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| Battle 5: Mascot Melee |
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| PY: Hello once again and welcome back to another exciting episode of Yoshi Stadium! I'm Pirate Yoshi, head commentator and owner of Yoshi Stadium, and I'll be giving you the play-by-play of this battle from up here in this semi-safe booth, with my faithful co-host, Chunky Smee, right beside me! As always, we're unleashing some of Nintendo's stars into our chosen arena, arming them with highly dangerous and often screwy weaponary, then we let them beat the crap out of each other until only one remains. We award points for style, hits, and KOs, and always keep a referee on hand to make sure things stay under control. Last time, we saw the undefeated Super Mario go head-to-head with his iron-plated rival, Metal Mario, who is the only one to come within striking distance of Mario's steller record. Though Mario's metallic clone appeared to have the upper-hand, he was caught in the water and began to rust while holding a short-circuiting electric welder, which, in turn, reduced his highly conductable body into spare parts within seconds. Mario returns again this week to take on a new load of competitors, each eager to dethrone him and raise their rank. This time around, we'll see Super Mario face off against a fellow veteran to Yoshi Stadium battles, Link, one of Nintendo's most popular characters, Pikachu, and one of the strongest brutes in the league, Donkey Kong! As always, my pal Smee has ventured onto the field for some pre-game conversation with one of our fighters. Smee? CS: Hello everyone once again! I'm Chunky Smee and I'm also currently down on the playing field with a heavy favorite, Link! For those of you who are not here to view the terrain, we're standing in the murky swamplands of Krem Quay, one of the worst mushholes in the tournament. Link, how is this going to effect your playing? Link: I've played in a lot worse than this, so I think I'll manage okay. Of course, I'll have to watch my footing and make sure I keep on solid ground; on terrain like this, it's easy to be standing in quick sand and not even realize it. CS: It's also apparent that this arena really doesn't have much to use against your opponents. What do you hope to do to achieve victory? Link: I'm thinking this is going to be less stratagey and more of a survival fest; everybody's going to be trying to stay afloat in this stuff. There's not much to use but your own skills and weaponary, and that's just what I plan to do. I have brought along my Hover boots today to get an edge on the competition, and I think they'll pay off. CS: Yes indeed, that does sound like a smart edge there. Well, best of luck to you and back to you, Pirate. PY: Thanks, Smee. To make up for possibly the worst playing field in the league, we've hired the best ref in the business, Captain Falcon, to watch this one with his ever-vigilant eyes. Our fighters have lined up, ready to battle, and the game is on as Captain Falcon blows the whistle! We're underway! CS: Pikachu is off to a quick start, firing a thick stream of electricity at Link! Link quickly rolls aside and the electricity instead zaps Super Mario, who is thrown backwards by the attack! M: 0 DK: 0 L: 1 P: 1 PY: Donkey Kong is quite confused by all this and simply watches on as Pikachu charges up again and fires a second blast of electricity at Link! Link, holding his Master Sword, swiftly tosses it to a stunned Donkey Kong, who snatches the present out of the air in surprise at Link's apparent generosity, just before the electricity is absorbed into the metal and travels straight through DK's body, making his hair abruptly shoot up on end! He screams in excitement, then goes flying backwards past Mario onto the ground, where he rolls around in pain, putting out a small flurry of flames that have exploded on his back hair. Ouch! Link catches the sword as it flies out of DK's hands, still crackling slightly from its recent charge, and immediately swipes it through the air just in time to smash Pikachu, who is diving at him, away. M: 0 DK: 0 L: 3 P: 2 CS: Mario reenters the frey by grabbing onto Link from behind and quickly tossing him forwards onto the ground! Link rolls over, grabbing his boomerang swiftly and hurling it back at the plumber! Mario leaps over it and it returns to Link, who already has an arrow prepared and fires that as well! Mario leaps over that as well and it flies right past him and sticks right into DK's hairy bum as he crawls to his feet! DK screeches, then grabs it and pries it out, hooting like a maniac! Yeow! M: 3 DK: 0 L: 4 P: 2 PY: This battle is a bit dry...let's light some fire down there, Smee! (He pulls a lever and a Home Run Bat falls from the sky). Now things should be a bit more interesting! CS: It's a brawl for the bat! Mario leaps highest for it and snags it, but Link hookshots his ankle, pulling him back too quickly for him to keep his