: Naturally. PY: Peach and Daisy are at each others’ throats already, trading several slaps. But where is Zelda? D: 7 P: 11 Z: 10 SC: I dunno, and, a better question, who is that dirty, funky man running across the field? PY: You oaf! That’s no man! That...........IS Zelda! SC: That’s absurd! How could such a ragged, filthy dirt-neck be such a hottie? PY: I’ve seen way too many of these matches before. Believe me, the craziest stuff happens in these battles, and that is definitely Zelda. SC: Well, whoever it is, he/she/it is joining the fray against Peach and Daisy, delivering a harsh round-house kick that wails them both backwards into the reeds! Ouch! D: 7 P: 11 Z: 12 PY: HE is Sheik, who is a SHE, who is Zelda. SC: Argh........my head hurts..... PY: Sheik slips her whip out and snaps it at Peach, who is just getting up. The whip wraps around her wrist, and Sheik tugs hard. Peach is dragged through the air and slammed backwards over Sheik’s head onto the ground! Daisy gets to shore and is grabbed by Sheik! Luckily for her, however, Peach kicks Sheik in the back of the leg and she goes down, releasing Daisy. D: 7 P: 12 Z: 14 SC: Let’s drop a little bundle of fun for them! (Slow Joe pulls a lever and out of the sky falls a Bob-omb) Uh-oh. It looks as if it’s going unnoticed, though. PY: That’s alright, if they don’t see it now, they’ll definitely be seeing it sooner or later. SC: Peach draws her golf club and delivers a hard drive right into Daisy, sending her sailing off the bank and into the water with a splash! The current is too strong for her to swim back, and she is carried away from the arena, out of the match! KO for Peach!!! D: 7 P: 17 Z: 14 PY: The Bob-omb has waited long enough and is getting up to go find someone on its own. Sheik and Peach clash hand-to-hand, and the Bob-omb somehow wanders right between both of their legs and to the water’s edge, where it turns and wanders back again. Peach draws her tennis racket and attempts to spike Sheik’s head into her shoulders, but Sheik draws her whip in time and catches the tennis racket in the air, jerking it away! The Bob-omb waddles past again, still missing them both. P: 17 Z: 15 SC: Sheik, with lightening speed, draws a fist full of darts and hurls them at point-blank-range at Peach! Though every dart misses her body, they catch the edges of her bulky dress and pin her to a tree directly behind her! Uh-oh...it looks like Peach is a little bit handicapped at this point. P: 17 Z: 16 PY: Maybe she’ll take off her clothes to get away? SC: Hahaha.......in your dreams..... PY: This looks more like a nightmare, at least for Peach. Unable to move or free herself, she’s essentially at the mercy of Sheik, who has taken a bit of a beating from her and will likely not be so kind as to simply release her. Sheik draws the whip–and the wandering Bob-omb finally finds a target as it runs up against her leg! KA-BOOM!!! P: 17 Z: 15 SC: Sheik is hurled straight up into the air, smoke pouring off of her! Peach, too, has been hit slightly by the blast, but nothing even comparable like the injuries Sheik has sustained! The darts have been torn right out of the tree by the blast, and Peach has her chance to escape–nay, come back and win this one! PY: She’s readying her parasol to finish this once and for all! Sheik is falling.......it’s lining up...heeeerrrreeee it comes...................! SC: .........and Sheik disappears in a puff of smoke, just as Peach swings with her parasol! Wow, what a hit! She made Sheik explode! PY: Actually, Peach completely missed. Sheik has used her Vanish move and has just disappeared from sight. Where will she pop up? Ah, there she is! She barely escaped that one! I thought judgement was upon her at last! P: 17 Z: 16 SC: Sheik changes back into Zelda, and Peach turns in time to grab Toad and block an attack from Zelda. Toad retaliates and Zelda is bumped backwards into the bushes! P: 18 Z: 16 PY: Zelda rolls side way from her back as Peach jumps up to deliver another Peach Pile Driver! Peach crashes into the bushes, hitting nothing but air. Zelda takes advantage of Peach’s error and strikes back with a blast of Nyru’s Love, which would seem to be more aptly named Zelda’s Hate. Peach is sent tumbling by the magical attack and falls forwards into the water! Zelda, knowing time is of the essence, plunges in after her! This will be an explosive climax right to the end! P: 18 Z: 18 SC: Peach staggers to her feet in the sloshing water just as Zelda splashes up to her and delivers a high kick that sprays Peach with mud! Toadstool goes reeling back into the waves again with Zelda following closely, awaiting her chance to get in another move. Peach wobbles to her feet in the semi-deep water and Zelda leaps straight out of the water, as if in slow motion, before delivering the hardest kick of the match! Peach takes it in the chin and sails backwards over the water before hitting and skimming through it, splashing water up all over! She comes to a stop and sinks under! PY: There’s no question about it, she’s not coming back up on her own strength, and this match belongs to Zelda! The emergency Lakitus, who have just finished drying off after recovering Daisy for the second time, splash back down in the water and grab their fishing poles again, searching for the sinking Peach. Zelda, soaked from head to toe and covered in river mud, emerges from the sloshing waves victoriously! P: 18 Z: 23 SC: Wow! Who would have thought that it would come down to such a brilliant stand by Princess Zelda! That was some incredible fighting! PY: Yeah, it was, but................oh, you’re new to this, aren’t you? SC: Yeah, I am. PY: Okay, then plug your ears–you won’t want to hear this more than once in your life. SC: Okay, they’re plugged. PY: Here it goes: Amazing things are always happening here at Yoshi Stadium! Next time in Yoshi Stadium, it’ll be time to separate the Yoshis from the not-Yoshis........or.......something.... That’s right, the season is almost over, and it’s time to figure out who walks away with the Yoshi Stadium Tournament Trophey this year! Our contenders? The undefeated (and undefeatable, perhaps?) Super Mario, the tough-as-nails (and equally dumb) Bowser, the Popstar warrior himself, Kirby, and Yoshi Stadium’s personal mascot, Yoshi! Four of the best go in......only one walks out holding the coveted title of Yoshi Stadium Champion. You won’t want to miss this one......it’s going to be brutal! On behalf of the staff and Slow Joe Crow, who doesn’t realize yet that I always finish by making fun of my co-host, goodbye! SC: What was that last part? PY: Nothing important, don’t worry... |
| Battle 11: Pride of the Princesses |
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