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| HOLIDAY HOARDING |
| PY: Hi, everyone, and welcome to one of Yoshi Stadium's Special Edition battles, and the first we've hosted in about two months! It's been a while since our fighters were given action, but I'm sure they're ready to go, and they've been staying in shape all this time for the start of the 2004 Yoshi Stadium Tournament, which starts soon! In the meanwhile, though, we'll be celebrating the holidays with a little gift-giving spirit; all the lumps and bruises these fighters can give from all of them to all of each other...or something.... At any rate, I'll hand things over to my good buddy and co-commentator, Slow Joe Crow, who is down on the field with one of today's fighters! SC: Hi, Pirate, and hello to everyone out there! I know it's been a long time, but these guys are itching for a fight, and four of the best are here on this snowy day for a good battle! I'm here with Bowser, one of our crowd favorites and one of the four fighters for today's match! Bowser, how are you? Bowser: Gwa-ha-ha! Feeling pretty confident, that's what I am! I'm gonna wipe out all these losers! SC: Oh, really? Do you even know what the point of today's battle is? Bowser: Gah-ha......uh....stomping on people? SC: ....this job is very stressful..... No, Bowser, this match will test your ability to hold onto an object longer than anyone else can--namely, the Yoshi Stadium New Year's Ball! Bowser: Uh.......The New Year's Stadium Yoshi Ball? What? SC: No, no, the ball we drop for New Year's here on Yoshi Stadium! The goal of the match today will be to maintain possession of this ball longer than anyone else, through any means possible (as deemed by our handy referee, in the corner of your screen). Whereas all the past matches have relied on your abilities to simply flatten enemies, this match will require hoarding and defensive skills instead! Bowser: Bwa-ha-ha! Sounds like my game, alright! Hoarding....defense...they should'a named this match after me! The...uh.....Bowser Fight! Yeah! Ga-haw-ha! SC: .....whatever. Back to you, Pirate. PY: Thanks, Slow Joe, and I'm sure you're all wondering who else will be partaking in this match of wits and strength! They just HAPPEN to be Cranky Kong, Ganondorf, and Wario! Four fighters....four greedy, sneaky fighters who all want their filthy mits all over our stinking New Year's ball....four filthy, slimey- SC: And the match has started! Our referee, Koopa, has blown the whistle, and this match is underway! It's a race for the ball, which is sitting atop a high platform in the middle of the stadium! Only the fastest, best climber will get it first! PY: And that person is.....Ganondorf, who quickly scales the platforms as if they were nothing and takes possession of the New Year's ball first! Here's where the time starts ticking away! Rather than watching the punches, while instead be watching the clock to establish points! As long as Ganondorf holds that ball, his time will continue to increase! B: 0 G: 0'12" CK: 0 W: 0 SC: That won't last long, however, because his arch-enemy Bowser has gotten to the top and wants that ball! Ganondorf tries to hold it in one hand to keep it from Bowser's reach, but the King of Koopas flails wildly for it and one of his swipes knocks it from the Gerudo's hand. The prize falls down from the platform and lands right on Cranky's head, who is dazed and may not even realize that HE has the ball now, and is gaining time! B: 0 G: 0'15" CK: 0'2" W: 0 PY: Bowser and Ganondorf are both surprised, and Ganondorf is first to start leaping down from the platforms! Bowser decides to take a short cut, and simply leaps over the edge and falls all the way back down, landing hard on his back and not being quick to get back up. Meanwhile, Wario has begun attacking Cranky Kong, who is confused and doesn't realize yet that he has the trophey. A few harsh punches, and Wario knocks the ball away from Cranky, taking it himself out of the air with a satisfied laugh of victory. B: 0 G: 0'15" CK: 0'7" W: 0'1" SC: Before nearly any time has passed, however, Ganondorf grabs the ball from behind and pulls hard. Wario flexes his muscle (or fat?) and hangs on tightly to the ball, straining to keep the time running, and Bowser pops up in the middle, waiting for a release. Both Ganondorf and Wario pull