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| Battle 14: Rookie Rumble, Part 1 |
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| PY: Hi, everyone, and welcome to Yoshi Stadium, for another amazing, fist-flailing fight that we hope will be full of the same action and suspense that all of our viewers have come to expect from such matches of wits, strength, and speed! SC: And also matches filled with stupidity, ignorance, and flabbiness. PY: True enough. Today's battle, however, is like nothing we've ever hosted before. SC: At least, this season. PY: For today's match, we've compiled a list of everyone new to the tournament this year, put their names in a shoe box, and drawn them out to determine...WHO CARPOOLS WITH WHO TO THE AFTER PARTY! SC: It was my luck to end up with Bowser and Donkey Kong. I'm gonna have to fit in the trunk. PY: But, then, we got to thinking, "wouldn't it be a really cool match if we had every newbie from this season in a single battle?" SC: And then we thought, "wouldn't it be too big to fit into one battle?" PY: And then we thought, "Maybe we should stop thinking and just starting talking instead?" SC: And then we thought, "Yeah, we probably should try to-" PY: Eh-HEM...that was a hint. SC: Oh....sorry. PY: So we decided that we'd have TWO matches set aside this season for the new members of the tournament, and place them into two giant matches of only rookies! Therefore, today is day one of the Rookie Rumble, and everyone on the field will be playing this season for the first time ever! SC: ......sniff.......it's so sentimental! PY: Of course, we spare no expense on our rookies, so we've hired this random frog from Animal Crossing to come officiate, and we've rented the rooftop of Booster's Tower for the match (somewhat unofficially, we'll make sure to ask him if it was alright with him tomorrow). Now, let's run through our newbies! SC: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~! That was so much fun! PY: As our newbies assault Slow Joe Crow for acting like a moron, I will announce each individual with utter care and pride in and for each of them as a strong fighter and a fantastic person: DededeBabyMarioLuigiWarioCaptainFalcon. There, looks like we're ready to start. Slow Joe Crow is being thrown off the field... SC: Ooph! Couldn't hurt a person to treat a commentator with RESPECT, could it, pal?! PY: And we're off on another blistering battle! How exciting! KD: 100% BM: 100% L: 100% W: 100% CF: 100% SC: Dedede and Wario clash almost instantly, but Wario's charging technique overrules whatever resistance Dedede was putting forth, and the penguin king gets TOPPLED over by the nasty little plumber! Wario turns to trample back over Dedede again, but Captain Falcon's long leg extends like a bullet and kicks Wario through the air like a cannon! Ouch! KD: 90% BM: 100% L: 100% W: 85% CF: 100% PY: Luigi enters the frey with a high jump and attempts to slam Falcon with a hand, but the Captain raises an arm and blocks the blow with ease, then returns the favor with a harsh kick! Luigi dodges aside just in time, and throws a fireball, which Falcon takes in the chest. Fantastic for rookies, but excellent even for professionals! This is turning out to be well worth all the money we've lavishly spent on these guys, eh, Joe? KD: 90% BM: 100% L: 100% W: 85% CF: 97% SC: Worth every penny. PY: Like I said, all the money. Let's keep it to that, Joe--no need to complicate things with official amounts and sums of tender, eh? SC: Very well. PY: Dedede is back on his feet, and tackles Luigi from behind! There's a quick scuffle, and punches and kicks are exchanged between the two before Dedede gets in a solid hit that knocks Luigi away. He stands, but is shot in the head with Falcon's blaster, sending him toppling back onto the ground. Captain Falcon picks up Luigi by the shirt collar and throws him into the ground, like a baseball! Falcon is DESTROYING everyone! KD: 82% BM: 100% L: 81% W: 85% CF: 97% SC: How about Baby Mario? Isn't his drool technique very powerful? PY: He's charging up! SC: ...I think he's asleep. PY: From the mouths of sleeping babes...come a zillion tons of baby drool. SC: Wario jumps Captain Falcon from behind, but even with all his weight, he's no match for the muscle-bound Falcon, who grabs his wrist and flips him RIGHT OVER hi back onto the ground! I think I felt the earth tremors from that blow, Pirate! KD: 82% BM: 100% L: 81% W: 73% CF: 97% PY: Falcon leaps into the air, soaring across the roof, and nails Luigi squarely in the chest with a flying kick! Perfect form, and the results couldn't be more perfect, either! Luigi flies backwards in the air, tumbles right over the edge of the roof, and-.....grabs on, dangling over the edge. Awww, SHOOT! And I thought this battle'd breeze by in a hurry! Good save on Luigi's part, though. KD: 82% BM: 100% L: 70% W: 85% CF: 97% SC: Dedede gives Luigi the time needed to escape by taking on Captain Falcon for a moment, successfully forcing him backwards with a powerful slap. Luigi pulls his skinny body back onto the roof, then takes to the air again before coming down