grip on it! The bat bounces up in the air, and Pikachu immediately snags onto it! Before he can truly gain possession, however, DK manages to swat him backwards into a bunch of reeds, causing the bat to drop onto the ground and roll away! There's a mad scramble between Mario, Link, and Donkey for the bat! Link uses his hookshot and latches onto it as Mario dives, and he quickly reels it in as the plumber slides past! DK rips it loose, however, from the hookshot's clutch as it zips by, and suddenly has possession! He quickly utilizes it and smashes Link with it, knocking him backwards head over heels into a large muck puddle, where he begins to sink under! Finally, some action! M: 3 DK: 2 L: 4 P: 2 PY: As Link begins to disappear, he manages to grab out his hookshot one last time and desprately aim at a nearby tree! As he sinks under completely, he fires it and it locks onto the tree immediately. Taking action, he draws himself from the muck with it, landing safely again on dry land! That call was too close to call, Smee! Link escapes death again! M: 3 DK: 2 L: 5 P: 2 CS: Meanwhile, Mario has challenged DK's abilities with the bat, and the giant ape is swinging at him like mad! Mario, like a fly, some how eludes his swings repeatedly before suddenly drawing back and smashing him with a gloved-fist like an iron wrecking ball destroying a rickety building! DK is thrown backwards by the punch, dropping the bat and rolling over and over before coming to a stop on his back, his eyes closed, looking up into the sky. Gosh, he couldn't be.....out, already.....could he?! PY: I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I think I have to: it looks for all the world like DK is out of the match! Mario has socked DK like he was a volleyball, and DK appears to have been rendered unconcious now! If so, Mario pulls ahead with a KO! All action has stopped while Captain Falcon comes on the field to investigate DK's beaten body. He bends over DK, looking down at him with concern...and DK's giant fist suddenly springs upwards and pounds Captain Falcon in the gut, knocking him completely over in a perfect flip before he hits the ground like an earthquake, lying dead on his back! What a mistake that was! CS: DK has opened his eyes, excited, thinking that he has tricked Mario into lowering his guard! He thinks he's just punched Mario out of the fight! Ooo, wait'll he sees what he's just done...! PY: He looks up and sees Captain Falcon lying on the ground, then realizes his screw-up! He knows he's in for it now! What a dumb thing to do! He couldn't have done anything stupider had he tried! It looks like DK's little prank has left us ref-less! Nice going, "Stupid Monkey!" CS: DK hops to his feet and stands over Captain Falcon, trying to determine whether he has killed our best referee or simply just broken all his ribs and punctured his lungs. He squats down, trying to get a better look at our downed referee.... PY: ....and Captain Falcon's arm shoots up right in DK's face, pounding him in the jaw so hard that he does a complete back flip and lands face down in the dirt, unable to move. Well, folks, I was waiting for that one, and it came! Captain Falcon rises from the dust, as the other fighters applaud his show of strength, speed, and acting, then he blows the whistle calling for half time! Captain Falcon got his own sort of revenge on DK, rather than a penalty: a personal beating from one of the grand masters of the fighting tournament himself! What better a punishment than that? DK has still not gotten up, and a crew of Kremlings has run onto the mucky field, grabbed up DK, and is carrying him off now. Wow. We have also just received word that in addition to his beating, DK has been penalized two points for his stupid trick! That was undoubtedly the stupidest mistake he has ever made...and, hopefully, ever will make! But, at any rate, it's now half time, and our scores are Mario: 3, DK: 0, Link: 5, Pikachu: 2 Next up is our half time report, so don't go away! CS: Uhhhh, Pirate? Bomber Link is away on vacation in Hawaii this week. PY: WHAT?! VACATION?? WHO GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO TAKE THE WEEK OFF?! CS: Uhhhhhhh.....you did. PY: Ohhhhhh......crud. So what are we going to do for a half-time? Last time this happened, I almost got fruited! CS: You're right. Okay, how about a juggling act? PY: Yes! You juggle and tell jokes! CS: A juggling stand-up routine while on one foot! PY: Over burning coals! CS: Using one hand! PY: Using active hand grenades for juggling balls! CS: ..........umm, Pirate? I've got a problem: I can't juggle hand grenades in place of juggling balls! You see, the weight, you know, is different, so it throws off my timing... PY: Hmmm.....well, there goes that idea. Let's just skip half-time again, shall we? CS: Yes, I guess so. Sorry to all my fans out there! (boos) ********** PY: Hi, everyone, and we're back with the second half of Battle 5: Mascot Melee! So far, we've seen