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| Battle 17: A Hero of Time |
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| PY: This is it, everyone, the 17th battle of Yoshi Stadium's 2004 season! Boy, Joe, I'm incredibly pumped up! SC: I don't doubt it at all, Pirate, and I think I am, too! After all, who wouldn't be when we're just minutes from starting an epic war between Mario, Luigi, Link, Baby Mario, and Baby Luigi? PY: That's true, Joe. But I think we've found the right ref for the job, too, because our official, Toadsworth, has never let anything slip through his wise old fingers...except a princess or nine... SC: But, that's in the past, and today, here at Tingle Tower, I'm sure that he'll do everything required to keep this match both in line and intense! PY: You said it, Joe, and it looks like our fighters are taking to the field of battle! We'd like to remind our viewers that despite similarities between many of the fighters participating, this is in NO WAY a team match, and all combatants will be going at it in a FREE FOR ALL! That means that no Mario Brothers will be helping any Mario Brothers...at least, intentionally. SC: Whoa! We've started! Doesn't Toadsworth know enough to blow the whistle? PY: He doesn't do this often, Joe. SC: I gathered that much already, I think, Pirate. PY: Luigi is quick to assault Mario, hoping to take his brother out early on and save the trouble later! He delivers a quick, snappy smash to Mario's head, knocking him to the ground, but the portly plumber returns the blow immediately with a swift sweep of his feet, taking Luigi's legs right out from under him! M: 88% L: 93% BM: 100% BL: 100% L: 100% SC: Luigi rolls to his feet as his brother stands again, and immediately gets kicked by Mario in the face, flipping backwards onto the ground again. Before Luigi can stand himself up straight, Mario grabs him by the collar, hoisting him off the ground, then spins and hurls his brother against the stone barrier surrounding the arena, protecting fighters from falling out of the loft and out of the fight. He should be thankful that he was slammed into that, Pirate. M: 88% L: 66% BM: 100% BL: 100% L: 100% PY: Joe, lasting this long in a YS match is something to be thankful, because there have undoubtedly been fighters whose triumph has been even shorter-lived than this battle thus far. Luigi stands, but is whipped in the face by Mario's cape, spinning him around to face the ocean surrounding the small island. Mario gives his brother a quick boot to the posterior end, and Luigi tumbles over the barrier and out of the tower! Match over for Luigi! M: 88% L: 51% BM: 100% BL: 100% L: 100% SC: Luigi isn't about to go down that easy, Pirate! PY: Yeah, I know. But I so delight in chances to make a battle sound simple! SC: Luigi uses his save attack, his coin-flinging uppercut jump, to boost back up through the air, where he clutches onto the barrier of the tower, dangling precariously above the ground below. Mario is quick to go to work at smashing his fingers free, but in his over-zealousness to do his brother in, Mario accidentally is grabbed around the wrist by Luigi and pulled over the edge himself! Mario grabs onto his brother's ankles as he falls, and we now have TWO Mario Bros. hanging outside of Tingle's Tower, just waiting to be knocked off and elminated from the match! M: 86% L: 51% BM: 100% BL: 100% L: 100% PY: Meanwhile, this battle has even caused small infants to break into battle! Baby Mario and Baby Luigi have developed their own little spat, and are biting and clawing back and forth in their own little baby match! Baby Mario grabs Baby Luigi's hand and twists it with ease, making Baby Luigi break out in screams and fits of tears. Awww, his poor widdle fingah... M: 86% L: 51% BM: 100% BL: 94% L: 100% SC: Baby Mario cackles with glee, and is immediately batted across the face by an angry Baby Luigi, who looks ready to simultaneously pout and kill. Baby Mario has no time to retaliate as Baby Luigi lands a second baby punch with his opposite hand, then a third! Baby Mario's head is spinning down there, and Baby Luigi makes a strong finish by following up with a bonk of his head, knocking Baby Mario right over on his back! How vicious those toddlers are, Pirate! M: 86% L: 51% BM: 61% BL: 94% L: 100% PY: Meanwhile, Link is just standing off to the side and innocently surveying the carnage taking place, knowing much better than to get involved. It looks like these Mario Bros. have some issues to work out on their own, after all. Silently, Link tiptoes to the barrier, climbs over, and silently slips away out of Tingle Tower and the match. We'll pretend he didn't even show up for this one, because it's obvious that this is a family feud between the Mario Brothers that may be more suitable for an episode of Jerry Springer than as a Yoshi Stadium fight... M: 86% L: 51% BM: 61% BL: 94% SC: Baby Luigi totters towards the railing to help his older alter-ego in need, but Baby Mario chomps