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| Battle 8: Oldest Outrage |
| PY: Welcome back once again to the latest battle in Yoshi Stadium! Our battle was postponed on account if excessive heat, so we're a bit late. At any rate, if you recall, back in Battle 7, the uglies clashed in an explosive match that finished, incredibly, with another rookie walking away the winner. This must be the month for rookies..... At any rate, we saw some crashing, some bashing, and King K. Rool come out on top after a strong struggle with Ganondorf, who looked like a sure-fire winner. But last week is history, and this is NOW! Today, we're going to be seeing the oldest Nintendo characters of them all take their turn in the ring. That's right, the undefeated Super Mario will be entering the ring along with a conteneder from last week, Cranky Kong, another of the heavy favorites, Link, and a newbie (in Yoshi Satdium terms), Mr. Game & Watch. Ooo, we'd best watch out because this IS the month of the rookie, and Mr. Game & Watch wants to kick some butt down there! Smee? CS: He certainly does, Pirate. I'm down with Mr. Game & Watch, who is going to be a serious contender in today's brawl. So, Mr. GW, what exactly are you going to be trying on these guys today? You do know that Mario is undefeated... MrGW: ....................(he hops up and down, moving around his hands, and gesturing here and there, trying to explanin himself) CS: Oh, I see. Well, I suppose that isn't going to make a very interesesting pre-battle chat, so I'm moving over...............here, to talk a little with Link. Link, you've had defeats, you've taken your lumps, and you've worked hard, all for the victory you still haven't gotten. Are you at all worried about Mr. Game & Watch after what he told me? Link: Mr. Game & Watch is just blowing smoke. He's a stick figure, for crying out loud! He can't be that difficult. No, I'm not worried about him at al. And, addressing those defeats, you must realize that I've lost every single time to nobody other than my pal, Mario, who is obviously undefeated for a reason. I think anybody else in my sort of situation would also be losing to Mario, too. But I'm glad, of all people, that I'm losing to him, because he's obviously very good at this. CS: Obviously is right, and we're back to you, Pirate! PY: Thanks Smee, and our battlegrounds today are the peaceful, swampy settings of Tadpole Pond. I would think Mario, and maybe Link, would have a better idea of what to expect here. Our official is Captain Falcon, topdog F-Zero pilot. Our fighters have taken their stances, ready to go..........and there's the whistle! CS: Mr. Game & Watch tottles into the corner of the stage as fast as his 2D legs will carry him. He screeches to a halt, then turns and bashes Cranky Kong with his frying pan, which he normally would be cooking sausage in. Ouch! Cranky is in some serious pain.... M: 0 L: 0 MrGW: 1 C:0 PY: Cranky is like a gyser down there--he's spouting bad words and cursing the ground, cursing the pain, cursing Mr. Game & Watch, cursing us for letting Falon find out what he's babbling about......oops. Captain Falcon blows the whistle and immediately announces that Cranky has used bad language on the playing field and will be penalized two points. Oooo.......harsh call. M: 0 L: 0 MrGW: 1 C: -2 CS: Cranky is pretty angry down there, and he's begun to argue with the ref. He's ranting and raving, and Captain Falcon has had enough. He calls a second penalty for arguing with the ref. He's deciding the consiquences.....and has announced that, for chosing to argue back, Cranky will have his feet stuck in Pirate's twenty-seven-week old oatmeal, which has been sitting on our desk up here since January.... Eww....... PY: Relaxe, I hear bad oatmeal is good for the skin! At any rate, Cranky's feet have been inserted into a tub of old oatmeal, which has immediately dried up out here in the blazing sun, and Cranky is now stuck, almost immobile, in a tub of cement-like oatmeal. That's going to effect his balance, speed, and evasiveness. In short, he's in a lot of trouble, and the other 3 know it... CS: Captain Falcon resumes play, and, immediately, Link, Mario, and Mr. Game & Watch begin to fight over who gets to beat up Cranky. They all want a piece of him! Mr. Game & Watch gives Link a shove, but Link is hardly effected by the weak attack and quickly strikes back with a strong slash of his sword, sending Mr. GW flying across the stage, where he crashes into some bushes, cushioning his fall. Link runs towards Cranky, but Mario dives after him and manages to grab his ankle. Link struggles to gain ground, then realizes that Mario is being dragged along behind him. The Hylian unsheathes his blade again and slashes it down at the plumber, but Mario rolls aside and the sword digs right into the murky, spongey ground, stuck tight. Link pulls........and pulls.........and pulls.......and has no success. That sword is just plain stuck. M: 2 L: 1 MrGW: 2 C: -2 PY: Cranky may actually be lucky to be stuck in that oatmeal--he hasn't gotten into that brawl, and time is running out! Super Mario uses his trademark ability and leaps high above everyone's heads, then comes crashing down on an unsuspecting Mr. Game & Watch, who is just returning, and the stick figure is squashed like a Goomba. He pops back into shape again, turns towards Mario, and lunges forewards in a diving headbutt, his deep-sea-diving helmet on. Mario evades the attack and Mr. Game & Watch falls forewards, head first, in the mud. Uh-oh. Now he's stuck, too! That ground must be WORSE than my oatmeal! Mr. Game & Watch can't get free and is stuck on his head! M: 3 L: 1 MrGW: 2 C: -2 CS: Link pulls on that sword with all his might, and, with a loud sucking noise, it finally