right on Captain Falcon with a drill kick! Though they may be weak, those Drill Kicks definitely add up in damage over time! Luigi gives Falcon a push and sends him reeling away, finally pulling Falcon down to an even level with most everyone else in the battle. KD: 82% BM: 100% L: 70% W: 85% CF: 80% PY: Baby Mario, meanwhile, continues to sleep. He can't just sleep through the entire battle, though! What a waste! SC: It was the counseling he received after being disqualified in the last match. He's become more at peace with himself and those around him. He's one with nature! PY: He's going to be TWO with nature, if Wario's hopping kick knocks his head right off his shoulders! The fat little man's attack lands squarely on Baby Mario's petite frame, sending him sprawling over and over, head over heels, before he comes to a stop at the edge of the roof! What a narrow escape! And Baby Mario begins to cry. KD: 82% BM: 88% L: 70% W: 85% CF: 80% SC: Awww. What a mean brute, that Wario! He runs up to Baby Mario, who is bawling his eyes out, and with a smirk that could put the Grinch to shame, Wario grabs Baby Mario by his head and holds him over the edge of the rooftop...AND LETS GO! What kind of NERVE does that guy have?! KD: 82% BM: 82% L: 70% W: 85% CF: 80% PY: Baby Mario goes into AUTO-SURVIVAL! His tiny little fangs suddenly spring forth, and he CHOMPS into the side of Booster's Tower, sticking there by his sharp little chompers like a bat from a tree! And I wouldn't have thought the little guy would even HAVE teeth! SC: Uh-oh.....the rage is building in him. Baby Mario swings helplessly back and forth by his teeth as Wario, disappointed, begins jumping up and down, pounding on the roof with all his might (and girth) as he attempts to shake Baby Mario loose. He's angering a savage beast, and he may just be spelling his own doom! PY: Baby Mario begins to growl...he's mad! Wario finally lands the perfect smash, however, and Baby Mario's teeth come unhooked from the building, and he plummets down off Booster's Tower! Baby Mario is out of the match! KD: 82% BM: 0% L: 70% W: 85% CF: 80% SC: Captain Falcon dodges an attack by Luigi, then spins him around to take the blow from King Dedede's attack! Falcon throws Luigi into Dedede, effectively damaging multiple enemies at once! In some ways, it's not really fair that he's part of this: Falcon is, after all, and old veteran of the series. This is just his first year after having remained retired from the league. KD: 70% L: 50% W: 85% CF: 80% PY: Yeah, but-.................WHAT'S GOING ON?! SC: What the- PY: BABY MARIO HAS GLIDED BACK UP ONTO THE ROOF, USING HIS DIAPER AS A PARACHUTE! HE HAS RETURNED FOR REVENGE, AND IS OBVIOUSLY VERY MUCH STILL IN THIS BATTLE! SC: His fangs launch out, and the baby takes flight across the roof, seeking in on Wario! Wario notices the oncoming attack just in time to grab Luigi and thrust him in front of himself as a shield! Baby Mario chomps down, and in a mad scramble of screams, flailing arms and legs, and shreds of clothing, Baby Mario DEMOLISHES Luigi, turning him into a pile of plumber scraps! The other fighters stare in horror, and Baby Mario snarles menacingly as he looks up from the ground, a shred of Luigi's cap in his mouth. He seems....unsatisfied. KD: 70% L: 0% BM: 88% W: 85% CF: 80% PY: Immediately, everyone steps away from Wario, and Wario breaks into a run for his life. His fat little body cannot move fast enough, however, and he feels the heat of a thousand dragons hunting him with every step, inches behind his body as the baby's rage closes in for the kill! It is inevitable to escape, and Wario goes down with a scream as Baby Mario overtakes him, gobbling him up like an overstuffed turkey, just like Luigi. That little menace has eaten two entire fighters, and doesn't seem to be full yet! Who hired that counselor, anyways? KD: 70% BM: 88% CF: 80% SC: Only two left, and Baby Mario is determined to at least take another! His crazed, beady eyes lock onto a target, and he springs-.....CAPTAIN FALCON LETS OUT A SCREAM, BUT THERE'S NO ESCAPING HIM! Baby Mario claims a third victim, and is too full to budge an inch. He lets out a small, satisfied burp...and falls back asleep! King Dedede is panicking like crazy--he has one fighter left to defeat, but is there really a way to eliminate Baby Mario? KD: 70% BM: 88% PY: Yeah, like this. (Pirate pulls a lever, and a UPS truck falls from the sky and lands right on the sleeping Baby Mario) Match over, King Dedede wins. SC: Normally, that'd be considered cheating, but since Baby Mario has eaten every piece of competition in this match, and eating competition happens to be illegal, I suppose that two wrongs, in this case, DO make a right. King Dedede is our Rookie Rumble, Part 1 winner! PY: Meanwhile, some have that wild child subdued...and tested for rabies! And to all our viewers, thanks for joining us, and we hope you'll join us for the second part of our Rookie Rumble! Victory doesn't come cheap everyone, but tickets to our battles DO! Good night! SC: So how are we going to pay the rent for this battle? PY: ....tickets to our battles.... |