down on his ankle with his sharp, pointy teeth, disrupting the rescue plan severely. Baby Luigi lets out a scream, and Baby Mario quickly kicks him in the head with a pudgey foot. M: 86% L: 51% BM: 61% BL: 81% PY: With a sudden bolt of energy, Luigi thrashes furiously and manages to shake off Mario! Mario topples backwards off the tower and is GONE! There was no saving him, Joe--he might've used his extra jump just trying to grab Luigi in the first place! M: 0% L: 51% BM: 61% BL: 81% SC: It's a shame Super Mario, last season's champ, is already out of this simple match versus himself and his brother, but things happen, and that mistake he made in falling over was perhaps the stupidest error I've seen all season, let alone one made by a veteran and ex-champ! He got everything he deserved after that folly! PY: Possibly. At any rate, Luigi uses the lightened load to his advantage and climbs over the barrier into Tingle Tower again, where he is quick to grab Baby Mario up and throw him to the floor. Baby Mario is obviously not happy about this, but Luigi quickly kicks him away with a foot as the little tot's fangs shine forth and his mouth opens wide for a nasty biting attack. I wonder if those boots are steel-toed...? L: 51% BM: 48% BL: 81% SC: If he's fighting off Baby Mario, they'd better be. Baby Luigi, in a surprise move, TURNS on Luigi and grabs his legs, pulling them right out from beneath him! Luigi hits his head on the ground, and before he knows it, Baby Luigi begins SLAPPING HIM in the face! Granted, he's only a baby, but NOBODY enjoys getting slapped in the face! Luigi throws himself aside, but he's made a new enemy, I think... L: 36% BM: 48% BL: 81% PY: Baby Luigi mobilizes for another attack, but Baby Mario shoves him right out of the way, sending him down hard, and goes straight for the kill by LAUNCHING himself at Luigi! Luigi ducks benath the flying menace, however, and Baby Mario suddenly finds himself soaring out over the edge of Tingle's Tower, with nowhere to go but down! What a fatal error he's just made, and now he'll pay for it with a loss for the match! L: 36% BM: 48% BL: 73% SC: Don't count him out so quick, he's a wily little bugger, and with quick thinking, he suddenly expands a cape from seemingly nowhere and floats right around in a wide U-turn, hovering his way right back into the tower again! PY: GOSH DARN IT! SC: He pounces upon the unsuspecting Luigi, whose back has since turned away, and immediately assaults his head, beating, kicking, and biting it as if he were destroying a venemous snake in the Amazon. Before Luigi has time to save himself, Baby Mario draws back both hands and delivers a final blow upon the poor, oblivious plumber, and Luigi goes down! Is there a good reason why only babies remain in a match against their adult-sized selves? L: 0% BM: 48% BL: 73% PY: Sadly enough, I don't believe so. SC: Makes you kinda wish Link had stuck around... PY: Baby Luigi crawls forward for an attack, but Baby Mario meets him with a sudden palm-to-the-face, ending the attack right then and there! Baby Luigi's eyes water from the pain, or perhaps because he has possibly soiled himself, and Baby Mario draws back a hand and slaps him aside like a rag doll, obviously very strong for his age and size. Imagine what a grappler he'll be when he grows up! BM: 48% BL: 45% SC: Um...apparently, he doesn't grow up to be a very good one, after he wins his championship. PY: True enough. Baby Luigi recovers, but Baby Mario slaps him silly with his cape, then grabs his brother's foot and tosses Baby Luigi up against the outer barrier, completely in control of the match. Baby Luigi attemps a meager punch, but it doesn't phase Baby Mario to any significant extent, and the older of the two tots flings his brother straight up and over the railing! Could this be the end??? BM: 42% BL: 21% SC: Actually, Baby Luigi expels his own cape, and softly glides- PY: CONFOUND IT!!! SC: The WRONG DIRECTION! BABY LUIGI HAS BECOME SO DISORIENTED THAT HE CAN'T TELL TOP FROM BOTTOM OR RIGHT FROM LEFT ANYMORE- PY: If he ever could before. SC: -AND SAILS RIGHT ON AROUND IN CIRCLES ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND, LANDING SOFTLY AND FLOPPING OVER IN A DIZZY MESS! This match is OVER! BM: 42% BL: 0% PY: W00t~! I was right this time! SC: Wow! What a complete turn-around! I would never have guessed this match's outcome, would you? PY: Not me, either, Joe. But I guess we've both learned a valuable lesson today... SC: To wear steel-toed boots around Baby Mario? PY: NO! That victory doesn't come cheap! SC: I think we learned that last time...and the time before that...and the time before that...and the time before that...and the time- PY: So, folks, until next time, this is your hosts Pirate Yoshi and Slow Joe Crow, signing off for the night! See you all next time, and remember, drink responsibly! SC: Yeah, or else you'll have to go pee! PY: ...Joe...that has nothing to do with-.........nevermind, it's not worth it...... |