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| Battle 1: The Best of the Best |
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| PY: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the SEASON-OPENER for Yoshi Stadium! It’s been quite a while, and we’re WELL over-due for a good fight! This is the first fight of many that will determine this year’s winner, and we hope this season will excite all our fans even more than last year’s crazy tournament! If you recall, last year’s champ was Super Mario, and the All-Star players were Link and Pikachu. So, we decided, “What better way to open the season with a bang than to throw our winners into the circle and let them go at it?” That’s exactly what we’ll be doing today, and I think it will be quite exciting! Before we start, however, let’s have a chat with Slow Joe Crow, who will also interview one of our fighters. Down to you, Joe! SC: Hello hello, and welcome to everyone! Our first match is in Kero Sewers, which is admittedly dark, stinky, and cramped, but we’ve still managed to draw possibly our largest audience yet, even bigger than the Championship battle last season! In an effort to make this “the dream match” that everyone is hoping for, we’re stacking all the best elements together to try and work out a miracle brawl, and that would include the best referees in the league! Today’s refs consist of Metaknight (our head ref), Boo, and K.K.Slider, who has reportedly been heard of joining the tournament himself next year... But enough about that, it’s time to chat with one of our fighters! Today, I’ll be having a quick word with Link. How are you, Link? Link: Eh, could be worse. I’m actually really excited, because this is a fresh season, and EVERYONE is a flawless fighter again! For all I know, I could go a perfect season without taking a single hit.....or, maybe, Pikachu will...... All I know is, Mario won’t. SC: Oh? You’re setting your sights on Mario in particular to make sure he’s not a two-time winner? Link: I think everyone who fights him will at least consider that thought, but I just don’t think he’s got it in him anymore like he did last season. After he won last year’s tourney, he went right into buying everything he wanted. I actually got to go to a party at his house–a pool party–and realized just how fast he’s been using up the prize money. He’s constantly eating at this point, so I have reason to believe he hasn’t been staying in shape and working out like he should for this season.....unlike the rest of us, who all want to come back and get a second chance at the title... SC: We’ll see just how much slacking off on the weights can kill him, I guess. Thanks for the word, Link, and best wishes! Back to you, Pirate. PY: A notice to be made is that the rules this year are different from last season. Rather than determining a winner by points (or even keeping points), we will instead be keeping track of the damage each fighter has taken, and how much longer they can last. We will also hopefully later have statistics available that are more in depth, but until then, the winner will be the last man standing at the match’s end! Metaknight has entered the field of battle, and the whistle is blown! The 2004 Yoshi Stadium tournament has begun! M: 100% L: 100% P: 100% SC: Pikachu, with his lightning speed, rushes in fast and delivers a painful shock to Mario, who bats away the Pokemon with a weak punch. Pikachu lands right in a water-filled trench, however, and immediately feels some heavy pain! Lesson learned, never use electricity in the water, kids. M: 94% L: 100% P: 81% PY: Not even if you’re an electric mouse Pokemon, I guess. Meanwhile, Link draws his sword and enters the fray, slashing at Mario. Mario ducks and weaves his way backwards, keeping just half a step ahead of Link’s flashing sword. Then, Link draws back the sword and hurls it through the air with deadly accuracy! It strikes Mario, and the plumber topples over! Link’s health bar is full, so he has the ability to hurl his sword like a projectile! M: 80% L: 100% P: 81% SC: Mario tries to throw it back, but completely misses and the sword clatters to the floor. Mario’s health bar is FAR from being full. Link grabs the sword, then turns swiftly and strikes Pikachu, who is sneaking up behind him for an electrical attack. Pikachu goes flailing backwards into a stone wall, but Mario takes the opportunity to attack while Link is occupied. Grabbing Link’s wrists, Mario uses his free hand to smash the sword to the ground, then kicks Link backwards with a fast foot. Link’s first damage of the season, and so much for a season with no hits taken... M: 80% L: 93% P: 73% PY: Mario looks like he’s out for a little vengeance, and is throwing his trademark fire balls at Link. Link takes several of them, then uses his shield to quickly block the others. Using his spare hand, Link reaches back and snags his boomerang, then whips is suddenly at Mario. Mario takes the hit and staggers back, and Link grabs up his sword quickly. Meanwhile, Pikachu returns to start combat with Link, and the two engage in battle. M: 75% L: 86% P: 73% SC: Mario steps back as Pikachu and Link fight, and he starts to go for something in his pocket. Oh, is that what I think it is? Mario has pulled out a Mushroom, which