TK: Greetings everyone and Happy Holidays! Welcome to Battle 19 of the 2004 season. This is Tanooki Koopa coming to you live…sort of…from Romani Ranch. That’s right; we’ve traveled to Hyrule’s parallel dimension of Termina to bring you today’s battle. Unfortunately, our commentator Pirate Yoshi couldn’t make it to today’s battle because he’s still in his jellybean induced coma. As for Slow Joe Crow, he hasn’t been found. For all we know he could be squashed on the front of a bus that’s heading straight for Mexico. News as it develops.  I daresay they shall be back soon. Now with that out of the way, I would like to introduce my co-commentator for today: Toad!

T: Yaho! It’s shaping up to be a fine battle. We have a myriad of fans in the crowd, from Pokemon to Gorillas, Koopas to Gerudos. They’re all here to show their support for their respective favorites in what will be, I think, a terrific fight!

TK: Thanks Toad. How do you feel the arena will affect the fighters’ performance today?

T: Well, size will definitely be an issue. For those who are unfamiliar with Romani Ranch, it is a small expanse of land in Termina. The fight will more specifically be fought in the pen where the horses’ are being kept.  It is here that Link found Epona after losing her to Skull Kid in Majora’s Mask. As you can see here there are still some horses within the pen. They may prove to be a nuisance when the battle begins. The horses frighten easily and might bowl over anybody that stands in their way as they try to run from danger—

TK: We’ll have to continue that later Toad, the fighters are stepping onto the field. The makeshift arena surrounding the horses’ pen rumbles as roughly a billion fans erupt into cheering and clapping!

T: A billion fans?

TK: I said roughly…

T: Right…the fighters enter their respective corners and await the referee. Today, our referee will be…a Koopa kid? Won’t that give Bowser an unfair advantage?

TK: We’ll have to wait and see. The “Koopa kid” is in fact Larry Koopa. Larry is floating in on a balloon that seems to be the standard mode of transportation for the Koopa children. We saw in battle twelve that the Koopa kids failed to aid their father in the victory over the Super Mario Bros. I wouldn’t doubt that this fact is still fresh in Larry’s mind. We may see a little corruption in today’s battle. Larry appears to signaling to each character, asking him if he is ready. Pikachu is ready, Ganondorf is ready, Donkey Kong is ready, Mr. Game and Watch is ready, and Bowser is ready. Did I see a wink from Bowser as he gave that nod to his son? Maybe I’m seeing things. Larry Koopa blows his whistle and the battle begins!

T: Nobody wastes any time, and as soon as the whistle is blown everyone chooses a target and attacks! Ganondorf has quickly jumped up onto the nearest horse and is riding hard for Bowser. In the meantime, Mr. Game and Watch has whipped out his famous frying pan and wailed Donkey Kong over the head, continuing with a barrage of hits. Pikachu has just caught sight of Ganondorf and has just sent a streak of lightning towards the G-man’s horse. The horse falls unconscious, causing Ganondorf to go flying through the air hitting the fence right near Bowser! Bowser seems unhappy with Pikachu interfering. What is Bowser doing? Holy crap he has just lifted a horse and thrown in at Pikachu, completely taking him out. Nobody said that the horses could be weapons! My, what an exciting beginning!    B: 100%     G: 92%     P: 73%     MGAW: 100%     DK: 81%

TK: Donkey Kong seems to have recovered enough to throw the little two-dimensional character off him. Mr. Game and Watch seems unfazed by this and is heading for Ganondorf. Now he’s sending a slew of sausages at him! What the crap is going on here?! Ganondorf quickly throws Mr. Game and Watch through the air. It seems Bowser has caught sight of this and he is breathing fire, trying to set Mr. Game and Watch alight in mid-air! And he succeeded! Game and Watch is running around the pen trying to put his bum out, running over Donkey Kong and Pikachu in the process.
B: 100%     G: 82%     P: 67%     MGAW: 82%     DK: 76%

T: What’s this Tanooki? It seems like DK and Pikachu have just shaken hands and are running towards Bowser, they don’t seem to like the fact that he’s not taking any licks. Donkey Kong just picked up Pikachu and is shaping him into a ball. DK winds up, and the pitched Pokemon slams into Bowser’s stomach delivering a high voltage punch!
B: 80%     G: 82%     P: 63%     MGAW: 82%     DK: 76%

TK: Uh oh, our referee Larry Koopa didn’t seem to like that maneuver. What’s he doing? He looks like he’s searching for something in his pocket…is that a yellow card?

