| PY: Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the part of Yoshi Stadium that has become so popular as time has passed. After a brief delay, Yoshi Stadium is back and action and ready for some more of the same fierce competition that has given it its name in the battle biz. With me here today is my ever-present side-kick and good buddy (and the Yoshi Stadium co-manager), Chunky Smee! Who does he have from today’s fight to talk with? We’ll find out! Over to you, Smee! CS: Thanks and welcome back once again to everybody here at Yoshi Stadium! Today I’m down on the field with a big favorite in today’s match, Kirby! Kirby has been quite sucessful so far, but he’s up against some stiff competition today! Welcome, Kirby. Before we start the fight, we’ve got some questions for you, kay? Kay. First off, what’s it going to take to be the Hungriest Horror out there? Kirby: Uhhh........hunger? Seriously, though, Yoshi has a reputation of taking a lot of abuse and not going down. He could cause a real pain unless I can get in some good hits early on! CS: And your opinions on me and Pirate joining the fight? Kirby: (laughing) You two will be pushovers! CS: Pushovers, eh? We’ll just see about that, won’t we? Once we start, your butt is mine, chubby! Back to you, Pirate. PY: Already we see some trash talk going. As many of you already know, this match was scheduled to be between Kirby and Yoshi for the title of Hungriest Horror, but Smee and I have went to some extra trouble to make sure this match doesn’t get dull by ENTERING THE MATCH! Yes, you’ll finally get to see Smee and I go in the ring and duke it out with some of the best in the league! Bomberlink, our half-time host, will today comentate our battle, right, Bomberlink? BLink: .........how much am I getting paid for this again? Oh, we’re on? Whoops. Er, right, Pirate. Somehow or other, they’ve got me working double time today, so not only will I be present to do our halftime show, as usual, but I’ll also be here giving you the play-by-play commentation. They can’t afford anyone else, I guess. Is that pathetic or what? PY: Er, no, it’s not about the, uh, money, it’s because we like your, uh, comentating best, Bomber! BLink: Oh, well, in THAT case...... PY: C’mon, Smee. Let’s suit up and get down on the field! CS: Alrightee! Time to kick some serious can! BLink: Today’s match is taking place in our newly-opened arena: Isle Delfino Arena. Our fighters will half to climb buildings, slide through the swamped streets of the town, dodge the Piantas, and may hurl any and all fruit that they wish at each other. I have a feeling that the Isle Delfino won’t be such a shiney, beautiful place once these clowns are done with it. And Mario thought it was messy when HE arrived.... Today’s referee is Waddle Dee, who has continually been known as an “easy” ref, possibley because of his lack of a mouth to call penalties with. Go figure. Uh.........umm............hey, Pirate! Are you guys done yet? PY: Hang on, I’m still getting my gear on! BLink: But......uh...........I’ve read everything on the script up here! What do I do now? We don’t wanna make everybody sit around and wait, do we? CS: Hmm.....he’s got a point. PY: Uhh............read it all again. BLink: READ IT ALL AGAIN?! But that’s just-....................grrrrr..........how did they talk me into this? Okay, while Pirate finishes getting his “gear” on, here we go for the SECOND time.........Today’s match is taking place in our newly-opened arena: Isle Delfino Arena. Our fighters will half to climb buildings, slide through the swamped streets of the town, dodge the Piantas, and may hurl any and all fruit that they wish at each other. I have a feeling that the Isle Delfino won’t be such a shiney, beautiful place once these clowns are done with it. And Mario thought it was messy when HE arrived.... Today’s referee is Waddle Dee, who has continually been known as an “easy” ref, possibley because of his lack of a mouth to call penalties with. Go figure. Uh.........umm............hey, Pirate! Are you done NOW? PY: Yeah, I’m all finished! I’m ready for battle! BLink: The fighters, crowd, and referees you hear giggling are laughing because Pirate is wearing a tin can on his head. PY: I heard that! And it’s the closest thing I could find to a knight