hard, and Bowser takes advantage and punches them both at once, knocking the ball free and grabbing it for himself before turning tail and running with it! Bowser only has a two-second lead before Ganondorf realizes what has happened and goes after him, as does Wario. B: 0'8" G: 0'15" CK: 0'7" W: 0'1" PY: Bowser continues to run for his life, but Ganondorf is slowly closing the gap between them. As he pulls within grabbing range, Ganondorf dives forwards and grabs Bowser around the ankles. The Koopa King falls forwards and the ball flies from his hands...and lands in Wario's awaiting gloves, who sneers evilly and turns to run the opposite direction, once again racking up time! Poor Ganondorf--he always seems to be the reason the ball is free... B: 0'17" G: 0'15" CK: 0'7" W: 0'5" SC: Cranky leaps onto Wario's back before he gets far and begins pounding away at his head with the cane. Wario tries to ignore each blow and runs wildly about as Cranky holds fast to his back and continues whacking away. If nothing else, however, this is slowing Wario down, and Bowser and Ganondorf both catch up rather quickly and help tackle the stout little man. The ball bounces away from Wario at last, and Ganondorf is the first to leap on it, covering it up quickly! Almost instantly, Bowser and Cranky are on top of him, trying to wrestle it away for themselves. B: 0'17" G: 0'18" CK: 0'7" W: 0'14" PY: Bowser draws back a fist, in frustration, and pounds it down on Ganondorf's head, knocking him silly and causing him to allow the ball to roll away. Cranky scoops it up quickly and prances away with it as fast as his old legs can carry him, leaving Bowser confused and Ganondorf dazed. Wario is up after Cranky, but Bowser is a step ahead and grabs Cranky before Wario can reach him. B: 0'17" G: 0'18" CK: 0'15" W: 0'14" SC: Bowser grabs Cranky, and the old ape accidentally drops the ball! Wario, right behind Bowser, scoops it up and runs, and Bowser immediately drops Cranky and runs after Wario, who starts gaining precious time! Bowser is a bit slower than Wario, but Wario trips and loses most of his lead. Bowser grabs Wario by the shoulders, then tears the ball away and holds it triumphantly above his head....then Ganondorf sneaks up behind him and takes it away! A fleeting moment of pride, and Bowser is back working again for what should've been his. Sad. B: 0'18" G: 0'20" CK: 0'15" W: 0'20" PY: Ganondorf is fastest, but he has nowhere to run--there are three players hungry for that ball, and he decides the only safe place to go is UP! Ganondorf starts scaling the platforms again, hoping to gain a lead and add time to his score, but Bowser is quick to start climbing again, even after his last fall. Ganondorf reaches the top quickly and rests himself for several seconds before Bowser's face pops up over the edge and his claws grab onto Ganondorf's ankle. He tugs, but Ganondorf stays standing and grips the ball tightly. Bowser tugs again and again, but Ganondorf refuses to budge. Then, Wario craftily appears behind Ganondorf, scooping up the ball from him and hopping back down the platforms before either Bowser or Ganondorf can stop him! B: 0'18" G: 0'46" CK: 0'15 W: 0'31" SC: Wario gets to the bottom again and starts running...seconds later, Bowser's thick body crashes down from above back onto the ground, causing no difference in the game whatsoever. Wario turns and sneers back at Bowser...and runs right into Cranky's fist, who catches the ball as it flies out of Wario's hands and keeps running with it himself. Ganondorf leaps off the bottom platform to the ground, then gives chase after the old ape, who totters along and quickly loses his big lead. B: 0'18" G: 0'46" CK: 0'26" W: 0'42" PY: Ganondorf catches up to Cranky and pulls away the ball...then Bowser, catching Ganondorf off balance from behind, jerks it away from him and turns to run with it. Wario is right there and punches Bowser in the stomach before taking the ball, but Bowser counters and whacks a huge fist over Wario's head, stealing back the ball and stumbling away with it. There's a lot of commotion as Cranky and Ganondorf trip over Wario, and Bowser begins to climb the platforms again. Ganondorf is first up onto the platforms after him, and quickly begins to catch up. B: 0'31" G: 0'47" CK: 0'30" W: 0'43" SC: Bowser gets to the top, and Ganondorf