| DEAR STRIPED INTRUDER- Dear Striped Intruder, Here I am everyday just minding my own business munching on some grass and enjoying life, when suddenly you show up unannounced and unwanted! You're awfully strange looking...what the hell are you anyway? Some kind of weird horse? Let me just tell you that none of us wanted you here. And now that your here no one looks at us anymore. When the hairless apes on two legs go driving by your ugly ass gets all the attention. What exactly is up with your stupid hair? Why is it so damn short? That stupid asshole who lives in that big building comes out and shaves us all the damn time but he never even touches you. You just think your sooo cool cuz you have stripes. You just think your soooo cultured because you come from Antartica. Well guess what...Your NOT! and I'd watch my back if I was you because your outnumbered. Sincerly, The Llama |
| DEAR LILAC SCRUBS LADY- Dear Lilac Scrubs Lady, So you think it's a good idea to bleach your hair so blonde its white. So you think its a good idea to jibber-jabber on your damn cell phone real loud. So you think its a good idea to walk like your just such sweet shit. I got some news for you honey! Those black strappy dress shoes look like shit with your scrubs. Were you trying to be sexy? It didn't work put on some damn tennis shoes or take of the scrubs and put on some real clothes. Do you really think you look special in the scrubs? Are you even a nurse? Do you just like for people to pay attention to you...Oh thats it isn't it! Well no one here thinks your special! Sincerly- An Innocent Bystander |
| DEAR STUPID FAT FACE CRAZY ASS GIRL WHO CAN'T SEEM TO DRIVE CORRECTLY- Dear Stupit Fat Face Crazy Ass Girl Who Can't Seem To Drive Correctly, What in the Holy Hell is your problem? If you would have just oh I don't know GONE THE SPEED LIMIT or even just 1 or 2 miles over I could have past your Mazda ass and you would have never seen me again. What the hell happened to Defensive Driving? I guess you were to busy practicing that God Awful face you made. How many people have you killed in the past month with that one? Now you listen up don't you ever screw with me again. I am crazy get it! Next time I will slam on my brakes and you will be buying me a brand new car. One more thing fugly Please for the love of God put a bag over your head before someone drops dead. Sincerly, The Crazy Girl who is Watching for you! |
| Celebrity News Flash |
| New York- Mediocre Pop Star Kelly Clarkson from American Idol fame has gone into hiding sources close to the "Star" say. "She has been receiving loads of hate mail recently," stated Juan Valdez an employee of RCA, "I've never seen anything like it bags upon bags of just hate mail. I know we were reading them around the office the other day. Some of them were very funny!" Clarkson isn't laughing though, in fact her whereabouts are unknown to everyone except for Herbert Schlosser Executive Vice President and a few key people at RCA. "I'll tell you what this wouldn't have happened if RCA wasn't paying radio stations to play that damn Miss Independent song every hour!" Lauren Stussmyer said through clenched teeth, "That song is enough to drive anyone into a fit of rage." It seems this is the popular opinion at the moment regarding Clarkson. In fact the popular opinion is that Kelly Clarkson is overrated. "I can't believe they are saying she sings better than Christina Aguilera," Julissa Villa said, "I like her but I'm tired of her songs and they exaggerated how good she was going to be. Her c.d. wasn't even all that great, it had 10 songs and none of them were all that spectacular. She just thinks she is such a hotshot now." Clarksons family denied to comment on her current situation. "This never would have happened if RCA hadn't tried to pawn her off on us as some spectacular entity worthy of all the riches in the world." Kenn Boyer stated, "And they made a huge mistake with that atrocity they called a film From Kelly To Justin or From Justin to Kelly or whatever it was called. I hesitate to even call it a movie more like an hour and half of pure unfiltered pain. What could that possibly accomplish? If it was making them look like fools then they accomplished it. She's Kelly but she's not playing herself...and he's Justin but he's not playing himself. I'm bored already!" RCA has confidence this will blow over with the release of Kellys new single Low. Irony? |
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| August Rants and Raves |