helmet, okay? Sheesh, give me a break here. BLink: So it is. Besides a tin can--er, I mean, helmet--, Pirate is also wearing a Hawiian shirt, really tacky Bahama shorts, and a rubber ducky-pool floatie around his waste. Sad. Smee has a big yellow construction helmet on, as well as a tacky tourist-y shirt of his own and equally pukey-colored shorts. I think I’m going to be sick... CS: Dude, do you dig my shades? BLink: I forgot--he’s wearing over-sized sunglasses. PY: You’re going to be EATING those shades when I’m through with you! BLink: Ah, the glorious sound of bad scripts and pathetic smack talk--you can tell this script was written by Pirate himeself. Yoshi and Kirby are also there, Kirby is sporting a headband made of flowers and Yoshi is wearing a pair of shades that, unlike Smee’s, are cool ones. Waddle Dee, our referee (hey, it rhymes!) has come out and blown the whistle, signifying the start. How did he do that? PY: “Pirate beats down Smee with flying fists, traps him up against a building, knocks him to the ground, stomps on him!......” CS: Ow! OW! Hey, cut that out! That’s not fair! We’re not suppposed to be controlling the battle anymore! BLink: Waddle Dee again blows the whistle (how DOES he do that?!) and waddles up to Pirate before hopping up and down and waving his arms. He seems to be calling a penalty on Pirate for controlling the battle. The punishment? It seems Pirate must carry Waddle Dee around as payment for his offense! Ooooo, that could really crush his chances! Waddle Dee is now up on Pirate’s back and has signaled play to resume. Already Pirate is huffing and puffing as he runs from Kirby, who has tossed away his flower headband and is chasing Pirate as fast as he can. Normally, Pirate could outrun Kirby easily, but he is so weighed down by Waddle Dee that Kirby is gaining on him rapidly. PY: (wheezing) .......cough.......hack......Don’t be fooled, folks............he’s not as .......cough......light as he looks! BLink: Yoshi leaps at Smee and Smee takes a hard kick right in the chest! Smee tumbles backwards, right into Pirate’s path, and Pirate trips on him and goes sailing. He hits the sidewalk, which is covered with water, and goes sliding into a small fruit shop, where many screaming Piantas run for their lives as fruit flies all over. Waddle Dee hops off his back as Pirate groans in pain--his time has been served. PY: 0 CS: 1 Y: 1 K: 0 PY: That’s cheap. Why’s Smee get points? BLink: Because he tripped you up, moron. Look, I’ll even make it up to you. Turn 180 degrees around.......now what do you see? PY:..........ha, ha, very funny. What am I supposed to do with a watermelon? Of all the ridiculous-.....................oooooo, thank you! BLink: While Pirate grabs some new-found friends to fling, Yoshi grabs up Kirby with his tongue and spews him back out into Smee, who is approaching them quickly. Kirby knocks Smee backwards into Pirate and he drops the watermelon he is holding on his own head. That’s it, this is the last time I let you guys talk me into letting you join the fight! PY: 0 CS: 2 Y: 2 K: 1 PY: Mmph-phatmb-mmmm BLink: While Pirate tries to pry a watermelon off of his head, Smee has attacked Yoshi and has leaped on his back. Smee is riding Yoshi. Smee is riding Yoshi fast. Yoshi is stopping short. Smee is flying through the air. Smee is smashing into that brick wall. Smee is.......ooo, well, never mind. Kirby has attacked Yoshi now, however, and is rapidly punching him. Yoshi manages to swing his tail around and wipe out Kirby’s feet, then he grabs up Kirby and hurls him at Smee, who is just getting up very shakily. Smee is hit in the back by Kirby and falls down again. PY: 0 CS: 3 Y: 4 K: 4 PY: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmphhhhhhh........MMMMMMM (the watermelon comes off) SUCCESS!!! Finally! Where’s that loser Smee?! He’s gonna get this one right in the kisser! BLink: Pirate grabs up a pineapple and hurls it at Smee. Smee is getting the crud kicked out of him, however, and gets smashed aside just as the pineapple whizzes past. Kirby starts to inhale Smee up, but the pineapple gets caught in the stream of suction first and heaccidentally devours the wrong vegetable..........er, fruit........er, wrong OBJECT.....Without realizing he has devoured the pineapple, Kirby