he has somehow smuggled into the match. He gulps it down, and his worst fears are confirmed–Boo blows his whistle, and play stops. Mario’s been caught red-handed, smuggling health-restoration items into the match! This is gonna hurt him. Boo: Illegal Item Penalty called! Confirmation with fellow judges will commence before a sentence and punishment are issued. PY: The referees are meeting to clear this matter up, and there seems to be some question as to whether it should be called or not. After a bit of discussion, however, it seems the officials have agreed on something. Boo: The penalty is agreed to unanimously, and a punishment will be enforced. SC: Boo approaches Mario, who looks nervous at what this penalty might cost. Boo stops....and SMASHES MARIO OVER THE HEAD WITH A CLUB! That’s a rather rough penalty, but I’m sure it countered whatever health boost Mario got from that Mushroom.... M: 55% L: 86% P:73% Boo: Play is resumed. PY: And, with about a minute left in the first half, Mario is almost half-dead! I guess he should be starring in a certain first-person shooter series... SC: Half Life? PY: I know, I know, that was a pretty bad one... With about thirty seconds left in the match, Pikachu delivers a shock that goes right up Link’s sword, into his arm, and sends our Hylian hero soaring backwards through the air! Link gets back to his feet, and Pikachu kicks him again as time runs out. That’s the end of the first half, and the current health percentages are Mario: 55% L: 62% P: 73% ********** PY: Hi, everyone, and we’re back for the second half of the battle. Normally, we’d go back down on the field for an interview with Slow Joe Crow and one of our fighters, but after doing that last year, many of the fighters complained that we broke their concentrations in the second half, so we’ve canned that practice and will instead take a moment to talk a little about this arena. Today’s match, as you all know, is taking place in Kero Sewers, but there’s a few interesting facts about this place that few people know. For instance...did you know, Joe, that no fighter in the tournament calls this stadium his home field? SC: No, Pirate, I had no idea! I never really thought about that... PY: Here’s another one: did you know that the water down here is often bottled and sold in far-off places of the world, labeled as something far more expensive and useful: Pure Water? SC: No way! Get out of here! PY: Yes, it’s completely true! SC: This stuff is Pure Water? Looks pretty dirty to me..... Funny that of all places you’d find Pure Water, it’s down in the sewers... PY: Yeah, and possibly the most relevant fact: in every battle that has ever taken place in this arena, the player leading at half time goes on to win the match AND the tournament! SC: REALLY! That is something! How many matches have been played here, anyways? PY: ....um..........none. I made that last one up. SC: Oh.....nice....... PY: Of course, that isn’t to say it can’t happen, and we’re ready to start the second half and find out if Pikachu will still be leading by the end of the game! Metaknight takes to the field, blows the whistle, and our fighters come out flailing! SC: Link lunges at Mario with his sword, but Mario twirls Link around in the opposite direction using his cape. Link’s blow isn’t lost completely, however–Pikachu is smashes with the sword as he runs towards Link, and the Pokemon tumbles backwards over and over. M: 55% L: 57% P: 61% PY: I’m feeling in the gift-giving spirit, and what would this fight be without a little help from the heavens, anyways? Enjoy! (Pirate pulls a lever, and a Froggy Stick falls from the sky, bouncing and landing on the brick floor) SC: There’s a wild scramble for the weapon, and in the chaos, Link kicks Mario backwards through the air and grabs up the Froggy Stick! Link has the weapon, and is wielding it like a similar weapon of his own: the Cane of Byrna. Link turns quickly and smashes Pikachu away with the staff, and he’s suddenly winning the match! M: 50% L: 57% P: 52% PY: Mario grabs the staff from behind and both he and Link begin to pull and tug as hard as they can! Pikachu runs back and quickly stands between them, then calls down a bolt of lightning! Both fighters are zapped and release the staff, and Pikachu grabs it! How hands change in this game... M: 40% L: 47% P: 52% SC: Mario smashes the Pokemon over the head before Pikachu can make use of the Froggy Stick, and suddenly the plumber is in possession of it! Mario’s probably the most experienced with such a weapon, too, and he’s no doubt wishing he’d watched Mallow a little more carefully back when he held this weapon... Nevertheless, Mario is stirring things up down there, effectively using that Froggy Stick to beat away both Link and Pikachu repeatedly! If this keeps up, we’re going to be crowning Mario champion for the second year in a row! M: 40% L: 36% P: 41% PY: We’ll fix that, and make things a bit different down there, too. (Pirate pulls a lever, and water begins gushing out of pipes) Now we’ll see which of those fighters can move fast enough to stay out of the water, eh? SC: Brilliant thinking, Pirate. Pikachu, being electrical, recognizes the risk involved with getting wet immediately, and he dashes for higher ground. Link also