is up immediately after. Bowser backs towards the edge, trapped, and he has but one escape. He swallows his pride, gives a shrug, then turns and leaps off the top platform...again. Ganondorf walks to the edge, watching, then shakes his head sadly and begins hopping back down via the platforms. Seconds pass, which add onto Bowser's score, before his body smashes into the turf once again, and Cranky grabs the ball back out of his hands and scrambles away with it. B: 0'37" G: 0'47" CK: 0'34" W: 0'43" PY: Cranky is immediately hit by Wario, who grabs onto the ball and jerks it away. Wario runs, but is tackled by Ganondorf, and the ball skips away. Bowser, back on his feet, grabs the ball and tries to run with it, but trips and falls on his face. Ganondorf snatches it away, but Wario immediately snatches it back and runs right over Cranky, who is just stumbling back to his feet. Ganondorf and Bowser trample over the Kong as they chase Wario, who runs for his life. B: 0'39" G: 0'48" CK: 0'37" W: 0'56" SC: Wario is the first to hit one minute, but things like grim for him now. Bowser and Ganondorf come in from opposite sides, and before he can escape, they sandwhich him! The ball drops loose, and Cranky immediately picks it up and totters away. Bowser starts to run, but Ganondorf quickly shoves him aside and catches up to Cranky himself, where he smashes the primate to the ground with a hard punch and takes the ball for himself. Ganondorf can easily outrun everyone, but we're coming close to the end of the half now. B: 0'39" G: 1'11" CK: 0'40" W: 1'02" PY: The exhausted trio of fighters can only watch Ganondorf scamper about vicotoriously as the final time runs out and halftime comes. The current scores are Ganondorf, first place, with 1 minute and forty-two seconds, Wario, in second, with 1 minute and two seconds, Cranky Kong in third with forty seconds, and Bowser in last place, with one second less! Unlike our normal battles, we won't be having a half-time show with Bomber Link, simply because he's busy making other material for our Twelve Days of Christmas feature at the moment (oh, come on! You don't actually think this is being filmed live, do you? This was written DAYS ago....). So, instead, we'll have a quick word with our TWO All-star Battle winners from our 2003 season, Link and Pikachu! Please join us right after this break! ********** PY: Hello, Link and Pikachu! Link: Hey. Pikachu: Pika! PY: First of all, I'd like to thank you for coming to watch this battle and for allowing us an interview during half-time in place of Bomber Link. Link: No problem. Pikachu: Pik. PY: The second thing I'd like to do as tell you both what an excellent job you both did in the All-star Battle! We've had tons of mail pouring in all over, and that fight was considered to be the best battle yet by 98% of Yoshi Stadium's viewers! Link: Really? PY: ....no, but it sure sounded encouraging, didn't it? But I'm sure I speak on behalf of everyone when I say that those of us in attendence were marveling at your skills! Link: Eh....I liked the first statement better. Pikachu: Pika-chu. PY: What's it like to sit and watch some other players in this battle, knowing that you outdid every one of them to make it into the All-Star Battle? Link: I think it went both ways, kinda. I mean, we made it to the All-Star Battle, but Bowser made it to the Final Championship; that's pretty good, even compared to All-Star status. So I don't really feel jealous or overly-confident, looking into next season. Pikachu: Pika. PY: That sounds like a good approach. Oh, and speaking of next season, what's the word on how you're feeling? Link: I say bring it on. I'm ready whenever it starts, and I'm going to the top this year! Pikachu: Piii! (kicking Link in the shin) Link: OW! You little weasel! PY: Yes, well, save some of that competition for the start of the season, and congratulations and good luck to both of you! I'll see you again shortly! Link: Thanks. Pikachu: Pikachuuu! *********** PY: Welcome back, everyone, and we're getting ready to kick off the second half of today's Holiday Hoarding battle, which is taking place in our beautiful facilities here at Yoshi Stadium, out of the cold and snow. It may be freezing outside, but things have heated up quickly in here, and I don't think I'd be exaggerating to say that our players