comes free from the murky ground, sending Link toppling backwards. He quickly charges after Mr. Game & Watch, who is obviously unable to free himself, and takes a killer slash at him! Mr. Game & Watch is split right in half! Ugh! I think I'm going to be sick..... M: 3 L: 6 MrGW: 2 C: -2 PY: Mr. Game & Watch has been split right in two, but, being a stick figure, he quickly sticks himself back together, ready for more. Unfortunately for him, Captain Falcon has already called him out of the match--I guess being cut in half counts as being KOd, even if you are able to, in a sense, unKO yourself. Mr. GW has been told that he is out of the fight and should go back to his dressing room and get himself patched up and bandaged. He complies......well, he attempts to comply, but he's still stuck, upside-down, in the muck. Captain Falcon rushes over, grabs his ankles, and rips Mr. Game & Watch's body off of his head. Whoops. CS: Captain Falcon is horrified, but Mr. Game & Watch (his head, anyways) appears to be giggling. Captain Falcon drops the little 2D body on the ground and rushes off to the bathrooms, where he obviously needs to go on from where I left off... Mr. Game & Watch's body gets up and his arms grab onto his head. He pulls on his head with all his might.....and his arms come off, gripping onto his head. Crud. He's ripping himself apart down there! He just keeps getting worse. PY: Tell you what, let's leave him right there and I'll send a crew down to help him at half-time, which is in a matter of minutes. I don't know that I can take to watch anymore body parts get ripped off this half. Mario and Link have finally come to an agreement concerning who gets to beat up Cranky, and I think they've decided to SHARE him. Mario pounds Cranky one way, Link pounds him back, and so on. Cranky is seeing stars over there. M: 7 L: 10 C: -2 CS: Poor Cranky. He may be a real loser, but you gotta feel bad for just about anyone in that kind of perdicament. Shall we drop a little something for him? PY: Lets. CS: Hmmm.......so many choices.......let's try out one of the newer items we've invested in. (Chunky Smee pulls a lever and a large wooden Deku Stick falls down and lands right in Cranky's hands) Yes! Perfect Shot! Right on target! PY: Cranky is filled with new hope and swings that Deku Stick around like a staff, beating back Link and Mario. Link grabs for his cutlass once again, but Cranky swiftly plunges his new wooden weapon right into Link's gut, making him drop the sword. Before he can grab it, Cranky slams the stick down on the Hero of Time's head, knocking him out! Mario dives aside as Cranky slams the stick down and grabs up Link's sword, preparing to battle Cranky alone. Suddenly, only Cranky and Mario are left. M: 8 L: 10 C: 6 CS: Time is running short, with just about one minute left, and Cranky is bravely weilding that Deku Stick and blocking the blows of Mario's (or Link's) sword. Mario tears right through the stick on the next blow, however, and immediately slams the sword handle down on Cranky, KNOCKING CRANKY KONG OUT OF THE BATTLE! My gosh, we've once again finished a battle before half time, and what a battle we've had! Can you believe it, Pirate? M: 14 C: 8 PY: Actually, I can believe it, because..........here it goes.........amazing things are always happening here at Yoshi Stadium (are you sick of that yet, Smee? Cause I am), and we'll see plenty more punishment next time, when we match up the two hungriest horrors in the league, Yoshi and Kirby, to compete for the title of having the biggest appetite for food, punishment, and power. Join us next time for Battle 9: Hungriest Horror, only here on Yoshi Stadium! CS: Hey, Pirate? Why didn't WE get to be in that battle? PY: ......just because I didn't write it didn't mean it won't happen.....BWA-HA-HA-Hack .....cough.......choak........ .......click here to see our postgame show with...cough .....hack.......Bomberlink.......cough.......choak....... CS: Hey, Pirate? I don't think Bomber is here again! PY: Cough-cough-hack-WHAT?! Again?! CS: He liked Hawaii so much that he went back for another week! PY: Oh, great. Well, we can't skip a perfectly good post-game show, so how about you serve as his proxy, eh? Okay, here we go: Hi, and welcome to our post game show! I'm here with our half-time host, *wink-wink* Bomber Link *wink-wink* to give us the lowdown on this great battle that just ended! So, BL, what'd you think? CSmee: I thought it was great, but I thought Link should've won again. That was a cheap blow. PY: Funny, I thought you'd say that. CSmee: So did I. I mean, er, yeah, whatever. PY: Were you at all impressed with Cranky's resistance to being knocked out? CSmee: Nah, he's just a poor loser. I think the others were just taking it easy on him. PY: What about the whole Game & Watch incident? CSmee: Sick, man. No person should be able to be pulled apart like that. That's just wrong. PY: I guess he can offer to give someone a hand as often as he wants, huh? Ha-ha-ha. CSmee: That was a bad joke. PY: Well, thanks for your time, *wink-wink* BL *wink-wink*, and we'll see you next time for Battle 9, only on Yoshi Stadium! |
| Note to Bomber Link when he returns from Hawaii: Dear Mister Blink.....Bulink.....BeeLink.....or something... I am most sorry for any insult I may have caused you while serving as your proxy for today's Postgame show. I did not intend harm, only to represent you as to the best of my abilities...which are lacking. I can practice more often to become better, if you'd like. Also, I am pleased to inform you that Pirate gave you a bonus on your paycheck this week, for such a great job you did with this Postgame show. Keep up the good work, he says. Sincerely, Chunky Smee |
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