| Charlie's Angels: The Extraneous Sequel |
| Maybe a Charlie’s Angels sequel is necessary. If people actually went to see the first Charlie’s Angels movie then they’re probably not going to want to face the difficulty of having to identify all new characters, plot devices, and storylines. It goes without saying that the Hollywood writers who churn out this kind of mind-numbing treacle must find it easier to recycle the same lame concepts without the unnecessary pressures of creating an entirely original piece of fiction. Which explains why this is a crappy sequel to a crappy throwback movie to what was undoubtedly a crappy TV show. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen any of them. But just like all necessary evils, Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle is undeniably and irrevocably EVIL. I saw several previews for this crapfest, and my reasoning is thus - a movie preview ought to display the scenes of a movie most likely to hook an audience. So if the embarrassingly pathetic drivel I witnessed in previews is the best this movie has to offer I marvel at the testicular fortitude of any foolish man who may have taken his wife or girlfriend to this turd of a movie. Maybe I should stop there, because I don’t know why I would assume that only guys would be dragged to this movie – when it comes to a movie as universally sucky as this, suck is without race, creed, or gender. Here’s my honest assessment: This movie will rely on moronic action gimmicks. Dialog will consist of intelligence-insulting exposition and trite jokes with elaborate set-ups and extremely predictable punch lines. This is going to be a bubbly feel-good girl-power movie ironically coated in eye candy ranging from the overtly and idiotically sexual to the shamefully stupid attempts at making an action movie starring those fools Drew Barrymore, Lucy Lui, and Cameron Diaz – all of whom I now loathe. It’s an embarrassment to the entire film industry that Cameron Diaz got $20 million for this movie, tying her with Julia Roberts as the highest paid actress ever. This is probably the biggest embarrassment since Mel Gibson got $26 million for What Women Want. feh. Also worth mentioning is that CAFT was directed by someone calling himself McG. It should be taken for granted that any movie whose director has a three-letter name with no vowels should never be watched unless it’s Asian. As it were, the fact that this movie’s director is named McG only tops off the steaming pile of cliché and eye-rolling yankety-yank-yank this movie must be. I understand that McG would feel he failed big time when he directed the first Angels movie, but he sure didn’t get it right on his second try. My rating: The only circumstances for ever viewing this movie are thus – it is being played at the house of a guy who invited a friend of an old classmate of a friend you were hanging out with who rented it because they were all sold out of American Pie. |
 |