today are ON FIRE! Slow Joe is currently down on the field with one of our fighters, Wario, who is new to our tournament and will be playing in our next season! Over to you, Crow! SC: Thanks, Pirate, and I'm here with Wario, who is doing a fabulous job considering this is his first battle! Wario, welcome to Yoshi Stadium! Wario: Argh! It's-a a pleasure to be-a here, wah-ha! SC: We can't help but wonder if you've done some training or something? This hardly looks like your first battle... Wario: I've-a had-a no training! I've-a just got-a KILLER INSTINCT! Wah-ha-ha! SC: (looking him up and down) .....uh......Killer Instinct? Wario: Yah-ha! Yeah, ever-a play-a it? Great-a game, you know! Lots of-a hitting stuff! SC: Oh, er, yeah, right, the game.... Well, thanks for the quick interview, and we're just about ready to start! Back to you, Pirate! PY: Um....Killer Instinct? Sorry, that doesn't seem to quite fit with the words I was thinking of for Wario... SC: Which were? PY: Fat, greedy, and brash. SC: Oh....yeah, those are good words, too. PY: Koopa has signaled the start of the second half, and it's immediately a mad scramble once again to climb the platforms and grab the ball! Ganondorf is winning the race right away, but Bowser is closing the gap by quickly leaping high and grabbing the platforms, skipping every other one! Both of them reach the top at the same time, and Bowser falls on the ball before Ganondorf can get it. Time begins adding for Bowser, and Ganondorf tries to roll Bowser over to take the ball--no dice. When you're trying to flip a guy who weighs some 600 pounds, it should come as no surprise that you're not going to have much luck. Ganondorf panics, knowing that Bowser's time is racing towards his own score, and he musters all his strength and, instead of trying again to turn him over, shoves Bowser over the edge of the platform. B: 1'31" G: 1'42" CK: 0'40" W: 1'02" SC: A brilliant move on Ganondorf's part. Bowser falls through the air, still covering the ball, and smashes into the turf...again. The ball pops loose, but Bowser doesn't seem to notice and remains face down on the field, apparently in pain. Cranky grabs up the ball and hastily runs away with it, with Wario close behind him. That was fabulous, Pirate! Let's see a replay! PY: Right. So here's Ganondorf pushing Bowser...here's where he takes to the air and- OH! Right there! That's the spot where Bowser saw that he wasn't on solid ground anymore, rewind back to that spot and hold it! Yeah, right there. That look on his face says it all: "Oh, crap! There's no floor here, and I'm about to fall all the way back down from the top platform for the third time today!" Yeah, that's the face. SC: (circling various objects on the screen) If my calculations are correct, then it *seems* as if Bowser should have turned over in the air right here-...I mean, Ganondorf PUSHED him! You don't normally just slide when you get pushed; usually, you roll. So why doesn't Bowser roll? I have three explanations: first, (circling the platform) the platform was too slippery, perhaps due to some over-waxing from the night before. Not really Bowser's fault, just things worked against him. Second, (circling Bowser) Bowser must still have been trying NOT to roll, which, in this case, seems like it would've been better than putting up the same solid defense against rolling he is known for doing. Third, (circling Ganondorf's hands) Ganondorf pushed at an awkward angle that forced Bowser only sideways, rather than tilting his body up or down, which would be completely lucky and random. PY: Other explanations would include the Atmospheric Pressure In The Stadium, What Bowser Ate For Dinner Last Night, How Many Dust Particles Are Floating In The Air At That Precise Moment Of The Fall, and The Width Of A Crepe Suzette. SC: Yes, and you can't forget How Many Licks It Takes To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop. That one always gets 'em. PY: Yeah, that one is pretty tough. (He adds it to the list) SC: Uhh...Pirate? That was a nice little chart and all, but.....haven't we forgotten about the battle? PY: ........crap...... SC: Er, AND BOWSER PUNCHES WARIO! Wait, who's got the ball now? How long have we been watching Bowser falling? PY: I don't know, but check this out! See, we can play that replay in slow