| Battle 5: Lean Green Fighting Machines! PY: Hi, everyone and welcome to the next huge match in our 2004 Yoshi Stadium tournament! I'm your host, Pirate Yoshi, and if you didn't know that, then this must be your first time here! If it's not your first time, you must have memory loss, and if you don't have memory loss...then we hate you. Wanna give us the scoop on today's battle, Crow? SC: Yeah, sure, Pirate. Today's fight, to be put in simplest terms, is the match of the Green Team! That's right, you guessed it--everyone in the fight is colored GREEN! Gosh, Pirate, how'd they guess that? We've got a smart group today! PY: Gad! So wickedly smart...and, yet, unable to remember my name...that's odd... SC: Three fighters will venture into the depths of our arena--namely, our giant replica of Bowser's Klown Kopter--and face off in a fight with few rules and fewer words to see just which green-clad warrior will last the longest! PY: Bowser's Klown Kopter? Sounds like a good one! SC: We've got all the bells and whistles, Pirate, including--but not limited to--Bullet Bill Blasters, Bob-omb Launchers, and a nasty Fireball Shooter to top it all off! Not to mention all this will be taking place THOUSANDS of feet above Yoshi Stadium! In fact, we've had to hire Camera-totin' Lakitus to hover around the arena to transmit the picture back down to the stadium for our crowds to watch! PY: Which are quite large this evening, I add. SC: Our match for tonight will be officiated by Tingle, aboard his trusty balloon--he'll be safely out of the way of the action up there, eh? PY: Shhh! He's introducing our fighters! Tingle: IN THE-.....uh....what color is that again? Luigi: Green! Tingle: GREEN CORNER...LUIGI! SC: Luigi struts to his starting space aboard the Koopa Kopter--he looks cool tonight, doesn't he, Pirate? PY: He certainly does. Considering how poor his brother has been doing, I'd be a lot more nervous if I were him. SC: And, this is his first battle, too, if I'm not mistaken. PY: I don't believe you are, either. Tingle: AND IN THE...uh...Green...corner? Uh....YOSHI! PY: Yoshi enters the battlegrounds, looking just as excited as ever! What a great fighter he is! Amazing that he hasn't managed to pull out a victory still! SC: Oh, he will. Perhaps as early as tonight! Tingle: AND IN THE....THIRD GREEN CORNER- Link: They're all green, you moron! Just forget about the colors! Tingle: LINK! PY: There he is...a walking legend! The Hero of Time again graces us with his presence on the fighting turf, ready for another fantastic showing! SC: You know it'll be a good match when Link's in it. PY: Most certainly. I have high expectations for this match, Joe--between Yoshi and Link alone, this would be great, but with the brother of Super Mario, looking surprisingly confident, this could be the biggest battle of them all! Tingle: Aaaand......GO! PY: Yoshi, off to a quick start! He throws an egg! ....it pops Tingle's balloon! He falls on his head! Lu: 100% Y: 100% Li: 100% SC: Luigi leaps up and stomps on Tingle repeatedly! What a nasty blow! Lu: 100% Y: 100% Li: 100% T: 89% PY: Uh....did I miss something? I thought Tingle was our referee! SC: Oh, c'mon! You didn't think we hired him to REF, did you? We actually hired him because so many people wanted to see him get massacred in a battle! PY: ....ohhhh....really? SC: Link body-slams Tingle, the CROWD GOES WILD! Lu: 100% Y: 100% Li: 100% T: 76% PY: Okay. Tingle: Eeeek! Leave me alone, villains! PY: Tingle's looking for an exit! He can't find one! Yoshi devours him, then spews him out of his mouth with great force! The little wannabe fairy tumbles over and over, and Luigi gives him a swift kick in the pants to help him over the edge of the Klown Kopter! I guess that joy didn't last long... Lu: 100% Y: 100% Li: 100% T: 61% Tingle: (hanging onto the side of the Kopter by a single hand) Heeeelp meeee! SC: There's some debate about what to do now. Yoshi steps up to try to help him back to safety--and