T: I’d say so; he just gave a warning to DK and Pikachu. Bowser just saw his opportunity to strike while his opponents were distracted. He just threw two horses at them while their backs we’re turned! For cripes sake, get those animals out of there!
B: 80%     G: 82%     P: 17%     MGAW: 82%     DK 24%

TK: And by those animals I assume you mean the gorilla and the Pokemon because those two are taking a pounding. This should make things more interesting (Pulls a lever and 5 crates fall onto the field.)

T: Good thinking, a crate for each character.

TK: They each head for a crate to check for weapons. Game and Watch has found a baseball bat. Ganondorf has found an umbrella, how lame. Those two waste no time, head straight for each other, and begin pounding the tar out of each other. Bowser has found a light beam sword, which he looks at with an evil grin. Pikachu’s crate contains…nothing but a wallop as it explodes in his face sending him soaring threw the air and into the crowds, he’s out for the count!
B: 80%     G: 68%     MGAW: 61%     P: 0%     DK: 24%

T: Bowser looks as though he doesn’t want to disturb the G-man and Mr. Watch, so he is heading for Donkey Kong, who still hasn’t opened his crate. He looks a little hesitant after witnessing Pikachu go flying out of the battlefield. But he sees he has no choice and opens the crate. He turns around with a blaster in hand. Bowser stops in his tracks as Donkey Kong takes aim…right over Bowser’s shoulder to Larry Koopas balloon. DK pull the trigger and the balloon pops, causing Larry to go whizzing through the air and out of sight.     B: 80%     G: 33%     MGAW: 29%     DK: 24%

TK: Well it looks like it’s about time for our half time show.

Tanooki Koopa enters a room and for several minutes nothing is heard. A flushing sound and the sound of running water is finally heard. Tanooki emerges using a paper towel to dry his hands.

TK: Well that was interesting! Let the match continue!

Toad just blankly stares at Tanooki Koopa, as do the contestants and the billion fans sitting all around.

TK: Fine Toad, I’ll continue the commentating. Bowser is looking back to Donkey Kong with a look of complete rage in his eyes. Bowser is starting to run at Donkey Kong at a remarkably fast pace, light beam sword in hand. DK lets loose with a flurry of shots from his blaster, but it doesn’t seem to be doing enough damage. Meanwhile Mr. Game and Watch and Ganondorf just sit looking at each other, completely winded from their fighting, but seem to be steadily regaining their strength.
B: 71%     G: 15%     MGAW: 4%     DK: 24%

T: Ganondorf has just grabbed Mr. Game and Watch over his shoulder, who quickly slams into Bowser’s spiked shell and is out of the match. This sudden unexpected weight causes Bowser to fall right on his face! B: 65% G: 15% DK: 24%

TK: Ever hear the saying that goes “don’t run with scissors”? Well the same holds true with light beam swords. Which seems to have pierced the King of the Koopa’s right arm, and it looks like he’s losing health fast!     B: 35%     G: 15%     DK: 24%

T: Donkey Kong appears to be covering his eyes, as though not to witness the impact between him and Bowser, he finally uncovers his eyes and to his surprise he doesn’t find a large turtle, but a Gerudo boot! Ganondorf delivers a powerful kick that stuns the mighty ape! Donkey King staggers and then falls over! DK is out!     B: 2%     G: 15%

TK: Ganondorf is slowly swaggering over to Bowser, who has just slowly gotten to his feet. Bowser looks like he’s having difficult seeing his opponent. Ganondorf blows in Bowser’s face and a two ton totally tenderized turtle hits the floor! GANONDORF IS THE WINNER!

T: Yaho!

TK: HOOLLLYYY CRAP! What a match! I guess at this point Pirate Yoshi says something cheap like “victory doesn’t come cheap.” But I won’t since I’m not even getting paid for this.

T: This just in! Pirate Yoshi appears to be stirring and is responding the sound of a GameCube being turned on! Also, Slow Joe Crow has been found in South Dakota stuck in the manifold of a bus!

TK: Well that’s great news, this means that Pirate Yoshi will be back to host the 2004 Yoshi Stadium Championship Battle! Until then, may you all stay un-constipated! Good night!
Battle 19: Hatless Horrors