motion! Oooooooooooohhhhh, nnnnooooooooooo! SC: Ohhhh, that's cool! Do that again! (Bowser rewinds back onto the platform, then slowly falls over the edge and soars downwards) PY: Oh, check this out! (the tape stops and Bowser freezes in midair, then it speeds up suddenly and slams Bowser into the ground twice as fast as normal) YEAH! PILEDRIVER! SC: Oh, oh! Check this! (he rewinds the tape and Bowser flies back up in the air, then stops it and plays it forwards again; Bowser smashes back into the ground, and Slow Joe repeats this several times, causing Bowser to rapidly smash into the floor, then spring back up before slamming back down again) PY: That's awesome! One more instant replay of the instant replay! (it shows again, and Bowser drops Wario down on the field) Bowser: DO YOU GUYS MIND?! PY: Oh....sorry about that.... SC: It looks like Wario has the ball, but Ganondorf smashes him head over heels and takes the ball for himself! He tries to run with it, but Bowser slams into him and the ball is jolted loose! There's a mad scramble, and somehow Cranky ends up with it! B: 1'31" G: 1'49" CK: 0'50" W: 1'08" PY: But not for long as he's suddenly surrounded by Ganondorf, Bowser, and Wario, who quickly smash into him and knock the ball away again. It falls into Bowser's hands, and he turns and runs away quickly. B: 1'38 G: 1'49 CK: 0'51" W: 1'08" SC: Ganondorf lunges at Bowser, but the King of Koopas swerves around him at the last second, barely escaping, and then dodges an oncoming attack from Wario. Bowser turns to sneer at his attackers--and trips over Cranky's limp body on the floor, falling and dropping the ball. The ball bounces away and Ganondorf scoops it up--right before running right into Wario's fist. Wario snatches the ball away from a stunned Ganondorf and waddles onwards with his prize--before Bowser smacks him with a huge claw. The ball drops out of Wario's hands and bounces backwards past Bowser. B: 1'50" G: 1'51" CK: 0'51" W: 1'12" PY: Ganondorf and Bowser both run for the ball at the same time, but Cranky Kong suddenly comes flying out of nowhere and flings himself onto Ganondorf's head, covering the Gerudo Thief's eyes! Ganondorf, trying to see, overruns the ball and runs headfirst into Bowser, who is just bending down to pick up the ball. Both of them go down, and Cranky Kong hops off of Ganondorf's head to grab the ball waiting beside them and run! Cudos to Cranky, that was pretty good playing. B: 1'50" G: 1'51" CK: 1'02" W: 1'12" SC: There's very little time left, and Wario quickly gives chase after Cranky Kong. Cranky seems to be faster than Wario...but only for a short distance. Cranky tires out, and Wario quickly catches up and slams against him, knocking Cranky down and knocking loose the ball. Wario grabs it and tries to run, but Bowser is there to greet him with a big, clawed foot right in the face! Wario drops the ball, which Bowser picks up, and Ganondorf is quickly hot on the Koopa King's heels! But will he have time enough to steal back the ball and win? B: 2'01" G: 1'51" CK: 1'10" W: 1'13" PY: Ganondorf lunges forwards, grabbing Bowser's ankles, and Bowser goes down. The ball, however, stays in his hands, and Ganondorf frantically leaps up and grabs the ball. He tugs, and it pops loose from the Koopa King's hands, but Wario is quick to tackle Ganondorf. The ball pops loose again, but it doesn't matter, and the buzzer sounds as Cranky comes running up to grab the ball. The game is over, and the winner has been decided! B: 2'03" G: 1'52" CK: 1'10" W: 1'13" SC: That's right! Our Holiday Hoarding battle has been won by Bowser, King of the Koopas, with a time of 2 minutes and 3 seconds! That's it for this year, and join us for the next season of Yoshi Stadium, coming soon! Lots of new fighters, and all the old ones will be competing once again for the prize, and only one player can be the Champion... Will it be Super Mario, the 2003 Champ? Or perhaps Link or Pikachu, the All-Star Battle winners? Can Bowser pull out a win in the end, after his incredible victory here? All I can say is that Amazing Things are Always Happening Here at Yoshi Stadium....and, really, that really is all I can say, because Pirate will fire me if I don't. PY: Eh-hem....microphones off yet? How about now? Heh-heh....SOMEONE TURN OFF THE MICROPHONES! |
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