starts to run, and Mario doesn’t realize that the arena is flooding until it’s around his ankles. He dashes to follow, but the water is filling too fast, and he soon has to start swimming! Yuck–I don’t know about you, but the thought of sewer-swimming makes me kind of sick... PY: Link and Pikachu know what this means–Mario’s going to be tired and trying to get to dry ground...and if he can’t..... SC: ...there’ll be a new winner of this season! Both Link and Pikachu call a miniature truce for the moment, and are blocking Mario’s path back up to solid ground! Mario flounders, looking for a way up, and tries to climb onto dry land....but gets kicked back into the water by Link’s leather boot. He swims towards Pikachu, hoping to have less of a fight against the Pokemon, but Pikachu begins to build up electricity, and Mario quickly backs off from there, too. He’s starting to lose his strength, and he’s struggling to keep above the water... PY: What we have here is a dilemma, Slow Joe. You see, if we drain the water, we’d be technically helping Mario stay in the match. At the same time, we might cause him to fall back down to the ground and knock himself out, and we also could technically be credited with getting him into this mess in the first place... So the question is, might we dare to unflood this arena and risk screwing the match up for Mario or Link and Pikachu? SC: Uhh....he looks like he’s sinking down there. PY: Fire in the hole! Let’s do it! (Pirate pulls a lever, and the water drains out instantly. Mario, with no water left beneath him, tumbles to the floor and hits his head, knocking him out) Uh.......whoops....... SC: That was your idea, remember. And look what you’ve done now! The referees are calling a penalty on us! PY: I didn’t do it! I swear! Metaknight: Illegal interference and illegal knock out! Penalty being issued against the commentators. PY: Yeah, well, I’d like to see what kind of penalty you give to the hosts of the show, right? I mean, not like taking points away can hurt us.... Metaknight: The resulting penalty will be loss of use of item lever for two matches. Resume fighting. SC: Uh.......Pirate? Are you okay? Don’t cry, it’s alright.... PY: *sniff*....I didn’t think he could DO that..... *sniffle* SC: Even though Pirate’s had his lever privileges suspended for two matches, it doesn’t affect me at all, and I’m sure we’ll BOTH be a bit more careful about using our other-worldly powers from now on... Back to the match. With only minutes left, we’re down to two fighters: Link, with 36%, and Pikachu with 41%. Pikachu leaps down to the floor and grabs up the Froggy Stick, but Link leaps down after him and hacks it in two with a single slash, rendering it useless! This is going to be one of those killer-ending battles! PY: Pikachu delivers a weak kick that knocks Link back a little, but Link counters with a swift stab that flings Pikachu backwards through the air. I hate to ever put a bet on one of the fighters, but I’ve got to say that Link is looking strong out there, and he might be the victor in this match! L: 32% P: 35% SC: Remember, though, that amazing things are always happening here at Yoshi Stadium! Pikachu could easily turn the momentum around. PY: And we could also get a new catch-phrase, to stick with the impossible-becoming-possible theme. SC: I should remind all our viewers, Pikachu is still ahead in health, too. He’s technically winning at the moment! PY: Not anymore! Link draws out his famed bow and lets loose with a barrage of arrows, piercing the Pokemon over and over! Pikachu tumbles backwards, looking for a safe place to stand, and he can’t find one! Link is building some massive damage, and Pikachu has no way out! L: 32% P: 19% SC: I hate to say it, but I don’t know what to say. Pikachu is trapped against a wall, with nowhere to hide and no way to run. Link is just filling him with holes down there! It may seem nasty, ruthless, and an animal-rights violation, but Link has been around the loop enough times to know that in order to win these fights, you sometimes have to be the “dirty” fighter, the one who is cruel and hard and takes no prisoners. Link is doing exactly that–he knows that letting up could ruin this match in a heart beat, and he’s going to stick to the safe, ugly game that gets things done...and, in this case, has gotten them done. Pikachu takes a final shot, and collapses–Link is our match’s winner, and deservingly so. L: 32% P: 0% PY: As incredible as it seems, the first player out of today’s match was the big winner himself! Link, a strong contestant from last season who didn’t even make it to the championship match, has landed himself the first victory of the 2004 season! But, as always, there’s plenty more to go, and there’s NO time in which it’s safe to say that one fighter is in the clear! Next time, we’ll see a lot more action, a few more fighters, and a lot less item-dropping from me. From Kero Sewers, everyone, bye bye! And I’m serious about this new catchphrase thing, too! SC: So what’s it going to be this year? How about something cool, like, “Lots of blood and guts later, someone is dead!” PY: Umm.......I don’t think that’s quite catchy enough.... But we’ll think of something..... |
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