copies his captive’s powers........and becomes a pineapple with eyes and two feet. PY: 1 CS: 3 Y: 4 K: 6 PY: Whoops, sorry about that, Kirby pal! Just a mistake, you know......honest mistakes can happen at any time, as you know, and........I’M GETTING THE HECK OUT OF HERE! BLink: The angry pineapple dashes after Pirate, who flees for his life, but, as a pineapple, Kirby runs even slower than usual, so he has no chance of catching Pirate. Pirate turns to sneer at his pursuer, but he slips on a puddle and goes right off the peer into the water, where he flounders. Good thing he was wearing that floatie, I guess. PY: 1 CS: 3 Y: 4 K: 6 CS: Does that mean he’s out of the match? BLink: ..........nah. It’s almost half-time, anyways. However, Kirby doesn’t care that he’s a heavy pineapple and has dove off the peer and is swimming like mad to go get Pirate. Pirate has begun to swim out towards a small island close to the mainland and is now climbing up onto it. Meanwhile, Yoshi has begun to spew juice all over Smee, who is slipping and sliding as he tries to move. As he falls, Smee reaches out and grabs onto a large grapefruit. Yoshi comes in close to deliver some punches and Smee splatters the grapefruit all over the dino, knocking Yoshi back. Nice move, Smee! PY: 1 CS: 4 Y: 7 K: 6 CS: Thank you, no applause necessary. BLink: Yoshi immediately squashes Smee flat with a quick groundpound and Smee waddles away in pain, three feet shorter. Meanwhile, Pirate has climbed up a lone palm tree on the island and is cowering at the top while Kirby, still a pineapple, hops up and down furiously at the bottom. PY: 1 CS: 4 Y: 8 K: 6 PY: BOMBER! DROP ME SOMETHING HERE! BLink: Hmmm.........oo, this looks good! Here you go! (Bomberlink pulls a lever and a chainsaw falls down beside Pirate. However, he is hanging onto the tree for dear life, so the chainsaw falls right past him and lands beside Kirby) Uh.........whoops....... Kirby grabs the chainsaw and procedes to hack the palm tree through the middle, causing it to quickly sway uneasily before beginning to tip and fall. PY: 1 CS: 4 Y: 8 K: 7 PY: I hate you. BLink: The tree splashes down into the water and Pirate topples off, where he is pounced upon by Kirby. Luckily for him, Waddle Dee is blowing that whistle, signifying that the half is over and that play cannot continue. He sails out in a little wooden boat and pries Kirby off of Pirate, who has been getting drowned by Kirby for the past three and a half minutes it took for Waddle Dee to row out there to save him. I guess that’s the half, and we’ll be back in a second with the half time show, in which I will once again talk with Pirate, joined by Smee, on their stupendous work out there on the field (stupid is more of the word I was looking for). Eh-hem. So, the score sits at half time as PY: 1 CS: 4 Y: 8 K: 7. And HOW DOES WADDLE DEE BLOW THAT WHISTLE?! ********** BLink: Hi, we're back again for the second half of Battle 9: The Hungriest Horror. Normally, I'd turn it over to Smee to go ask some fighters some questions, but seeing as Smee is not available because he is getting ready to fight, we'll skip over that part and give you a little recap. Pirate and Smee were getting their butts kicked, and Waddle Dee is the ref for our Isle Delfino match. There. Waddle Dee has come onto the field, and off we go! PY: 1 CS: 4 Y: 8 K: 7 PY: You're mine, loser! BLink: Pirate dives at Kirby and is grabbed in midair, then thrown righ back to the exact spot he started the match in. Smee joins the fun by grabbing a lemon and squashing it over Kirby's head! He stands, victorious! P: 1 CS: 5 Y: 8 K: 8 CS: Haha! Have that! BLink: Kirby then sprays the lemon juice out of his mouth and Smee takes it right in the eyes! Ohhh, I can feel the burn! CS: YAHHHH! CAN'T SEE!!!!! BLink: Smee stumbles blindly right past Pirate, who tries to clobber him with a pineapple as he passes, but misses and hits a defensless Pianta instead, who becomes incredibly angry and body slams him for his sin! Uh-oh. PY: 1 CS: 5 Y: 8 K: 9 PY: AGH!!!! SAVE ME!!! BIG, FAT PIANTA GUY CRUSHING MY SPINE!!!! BLink: Waddle Dee again blows the whistle, and calls a penalty on Pirate for attacking non-fighters in the field! Ooo, harsh! The penalty? Minus one point to his score, leaving Pirate pointless! Ooo, that