a lot of good hits, a terrific fight for one of our most coveted items, and an incredibly stupid mistake made by one of Yoshi Stadium's more well-known veterans, actually. Right now, we have Chunky Smee down there on the field with the king of blunders himself, DK. Smee? CS: Hi, Pirate, and I'm down here with our primary primate, Donkey Kong! DK, I think everybody's still wondering: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! DK: (without answering, he angrily punches Smee in the stomach brutally) CS: (in obvious pain, bent over) Ah, well, yes, I, uh, understand now. Thanks for the interview. Back to you, Pirate. Uggghhhhhh..... PY: Oooo...heh-heh-heh....owwww... Er, let's just get on with the second half now, shall we? That sounds a lot safer than any more interviews, right, Smee? At any rate, Captain Falcon has cleaned himself up from his dip in the muck during our first half and has blown the whistle, calling the second half to start! CS: Link starts out quickly by firing an arrow at Mario! Mario acts quickly and uses his cape to deflect the arrow, which shifts its flight pattern towards greener fields, namely DK, and quickly jabs the unsuspecting ape once again in the rump! He squeals in anger, then rips it out! How long do you think it'll be before he can sit down on the toilet again, Pirate? M: 4 L: 6 DK: 0 P: 2 PY: Link pulls out his boomerang, and I think we all know where we're going with this... He tosses the weapon and Mario leaps over it with ease. DK, however, who does not see it coming, gets clipped right in the head with it! Mario, Link, and Pikachu cannot help but burst out laughing at DK's rotten luck, which he apparently doesn't like. Grabbing the boomerang, he draws back and whips that baby like it was attatched to a missile, right into the laughing Pikachu, who is standing only yards away! Pikachu is suddenly blasted across the swamp in the air, being driven across the arena by the boomerang! He's going...going....GONE! DK has just eliminated Pikachu from the fight with a wicked throw of Link's boomerang! Who knew? M: 5 L: 7 DK: 5 P: 2 CS: Yeow! According to some speed guns we've set up down there, that boomerang was thrown at over 128 miles per hour! That's faster than most cars can go! And DK threw that at point-blank range at Pikachu, too! My quick calculations have shown that Pikachu will probably not land again until he has orbited approximately 87.6% of the earth, which, traveling at that speed, will take only a few hours. In an optimistic look, he's getting a first-class tour of the world, better than any tour you pay for! PY: Mario and Link aren't laughing any more. DK comes stomping up and grabs Link, who manages to tear his Megaton Hammer out and bash it down on DK's toes, making him screech and drop our Hyrulian Hero. Mario, who can't escape as quickly, is swatted by DK as he angrily swipes at anyone and anything in reach to take his anger out on! M: 5 L: 8 DK: 7 CS: Mario retaliates by tossing fireballs back at Link and DK, who are in a struggle. DK is hit, but hardly notices. Link, on the other hand, feels the burn quite quickly and leaps onto the ground where he rolls about, putting out the stinging burn. DK still gives no notice to the flame, which has set some of his hair on fire. Ooo, you know what'd really go well with this scene, Pirate? M: 7 L: 8 DK: 7 PY & CS: KEROSENE! PY: I'm already there, brother! (He pulls a lever and an A+ Quality-size Bucket-O-Fun Brand Kerosene drops down into the playing field) Ah...firey fun, good for the heart and soul! CS: Mario knows exactly what to do with the kerosene; he loads it up in his FLUDD, then gives DK a spray, and, immediately, the kerosene-soaked ape is a walking barbacue, extra-crispy! DK is swallowed by flames as he squeals and runs around in circles, burning up! There's only one way of escape for DK, and that's in the drink! He dives into the slime and a load of steam rises up and out of the pond as the flames die out. DK emerges again, a sigh of relief. M: 8 L: 8 DK: 7 PY: Mario goes head to head with his old rival, Link, and they clash fist-to-fist! Link draws his sword, but Mario kicks it away with a well-timed boot, then he delivers a jumping uppercut to Link's chin, knocking him backwards right into DK! Mario grabs Link's sword and swiftly slashes through a tree beside the pond with it, and the tree falls right on top of Link and DK, knocking them out! Captain Falcon blows the whistle and the game is over! He then tears off his shirt and leaps into the pond, rescuing Link and DK, who are unconcious and drowning! Chalk up another win for Super Mario! But, as we alwasy say, amazing things are always happening here at Yoshi Stadium! Find out what we have store for Nintendo's Cutest Characters when we kick off Battle 6: Cute Carnage next time on Yoshi Stadium! Awwww.... Looks like Captain Falcon needs some help retrieving DK. Hold on, Falcon! I'm on my way! CS: Pirate, put your shirt back on. Please. Thank you. |