Luigi immediately sees his golden opportunity! A quick elbow, and he spills Yoshi over the edge, too! Unlike Tingle, Yoshi misses grasping the edge of the Kopter and falls OUT OF THE FIGHT! Already?! Wow....that's depressing! And that was pretty dirty of Luigi, too--taking advantage of Yoshi when he was only trying to help someone out! Lu: 100% Y: 0% Li: 100% T: 61% PY: True, that wasn't very nice at all, but as we've all learned far too well, "nice" doesn't cut it in this tournament--the winner will be the person who plays "hard", not "nice"--perhaps Yoshi has learned a valuable lesson from this, one that could further him in the tournament despite a loss here. SC: At any rate, Link seems to disagree with Luigi's tactics, and quickly runs up to avenge Yoshi's defeat. Luigi tries to grab Link's arm, but the Hero of Time takes a heroic swing with his sword, and knocks Luigi back! Luigi balances desperately on the edge of the Klown Kopter, his arms windmilling as he does his best to stay on. He starts to fall...and Link grabs his shirt quickly. You were saying, about the "nice" fighting style? Lu: 88% Li: 100% T: 61% PY: ...and Link decides not to spare Luigi after all, so he lets go of his shirt and lets the filthy rat fall backwards over the edge to his doom. Yeah, I was saying about that "nice" fighting style--Link's obviously not planning on using it. Lu: 0% Li: 100% T: 61% SC: Wow! What a fast battle! I can hardly believe it! PY: Yeah, this was incredibly short! But, even short battles are blood and sweat for our fighters; after all, victory doesn't come cheap! Next time in our Yoshi Stadium tournament, we'll see- SC: Hey! The battle's not over yet, Pirate! PY: ....uh....say what? SC: It's still going on! We aren't ready to talk about the next battle yet! PY: But why's the battle still on? Yoshi fell off...Luigi fell off...Link's still on....who's left? SC: ... SC & PY: TINGLE! PY: My gosh, we completely FORGOT about Tingle! He was meant as a joke for this match, but it's turned out that he's the only competition left for Link! He could be the deciding factor in this fight! He could totally throw off the entire tournament! He could RUIN MY BETS! SC: .....huh? PY: ....er......nevermind... SC: What if he *gulp*....WINS?! PY: We'll move to Colorado, change our names, grow a beard and shave it off, and speak Bulgarian. No one will ever know who we are, or what we did... SC: But I have BEARDOPHOBIA! PY: I think there's a name for that. SC: Link feels a cross of guiltiness and sorrow for the confused little man in the red underpants, so he finally helps him up. Tingle seems most thankful. Tingle: Thank you so very much for saving me, sir! I shall give you a special gift! KOOM-PA! KOO-LOO LIM-PAH! TINGLE- PY: Annnnd Link decides that it was never worth it, and picks up and throws off the scary green dork in the body suit. NOW the fight's over. SC: Sound decision. He might've just saved our lives... PY: Yeah, you never know about these scary green men in jumpsuits--he could've been making a bomb! SC: Out of what? PY: Hmm....I dunno...maybe those red panties of his? SC: Well, whatever, the day is saved by the Hero of Time--how fitting. PY: Yes, but I sense a great evil walking the earth...I'VE UNLOCKED GANONDORF! SC: ...uh, what? PY: Yesssss! I'm gonna SO whup you now! SC: Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, thanks again for stopping by for another great Yoshi Stadium battle, and make sure to toon back in again next time when we watch Nintendo's greatest lady-folks duking it out for the title of toughest gal around! Is it Zelda? Samus? Princess Peach? WARIO?! Nobody knows...but everyone will find out soon enough, when Battle 6: Cat Fight premieres, only on Yoshi Stadium! PY: Whu-.....HEY! *NEVER* give the introduction again! That's *MY* job...BIRD! SC: Hey! Well, *YOU* never call me *BIRD*....LIZARD! PY: WHA-.....ohhhh, so THAT'S how it is.... |
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