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| 06 December 2005 ~ Tuesday Song of the Day: Breathe Me by Sia I received a compliment from HQ yesterday. And I quote, "Also, if you're interested in writing articles [for the firm newsletter] or anything, let me know. You seem to be quite adept with words." If she only knew... So, I've decided to write a book entitled 101 Ways to Ensure a Youngest Plutonian Beatdown. On the list: call me Rita Skeeter again, beyotch! Yeah, PonyM and I may be throwing down later this week. Rita Skeeter, psh... (for those who don't know - Rita Skeeter is a slimy reporter from the Harry Potter series...get out more, will ya?) Happy December. -M |
| 07 December 2005 ~ Wednesday Song of the Day: Because of You by Kelly Clarkson I've had an interesting (and highly entertaining) day at work. There may have been some anime porn, lollipop porn and various other porn-related pictorials involved. (it was discovered, not brought in or surfed via the web - we aren't that brazen) That's a story for another day, though. Here's a snippet from an email I received from boring, elitist dweeb today: "I could use your help with two menial tasks that are time consuming and repetitive." Nice! That pretty much describes every day. Think I should use that in my resume? At least he's honest...and he did share his cookies with the office; although I have yet to partake. He once told me that people with Southern accents were unintelligent and if a person had a formal education and still had an accent, they were faking. Yeah, from that moment on he lost all of my respect. Much like ultra-conservative christian, closeted dweeb who was "very offended" by the following picture. Instead of approaching it in a nice way - he snottily asked if it could come down (it wasn't in a direct line of sight in Big Cheese's office) because he was "highly offended" and then ripped it down. He would have destroyed it had B.C. told him not to and that it was art. It doesn't bother me that he was offended - I respect that. What bothers me is his holier-than-thou attidude when he can't walk the walk...I have found most UCC people behave like this. I guess they've never heard "judge not lest ye be judged," "let he who hath no sin cast the first stone," etc. Sigh. Here's the offending picture (that's BC - no one else was offended in the slightest and it would have been taken down if they were or had we had any visitors in the office): -M |
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| 08 December 2005 ~ Thursday Song of the Day: One by U2 Another entry for my book, 101 Ways to Ensure a YP Beatdown: give me your stupid cold thus making this the SECOND time in as many months that I have had a cold. People need to leave their asses at home when they are contagious. So far, it's just threatening me and I refuse to let the germs get to second base or farther! It could be part of the reason I'm so friggin grumpy today...but only part of the reason... -M |
| 09 December 2005 ~ Friday Song of the Day: Mony, Mony by Billy Idol Disclaimer: I have never smoked pot, but I have been around people who were partaking. I even had the "fortunate" incident of walking through a huge cloud of it while going to catch the MAX train one day. Two teenage boys were bold enough to smoke it while walking down the street. So, while I have never tried it (I have this thing about stuff going into my lungs - mostly because of allergies and issues with congestion), I do know what it smells like. I have no opinion one way or the other on people who do smoke it. It is what it is. That being said... I had to go to the dungeon (otherwise known as the basement) this morning to retrieve some file boxes that had to be sent overnight to HQ. First, let me explain the layout of the storage area. After exiting the elevators in the basement, you walk down a short corridor and on your right is the locked door leading to the mechanical room. You go into that room, go down some steps, walk past all of the boilers, pipes and whatever else it takes to ensure the mediocre running of a sub-par building and go up some more stairs and through another locked door. Once you go through this door you can either go to your left, past Starbucks garbage (there is an elevator at the end of the corridor that leads to the street) and into a side room where we have files stored OR you go to your right, through another door and turn left down another corridor that is strikingly similar to what I would imagine a run-down, torture-filled mental institution looked like. The only redeeming quality is the smell of baking bread from the restaurant upstairs. At the end of the insane asylum corridor, and on the left, are two more doors, one is our storage room and the other has smaller rooms, one of which is also our storage. This was the corridor I had to travel, but that is beside the point. The point is, it's all very creepy and I hate going down there. Upon exiting the boiler room and entering the storage area I was hit with a VERY STRONG smell of the ganja. With a little bit of incense thrown in. It was so strong that I choked a little. At first I was worried about running into the pot smokers, but then I realized that they wouldn't attack, rape and kill me. After all, they are smoking pot and not using something else like meth, crack or cocaine. All I would have to worry about is being attacked in a feeding frenzy. Luckily, I wasn't armed with cheetos and big macs, so I knew I was safe. I never found the culprit(s), but I did consider going to get some munchies so I could put the partiers to work. Dangle a candy bar in their faces and I'm sure they would have carried the boxes for me. So, for a good time, apparently just come to our office building. I'll supply the twinkies if you lift the heavy boxes. Did you know there is a Ganja city in Azerbaijan? Oddly enough, I'm in the mood for some corn nuts and a nap... -M |