smarts! P: 0 CS: 5 Y: 8 K: 9 PY: Somedays, you just can't win. BLink: Play has resumed, and it appears Smee has finally gotten the lemon juice out of his eyes! He turns his anger towards Kirby, who is getting pummeled by Yoshi at the moment, and grabs a handful of bananas before hurling his fruity weaponary at the pink puffball! Yoshi slams Kirby hard, knocking him away, then turns to get hit in the face with several bananas, which splatter over his big nose. He may be a green Yoshi, but he's turning red down there, and Smee'd best start running. Fast! P: 0 CS: 6 Y: 9 K: 9 CS: Uh-oh. Ummmm, my bad! PY: Weak mortals, never fear! Pirate Yoshi now is here! HI-YA! BLink: Pirate hurls himself through the air and lands right on the saddle of Yoshi, who quickly realizes that he has bigger problems to worry about than Smee. He begins spinning and jumping, darting back and forth as he tries to shake Pirate from the saddle! Oh, but Pirate has always wanted to ride a Yoshi, and no one, not even a mad, bucking bronco of a Yoshi is going to eject him from his seat atop his new ride! He clenches on tight as Yoshi screams up and down the streets, slamming against walls and throwing himself sideways, trying to escape his rider! PY: 1 CS: 6 Y: 9 K: 9 PY: Yeeee-haw! BLink: Yoshi comes to a stop, then stretches his tongue out and weeves it around behind him to grab Pirate by the neck suddenly and hurl him away. Pirate hits the ground and rolls like a bowling ball straight into Smee, who desprately tries to run. They both hit the wet sidewalk and slide straight into a fruit stand, where more fruit flies. PY: 1 CS: 6 Y: 11 K: 9 PY: Why don't I get those points?! BLink: Because Yoshi threw you, so he was using you as a weapon! PY: That's cheap! BLink: Kirby sneaks in behind Yoshi and sucks him up quickly, copying his abilities! Uh-oh; two Yoshis, and two morons. This could be trouble.... PY: Hey, Smee, I think it's time to double-team! CS: Right on! We'l smash 'em! We'll crush 'em! We'll destroy 'em!.................you go first. BLink: And right before our eyes, this match has turned into a tag-team brawl! Pirate leaps out of the fruit stand he and Smee are using as a base and approaches his opponent, Yoshi, as Kirby retreats back to await a tag. Waddle Dee doesn't seem to care what battle this is, as long as there is plenty of punishment and mayhem, and I'm inclined to agree. PY: I ain't gonna hold back on you this time, pal! BLink: Yoshi hurls an egg right into Pirate's face and knocks him backwards through the puddles in the sidewalk before he crashes back into the fruit stand, making Smee dive for cover. PY & CS: 7 Y & K: 21 PY: Tag, you're in. BLink: Smee jumps out to face Yoshi, and seemingly evades Pirate's fate as he slips aside to dodge an egg. The egg smashes into Pirate, who is just standing up, and he is slammed back down into the fruit, face-down. Smee leaps at Yoshi and vica-verca....they go up, extend a foot out for a monster-kick-collision! Then Smee realizes that he is wearing puny sandals, while Yoshi is wearing heavy-duty boots. Needless to say, Smee is the one who is sent reeling. CS: (as he rolls up to Pirate, who is just wobbling to his feet) Tag. You're back in. PY: Alright, no more mister nice-web master! I'm gonna fix you good! BLink: Yoshi, having had quite enough fun for one day, has tagged Kirby and he enters the ring instead. PY: Oh, scared, are you? Yeah, you'd better be! BLink: Kirby quickly uses his flying cutter attack and sends a shining blade soaring right at Pirate's head. Pirate, thinking he is quite skilled, easily ducks under the blade and it sticks into the wall behind him. PY & CS: 8 Y & K: 21 PY: Ha! Missed me, mised me, now you gotta kiss me! BLink: Kirby then inhales Pirate up, turns, and spits him out against a nearby wall, where he slumps to the ground. PY & CS: 8 Y & K: 22 PY: I said KISS ME, not eat me, you abominable marshmallow man! BLink: Kirby delivers a punishing kick that sends Pirate flying right past Smee, over the edge of the boardwalk, and out into the water, where he flounders for a second before disappearing under the bobbing waves. Oh, dear. Pirate never could swim very well.....well, now things are looking poor for good old Smee, who is all alone against Yoshi and Kirby. CS: 8 Y & K: 27 CS: Why me.......why me? BLink: Yoshi and Kirby are closing in for the kill! Ohhh, I've got to do something or Yoshi Stadium'll be short a staffer.... Mmmmm, think, Bomber, THINK! CS: (as he runs from Yoshi and Kirby) YES, THINK, BOMBER, THINK!!!! BLink: Hold on, buddy, I'm gonna help you! (He drops a Fire Flower and Smee grabs it up) CS: Yesss! You're a lifesaver, Bomber! BLink: Yes, I certainly am. Smee breathes a wave of flames and Kirby and Yoshi are forced back from the sweltering heat. Maybe Smee can save himself! If only he can make it until time runs out! CS: 10 Y & K: 27 CS: Yes! Yes, Smee can save himself! Or, we hope he can save himself, anyways! BLink: Yoshi has gotten wise, however, and has run to the water's edge and has just gulped up a mouthfull of water. Uh-oh. Our green dino hero runs up and extinguishes Smee's flames with ease, then blasts him with water, sending Smee head over heels backwards! Ouch! CS: 10 Y & K: 28 CS: Yes, bad for Smee! Very, VERY bad for Smee! BLink: Waddle Dee blows thie whistle and play stops with five point four seconds left! The call he's making is that Smee just referred to himself in the 3rd person, which, he claims, is illegal. Boy, we never get sick of watching bad calls here at Yoshi Stadium, huh? For his crime, Smee will be placed under an ornate grand piano hanging from a thin wire and cemented there for the remainder of the battle, or all 5 and a half seconds of it, anyways. CS: SINCE WHEN WAS REFERRING TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON A CRIME?! BLink: Apparently just since Waddle Dee blew the whistle. Smee has been forced under that piano by a group of annoying Piantas, and Waddle Dee blows the whistle again, starting play. Of course, Yoshi quickly swallows a melon and fires a seed right through the wire. With approximately five point two seconds left to play, the grand piano falls down, down, down, and smashes to pieces all over the screaming Smee....I have to think it's safe to say that this one is over with, folks....not even the Incredible Hulk could endure THAT sort of punishment... CS: (emerging from the ruined shards of piano keys and strings) .....the pain.....I go through....for this..........site..... BLink: Either Smee is the Incredible Hulk or else that was a heck of a cheap piano, because Smee isn't gone yet. He is, however, cemented in place for the last four point nine seconds, and Yoshi and Kirby want to make sure that he is in no shape to get back up when time runs out. Kirby pulls out his hammer and gives Smee a hard whack, but, covered in cement, he doesn't even feel it. Instead, the concrete shatters apart, freeing Smee for the final 3.3 seconds. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to enjoy it. Yoshi gulps him up, then turns and fires him across the stage, where Smee crashlands in a small boat carrying crates of fruit to shore. Smee blasts right through the bottom and sinks under the water as fruit flies everywhere. And so, as time runs out and Waddle Dee blows the whistle, the fruit barge sinks into the water with the Pianta captain screaming obsenities at us from his capsizing ship. Fruit falls down into the water from all over, and this is THE last battle I ever commentate for Smee and Pirate! That was sick. Chunky Smee & Pirate Yoshi: 10 Yoshi & Kirby: 32 That's the end of Battle 9: The Hungriest Horror, and THANK GOODNESS! What turned out to be a massacre could've gotten a lot worse, I'm sure, had it gone longer, and what was ugly here would've been a lot less pretty by the end. As it is, there's gotta be a few thousand to pay in damages to the isle Delfino; looks like we need ot hire someone to come through here with some sort of cleaning device to brush this place up a little...a plumber with a Poltergust 3000, anyone? Anyways, that's the end, and I've gotta say this whole schtick that Pirate always does: amazing things are always yadda-yadda-yadda, blah, blah, blah, and so on and so forth. Join us next time, and with Pirate and Smee back up here in the booth, for an excellant match-up, unlike today's, as we watch some of the wilder ones give it their all, only here at Yoshi Stadium! |
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| Battle 9: Hungriest Horror |
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