| Battle 7: Attack of the Clones PY: Hi, everyone, and welcome to our seventh battle of the 2004 Yoshi Stadium season, taking place in the pleasant Donut Plains. Joining me, as always, is my co-host and ex-Balloon Fighter, Slow Joe Crow. SC: Okay, Pirate, so I lied about the Balloon Fighter thing--I was actually the enemy bird guys that floated around. PY: This has been Admissions of Slow Joe Crow. Join us again next week for more amazing (yet true) stories from his life! SC: I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't just a teensy bit excited to see this battle, Pirate. First of all, this is a match of some real pros: Captain Falcon and Mario? On a TEAM? Did I say pros? I meant ULTRA WARRIORS! However, here's the downside: they're facing off against a couple of less-than-amazing fighters, namely one-time rookie Blood Falcon, and the sweaty and fiend from our last battle, Wario, whom--it should be added--got the royal crap kicked out of him by a bunch of girls. I have a feeling that this'll be a one-sided battle, Pirate. PY: Yes, but feelings can lie! At any rate, the battle's nearly ready to start, and our referee today will be Boo, who has blown the whistle. Off we go! M: 100% CF: 100% W: 100% BF: 100% SC: Wario and Blood Falcon have a great start already--Wario argues that they should attack from behind, and Blood Falcon demands a full-on frontal assault. Their tensions worsen, and before even seconds have gone by, Blood Falcon takes a mighty fist and smashes it down on his teammate's skull, ending the arguement in short order. Oof...tough way to cooperate in a tag team match... M: 100% CF: 100% W: 90% BF: 100% PY: Mario grabs Blood Falcon from behind before he can start in his plan in action, and hurls him onto the ground! Before Blood Falcon can get any form of revenge, however, Captain Falcon comes to the plumber's aid, and the two of them pummel Falcon's clone! Had he not taken out his rage on his own teammate, perhaps he'd have saved his own skin by now... M: 100% CF: 100% W: 90% BF: 81% SC: Blood Falcon fends off his attackers just long enough to rush to Wario and drag him to his feet. There's some arguement about who's fault it is that Blood Falcon is getting beat up, and then he hurls the chubby villain at the dynamic duo to end the disagreements. Mario and Captain Falcon quickly dodge the Wario-turned-projectile, and poor Wario crashes against several blocks, dazed and exhausted. M: 100% CF: 100% W: 80% BF: 81% PY: You know what I'm thinking, Joe? I'm thinking NEITHER of those two guys make a great team. SC: Really? I'd have never guessed. PY: Captain Falcon rushes at Blood Falcon, and the two do battle almost immediately, matching each other move for move! Wow, Captain Falcon's one of the league's very best, but his clone, Blood Falcon, has all his moves down just as well! They create a whirl-wind of kicks, punches, and dodges as every move is countered by the next! Finally, Blood Falcon gets in a lucky punch, knocking Captain Falcon away, and he runs for somewhere safer. M: 100% CF: 93% W: 80% BF: 81% SC: Wario, finally revived, attempts to attack Mario from behind, but the plucky plumber delivers a quick elbow to his enemy's head, then turns and bombardes him with fireballs at point-blank range! Wario stumbles backwards, trying to shield himself from the flames, and is gobbled up by a Pirhana Plant in his misfortune! That's a weak way to go... M: 100% CF: 93% W: 0% BF: 81% PY: Yes, but Wario had it coming to him. You NEVER stumble backwards while shielding without looking first in this tournament--NEVER! That mistake is unexcuseable, and Wario should've known better! SC: Judging from Wario's last performance in Battle 6, I'm tempted to say that he probably didn't know better. PY: He'll never learn, I'm sure; it just makes the tournament more interesting for everyone else, though. SC: Captain Falcon is hot after Blood Falcon, who grabs a block, rips it loose, and hurls it at the pursuing Falcon! Captain Falcon is hit head-on with the block and falls backwards on the ground as it shatters, and Blood Falcon extends his escape! What a coward! M: 100% CF: 84% BF: 81% PY: Captain Falcon is quick to take back to his feet, but Blood Falcon grabs up another block and chucks it back again! Captain Falcon dodges the flying obstacle as he tries to keep up, and Blood Falcon runs into a solid brick wall as he looks back at his chaser. Rule #2 in this tournament: don't run FORWARDS without looking, either! That's worth a broken nose and a few chipped teeth! M: 100% CF: 84% BF: 77% SC: Blood Falcon steps back, realizes that he's come to a dead end, then takes a running start and RUNS UP THE WALL! Wow...how'd he do that? PY: Simple: those little smiley-block things. SC: Captain Falcon seems stumped by the situation, as he screeches to a halt, and Blood Falcon finishes his voyage up the wall to perch on a cheery-looking cloud overlooking the field. Huh...I wonder how they'll get him from up there? PY: Super Mario is coming to the rescue! Pushing Captain Falcon asside, he builds his speed and tears straight up the wall after Blood Falcon! Ooo, I love these gravity-defying battle sequences, don't you? SC: Blood Falcon is laughing--he seems to be issueing a challenge to last year's champ! Who does he think he is, taunting the great Mario like that? Mario keeps running, and is quickly aboard the same cloud, ready for a confrontation of huge proportions! This is gonna be good--I'm feeling all tingly! PY: Blood Falcon attempts to kick Mario off the cloud to his doom, but the great mustached-man ducks under the attack and returns a blow with his cape, spinning Blood Falcon around in the opposite direction. Before Blood Falcon can strike, Mario pulls an uppercut move, and sends the Captain Falcon clone soaring into the air, gold coins flying everywhere. Hey, Joe--why do you think coins come out of people when Mario hits them? M: 100% CF: 84% BF: 69% SC: I'm not sure...perhaps it's their pocket change? PY: It makes no cents. SC: Regardless as to why the coins appear, Mario is quite able to cash in on his move's effectiveness by leaping into the air and back-kicking the Blood Falcon through the sky, over the edge of the cloud, and to the earth far below where he meets his doom. That's a really long drop to make, Pirate--I think this one's done with. M: 100% CF: 84% BF: 22% PY: No, no, Blood Falcon's got some life left in him...although I'm not sure how, that drop was pretty bad. At any rate, he grapples with Captain Falcon for a brief moment before the REAL Falcon lands a sudden, powerful blow on the faker! FATALITY! M: 100% CF: 84% BF: 0% SC: Wow, Pirate--Mario finished this one without a stitch of damage! Is it possible he's still got what it takes to win the tournament? PY: It's possible, but there's so many people working to make it to the Championship Battle this year, he'll have to do better than make it through a single fight unscathed! After all, victory doesn't come cheap, and in Yoshi Stadium's eigth 2004 battle, "Will The Real Donkey Kong Please Stand Up?", we'll see some HARDCORE fighting action when Donkey Kongs past and present return to the square ring to prove just which of them happens to be the Real McCoy. Until next time, adios, amigos! SC: Wow, you speak Italian? That's pretty good! PY: You dope! Italian NOTHING! That's FRENCH, moron! Geez... |
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