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| 20 December 2005 ~ Tuesday Song of the Day: Dream On by Aerosmith Did I spell that correctly? I'd like to thank PonyM for confirming what I scooped just under a month ago: here and here. I knew the media was secretly reading my website! Did they credit YP? Hell to the no. Bastards. Happy HOLIDAYS! (That's for you, Bill O'Reilly.) People need to get over themselves and realize that the world is made up of a lot of different people. So, for all of you who don't accept people (read: non-white, non-Christian) who aren't just like you: SUCK IT HARD! No one is trying to negate your beliefs or take them away from you. Paranoia can be medicated...look into it. We really all can live together and still have differing beliefs. So, instead of wearing your WWJD bracelet, why not try practicing the message. THAT would be awesome. (This is what happens when Big Cheese goes on vacation and leaves me here alone with bossman. I go on tangents I never meant to begin.) You guys should watch Deal or No Deal this week. Entertaining. Also, the Linzes won the Amazing Race. They're giving half of their winnings to their parents and splitting the other half among the 7 sibilings (only 4 ran the race). Rock on, kids. -M |
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| For whatever you may celebrate, I wish you well. May you have peace and happiness and know nothing but LOVE! Merry Christmas, and such, kids! Ho! Ho! Ho! |
| 22 December 2005 ~ Thursday Song of the Day: O Holy Night as performed by Martina McBride I wanted to share the seating arrangement I came up with for our after-the-holidays company party. The owner and COO of the firm are going to be in our office that day for a "culture of the office" meeting. Whatever that means. There is a 50/50 chance they will attend our party. Either way, I'm drinking. In order to convince Big Cheese, I explained my idea in an email, as follows: If we sit Owner next to CP then maybe he will fire him!! Seriously. I know I would. We take the chance of stroking CP and Witch's egos by sitting them near the owner, but the benefit far outweighs the risk. As far as No! and Mrs. No! go, someone had to be sacrificed. I put them near Sickly wife and Nice wife to ease the pain. I know SDL doesn't like Foghorn, but I sat him across from Mrs. Foghorn because she's pretty. Mrs. SDL will enjoy sitting across from Foghorn because he's pretty. Big Cheese acts as a buffer between Pimp Daddy and Mrs. SDL since we all know how that pairing turned out at [another company party] ("you look like my dog!") and Big Cheese is near the kids thus increasing her fun quotient. (we need to keep you happy, Big Cheese) Quiet Riot and Mrs. Quiet Riot are FINALLY at the fun table and the kids are together because THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I'LL GO!! If Pimp Daddy, Big Cheese and PonyM bring people then we can move Foghorn and Mrs. Foghorn to the scary table and still have enough room at our table. There is still room at the other table if UCC dweeb brings someone. IF some people say no then there is a greater chance of scary people sitting with fun people thus DECREASING the fun quotient for the people who just want to drink and make snarky comments about CP. (in other words, MY fun quotient decreases and it's all about me, after all) If Owner and COO don't attend then we may have to sacrifice Foghorn and Mrs. Foghorn so it doesn't look too odd. We can put them down by No! and Mrs. No!/Nice wife and Sickly wife. I should have added that as long as the kids don't have to sit near CP and Witch, then we'll be semi-happy. The pictures below the diagram are from the puppet show Fashionista performed for me. It was awfully sweet of her and really helped my day. The puppets, along with salmon, were gifts from a consultant. Ah, bribery. Happy Holidays, everyone! -M |
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| 27 December 2005 ~ Tuesday Song of the Day: All These Things that I've Done by The Killers Word of the Day: goldbricking That's my new favorite word. Tres appropie. (you'll just have to imagine the two needed accent marks...one over each 'e') Something about my job that humors me: Whenever anyone remotely related to Elitest Dweeb calls, they always use his and their full names. Typically when someone calls and it's personal, they ask for the person by first name only and then will use their first name and an identifying word (ex. this is her friend, Bonnie Jill or this is his mom, etc.). With those that know Elitist Dweeb, it's always the following: (wife) May I speak to John Doe, this is Jane Smith (dad) May I speak to John Doe, this is Dr. Steve Doe. (yes, he uses the 'Dr.') (son) May I speak to John Doe, this is Junior Smith-Doe (he has both his mom and dad's last names...which is cool, albeit cumbersome down the road...which is partly why I didn't keep my maiden name) There isn't anything wrong with it because in larger firms, I suppose, the formality is necessary. There might be more than one person with the same first name. Here, however, we're so small that it's...well, uptight. It never fails to make me laugh, though. Especially since I've met the wife and, briefly, both sons. Most people, always say "hi, YP," ESPECIALLY when I've met them. I could care less about that part; I often don't feel like making small talk. It's just no one else that calls does that, so it makes it all seem so strange. That family could really use some good sex. But no donkey punching! That would be grounds for criminal charges. (I learned that term from another blog I read: Sarcastic Journalist) Since bossman has left for the day (many thanks to his extremely sweet daughter), I'm off to do some more goldbricking. Happy New Year! -M |
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